Some Sunday evening observations

Interesting developments in our town.  There is no gasoline.  I would have looked around more, but I didn't have enough gas to go anywhere else.  So I came home.  

Superman and I were driving Friday evening on the way home from the laundromat.  He mentioned the gas tank was almost empty, so I said to stop at our regular place for gas now, rather than go out again later.  He pulled into the place and there were plastic bags on the pump handles.  No gas.  Eh.  I figured the tanker trucks would come sometime Saturday to deliver more.  I didn't want to go anywhere anyway.  So we came on home.  

This morning the kids wanted to go to church. Superman is sick (did I mention that? He has a nasty head/chest cold) and wasn't going, so I drove them over to the church. Did I go in? Oh, no! I dropped them off and headed to the gas station. The place we tried Friday still has bags on the pump handles. Hmmm. So I drove a couple more blocks to the next place. No gas. On around the curve to the big station that usually has some pretty good prices. No gas. I was afraid to get too much farther from home, as I know there is very little fuel left in the tank. So I turned around and came home. We had to use the truck to pick up the kids. Manny's gas supply is about 1/3 of one of his tanks, the other tank is empty. I haven't heard anything about the gas situation, except that our state Attorney General has renewed the state's price gouging prohibition. This could get interesting.

In other news, Twitch is taking a psychology class in high school. They watched a video the other day about child development. He is now telling me how to parent Sproing. HA HA HA HA HA HA!! I have mentioned Sproing's behavior before, here on this blog thingy, haven't I? He's a tough nut to crack. 

Twitch was trying to force Sproing to eat his green beans at supper tonight. Sproing wanted another biscuit*, and I said he could have one after he'd eaten his green beans. All 14 of them. Then Twitch starts in with a barrage of commands for Sproing to eat the beans. I told Twitch to let me be the parent. "But Mom, if he keeps thinking he doesn't have to eat his beans, he won't ever learn to do what he's supposed to." It'll be alright son. Sproing reaches for the biscuits. "After you finish your beans, Sproing." Sproing dissoves into tears (again). I gave Twitch the evil eye, as I saw he wanted to butt in again. All the while I have been generally ignoring Sproing, except to very calmly tell him to eat his beans. The conversation moved to other things. I noticed out of the corner of my eye that Sproing was shoving beans into his mouth. You know, this is not the time to tell him not to eat green beans with his fingers.** When he was finished with the beans I pushed the biscuit basket closer to him and gave him a wink. I doubt Twitch even noticed the beans were gone.

Drats. There was something else I wanted to mention, but whatever it was I have forgotten. I could tell you that C and S have quit quitting smoking. Yep. They bought a new carton of cigs just the other day. Oh, well. Maybe they will have more success next time they quit.  Other than that, my brain has quit working for now.  More updates as the situation warrants.  Hope everyone has a good week.

*At the beginning of the meal he refused to touch anything, not even the biscuits. I think he was mad at me for putting water in his cup of ice. Whatever. I did not make a big fuss about it, just ignored him. I reminded Superman not to fuss at him. While we were ignoring him, he quietly ate his other food and now wanted more.

**Frankly, I would rather eat green beans with my fingers, too.

Friday evening

I am so tired.  Sleepy.  No energy.  Wiped out.

It's a rainy night.  Been raining all day.  Nice soft gentle rain.  With the window open I hear the drops plopping on the leaves of the tree outside.  Such a sleepy sound.  Such a sleepy Java.

My big exertion of energy today was to take a LOT of clothes to the laundromat.  You recall the grasshopper I pulled out of the washer on Wednesday?  Well, the load of clothes I washed next never finished.  The washing machine did the same thing it did last week.  The latch broke. Something more than just the latch is causing the problem.  I think.  Superman says he's going to look at it.  We can't afford the repair man again until after payday.  

So I gathered some of the laundry.  The stuff that was easy to access.  Mostly clothes and bedding from Diva and Sproing's room, and the stuff that has been piling up in our bathroom. Superman wore his last pair of clean socks this morning.  I've been commando most of the week. I shoved all those baskets into the van, stopped by the bank for some quarters, and went to the laundromat.  Fun times.  

I sorta kinda wanted to do the laundry this morning.  But this morning I was so sleepy I just couldn't budge.  I got up with the kids and took everyone to school.  I came home, checked email, then took a nap.  After I woke up from the nap I hauled the laundry out.  But by then it was almost time for the kids to get out of school.  I usually let the young'uns walk home from school, but today it was raining.  I had time to load up the machines at the laundromat before zooming to get the kidlets.  It was complicated and I'm too tired to write about it, but I ended up getting Superman from work then, too.

Meanwhile, back at the laundromat...  Nine washers full of our laundry.  Nine. At $2.50 per load. That's $22.50 to wash not even all the laundry we produce in a week.  I wasn't going to spend any more money to dry the clothes, not when it cost so much to wash them and I have a perfectly good dryer at home.  So Superman and Twitch helped me load the clean wet stuff back into the van.  The dryer is running now.  Superman will finish that up since I am too tired to hang with it tonight.

And now it is time for me to shut down the computer, turn out the light and go to sleep.  Because I am that tired.  

The bug in the machine

Let's say, just for the sake of the conversation, that as you are unloading clean clothes from the washing machine, you see something left in the bottom of the drum.  You carelessly reach in and pull out 

this.

approximately 2.5 inches (6 cm) long

Would you scream like a girl?

I don't want to talk about it

It's an Eeyore kind of day.

I've come to the conclusion that I despise 10-year-olds.  I'm going to avoid the seasonal rush, go ahead and despise 11, 12, and 13-year-olds as well.   I have enough experience, I know of which I speak, and it'll save everyone a lot of worry if I just state for the record that it will get worse.

We now return to our regular programming.

On balance, and my search thereof

Here I am, turning the color of an eggplant while I masticate the air in speechless rage.

How fitting that yesterday's 9 Chickweed Lane * strip had this apt description of me.  Yesterday I was a babbling idiot.  Every time I tried to explain myself or give direction to my children, that's what happened.  

Ya' know, I think Friday's traffic ticket was the first sign that my brain is in disconnect mode.  I just didn't process that the light was red.  Yesterday when leaving the pharmacy (after picking up my oh-so-important meds) I was stuck in the middle of the parking lot for a minute or two, agonizing over the decision of which exit I should drive through.  Both of them will get me home. Obviously I finally chose one, for here I am.  

Today has been much better.  I'm not stretching myself too hard but I am accomplishing a few things.  I got a cavity filled at the dentist's office this morning, for instance.  No screaming at all, either from pain or insanity.  The numbness has almost completely left my mouth now. I feel much more sane.  The children are just getting home from school.  Let's see if my sanity can withstand the onslaught.  

* 9 Chickweed Lane is a comic strip that I strongly recommend.

Lightheartedness in attempt to fool my brain

Inspired by Tornwordo over at Sticky Crows, I bring you this:

There is some discussion over at Sticky Crows as to what exactly this might mean.  Even the native Canadian French-speaking Serge doesn't know.  

I think it means "Don't use wrenches to disassemble the French"

In other news, I'm still going insane.  Screaming out loud today.  Banging my head.  But having a lovely time reading the blogs.

Run away screaming

But actually if I ran away I'd probably not be screaming. I'd stop screaming. Which infers that I'm screaming now.  Well, I am, but only in my head. I haven't screamed out loud yet today. Yet.  

I also didn't smack Sproing this morning. Kudos to me.  

Superman has taken the lot of them to church this morning. He was sweet, encouraging, said he was taking them away. I told him not to bring them back.

I'm feeling particularly ugly today. Mean. Snarly.  

I want to get in my truck and drive north. I have no where to go, precisely. I often have a desired destination when I wish to depart. Today I don't. I just want to drive away. Good thing gas is so damned expensive, huh? Or else I might really go.  

No I wouldn't. I'm too responsible. I'll stay here. My body will be here. My heart will be on the road. My head will be in torment.  

Want-to-go-but-didn't is the theme for my late summer. I wanted to go to Chicago in August, but didn't. I wanted to go, again, to Chicago in early September, but didn't. Yesterday I wanted to go to the South Carolina Pride celebration in Columbia (the state capitol) but didn't. There's a whole big world out there. Here I sit. Stuck. Trapped.  

Sometimes "trapped" is a state of mind. I can be anywhere and experience refreshing enlightening discoveries. Read a book, take a class (or five), get involved in the community. Live life where I am. Eh. Screw it.

Maybe I need a new wardrobe. OK, I know I need a new wardrobe. Comfortable stuff that fits and doesn't look like rags. Most of my comfortable stuff looks like rags. Like the dress I'm wearing now. Used to be a nice jumper, but it's worn out. I like it, though. I should get set up to sew. Sewing would probably make me feel better.  I'll tell you a secret. The reason I want to sew up some new clothes is so I'll have something halfway decent to wear when I run away.

The blog is a great resource. I can shoot these thoughts out into the ether and you read them. Maybe I get some feedback. It's better than simple journaling because these words actually reach other real people. It's more powerful, or something.

miserere 

AAARRGGGHHHH!!!! He got me!

He got me fair and square, too.  I ran a red light.  Not on purpose!  On my way to pick up Twitch from school I was stopped at a traffic light, the first vehicle in line in the right lane.  The left turn lane got a green arrow, and I started across the intersection.  I realized about half way through the intersection what I was doing, and by then it was too late.  And there was a police cruiser within sight.  Sigh.  The guys were very nice, though.  They did give me a citation, but only cited me for careless driving, a city ordinance.  They could have charged me with disreguarding a traffic signal, which is a state law and puts 4 points on the driver's license.  The city ordinance puts no points on my license, but carries a fine of $130.  I think I got off pretty easy, actually, and am quite thankful for it.  

And right now I just want to stay home.  I feel like a damned fool.

25 things a gentleman should know how to do

I know I just did a meme, but this one looks too fun to pass up. It helps me feel more secure in my masculinity.

Stolen from MikeSays, who stole it from UrSpo. 

You copy the list and bold the ones you can do.

1. Change a flat tire - It's been a while, but I can do it.
   
2. Tie a bow tie
   
3. Carve a turkey
   
4. Open a bottle of champagne - How else can I drink it?
   
5. Change the oil in a car – Have changed Manny's oil.
   
6. If asked, you know the name of a good barber – by "barber" does that include the fabulous stylist at my salon? His name is John and he's adorable.
   
7. Have a tailor who knows your measurements
   
8. Tie a bowline, clove hitch, and a square knot – Learned the bowline, but forget now how to tie it. I know the others, though.
   
9. Chop wood – Not well, but I can if necessary.
   
10. Shoot a rifle – Pretty well, last time I did.
    
11. Make a dry martini – Clueless. I can do a good Rum and Pepsi, though!
    
12. Keep a checkbook balanced – With debit cards and online banking it isn't the same. It's been a while, but I've done it.
    
13. BBQ
    
14. Lay a fire – Quite well, if I say so myself
    
15. Change a fuse
    
16. Polish shoes
    
17. Have the ability to read stock quotes in the business section
    
18. Keep score at a baseball game – I can't judge errors, though.
    
19. Jump-start a car – Have I mentioned Manny? I need to do this sometimes in order to drive Manny.  I've also had to jumpstart the cars of my teenagers.
    
20. Know how to throw a punch
    
21. Own a tuxedo – Never had the need, don't expect to.
    
22. Know how to judge a new wine
    
23. Do your own taxes at least once in your life – Does the 1040-EZ count? Probably couldn't do my taxes now, but I could before my finances got so complicated.
    
24. Know how to play poker
    
25. Carry a handkerchief

This just in

ISTANBUL (Reuters) - A small hotel on Turkey's Mediterranean coast has fired all its male employees for repeatedly having affairs with foreign female guests, the manager said on Wednesday.

Pelin Yucel, manager of Image Hotel in Marmaris, said her 27-room hotel now only employs female staff. Most of the guests are British and Russian tourists, she said.

"We had been facing the same problem every year but after the last incident we decided to run the hotel by only female staff," she told Reuters by phone.

"The last straw was when I saw our bartender, who was a very decent man, walk out of the bathroom with a British tourist," Yucel was quoted in the media as saying.

Around 20 million tourists visited Turkey last year, many of them drawn by its sandy beaches and turquoise waters.

(Editing by Paul Casciato)

© Thomson Reuters 2008 All rights reserved

Well, if she fired the philandering male staff, what's the purpose of going to that hotel anymore?  She obviously didn't realize what a good thing she had going there.  

This'n'that

My teeth are so clean!  I love how my teeth feel after I've been to the dentist for a cleaning.  Yes, I saw the dentist this morning.  It's a lovely office, the staff is so friendly.  My dentist wasn't in today, so one of the other dentists checked my teeth.  I have a cavity, dammit.  I don't floss often enough. I go back next Tuesday to get it filled.  But right now I am full of teh happy for my dentist's office.  

It's beginning to feel just a little bit like fall!  Finally.  It is nearly cool today.  We're having a dreary drizzly day, the second in a row.  This is the kind of weather that induces me to go to bed.  It's a good day for napping or making whoopie.  Then napping.  We'll see what we can do.  Superman comes home for lunch.  Hmmmm.

Good news!  S got a job!  Yes!  He had an interview yesterday with the HR lady from K-Mart, and was hired then and there.  It's conditional on passing a background check; standard proceedure.  I'm thrilled!  He's thrilled.  C is thrilled.  There's a lot of thrill going on around here. 

 

I broke the washing machine.  S and Superman say that it wasn't my fault, that it just happened. On Monday I put a load in and started it up.  Evidently I got the thing too full or something, which is hard to do with a front loader like we have.  It seems to have gotten off balance though, and neither S nor I heard it.   S went back there to check on the washer's availability and found the dryer, which sits on top of the washer, was nearly knocked off the washer and leaning against the wall!  He put the dryer back upright, then noticed that the washer door was ajar.  The latch was broken.

It won't run at all if the door isn't closed, and with a broken latch the door won't close.  Grrr.  I called my washer repair man Monday afternoon, and he came yesterday evening and replaced the latch.  That's all that was wrong with it, just the damned latch.  This is the 4th latch that washer has had!!  The first two we broke by slamming the door too hard.  But everyone has been much better about treating in gently, so I don't know what happened this time.  The repair guy (yesterday's He-ro of the day) said he has never had to replace a latch on any other Whirlpool Duet washers, just this one. Strange. Gremlins or something, maybe.   Anyway, it works again (YAY!!) and I should be washing clothes right now.  Instead I am blogging.  

Do you recall when Manny's windshield cracked?  Well Monday I finally got a new windshield!  The window in the driver's side door shattered last week when I slammed the door too hard.  (Are we noticing a theme here?)  So we had to call the insurance dude about that, and Superman had them fix the windshield at the same time.  I have a new windshield with no big crack and no scratched and pitted surface!! It has been a joy to drive since then.  Sort of. Manny is having some starting issues.  Manny often has issues, you know.  He has issues with his windshield wipers, too.  Sometimes they work, sometimes they don't.  So far they've always worked on high, so I'm not going to do anything about it just yet.  It'll do.

I got a text yesterday morning about 11:30 from Twitch.  It said to pick him up at 12:30, they were being dismissed early.  WTF?  No other info, nuthin.  I called the bus office to see what was happening.  The boss told me the power had gone out in the school building, not to worry, all was well.  When I get a cryptic text with news like that, I worry that there's some kind of hostage situation, or a dirty bomb, or a massive structural fire, or a major terrorist threat.  I'm a mother.  We do these things.  Thankfully I know where to go for info.  So Twitch got to come home three hours early yesterday.  He was very thankful because he was supposed to give a presentation in Economics class, and he wasn't ready for it.  Because of the power outage, he got a day's reprieve.  I'm not entirely sure he used it wisely, though.  He may very well not be ready for the presentation  today, either.  He is like that sometimes.  

It was pretty cool, actually, and I didn't have to worry about picking him up later in the afternoon.  We went out to Sonic for lunch, then came home and I took a nap.  It was loverly.  

 

I think that's about all I've got.  More updates as the situation warrants.  Film at 11.

Google Image meme

1 What will your age be at next birthday? 47

2 Where would you like to travel? Lots of places!

Narrowing it down to one, I'm going to say Scotland. Although I'd like to go to France, Canada New Zealand, and lots of other places Idon't even know about yet!  And those are some international destinations.  It doesn't touch on all the places I want to visit within the United States.

3 What is your favorite place? 

The mountains!

4 What is your favorite food? Please.  

5 What is your favorite pet? 

 There are many kinds of pets I like.  I'm definitely a dog person, but since our old dog died very recently I am now enjoying the ease of not taking care of a dog.  I like cats but am allergic to them, so that's a conflict.  Fish are nice, pretty and very quiet.  Right now, though, I'd like to have a small bird, something simple but friendly enough to interact with. Perhaps a parakeet?

6 What is your favorite color combination? I like so many different colors and the combinations of colors can be magical.  Today my favorite is blue and green.

 Madagascar in Blue and Green

7 What is your favorite piece of clothing? Loose long flowing skirts!

8 What is your favorite song?  It varies, and depends on my mood.  One of  my perennial favorites is, well, pretty much anything by Simon and Garfunkel, but Scarboro Fair ranks way up close to the top.

9 What is your favorite TV show?  I currently don't watch any television show regularly.  

There have been times past when I did, but even those shows hold little or no appeal to me now.

10 What's the name of your first significant other? 

 Rohan.  In doing this image search all I found was the character from one of

the online interactive role playing games.  And this Rohan is a girl.  The Rohan I dated was my sweetheart my senior year in high school. 

 He was originally from Jamaica, but had come to the states as a young schoolboy.   He was tall, had skin the color of coffee with just a bit of cream in it, and sexy full lips.  This is not the first boy I was ever in love with, nor the first I was involved with, but he was my first significant other, the first one who would considered me significant as well.  

11 Name the town where you live.

Greenwood.  It's in The South.  The town and the county share the same name.  That happens a lot in South Carolina.

12 What is your screen/blog name? Java.  Java as in coffee.  Do you know how tricky it is to find an image of java online that doesn't include the JavaScript logo?

13 What was the first job you had?  I babysat.  I did some form of babysitting, including work as a nanny, my first few jobs.  I haven't had very many jobs, either.  

14 What is your dream job?   Well, this another one that is hard to answer.  I would like to be involved in some helpful capacity with the lgbt community.  What immediately comes to mind is working in some advisory/counseling capacity in an lgbt center.  But I don't know enough about the things I need to know about to know if that's a good fit for me.  It's a start, I suppose.

15 What is one bad habit you have?   Taking things to excess.  Not putting appropriate limits on myself sometimes.

16 What is your worst fear?  This is tough.  It's a vague, nonspecific fear.  I don't fear speaking in public, or death.  I am uncomfortable with heights, bridges, elevators, crowds.  But none of these is my worst fear.  I fear failure.  Failure at what?  I don't know, life maybe?  As I said, vague.

17 Name one thing you want to do before you die.  There are a few, but this is a biggie.  I want to see the Southern Cross.  Which of course means I want to go to the southern hemisphere.  New Zealand, specifically.

18 What is the first thing you would do or buy if you received $1,000,000?

Pay off all of our debts!

19 What's the first thing that comes to mind when you think of your significant other?

 My sexy Superman!

20 What present do you want for your next birthday?

This is the rural South

Here are a few more photos from that bone store where Light and I practiced our photography. This is the basket of flowers that was hanging from the porch roof.  I don't recognize them. Anyone have a clue?  

This wasp and a few of his closest friends were having a nectar party among the blooms.

The south end of the porch

This was prominently displayed beside the entrance to the store.

What do you think?

Here's a distance shot of the components of the previous two pictures.  I have no clue what the idea is with that pole and the reflectors (they might be lights), but there is a skull at the top, if that helps any.  The gallows to the left is, I believe, a hoist used to weigh and measure game. There are antlers all over it.  The shot above was taken from directly under the boom.  It's difficult to see the antlers in the photo below.   They may be more obvious in an embiggened image.  Go ahead, click if you dare.

We can also assume from this photo that the place sells 7-Up, and that a pack of Marlboro cigs is $2.95.  The photo below shows the edge of the roof upon which the bleached bones of the community's victims lie.  It does not appear as though the building was constructed with much attention to asthetic beauty or structural integrity. 

P.S.  The pictures don't seem to be able to embiggen.  Sorry for any inconvenience this may have caused. 

From the Halls of Academia to the Bones of Cattle Dead

I spent part of the day Thursday with Light.  I decided on the spur of the moment Wednesday night to go visit her Thursday.  It was good.  We didn't spend much time together, but it was very enjoyable.  I ate lunch in the dining hall on campus.  That was interesting.  The best part of lunch was seeing so many of her friends.  Young college women can be a lot of fun to hang out with. 

I have mentioned that she is attending a women's college.  I bring this up again as I show you the door to one of the venerable old buildings on campus.  As we walked through the door I noticed these features.  I stopped three steps into the lobby and said "Wait.  The door has nipples.

I must get a picture of this."  So I did.  Here it is, the nippled door.

It is an older school, with many lovely old buildings.  The thing about old buildings is that they suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous entropy.  One of the buildings in the old part of campus is receiving a major renovation.  For the safety of the ladies (or perhaps the safety of the building) there is a makeshift fence surrounding it.  I saw this.

I wasn't able to get one of the effects I was after.  The two sections of fence are aged differently. The part on the left is newer and shiny, and to the right the metal is more matted from oxidation.  I like the way the coils of the chain link seem to be reaching for each other, yet fail to connect.  Is it coming together, or parting asunder?  

The atmosphere of a college, this one anyway, is different from what I encounter in the rest of my daily ramblings.  As an example, I present this note taped over the paper towel dispenser in the bathroom of the library.

A message of this nature would be worded differently in most other places I frequent.  The fun thing about this, though, is that it's the sort of phrasing that Superman and I use all the time.   Do I make the point that I feel very comfortable in the university environment?

The rest of these photos are from a couple of weeks ago when Light came home for the weekend. That's when she came home to get her new glasses.  Did I mention that she's taking a photography class this semester?  It's all black and white photography with a manual 35mm camera.  Those things are expensive!!  She got this one from a local camera store, used.  It was nearly $400!  On our way back to school Sunday afternoon we stopped for her to take some pictures.  We see here a photographer in her natural habitat-

And here's a picture of what she's photographing.  There's this little old store in a wide spot in the road.  It seems to mostly sell fishing bait and other fishing or hunting supplies.  There are all these bones spread out on the roof of the building.  Mostly cattle skeletons.  I think it was originally only skulls, but now there are bones from many different sections of the cattle.  This is a lower roof over part of the building that seems to have been built on as an afterthought.  There are many pieces of cow hips and backbone on this section of roof.

The shot below, in the center of the field, I tried to capture three skulls in a row.  It might look better embiggened, but I didn't have the angle I was after.  I'm too short.

There are some other shots I took of the front of the store, in addition to a hanging plant I'd like help identifying.  It's too late to work those in right now.  Perhaps I'll write another post later with the other pictures.    TTFN

Good stuff from Mama

She's finally sent me another gem.  I've discarded a lot of smarmy stuff since the last good one.  Hope you enjoy it also.

As I Mature-

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you.  All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to distroy it.

I've learned you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes.  After that you'd better have a big willy or huge boobs.

I've learned you shouldn't compare yourself to others.  They are more screwed up than you think.

I've learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you are finished.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities. 

I've learned that 99% of the time when something isn't working in your house, your kids did it.

I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.

Things are looking up

I've had a good week since Monday.  Still feeling a bit ADD, but as Ur-Spo said, most people have a touch of it.  

S had a great day today.  He checked out a local social service source (not the one I recommended) that helps with GED preparation, offers the test for no charge, and helps with job placement.  As he was telling me all about it, I saw a twinkle in his eye that I haven't seen in a long time.  I showed him a new job posting from today's newspaper.  It was something I though he would enjoy: a greenhouse technician at a local nursery.  "What's that?" he asked.  You get to play with the plants.  "Oh!"  He went right over there and applied!!  He says he enjoyed the experience and feels pretty excited about the job, and hopes he gets it.  Me too, honey!!

I got my living room, kitchen, and Light's room all arranged last night, after Twitch and Diva and Sproing mopped the floor!  Yes, they did it, not me.  I like that part.  Sproing swept up the loose dirt and the three of them got in there with a mop and some rags and a bucket of soapy water.  It looked like they had fun.  I got a clean floor out of the deal, so I had fun, too.  

The things I wanted in each room are now in the desired room.  The particular arranging of things, however, is not to my liking yet.  But I can do the rest myself.  Twitch, bless his heart, helped me move the big things I really needed help with.

S hates the way I have things arranged now.  Oh, well.  

OH!  And get this!  S and C have decided to stop smoking!  Yesterday S came in and said "I've just had my last cigarette."  I saw C smoking this morning and asked about it.  He said "This is the last pack."  I hope they stick to this.  I told S about Quitnet, thank you Torn and Greg for informing me of this handy resource.  S was spouting all sorts of things about how much money they will save over a year, how much time will be added to their lives per year if they stop smoking now.  You know, the stuff Tornwordo has been telling us since July.  (Love you, Torn!)

This just in:  I saw S smoking in the back yard this evening.  He says they are tapering off gradually.  At 7 p.m. he was smoking his third cig of the day.  Interesting.

Sproing had an appointment with his therapist this afternoon.   He has been doing fairly well, pretty typical by 10.5 year old hyperactive boy standards.  She spoke with him for a little while, then let him play in another meeting room while she and I talked.  We discussed typical behavior for hyperactive 10-11 year olds with oppositional defiant disorder, things are as normal as they can be, I suppose, keep up the good work, yes it's difficult, etc.  Then she said "[Sproing] is lucky to be in your family."  Hmmm.  

I get that a lot.  You know I feel as though we are barely hanging on most of the time.  I know how many times I loose my cool, or hide in my room behind the computer screen, or when asked if they can [insert current desire here] say "I don't know.  Go ask your father."  I am all too aware of the many times I have no clue if what I'm doing is making any difference.  I know how often they ignore everything I say.  I know how often I say "How many times have I told you ..."  This woman is a professional counselor.  I'm supposed to trust her opinions, more or less.  But like I always do when people say "They are so lucky to have you as their mom," I figure she is mainly being friendly and polite.   It is nice to hear, yes, much better than something negative!  But even from the professional counselor, I don't fully believe it.  We may be a better family than the one he (or she) was born into, I suppose.  But I don't think we are any better than most families in our financial/educational demographic.  I am thankful for the encouragement, though.

After we left the shrink-wrap center (my name for the psychiatric office) I took Sproing over to Sonic, the drive-in "restaurant," for a cold drink.  As we sat in the truck sipping our slushes a red PT Cruiser pulled into the space to our right.  A young man, perhaps in his mid 20s, but maybe younger, was the sole occupant.  The only thing I specifically noticed about him was that he needed a haircut.  Sproing and I discussed the relative merits of PT Cruisers (pretty nice, I think) and red cars (about my least favorite color for an automobile).  I heard the young man place his order through the annoying speaker thing, and was surprised at his high, feminine voice.  I thought to myself "hmm, could be gay" and continued my discussion with Sproing.  A few minutes later, when the car hop brought the guy his order, Sproing was watching and listening.   He turned to me and said in an almost hushed tone "Mom, I think he's gay."  I said something like "could be," and that was that.  I was amused, and wonder what triggered Sproing's gaydar.  But I didn't ask.  

If there was more I wanted to say I have forgotten what it was.  Superman has had some late nights and early mornings the last few days, and so have I.  I'm going to pretend to get ready for bed now, as I am tired.  If I can just disconnect from this addictive box with its mesmerizing bright screen...

Quote for today

You can't be suspicious of a tree, or accuse a bird or a squirrel of subversion or challenge the ideology of a violet. -Hal Borland, journalist (1900-1978) 

All over the place

My brain is doing the ADD thing tonight.  Did I tell you my psychiatrist tested me for ADD?  I might have.  The test results indicate that I don't have ADD.  Could it be a false negative?  I'm not sure how it is with the mental tests.  I feel a deficit in my attention.  I'm in debt to attention, not able to pay.

I am so grateful for my online friends.  Yes, I'm talking to you.  This whole mess with S has been so much easier to bear with the advice and encouragement I've received here.  I am feeling rather good about things so far.  It's early yet.

And I'm emotional anyhow.  I read your blogs and your comments and your emails and I get all misty.  What a great group of bloggers you are!  Thank you all for sharing, for caring, for living the exemplary lives you do.  I swell with pride at your accomplishments and acheivements.  I mourn with you over the difficulties and losses in your lives.  I thrill to your enticing, exciting discoveries.  

Oh, and I'm also getting out more.  I have spent somewhat less time online (I may be a bit slower getting around to your blog) and more time in this thing called real life.  It's interesting, but not so easy.   The interruptions are particularly annoying.  ADD redux.  

About interruptions.  I get so easily distracted.  I distract myself a lot of the time.  And around here I have lots of help with the distracting, as you might well imagine.   I stop in mid sentence and can't remember what I was saying.  Drives Superman and Light crazy.  

I went into Light's room this evening.  Superman had taken the other kids to their soccer game.  Twitch went along, I dunno, to oogle the girls or something.  Or maybe to see if there was a concession stand at the park.  Anyway, I was more or less alone.  C and S were outside doing other stuff.  Light has been at college for a couple of weeks now.  And over the weekend Superman ripped out the carpet in our living room.  Hallelujah!  That stuff was some wicked kind of nasty.  It's mainly the dog's doing.  She's no longer with us, may she rest in peace, and we've taken the stinky carpet out!!  That entailed a lot of shifting of furniture.  Since Light isn't using her room here, we put some of the stuff in there to get it out of the way.  Well, I need to shift stuff around some more.  And I want to use Light's room as a second get-away spot (besides my bed, which is the only place I have that is MINE, GO AWAY!!)  I want to store my sewing and craft supplies in her room.  A lot of it is in the midst of the living room now, as she evicted it from her room for the summer.  

Anyway, trying to keep the point here, I went to Light's room to make a place for some things.  But I couldn't.  I can't move this without help.  And this has to move before I can shift the other.  I can't get to that because do-hicky will fall apart if I try.  And that's just in her room.  There are two other rooms I'm working with, each with its own piles of crap to maneuver.  If I had a firm grasp of what I'm trying to accomplish with all this, I suspect it might go easier.  

So I walked into Light's bedroom, shifted a couple of boxes around, turned around a few times.  I touched this, that, the other, trying to figure out the how of it all.  And turned around some more.  Then I went to the kitchen and stared at the table.  Hmm.  And I turned around a couple of times there.  Afterwards I went to the living room, now with an interesting array of miscellany piled in random drifts throughout the room.  You guessed it, more spinning aimlessly.  At which point I sighed a deep sigh and came back to the blogs.  There's nothing I can do now.  Maybe tomorrow.  I have high hopes for tomorrow.

The kitchen floor needs to be mopped.  I'm not good at mopping.  Moping I do fairly well.  Mopping, I usually just make a big mess.  Last time I attempted to mop up a sticky spill in the kitchen I ended up making a much larger area of the floor all sticky and nasty, and broke the mop for added interest.  Why?  I have no idea.  Some say it's psychosomatic.  I think messy, therefore I am messy.  Perhaps.  But I try to be neat and clean, and chaos ensues.  There are times this bothers me greatly.  Other times I am amused.  

So, on the off chance I can get the kitchen floor cleared and swept, I'll attempt to mop it tomorrow.  Then I'll do other strange things to it.  Maybe I'll take pictures.  We haven't had a post with pictures in a while.  

I'm fighting with the temptation to criticise myself.  Maybe I'm just tired.  It is late.  OK, not going into how I've failed to accomplish the simple tasks most women find so enriching.  Nope.  Not going to compare myself to others who can keep their homes neat and clean.  Instead I'll post this, log off the computer, and go to bed.  Time has come for that now.  The mess will still be here tomorrow.  Woe is me.  I'll look at it again then.  

The plan of attack ::UPDATED::

We are just about to go out and have a talk with S and C.  This is the outline Superman and I have written.  We've printed two copies.  I'll be back with updates when the dust settles.  Wish us luck!!

I can’t believe you had the gall to say what you said to me last night.

I owe you no explanations.  No justifications.  At all.

Let’s get this boundary thing worked out. You live in my house. You live in this house by our good graces. You live in this house contingent upon our willingness to allow you to stay. 

As you mentioned, I am not your mother. 

I am under no obligation whatsoever to care for or support you. You, however, have an obligation to treat me with the respect due someone who is supporting your lifestyle in nearly every way.

You are an adult and should be treated as one.

We have done you a grave disservice by allowing you this much leeway in this living arrangement. Effective immediately you will adhere to these requirements.

You will be awake during the day and sleep at night.   (Awake by 7:00 a.m.)

You are now in charge of lawn care to our standards.  We will establish these standards and put them in writing. 

You will clean the kitchen completely before 10:00 every night, and no cooking will take place after 9:00.  (“Completely” will be further defined in another document.)

You will enroll in some program to further your education by September 10, 2008.  I strongly recommend Genesis Academy.*

You will submit a minimum of 5(five) job applications every week until employment is secured.

If you do not abide by these rules, there will be a series of fines imposed upon you.

First offense - $10

Second offense - $25

Third offense - $50

If non-compliance continues to be a problem, you will need to make other living arrangements.  If it comes to that, you will be given 30 days notice to vacate.

It's my house, so I get to do what I want. It's not your house, so you don't. It’s as simple as that.  Don't like the rules, go get your own house. **

* The location of the adult ed program run by the public school district

**This is what Tornwordo said in his comments on the previous post.

================UPDATE=================

I'm having a bit of formatting trouble with this post.  That's what happens when I copy/paste from a word document.

Well, we just had our little discussion.  We sat at the picnic table in the backyard so the boys could smoke.  I'm not going to drop this bomb on them without allowing them that stress relief.

I think the whole thing went quite well.  The two of them sat on one side of the table, Superman and I on the other.  I handed S a copy of the above decree, and Superman and I had one in front of us.  I pretty much read it off the paper.  As I was expressing the sentiments in the first two sections he was reading ahead.  I stopped and asked if he had a firm grasp of what I meant. Did he understand where I am and who I am, and what his position is in this arrangement?  He was looking at the paper.  I said "S!"  huh? I was reading.  

asshole

So I took the paper away from him and repeated myself from the beginning.  Did he understand?  Yes, he said with a sarcastic smile.  I gave him back only the first page, folded so he could only read the next little section.  We went over that.  He made a face, and I said "Don't try to make excuses."  He admitted there were none.  I continued.  That was about the last thing he said.  Which is good!  It shows me that he is taking me seriously.  He's not trying to play those games he was attempting last night.

We went on almost to the end, and showed him the lawn mowing rules.  (they simply state he will mow the lawn, front, sides, and back, once every week, and trim around the various installations throughout the yard when he's finished mowing.)  

I did not read the penalties to him.  He was reading those himself.  That last one was a shocker, it seems.  He didn't say anything, just turned the page so C could see it and pointed to it.  There were some moments of uncomfortable silence.  [I wasn't a bit uncomfortable, frankly :)  ]  I then suggested to Superman that we leave them to mull this over.  So we did.  The whole thing took probably less than five minutes.  

So there's more to come.  I'll listen when they are ready to discuss it.  I have no idea what their response will be.  But rest assured, I will report it all here.  Stay tuned.

Please Advise

I'm flummoxed.  And appalled.  It's S.

I'm concerned about his lack of motivation and initiative.  I feel some of that has been influenced by me coddling him, not being as demanding as I should be.  He is responsible for his actions entirely, of course, but I'm afraid I make life too easy for him.  

He is 18 years old, will be 19 in November.  He dropped out of high school about a year ago.  He has been employed twice in the past 18 months (more or less), both times for a fairly short period.  After he got himself fired from the last job he has not earnestly looked for work.  He will deny that.  Yes, he's looked for work, but not earnestly.  He doesn't want to work.  

He also hasn't done anything significant about getting his GED.  He talks a big talk, but there's nothing to show for it.  There are a few different places in town he can go to get ready for the GED.  At least one of them is free.  There is a cost for the test, and his current excuse is that he doesn't have the money to register for it.  It all boils down to the fact that he just hasn't made much effort.

So what does he do if he's not working or going to school?  Mostly, he stays up all night playing video games or the card game Magic.  Then he sleeps most of the day.  Occasionally he'll do a bit of his and C's laundry, and he likes to cook.  He baked a few pies last night, and left some of his dirty dishes in the sink.  Recently he hasn't been leaving as many dirty dishes in the kitchen.  But he doesn't thoroughly clean when he's finished, either.   

S is cute and charming, but that doesn't go far enough in real life.   His greatest talent is making excuses.  He's very good at it.  And I get so frustrated with him that I often don't know how to respond.

We have a counter in our laundry room for the purpose of folding clothes.  Mostly what happens, though, is that stuff gets pulled out of the dryer and piled on the counter to wrinkle and get dusty.  It had gotten pretty bad again, so I had Diva and Sproing clean off the kitchen table, then Superman told S and the young'uns to get everything off the counter and take it to the table, where they were then to fold it all.  All of them.  S dug through the pile and got his things, then tried to escape to his room.  I told him he needed to help fold all of it.  He argued and made excuses, saying that over half of the stuff in the pile had been theirs, so most of it he was going to fold in his room.  

That wasn't my point.  I want for him to take a more active role in household maintenance.   He needs to make a larger contribution.  Not just to take care of "his" stuff, but to help out throughout the place.  He needs to earn his keep, basically.

Remember the thing about them paying rent?  Guess what.  They didn't pay the $50 they owed on the 21st of last month.  S mowed the yard, and we took that in exchange for $15 of it.  Superman said that on the remaining $35 there will be interest, compounded daily.  (I don't remember how much)  What they plan to do right now is pay for last month, this month ($75) and next month ($100) all at once when C gets his college loan check.  That is supposed to arrive on the 15th, a week from Monday.  That's NOT the way it's supposed to work out.  The plan was for them to get serious about looking for gainful employment, not to pay us with borrowed money.  And really, only C got real worried when we started charging rent.  S didn't seem to care much.  I don't know his true feelings, but I saw no change in his actions, so what does that mean?

But I digress.  Here's where I need some specific advice.  Tonight when I was arguing with S about folding the clothes, he got all sassy with me.  He said I am not his mother.  I said no, but you are living in my house.  He said "don't patronize me," and the next words he spoke to me were patronizing.  I pointed out that he is neither working nor continuing his education, therefore he needs to be more involved working around here.  And then he had the gall to accuse me of sitting around doing nothing!  I said to my husband, who was in the room also, I said "Honey?  Did you hear that!?"  He turned and laughed at S, and said "No, no, you do not understand."  I don't remember exactly what he said after that, but the upshot is that S went in to help the other kids fold clothes.  I'm steamed.  

And shocked beyond words.  How do I respond to that?  OMG.  I don't think it necessary to defend myself.  It is true, for the last few months I haven't been very active around the house.  I've been on the computer, blogging mostly, since I quit driving the bus last spring.  I've also had a mild nervous breakdown or two.  I'm looking for myself.  I've spent the last 25 years working to raise these kids and care for this family.  Who the hell is he to question my activities when he is living in my home under my good graces??  

Superman has been chewing on this as well.  He just informed me that he's decided S will mow the lawn, front and back, every week.  And he will clean up the kitchen every day.   

Honestly, I don't think I should defend myself against S's accusation that I am not doing anything.  It is totally beside the point.  A diversionary tactic of his.  What do you think?  Besides which, just this week I have begun to be more active around here.   He isn't aware that I applied to Lander.  And I'm not going to parade that information out just to show I've not been idle.  OMG.  The gall.  And I'm rambling again.

In summary:

• How should I respond to his accusations and excuses?
  
• Should I defend my recent level of activity?
  
• What next?

Morning conversation with a teenager

It's almost time to leave for school. I look at Twitch and say
"Do you have a comb or a brush?"
"No. Do I need to brush my teeth?"
"Have you brushed your teeth?"
"Yes."
"Do you have a hair brush?"
"NO!"
"Well, go into my bathroom and use my brush."
"Why?"
"You need to brush your hair."
"Why?"
"Because it looks disheveled."
"I like it this way."
"Just go brush your hair."
"Who's going to care what my hair looks like?"
"I do."
"So?"
"So, I'm the one who's taking you to school."
[Look of dismay and a gutteral "humph"]
[Goes down the hall]
[I eat my toast and sip my coffee]
[Returning, says with a sarcastic flair]
"Is this better?"
"Yes. Thank you."
"I look like a damn dingleberry."

I DID IT!

[Java],
Congratulations! Your application has been received and processed. We're excited about your interest in earning a second degree at Lander University. You are welcome to log back in and keep tabs on the status of your application anytime.

Please have your college transcripts from any and all previous colleges sent to Lander.

Looking for myself

I have a love/hate relationship with the excuse "I'm trying to find myself." On one hand, it has been used as a sorry excuse for shirking responsibilities. On the other hand, there is some truth in the need to learn to listen for the whispers from one's soul (or from the Deity) in order to fulfill one's purpose in life.

And a life's purpose changes over time. Of the things I have given great attention to in the past 10-20 years, some of those responsibilities are no longer relevant in my life. There is more out there I need to do, and can do. And should do.

I feel I haven't been fulfilling my potential as a strong, intelligent woman. I drove a school bus for 3.5 years. But I graduated magna cum laude with a degree in Sociology a few years back. (OK, 22, but who's counting?) I'm intuitive, sympathetic, creative, don't run with scissors and play well with others. I should be using my talents better than I have been. With my oldest children out (or almost out) of the public schools, and my youngest now old enough to be more responsible (if only they will), the time seems right to move onward and upward.

It's a bit frightening.

Part of the needed change is to see myself as more than "just" a wife, mother, homemaker.* I need to envision myself as more mature, perhaps professional, as one who can carry her own in the company of strong, intelligent, influential people. I need to get out more!

And I'm trying. I told you about volunteering with the community theatre. The lovely woman who told me about that opportunity invited me to a lunch meeting of the Greenwood Women's Forum. Yep, a women's club/group. Ugh!! However, this is a fairly small group (20 maybe?) of local professional women who gather once a month for lunch and an informational talk about something happening in the community. I think. Last month they heard a presentation from the art director of the community theatre. Today the executive director of the Art's Council gave a talk about what's going on in the arts in Greenwood. Yes, I went. It was lovely! I enjoyed myself! I'm as shocked as anyone!

As an interesting juxtaposition, the Greenwood Woman's Club (note name difference) also met today. I read about it in today's paper. This is what the Greenwood Index-Journal had to say about it. From the "Community Calendar" column:

11:30 a.m. - Greenwood Woman's Club, luncheon catered by Aramark Food Services (Lander University). Lillian Holschen, of Doncaster Apparel of Newberry, presents "Don Yourself in Fall Classics."

I did not go to that meeting. Those are the kinds of women's clubs I avoid. It just isn't my kind of group.

*Not that there's anything wrong with that. Or that those roles aren't incredibly important.

addendum

I took a nap. Woke up feeling more rested. Went to the kitchen to "do" supper. There was a variety of food, from onion soup to chocolate chip cookies. Twitch had made the cookies, S had made the soup. Everyone in the house was in the kitchen once I arrived. It was a happy chaos, but chaos nonetheless.

We began the clean up. S and Superman and I did most of it. I was trying to prepare for some baking tomorrow, and I had trouble finding things I need. Superman was putting away the food, and had trouble finding things he needed. Stuff wasn't put in the right place, things had been left out, dirty. Consumable products had been consumed without our knowledge. Empty boxes were left in the cabinets, giving a false sense of existence.

There is a box of zip-closure bags in the cabinet. But wait, it's just the box! No bags inside. Where did all our bags go? Superman just got a big box of bags very recently. There were a lot in here. Where did they all go? How is he going to put away the (whatever it was he wanted to put away)?

Dammit, why can't I just go into the kitchen and do what I need to do? I can't even walk into the laundry room right now because there are plastic hampers full of clothes all in the way. I'm too old for this sh!t. I try to get out there and participate in the opperation of this household, but everything I try to do ends up costing so much extra effort to do. I get very frustrated. And flustered. And stressed. And I lose focus. And I come back in my room and hide while the chaos out there increases.

And then I blame myself for not keeping a closer handle on things, not effectively managing the household. That is my job, right? To keep order and take care of home and family? I don't do that well. Frankly, I suck at it. Then the voice in my head (not literal. Don't call the straight jacket forces on me) begins to tell me that I'm a failure, which means I'm worthless. I can now recognize the voice, and know he has a distorted concept of truth. This is huge progress, really. I should be very glad of that.

Anyway, I'm very, very tired again. I'm going to get ready for bed now. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day. Everyone goes back to school tomorrow, including C, so that increases my chances of having a peaceful morning.

Goodnight