Final post of 2010

2011, 2011, 2011, 2011... I'm practicing. My fingers have learned how to hit the two, then zero, then back to the one, then the zero again. It's a nice dance back and forth across the top of the keyboard. 2011 is heavily laden on the port side.

Avast, Mateys!

I haven't posted much recently. Why I can not fathom. I enjoy writing for this blog. Sometimes my thoughts run toward blog posts, sometimes they wander aimlessly.

I went on a date last night... with a girl! OK, it's not that spectacular. Last night I met a friend of mine from school, a young lady the same age as Light, at the restaurant where she works. She got off work at 9:00. I got there early to have a baked potato. That restaurant makes the best potatoes! Neither of us knows how they manage to make an ordinary Idaho spud taste so special. Anyhoo, after work we dropped in on a mutual friend who didn't happen to be at home at the time, but his den was full of iniquity in the form of half a dozen late-teen-early-20s ruffians playing a video game. They seem to be nice enough young people, though from the 45 minutes we were there it's hard to judge their collective character. There may or may not have been

some prophylactic glaucoma treatment involved. I was merely a witness to what may or may not have happened. The video game was intriguing. It involved a motorcycle driving up impossibly steep ramps made of various materials including but not limited to diamond plate, wood planking, and concrete.

Then she and I went to the movies. I finally saw "Tangled". Me likey. She and I have been talking about going together to see this movie since it first came out, before the end of last semester. It was good to finally get together with her, and to see the movie.

In other news, I ordered my textbooks online. Big news, I know. But that's not the point of the story. One of the books is for the Senior Seminar course required of all potential graduates in the psychology program. It's title is Finding Jobs with a Psychology Bachelor's Degree. I received email notice today that my order has shipped. In the order description this book is shown as "Finding Jobs With a Psycho."

I haven't posted since before Christmas. Here's the update: Christmas happened. There's not much more to say. My mother gave me a picture frame made with elephant poop. That got a good laugh from the assembly. Looking at the elephant poop website linked above, I see that they also make social stationery. Be the first on your block to write your holiday thank-you notes on elephant poop stationery.

Light made beef stew for Christmas dinner. It was good. I made yeast rolls. They were good too. There was some other stuff, but I can't remember what. Other stuff happened on Christmas day, too, I'm sure, but I can't remember what.

Superman has been on vacation from work since before Christmas. The 19th was the last day he worked. He'll be back at work next Wednesday, the 5th of January, 2011. (more practice) I get so spoiled having him at home with me like this. After all these years, we are still eager to spend time with each other. Warm fuzzies abound.

He had a dream last night about the two of us going to IHOP for breakfast. We're about to make his dream come true. He said it was a nice dream, though I haven't heard any details. Speaking of IHOP, did I tell you about the location in Gastonia, NC? One of the major thoroughfares in Gastonia is Cox Road. At the Cox Road exit from I-85 there is an IHOP. I've heard they answer their phone "IHOP on Cox." Say that out loud, a couple of times if necessary.

Alright, enough of this foolishness. I'm going out to breakfast now. Ya'll have a good day and a happy New Year.

P.S. Remind me to tell you the latest on Diva.

Update:

I took a picture of my pancakes at IHOP.

They have a new menu item. It's the love child of a cinnamon roll and a pancake. There's cinnamon filling goop between each layer and the whole thing is dribbled with a cream cheese frosting, then of course topped with whipped cream. As soon as the waitress walked away I said to Superman that it looks like the pancakes have been covered with jizz. He laughed and suggested they'd been given a facial. The whipped cream is, what, a celebration of the affair? It tasted good.

Ramblings

• I love having a whole day in which to do whatever I see fit. No homework! I had a lovely long nap this afternoon. I do miss working in the clay, though.
• Superman and the kids got home from his parents' home last evening. I often forget just how loud and lively Sproing is until he comes back after a few days away. Things were peaceful here with just C and N and me. I'm glad Superman is home again.

Saw Diva yesterday. We had a meeting with her therapist and reps from two state mental health agencies (not agencies, exactly, I think, but something like it). The meeting was to plan for her leaving the Residential Treatment Facility (RTF). Ugh. I like her being there. She's safe, everyone else is safe, and I don't have to do much besides make some decisions and visit every couple of weeks. These agencies are here to help her transition back into the home. She isn't currently ready to leave the RTF, but she is making a lot of significant improvements (it seems).

Here's the thing: She's good at making improvements, or at least following the course for a while. Then when I'm feeling comfortable and beginning to trust her again she attacks. It has happened so very often that trusting her is extremely difficult. I need to see long-term evidence of genuine change. "Long-term" means that I don't want her in my home again until I can be sure. I'm thinking a couple of years. The state agencies are thinking within the first quarter of 2011. Don't know what we're going to do about this. I won't let worry consume me over this issue right now, but it's something that will work along in the back of my mind for a while.

• N and I made gingerbread men yesterday. We're supposed to decorate them today, but he slept late then stayed in his room most of the afternoon until C got home. I took a late nap and didn't wake up until 8:00 this evening. Now he and C are in their room watching a movie and I'm in my office doing this. It may still happen tonight, or it might get pushed to tomorrow. Or the day after tomorrow.
• I got most of my Christmas gifts wrapped earlier this week when the family was away. Yesterday when I was in Columbia to see Diva I had the opportunity to do some more shopping. That's a good thing, as I hadn't found anything appropriate to give to C and N. Greenwood has a piss-poor selection of fabulous stores in which to buy fabulous gifts for fabulous gay young men. Yesterday I discovered World Market. Wow! I found so many fabulous gifts. I found something for Superman that he has wanted for a while, but I can't tell you what it is now because he reads this blog. :) I also won't tell you how much I spent there, because he reads this blog. :-p I even got a few things for myself, and found a plethora of great gifts for my gay guys. Most of their gifts smell good. I have a lot more wrapping to do now.
• I went to the dentist today to get my teeth cleaned. I love the feel of freshly professionally cleaned teeth, and I love getting a new toothbrush. Oh sure, I could buy myself a new toothbrush (and often do), but the toothbrushes I buy for myself aren't as thrilling as the one the dentist gives me. The ones from the dentist come engraved with the name of their practice. How fancy is that?
• Superman et al. were on their way home from points west in our little Aveo (Eva) yesterday when I went to Columbia. Manny is in very poor shape and I won't drive him out of town. So I rented a little Ford thingie... I forget. Hang on, let me look it up... Yeah, a Ford Focus. Nice little car I guess, but hardly memorable. Did have Sirius radio, though, which is cool. First time I've had a chance to try that out. Anyway, what I came to tell you about...

...is the rental experience. So I go to the En+erpr!$e place in town to pick up the car which I wisely reserved in advance. The young man doing the paperwork asks me where I am going in the car. I understand the need for that question. It's their car, they should know my plans for it. But he kept asking questions. It's a Southern thing, I guess, trying to be friendly. Or nosy. Or both. He asked why I was going to Columbia. I really don't think the company needs to know that, but whatevs. Told him vaguely that I was going to a meeting. Here's the thing: it's uncomfortable under those circumstances to discuss my mentally ill, institutionalized daughter. I was going to say "to discuss with strangers" but that's pretty much exactly what I do by writing about it on the blog! Hee hee. But this, for reasons I don't thoroughly understand, is different.

My 13 year old daughter is mentally ill. She has severe emotional problems. Does the guy at the rental car counter want to know that I'm going to a meeting with/for/about my 13 year old institutionalized daughter in which I try to convince state officials (of a sort) that she should not be placed back in our home for a while longer? I don't think so. I suspect such a discussion would have made him uncomfortable. It would have made me uncomfortable, which is why I didn't tell him anything.

My two youngest children have special needs. Yeah, they are eligible for the short bus. Thing is, they don't look like it. To see them, to talk to them, most of the time you wouldn't suspect anything amiss. Even when the boy is acting out his oppositional defiance in public, people usually see that as disobedience and a result of poor parenting. As for the girl, she's a sneaky freaky little bitch. (I say that as a loving parent, mind you.) She presents herself well in public until the demon takes over in a mad uncontrolled rage. That demon rarely shows, but the few times it has are frighteningly memorable. That shit leaves emotional scars on its victims, let me tell you. That shit is the reason I don't want her to live here.

Taking a thread from the previous paragraph: poor parenting. I've been accused, and have accused myself. I know I've made mistakes, chosen unwise actions at times. All parents do, to some degree. But I try not to. My intentions are generally good. Sometimes I use tactics that worked well with child 1 or 2 but fail miserably with child 3 or 4. That's a learning curve thing. The parenting of these special-needs children is especially challenging, of course. Their behavior, reactions, modes of interaction tend to inhibit good parenting. Really. I learned about that in my adolescent development class. Well, I learned it in the field, as it were, but my experience and understanding was validated in the course.

But difficult children aren't an excuse for poor parenting. I must continue to do the best I know how. I must continue to learn, to adapt to each child's individual needs. It's enough to drive a mother crazy, as has been demonstrated here many times. Just read the archives. Gawd-almighty, I'm tired.

Am I complaining too much? I don't mean this as a complaint. This is my forum to work this stuff out in my head. Writing it all out helps me process it in my mind. If you write a blog, you probably know what I mean.

It's late, I'm tired, and it's time for me to go to bed.

Platypus in Art

This is the platypus I worked on for so long. I finished him before I started on the narrative about which I posted Sunday night. I took these pictures the same day I took the others, so the time stamp is screwy. I've sense turned off the time stamp feature on my camera. It's annoying!

Looking head-on at the platypus

Platypus, port side, with seaweed under his tail

Seaweed and platypus with log and rocks and more seaweed

Detail of seaweed, back side of platypus, the other end of the log, and some rocks. And turtles.

More detail: seaweed, turtles, rocks

Fish in the seaweed and the back of the platypus

This piece looks better in person. Most of my stuff is difficult to photograph. The fact that I'm a poor photographer doesn't help. And I think the lighting on this backdrop is messed up. We're supposed to take photos of everything we do, using a backdrop for some official art reason of which I'm unaware. The professor insists, and I haven't asked too many questions about that. (I'm too busy asking questions about lots of other stuff.)

Did I tell you I'm taking sculpture in the spring? I know I didn't tell you I'm also taking another ceramics class, because I just found out about that a few days ago. Only problem is that I'm majoring in psychology, and I have a handful of psych classes to take in order to graduate at the end of spring semester. Adding the ceramics class will knock me into overtime, i.e. I'll be taking more credit hours than are officially allowed. I can get an override to do this, and I plan to. Ceramics is that important to me. I'm not sure how important psychology is. It is, really, I just don't know how much. Because I'm good at it. And I'm good at art. So what's a girl to do?

Also, happy winter solstice. And Yule.

Pictures of my ceramic art

Good evening. I am ready to show you some of my ceramic art from this semester. First I present my raku glazed vessel. It's approximately 12 inches in diameter and 11 inches high. It was glazed and fired with the raku method. It looks shiny. And a bit ugly, but in a pretty way

It looks better in person. And the time stamp on these two pictures is correct. The following pictures were taken a week after these, but the time stamp says New Years Day 1007.
Yeah, so ignore the time stamp. This is 3/4th of a set of tableware. The assignment was to make a large plate, a small plate, a tumbler, and a small cup of some kind. I made the 4th piece, but I didn't get it finished in time to get it into the kiln for the bisque fire. The 4th piece is a goblet that I'm particularly pleased with. It won't get cooked until January. Until then, enjoy the other pieces.
I've been meaning to try out that tumbler to see how well it works as a drinking vessel. The thing is sitting on my desk now, stacked up with all the other ceramic work I brought home.

Next is the narrative piece that goes with the personal story I posted a month ago. I worked on this sucker for a good three weeks, maybe more.

top view

"The Church" on the left, my house on the right, a gay couple walking together toward my house. A crumbling archway between the church and my house.

church side view

And a bit of the crumbling archway.

detail of my house side view, with me as the crazy lady in the window

angled view with church on the right, archway behind, and "man of the cloth" being all judgmental and shit

That's supposed to be an altar there on the front right corner along the wall of the church. Behind the preacher-guy you can see a wonky pew, and if you look carefully you can see the gay couple heading down the road.

angled view showing gay couple walking toward my house, with mini-me in an apron welcoming them to my home

The bit on the left is supposed to portray a homey scene of the hearth. Maybe you can see it better if you embiggen it.

Detail of the front of my house with me welcoming the gay couple

That shadow in front is the back of the pew. I made the pew with distorted angles and such, symbolizing the distortions of the church and the altered perspective of the scene.

And that's about all I'm going to say now. I should be posting more often for the next three weeks until school starts again. I have some other pictures of artwork to share, too. Stay tuned.

It's the end of the semester as I know it

I am so tired. Slept a long time last night/this morning. Didn't get up until almost noon, went to bed around 9 last night, I think.

Had some unpleasant interaction with Sproing last evening. He had a bad day at school, and was grumpy when he got home. I asked him if anything was wrong, did he have a bad day, is everything alright? He grunted some non-answer at me but wouldn't say anything more. Then he got more grumpy. He was taunting me and I was trying not to be drawn into his web. Things escalated. I got my feelings hurt, and cried. I don't like doing that with him. Mama tears are like hitting below the belt. If I'm going to fight, I want to fight fair. But the tears were an honest response to his behavior. It was a mess. We apologized after a cool-down period. Then they boy had a good talk with Superman about what was bothering him, and felt much better afterwards. I was still a nervous wreck, so I took a chill-pill (Ativan, I think it is) and went to bed early.

Had my last final exam yesterday morning. It wasn't an exam, as such, but a presentation of a project we'd been working on in teams. Adolescent development and things that parents should know about their adolescents. Then, amusingly, I came home and had a conflict with my 12 year old adolescent. Irony is a bitch.

Did some good art this semester. Was challenged, had fun. Really like my art prof. Cool short bald man.

Am so tired I'm having trouble writing this. Can't make the words do what I want them to do. Spend as much time correcting misspelled/typo words as writing the post itself. Time to go lie down. Will return.

checking in

I'm not dead yet. Tired, yes, but not dead.

Finished my last class of the semester yesterday. Next week is final exams. I should be sleeping right now, but I really want to touch base here. I miss my blog peeps.

Clay in my veins. Art animates me. Psychology tickles a different part of my brain/body/soul. My attentions are divided.

Don't want to celebrate Christmas this year. Did I say that last year? It's too late, I'm too tired to check the archives. I don't want to celebrate Christmas this year. Twitch asked me today what I want for Christmas. Nothing. Honestly. I've already gotten his gifts. Bought my Mama's gifts, had them wrapped and shipped by amazon.com. Did that shopping while I was on the phone with her when she told me what she wanted. L-O-V-E the internet.

Don't know what we're going to do with/about Diva at Christmas. NOT going to bring her home! Don't really want to visit her, either, but probably will.

OK, really, now is a bad time to think about all these things I should/want to/don't want to do. I'm too tired and stressed, which means I don't want to do anything. Maybe by next weekend I'll be more inclined to try to give a shit.

I'm at the ceramics studio right now. Recently put my mud away. Have been working here often, many projects due by the final exam time next Wednesday morning. It's 1:30 a.m. and I'm still in the ceramics studio. Going to shut down the 'puter now, go home, shower some of the stink and mud off of me, and go to sleep!