some substance

It is my bed-time. The alarm goes off at 4:15, so I try to go to bed, to sleep, around 9:00. Rarely am I successful. Especially since I got so involved with the blogosphere.

I have a list of blogs I like, which I may at some later point add to my blog. Most of my favorites are written by fascinating, thoughtful gay men. I try to check most of them every day or two. Once again I have spent my entire Sunday checking out blogs.

My gay history: My boys like to say I am a gay man in a woman's body. Until spring of 2006 I was a fundie anti-gay Christian. Then I met my boys. My oldest daughter, "Light," was good friends with a young man, C. They were both in high school, and active in a large Baptist church in town. Then C came out of the closet. That was met with mixed reactions. Many of his friends were fine with it. His church was not. His mother was, OMG, not OK with this! She and her husband (C's step-dad) kicked him out. He was 17, a senior in high school, newly in love with his first real boyfriend. I was getting to know him pretty well, and falling in love with him. So my husband "Concolor" and I invited him to stay with us. We also met, and fell in love with, C's boyfriend S.

I loved and accepted C. But homosexuality was against what I had been taught in the church, all I believed. But I knew with all my heart that God made C. But how did C become gay? Was he really born that way? When did he first know? I had a ton of questions for him, and he graciously answered every one. And I answered all his questions, supported him, helped him through this coming out process. We spent hours and hours talking. I didn't get much sleep.

I had lots of questions about homosexuality. I needed to know if one is born gay or becomes gay. I checked out a lot of websites, both pro- and anti-gay. The pro-gay sites made more sense to me. I read books. The first one I read was Born Gay by Glenn Wilson and Qazi Rahman. That's heavy stuff. I started Queer Science by Simon LeVay. Still working on that one, very slowly. I've also read a couple of books by Ritch Savin-Williams.

We started going to P-FLAG meetings. I kept researching. I asked a lot of questions of Google, C, S. Wish I'd found these blogs earlier! But maybe I wasn't ready. I have learned a lot.

Interestingly, Light came out to me as bi-sexual shortly after C moved in. At the time I told her "I have too much other stuff going on in my life right now to worry about that." Or something of the sort. We have talked about it, and I have become more comfortable with it. I did say something along the lines of "it may only be a stage of your development," but in my memory I didn't dismiss the whole concept. I wasn't too upset, anyway.

(One thing about me: I tend to make short stories long. I ramble, especially when I am tired.)

As of now, C is still with us. He is a sophomore at the university in town. His boyfriend S lives here, too, and is trying to finish his senior year in high school. Light is a freshman at a women's college in-state. (Is that perfect for her, or what? All women, all the time.)

Also in the home are my three other children. My son "Twitch" is a junior in high school, age 16. My other son "Sproing" is 9, in the 4th grade. My youngest daughter "Diva" is also 9, also in 4th grade. There will be many more posts about them in the future, I am sure.

There are 7 of us living in a 1600 sqare foot house. With Light in college, she is a part-time 8th. My life is not boring.

Ooops! Past bed-time. Going to pretend to get ready for bed now.