Bet you didn't know that little factoid. Here's more from that
source.*
Penguins are some of nature’s great defecators. In order to avoid messing up their feathers and their nests, they point their bottoms out of the nests and can shoot their poo up to 40 centimetres away. Researchers at the International University Bremen in Germany calculated that in order to do this the birds squeezed four times as hard as humans usually do. The colour of the birds' poo is important for researchers; if it's pink then the penguins have been eating krill, while white faeces point to a diet of fish. Green poo indicates a diet of algae, a food of last resort that usually means other foods are in short supply.
Heart In Hand (Rox) asked me to post something new so that the
penis faucets aren't popping onto her screen. So I give you Penguins.
I will now update you on the Diva Drama, of which there is much.
Last you heard, she was in jail. Her bio dad Robert did not actually come to get her out. Taking with birth mom Janice today, she said Robert talks a big talk but isn't so good with the follow through. Diva was release from the county detention center Saturday morning. She spent four nights in jail. Is that enough of a deterrent? I don't know. Don't know if deterrents work on her anyway. As I've said so many times before, that child ain't right in the head.
When she came home she told us she wasn't going back to Janice's house. Shit. She didn't like the lack of privacy or the other kids going through her stuff and taking things. HA! She's been doing shit like that to her siblings for years. Anyway, Superman talked to Diva Sunday and convinced her to go back to Janice's until after my surgery and recovery. (Surgery for a complete hysterectomy is scheduled for this Thursday, Feb 5.)
This morning shortly after 10:00 Diva and I left for Janice's house. Here's the plan: drive to Janice's, drop her and her small bag of stuff off there, high tail it home. Unfortunately things didn't go so smoothly. Janice texted she had a job interview** and wouldn't be home (after telling me at 9 a.m. that she'd be home all day) so I should take Diva to Janice's friend Phat's house. Yeah, Phat. Whatever. Said Diva knows how to get there. So I ask Diva, she said she knows where Phat lives but doesn't know how to get there, and doesn't want to go there anyway. She said she'd rather go to her older brother's house, and she does know the way there.
We go first to Janice's house to 1) see if Janice is still there and 2) give Diva a familiar starting place for the drive to her brother's. Janice wasn't there. Diva directed me out of the neighborhood but soon missed the part where I was supposed to get on the interstate. Five miles later she says we missed the turnoff. WTF. So we go back to the interstate, and I ask her whether we need to get on Northbound or Southbound. She has no clue what I'm talking about, says that the sign says Asheville Highway. But that sign is on the interstate, of course. In which direction? Seriously, she didn't grasp the concept that there are two directions the interstate runs. I stopped at a convenience store to ask directions. It didn't really help. We drove north too far, then came back south too far, and never saw the Asheville Highway sign. We phoned the brother's baby mama for directions, and that didn't help enough. I asked her what the highway number was. Her response: huh? I don't know.
At that point I checked the maps app on my slow piece of shit phone and found Asheville Highway (176). That still didn't help enough because I was on the wrong piece of interstate. There's a business loop off the main interstate, which is where I should have been but wasn't.
After driving north and south and north and south for over an hour I finally connected with Janice, who by then was finished with her interview and wanted to go home. We met at a McDonald's. I passed Diva off to Janice. Praise the heavenly host.
By now it's after 1:00, my phone battery is almost dead, and I'm hungry and thirsty. I set out to find real food (did NOT go into the McD's!). Had a lovely omelet at IHOP. I inadvertently left my phone in the car, and when I returned I saw that I had missed a call from Janice. Well, I called Superman to let him know where I was, then turned off the phone. I didn't want to hear what Janice had to say until I got home. It was a good move.
The whole trip should have taken no more than three hours. I got home five hours after I left. Came in, plugged my phone up, called Superman. Oh dear. He had heard from Janice. And someone from Department of Social Services (DSS). Seems Diva had one of her shit fits shortly after I dropped her off. Janice called the cops. I'm a bit fuzzy on the details, but they ended up in the DSS office. The upshot of that was that since we are her guardians, we have to go get her and bring her back here. Oh, shit. I 'bout lost it. I was shaking and tearful. We have been through the ringer with this little bitch for so long, and here we finally thought we're rid of her. Oh shit.
So I called Janice. We had a nice little talk. She said to call her back when Superman got home from work and we'd discuss things. Which we did, and Janice agreed to keep Diva for now.
I'm scheduled for surgery in three days. I'm emotionally fragile right now anyway, and expect it'll be worse after the surgery when I will be basically defenseless for some weeks. It is a very bad idea for Diva to be here now for many reasons.
I talked to Janice after she'd been at the DSS office. Superman was on the speaker phone with the lady from DSS, so Janice heard a lot of information that was new to her. So when we spoke, she'd had some time to ruminate on the new info. She indicated that the shit fit Diva had was much milder than what she usually does for us. I get the impression that Janice wants to see what she can do to help Diva, to "fix" anything that's messed up due to Diva living with us. And frankly I am thankful for that. Anyone who's read this blog for a while knows that Diva is messed up and Superman and I are so far over our heads with her that we can't see the light. Yes, we've messed up. We have done everything we know to do to make things right, but she's a mess. If Janice can make a difference, I hope and pray she does. For right now, Diva isn't here. And Janice and I have been discussing going through the legal process of giving her legal guardianship. I would love to do that, and told Janice today that we plan to call our lawyer (probably after my surgery) to get the ball moving on that.
I would like Superman to fill in some details about his conversation with the DSS lady.
Thank you, Babe. Okay, then. I might get a thing or two out of sequence, but this is the gist of the conversation.
So I'm sitting at my desk, minding my own business (well ... technically I was minding Capsugel's business, but you get the idea) when my phone rings.
Not recognizing the number, I answered with my name.
"Sir, this is [Jane Doe] with Spartanburg DSS.
All right, picture with me if you will a very large, formidable, dour, scowling, severely-dressed maiden aunt with her hair in a tight bun, who is of the opinion that fun should be illegal. That is the voice that spoke to me. Then "Spartanburg DSS" sank in, and I sighed. "What did she do this time?"
"Sir, I don't think you understand. I am here with [Janice] and we need for you to come and get Diva."
It took me a few seconds to process that, too. "What?"
"Diva can't stay with [Janice]. She is not Diva's legal guardian. You are."
"Legally, ma'am, I'm her father, not her legal guardian, but that's details. Would you tell me what's wrong?"
Janice spoke up, "She started pulling shenanigans just as soon as Java's truck was out of sight. I can't take care of her if she's gonna act like that."
More processing of information on my part, interspersed with dealing with the psychic punch I just took to the gut. "What made her change her mind?"
Jane Doe paused for a second. "What do you mean?"
"She was all fired up to go to Spartanburg to be with Janice. She's been of that mind since they first met back last fall. I'm curious to know what changed."
"I have no idea if anything changed, but [Janice] is not her legal guardian. She gave up her rights to Diva when she placed her for adoption."
"Yes, I know."
"Then why would you try to make [Janice] take her?"
At this point I'm wondering if Jane is even listening to me. "Ma'am ... I have been trying my best to preserve the peace and balance what Diva wants with what is best for her. That is a very difficult thing to do when Diva has such a loose grip on reality."
"Well the law is very clear in this case, and you can't force ..."
"Ma'am, I didn't force anything. I was trying to help Diva get what she told me she wanted. She hates living with us. She has for a long time. It makes for a VERY tense atmosphere in the house and no one is happy with it, but as you stated, we are responsible for her. We have been doing the best we could ..."
"You could have gotten her some help. That child is out of control!"
I stopped and absorbed that. Excuse me? FUCKING EXCUSE ME?!? "Ma'am, she has been a client of the mental health system since the age of nine."
"You should try counseling."
I took the phone away from my ear and looked at it, then resumed the conversation, understanding that she wasn't paying very close attention to what I said. Another 'gubmint' drone with an agenda and a tight ass. "Ma'am, I need you to listen to me."
"What?" She sounded offended.
"Diva has been in counseling since the age of nine."
"Well, you should do family counseling."
"We have. On many occasions. Family, individual, with several different counselors. Some of it court ordered because of her violent tendencies."
"... Uh ... have you tried ..."
"She is in the state mental health system. She has been seen by private counselors. She was admitted to a mental hospital for threatening my life. She spent thirteen months in a residential treatment facility, and they gave her back to us because they said they couldn't do anything with her. She has attacked Java. She has attacked multiple classmates. She has a history of stealing whatever she can get her hands on, and has been doing that for better than a dozen years. My wife and I have counseling ourselves, just so we can have some clue how to deal with her."
"... Oh."
I was sort of on a roll at that point. "If she doesn't like the way reality is panning out around her, she just discards it and makes up one of her own. She's done that most of her life. She has five clinical diagnoses, including Impulse Control Disorder and Reactive Attachment Disorder. She doesn't consider us her family and never has. Now, there is a physical, organic basis for some of that because she has a congenital brain defect, periventricular leukomalacia, which means part of the brain is missing. It's the part that contains that little governor that says, 'Now wait a minute and think about that before you do it.' It helps explain her problem with impulse control and stealing. But please believe me when I tell you that we have done everything in our power to help her and to adapt to this hellish situation. And let me also state that I am sick of being cast as the Bad Guy because I had the gall to try to help her achieve her goals.
"I see. Well. I'm, uh, very sorry sir. But you still have to come get her."
"Fine. Janice, I guess I'll see you this evening, then."
So there's that. And as I said, Diva isn't here, at least for now. And I hope, pray, beg, plead that she stays away. Perhaps I'm a bad mother, but dammit, she's a bad child and no one has any idea what it's like to raise a kid like her unless they've done it themselves.
*There are a bunch of interesting penguin facts at that link, hardly any of them having to do with poop. Check it out if you have a minute. Or more.
**She got the job! She's been unemployed for a few weeks and really needs that job. I'm happy for her.
