Oh My Stars!

I'm finally finished with finals! Well, for this semester, anyway. My therapist says I must go back in the fall, that Sproing must go back to school, especially since the state is legally mandated to provide an education for him. That's one of those things I need to tend to now that I'm done with school.

Anyway, I'm out of school for the summer. It feels good to be finished.

Now it's time to do something about this hair. I'm getting excited about that. This is gonna be fun. Gotta get brave enough to have some pictures taken of myself and post them on the World Wide Web for all of creation to see. Ugh.

Superman and I will be visiting Diva this weekend. She's going to get a day pass, we will take her shopping. Evidently she's growing out of her clothes. And shoes. The child is currently wearing a size 10 (women's) shoe, which I think is a big shoe. And she loves loves loves to go shoe shopping. About as much as I hate it. I'm not looking forward to this little visit. I don't like shopping for clothes and shoes. I would rather shop at Lowe's or Home Depot than (insert name of clothing store here).

I got a book a few weeks ago, a tawdry gay romance (or something like it) that I was saving for the end of the semester. Now I can't find the damned thing. I put it somewhere... It'll show up eventually. There are half a bazillion books I want to read between now and September.

This has been a brief message for the purpose of checking to see if I still know how to do this.

Hair, not the musical

Classes are over, final exams have not begun. I am currently taking a brief break from writing the rest of my Behavioral Stats paper. Tis very tedious, and due Monday. My goal is to be finished with the "discussion" section before 8:00 when the Braves vs. Mets game is broadcast on my TV. It's 6:00 now.

I am going to cut my hair. I began letting it grow out, I dunno, maybe 4 or 5 years ago? I really don't quite remember. I think it was about the time C moved in with us. It had been short, off of my neck, but with a feminine cut. The hair is pretty long now, going to the middle of my back below my shoulder blades. It's heavy and hot and hard to control. I'm ready for a change. And I will donate the hair to one of those places that makes wigs for bald children (or something).

This time, however, my plan is different. I want to get it cut very very short, almost a buzz cut. I can picture it buzzed in the back and around the ears, and just long enough to not stand up straight on top - maybe 1.5 or 2 inches. I want to get a picture of my head and hair before it gets cut, then again for an "after" shot.

I'm waiting until the school semester is over before I cut it. Don't want to deal with all the questions and surprised looks from professors and other students. But I wanted to warn you about it. Not that you see me, or know much about what I look like, but nevertheless I wanted to warn you.

Crunch time and a significant update

Sorry for the dearth of posts. One more week of class, then final exams. I have two term papers to write. I doubt I will post often between now and the end of the month.

However, there is an important update concerning Maison Java that I though I should pass on. My darling gay boy C has moved back home. Home is, of course, here at Maison Java. He asked about it on Friday, I said I'd talk to Superman. He came over for dinner Friday evening, and it was so comfortable having him here. Superman agreed, both about how natural it was having him here and about allowing him to move back home for a while.

The young man (boy?) has gotten himself into a pickle again. He can do some stoopid stuff sometimes. Since S broke up with him last December he's been rattling around with little direction. He was working full time for a while, and withdrew from school as a result. Then he quit his job (yeah, I know. I told him, too) and can't pay his rent. He has registered for the summer semester at school, and is on track to graduate in December. The plan as of now is for him to stay here over the summer, then move into the dorms in September.

Sproing thinks it's a grand idea. He and C have had some good conversations, mostly about cars. It's way over C's head, but Sproing is patient with him. I talked to Twitch about it on the phone this afternoon, and he thinks it's cool. Light is the only one I haven't talked to yet, and the poor girl is going to end up reading about it on the blog instead of hearing it from her darling mother first-hand. Woe is me. OK, I also haven't told Diva, but since she's cooling her heels in the mental ward I don't care what she thinks about it. Especially since C is using Diva's room. Eh.

I think I'll not tell my parents. I sent an email to my dad today, and may have mentioned it. But I'll let it come up in conversation eventually with my Mama. She's gonna give me that "Oh, Java!" whine, and I don't want to hear it.

Answer to a question I didn't know to ask

A meme!

Because it's time for something light and cheerful-ish.

When showering, do you start the water and then get in, or get in then start the water? I turn on the hot water in the sink, let it run until it's hot. After turning off the sink faucet I start the hot water in the shower, usually while standing at the edge of the shower.

Do you read the labels on your shampoo bottle? Depends on how bored I am while taking a shower.

Do you moan in the shower like the people on the Herbal Essences commercial? Not hardly.

Have you ever showered with someone of the opposite sex? Yep.

Have you ever been forced to shower with one of your siblings? When we were very young we took baths together, but I don't remember it. There's pictorial evidence.

Have you ever brushed your teeth in the shower? Yeah, maybe once or twice, but I don't make a habit of it.

Have you ever dropped your soap on your foot? I have dropped many things on my foot.

How old do you look? I have no idea.

How old do you act? Sometimes older than my years, and sometimes younger than I should.

What’s the last song you sang? Fireflies by Owl City, thanks to Tigeryogiji. (I got this meme from his blog, too. )

Have you recently become a member of anything? The Adam & Eve mailing list

What are your plans for the weekend? Spend all of Saturday alone! Superman and Sproing are going out of town for the day. Also, I'll study and maybe start the papers that are due in the next couple of weeks.

Do you kiss with your eyes open or closed? I'm too busy kissing to pay attention.

Whats the sexiest thing about Condoleeza Rice? I think she's kinda pretty, actually.

Does anything on your body itch right now? No

Who’s the sexiest famous woman alive? Can't think of anyone specific off hand. There are many.

Who’s the sexiest famous man alive? Maybe Hugh Jackman, but there are other contenders.

Does every family have a crazy uncle? Does "crazy" necessarily mean "gay?" My kids have a crazy uncle, but he's ever-so-straight. Gay friendly, definitely an advocate, but a Kinsey 1 if I'd have to guess.

Have you ever smuggled something into America? That'd be a no.

Does playing the guitar make a girl/guy more attractive? It depends on the person and the circumstances, but it has the potential to up the sexy rating.

Do you live in a city with a good sports team? HA! I assume this means at the professional level. The Lander University Women's Basketball team did very well, got into the finals or something. Otherwise, we got nuthin'.

Have you ever finished off the popcorn and eaten the junk from the bottom of the bag? Like the partially popped kernels? Yeah, occasionally.

Have you ever had sex in a tent? Yes. Many times, actually.

What about in a boat? No

Have you ever dated a Goth? No. Goths didn't exist as a subculture when I was dating, at least not to my knowledge.

Can you fix your own car? What do you mean by "fix" exactly? I've changed the oil in my truck before. I have a very good working relationship with my mechanic.

Should guys wear pink? Absolutely. Dark skin looks especially good clothed in pink, IMHO. The guy I dated in high school often wore a pink Izod Lacoste polo shirt that I loved. He looked so good wearing it!

Climate change

The season has changed, and my desktop background is slow to catch up. This is what I have enjoyed this winter.

But with high temperatures nearing 90F it's time to change the picture. This seems appropriate, if not for the meteorological climate, then for my internal state.
The forecast is for thunderstorms this evening, though, really and truly, and not just inside the house.

Sproing is acting stormy, too. It's hard.

Review and reflect

It's been a tumultuous few weeks. Last night after Superman got home from dealing with the transfer of Diva he was emotionally exhausted. We snuggled on the bed for a while, talking over all that's gone down recently.

I deal with things by looking at the small picture. I try to tackle one (maybe two) things at a time, and don't consider the whole mess. It's how I can do this.

Last night I took a glimpse at a broader view of recent events in my life. By recent, I mean the past 6-9 months. I've done a lot. I've been through a lot.

Sproing came home 2.5 weeks ago. Things being what they are, situation-wise, we find ourselves homeschooling the boy. By "we" I mean mostly me. He's intense. It takes a lot of energy just to be with him. And of course I am still in school. There are two more weeks of classes, then finals week. I'm finished by the end of April.

And here's what I have come to accept. Once this semester is over, I'm finished with school. I don't need to complete this degree because I already have a bachelor's degree. I could get into grad school now, especially with the psychology course work I've done in the past four semesters. But it isn't going to happen, at least not for a while. For now I am needed at home. These kids are very very needy. I can't be in school now, especially not in grad school. This realization hit me yesterday. I'm still reeling.

What this is, folks, is the death of a dream.

OK, I'm willing to consider this a dream deferred. Deferred indefinitely...

Today in Javaland

Let's begin with Diva. Superman is, as I type this, in Columbia to transfer Diva from the hospital to the long-term treatment facility. For now she will be in the Columbia facility. As I understand it, (not well, believe me), our insurance will cover her treatment there until a space opens at another facility that accepts our insurance. They're doing some kind of override to let her go to this place in Columbia. I think. I could be wrong.

I saw Diva last week. Actually, I think it was a week ago last Friday, so that's 1.5 weeks. Superman saw her Saturday. We have talked on the phone a few times, including last night. There isn't much to say. "Hi. How's it going? Anything interesting happening there?" (no) After another minute of small talk she asked to talk to her Daddy. She is excited about leaving the hospital. I doubt she has any clue what she might experience in the new place. I doubt she's thought about it. She seems to be having fun just being in the system. It gives her a sense of identity that she was missing, at least that is my take on it. Both of my sons get very anxious about new experiences, and want to know all they can about what to expect. Diva not so much.

Sproing is testing us. I expected this. He especially puts up a lot of resistance to his school lessons. Yes, I'm homeschooling him now. We're going into it very slowly, in part because I don't really know what he can do. I need to assess his academic abilities. Also, since I'm still in school full time myself, there's a practical limit to how much I can prepare, teach, do, etc. It's the blind leading the blind right now. This doesn't worry me much, because I've been here before. OK, maybe I'm not so blind. We'll be working through the summer, too. No extended summer vacation for him! I will not be in school this summer and plan to put some creative effort into lessons for him. I like unit studies. We can study a topic and bring math, reading, writing, maybe history or science into what we're studying. It can be fun if everyone (me and Sproing) cooperates and has a good attitude.

Memo

Urgent!

Re: pollen

Enough is enough, and this is too much. Stop it right now. Bring us a heavy rain to wash it out of the air, and be done with this foolishness. People are suffering, most importantly me. We can't see through our windshields, and are sneezing so hard and so often it makes driving dangerous.

-Java

I told the stats professor yesterday that the school should shut down on account of the high pollen count. She's getting sick from it all. We had an exam yesterday (which I think I aced) and she spent the entire time coughing and sniffling. She called in sick today. Another girl in the class was doing much of the same. Though it hasn't made me sick sick, my whole face and inside my ears and throat itch like crazy. This stuff leads to bronchitis and sinus infections.

Today in spelling news:

• annihilation - WTF? Why two "n's" and what's with that "h"?

Where Junk-Mart goes, everyone goes. A few years ago our local large discount retailer did a remodel which included changing the store's color scheme from blue and gray to dark green and ... what is that color? Beige? sand, camel, tan, buff. You've doubtless seen it. Recently I have noticed many other establishments changing color. The buildings are now painted in some color that resembles the tan. The Taco Bell just turned beige and terracotta. We have a Hampton Inn that is now dark beige. Not even tan, it's dark beige. Too much green in it, I think, to be tan. Yesterday I was paying attention as I drove down retail row. Outback Steakhouse has gone to the tan side. Oh, and the Ruby Tuesday's is also a lighter shade of brown. I've seen others, but can't recall them exactly.

Memo

Re: paint colors

People, beige is a depressing color, especially when overused. All these shades of tan are turning our world into blandville. Honestly, though, gray isn't any better. I hold no direct animosity toward any color (within reason) but believe that colors should be used appropriately. Some colors serve well as accents, small areas of color to enhance the greater picture. I appreciate the importance of earth tones as a pallet for expression. I wear a lot of earth tones. But if everything is beige then nothing is special. Think about that.

-Java

Whatever else I had in mind to say has been sneezed out through my nose. If it comes back, or if any more of this rambling blather shows up, I'll let you know.

Day of meh

It's been a while. I'm going to ramble on for a while about stuff. (get out now, while you still can!!)

I took an exam in my Death and Dying class. I studied. I knew the information, but didn't know it "cold" as Superman says. I blanked on one of the essay questions, and missed a few others here and there. 78. I hate it. My own damned fault. I don't wanna talk about it anymore.

Diva. It's been 12 days since she went into the hospital. She's still there, though she should have been moved by now. There aren't any beds open in any of the long-term care facilities, at least none that accept our insurance. (insert rant about insurance and the general state of health care, specifically mental health care, here) There is nothing available within 60 miles of home, though if we extend the service area 200 miles, there are a few places that qualify. We could go to Macon, GA (we lived there for a few years, back in the day). Chattanooga, TN has, I think, two facilities. That's the area where my in-laws live. That could be interesting. There's a facility down on the south coast of South Carolina, iirc. There may be something in North Carolina, though I don't remember Superman saying so specifically. He's the one who has been making the calls about all this. He really is a super man.

As of now, the tentative plan is to move her on Monday to the facility right down the road from where she is now, there in Columbia, for a temporary placement. This is the place that doesn't accept our insurance, but there's some kind of override they can do, since there isn't anything else available. If a bed opens up soon, she can go to the place where Sproing spent the last five months. I know they're good. Not perfect, I have a couple of issues with the place, but overall they're quite good. Her condition is very different from his. Whatever is wrong with that child is no small thing, and cannot (in my estimation, and it's an educated hypothesis) be "fixed." Treated, improved, possibly. But not repaired.

Both of my college kids have been on spring break this week. Twitch has been here since last... Friday? Thursday? Light got home Friday, but on Wednesday went to Charleston to spend a few days with an old friend. Classes resume for both of them on Monday. Superman will take Twitch back this afternoon, zip down to Columbia in time for visiting hours @ Diva's current residence, then rendezvous with Light afterwards. That saves Light's friend from having to drive all the way to Greenwood. I like efficiency. Then tomorrow sometime Superman will take Light back to school. We're putting a bunch of miles on that little car. I'm so glad we don't have to drive the old van anymore!

The official count day for the census was Thursday, April 1st. (Which, coincidentally, is Superman's birthday. He turned 50 this year!) With all the upheaval in our life, family, and home recently, we waited until April 1st to fill it out. When it came in the mail a few weeks ago, Diva was home and Sproing was still away, though his return was imminent. The best-laid schemes o' mice an men gang aft agley, as sad experience attests, so I didn't assume anything before the fact. 'Tis filled out now, and went out in Friday's post.

The weather has warmed; spring is full and truly here. I forget, from year to year, how much I dislike spring. I remember the pretty, and there is lots of that. I forget the pollen, and there is a LOT of that. My allergies are in full bloom, along with everything else. The sunshine, though nice, is getting intense. It hurts me to be out in the sun for very long. The closer we are to the summer solstice, the quicker the sun pains me. Anyone who has read this blog for more than six months knows that I don't suffer the heat well. (OK, to be honest, I don't suffer anything well.) I do appreciate the sunlight as it shines through my windows and into my comfortably filtered, air conditioned home.

I've done something to my right hand. My baby finger hurts where it joins the hand. It feels like a muscle/ligament inflammation. I have buddy taped the finger to its adjacent ring finger. Typing is tricky. I'm having trouble specifically with the "p" and the apostrophe, quotes, and question mark. The damned thing has been hurting since Thursday and doesn't seem to be improving much. We are not amused.

I watched the movie Philadelphia yesterday. It's a classic, one of those movies every gay man must see, and I hadn't seen it yet. It finally came around on the Netflix queue. It is a very good movie. I knew it would be difficult to watch, but it wasn't as hard as I expected. I also received one of the gay movies on my list, though I can't now recall the title. I hope to watch it today. It has the potential to be good, but so many of those indy gay flicks are terrible. Even the bad ones can be fun to watch, though, if only for the tragicomedy of the train wreck.

Spelling:

• Accommodate has more letters than I expect it to have.
• Repair or repare? I can never remember.
• Derogation is a new one I learned this week. It was one of the answers I did remember on my Death and Dying exam. I've known "derogatory" but hadn't used, to my knowledge, the noun form. Had a time trying to figure out how to spell it.

And that's all I can remember in spelling-related news this week.

That's all I'm going to say for now. Anything else would go even deeper into the whiny depressive morass (another spelling challenge) of my consciousness. It ain't pretty.