And another

Here's another amusement from The Daily Galaxy

Click on the image for a larger view.

Interesting

I just discovered a new blog. Superman told me about it. I just glanced at it, but I had to share this post:

Adam update

Adam's sister finally posted an update on their website. This is all I know, but I have more questions than are answered here. He was scheduled to go to surgery today (Friday) but I don't know if he did. He is at least still alive.

Here's the text from his sister:

11/29/07:

The surgery is looking like it will be more complicated than originally thought. Turns out they will have to do a bone graft to help restructure his spine. It'll be a long intricate process, so we are just hoping all goes well and there are no complications. Thanks for everyone's continued support/thoughts/prayers. We really appreciate it :)

What the truck?

It is a good day. No matter what other kinds of shit hit the fan today, it is all good now. I got my truck back!

I really need to get my camera out, figure out how to use it, and take pictures of my lovely darling. The truck.

I should give some background on the truck. First, let me introduce you. My truck's name is Manny (short for Manuel). He is a 1991 F-150 Ford pick-up, extended cab 6 cylinder 4.9 liter, manual transmission (from whence cometh his name). I bought him almost 2 years ago. He was a piece of junk then, and after $2k+ of repairs over his life with me, he's still a piece of junk. But he does drive better. He's not pretty, but he's beautiful. I'm the only one who thinks so, but I'm the only one who counts. I'll take pictures and post them soon. (soon being a relative term)

Manny's most recent trip to the mechanic (Ron is my mechanic. He's my hero!) resulted in lots of new parts. He got a new clutch, flywheel, starter, V-belt, front wheel bearings, and I forget what all else. The cost was frightening. And less than a month before Christmas! I think I'll give rides in my truck as gifts this year. The children weren't happy with that suggestion. Picky little parasites. Superman pointed out that the repair bill this time was slightly more than half what we paid for him in the first place. Shut up.

Manny is my refuge. The cab is my office. I go sit behind the wheel sometimes just to get away from the chaos. I invite people into my office for conferences. I've had some great conversations with various members of my family while sitting in the cab of the truck. Really, the recent unpleasantness with Twitch is the perfect example of the kinds of important conversations that occur in my office.

And in the morning (which is looming all too close at this late hour) I will drive my truck to work. Hehehehehehehe.

 

Phallic Phungus

I can't get the pictures to go where I'd like them to be, so here they are at the top. The article about them is below that. I just couldn't resist, y'all, and I thought at least a few of you might enjoy these.

The Common Stinkhorn [ Basidiomycetes > Phallales > Phallaceae > Phallus . . . ] by Michael Kuo Stinkhorns are astonishing. Their abrupt appearance in gardens and lawns is frequently the cause of considerable consternation; they arise from an "egg" that results from the immature mushroom's universal veil, quickly breaking the "shell" and thrusting themselves up to heights of nearly 10 inches in a matter of hours! Phallus impudicus, a common and widely distributed stinkhorn, was named by a French mycological pioneer with a French sense of humor. He may have found a specimen like the one photographed by Konnie Robertson, to the right. At any rate, like the other stinkhorns, Phallus impudicus covers its tip with a foul smelling and spore-laden slime; flies are attracted to it, and carry the spores away as they continue on their little fly adventures. Stinkhorns have been much maligned over the years, probably because, like Scleroderma polyrhizum, they appear where we don't want them: in the sterile botanical fortresses we try to maintain as our "yards" and "gardens." But unlike Scleroderma polyrhizum or dandelions, stinkhorns are extremely phallic, thrusting botanical invasion psychology into realms best analyzed by Freud. Your neighbor, stalking dandelions with a hand trowel every morning, is apparently no match for Etty Darwin (granddaughter of Charles), who "so despised stinkhorns that she mounted an antifungal jihad with the aid of gloves and a pointed stick," burning the stinkhorns in secret to protect "the purity of thought among her female servants" (Money, p. 3). Older Phallus impudicus specimens are occasionally mistaken for Yellow Morels. After the spore-bearing slime has been picked clean by insects, the pitted and ridged surface of the cap can resemble the cap of a morel. Since stinkhorns are hollow, and since the smell is not always as foul as it frequently is, it's easy to see why misidentification occurs. However, stinkhorns typically grow in summer, rather than spring--and a close examination will usually reveal traces of the slime. Misidentification is not a disaster, however; stinkhorns are edible. The "eggs" are even considered delicacies in some eastern countries. Phallus impudicus and Phallus hadriani differ only in the color of the volva (white in the former, purplish in the latter); both are described and illustrated here. More photos of these species, sent in by readers, can be found in the Stinkhorn Hall of Fame. Description: Ecology: Saprobic; growing alone or gregariously in gardens, flowerbeds, meadows, lawns, woodchips, cultivated areas, and so on; summer and fall; widely distributed in North America. Immature Fruiting Body: Like a whitish to yellowish (or purplish, in Phallus hadriani) "egg" up to 6 cm across; usually at least partly submerged in the ground; when sliced revealing the stinkhorn-to-be encased in a gelatinous substance. Mature Fruiting Body: Spike-like, to 25 cm high; with a cap 1.5-4 cm wide, which is covered with olive brown to dark brown slime; with a small hole at the tip of the cap; the cap surface pitted and ridged beneath the slime; with a whitish, hollow stem, 1.5-3 cm thick; the base enclosed in a white (Phallus impudicus) or purplish (Phallus hadriani) sacklike volva, which is often at least partly underground. Microscopic Features: Spores 3.5 x 1.5-2.5 µ elliptical or oblong; smooth. REFERENCES: Phallus impudicus: Linnaeus, 1753. (Smith, Smith & Weber, 1981; Arora, 1986; Phillips, 1991/2005; Evenson, 1997; McNeil, 2006; Miller & Miller, 2006; Kuo, 2007.) Herb. LB 06100401. REFERENCES: Phallus hadriani: Ventenat, 1801. (Weber & Smith, 1985; States, 1990 [as P. impudicus]; Horn, Kay & Abel, 1993.) Cited above: Money, N. P. (2002). Mr. Bloomfield's orchard: The mysterious world of mushrooms, molds, and mycologists. New York: Oxford UP. 208 pp. Further Online Information: Phallus hadriani at MykoWeb Phallus impudicus at Roger's Mushrooms Phallus impudicus at Fungi of Poland

© MushroomExpert.Com

 

Cite this page as: Kuo, M. (2006, September). Phallus impudicus & P. hadriani: The common stinkhorn. Retrieved from the MushroomExpert.Com Web site: http://www.mushroomexpert.com/phallus_impudicus.html

I should have kept my mouth shut.

I was trying to make meaningful conversation. Twitch and I were talking. He rode to school with me when I went to work early this morning. I was trying to let him know that even though I have trouble communicating with him sometimes, I still love him very much.

All he heard was that I don't like to be around him. NO NO NO!!!! The look on his face killed me.

Yes, sometimes his brand of energy doesn't mesh with mine. Sometimes I can more easily communicate with S or C, and definitely with Light. (She says that I am the other half of her brain.)

But I love my son! He is a very special person. He's almost 17, growing rapidly into a man. The growth stage is kinda awkward, ya' know? Sometimes it is hard for me to interact with him. He argues with me, I don't listen to what he says, I don't pay attention to the subtle things in his life that have meaning for him. I don't understand a lot of what is important to him.

And in so many ways we are so much alike. When I look at him I see myself at his age. He's nicer than I was, though. Sorry Mama. If, in this conversation we had this morning, our roles had been reversed, I would probably have reacted in a similar, very wounded manner. So Why Did I Open My Mouth?????

Can I un-do the damage? Can I in some way effectively express my love for him as my son?

I feel terrible.

9:00p.m. update- Twitch, I knew, was going to ride home with me when I finished work. I left the van unlocked so he could get in, put his bookbag down, etc. Before I left for my afternoon route I wrote him a note and left it on the seat where he'd find it. I said a lot of the same stuff I said here (thanks Dantallion and dykewife!). I enumerated things about him that I like and admire; characteristics I see in him that are hallmarks of a good man.
He came out to meet me at the bus when I pulled into the lot. The first thing he said to me was that he got my note. He said that as I was about to ask if he'd seen it. He gave me one of the best hugs I've had from him in a long time. (he's not much of a hugger- doesn't like to be touched very much) We talked some, and I feel a little bit more at peace about our relationship. I need to pay more attention, to try harder.

Time keeps on slipping...

away from me. It is even later tonight than it was last night when I finally got to posting. I had every intention of regaling you with all the exciting things I experienced today. Or something like that.

I will tell ya' this one, though. As I have perhaps mentioned before, I have a bit of stress in my life. Did you know depression runs deep and strong in my family? It's my dad's fault, of couse, but we won't go into that now. The point is I am well medicated. I try to keep ahead of things, making sure I have my fills re-'d before I run out, expecially of the mood-influencing meds.

About 18 months ago I ran out of Cymbalta. It was over the 4th of July holiday weekend. I went unmedicated for 4 days, if I recall. Superman had gone out of town to visit his folks, leaving me here with the whole crowd of hooligans. I lost it. Cried all weekend. Made pathetic mournful calls to the poor man begging him to come home, sobbing almost uncontrollably. I got poor ol' C's shoulders good and wet. Only later did my doctor inform me that I had experienced typical withdrawal symptoms from the Cymbalta. I vowed to keep current with my refills!

Back to this weekend... I called in the refill to the pharmacy in time. What I failed to notice was that I had no refills left on that perscription. They had to call the doctor to OK the refill. Unfortunately it was late on Wednesday that I called it in, and of course the office was closed for Thanksgiving until today. I took the last capsule in that bottle on Saturday. No Cymbalta yesterday (Sunday). None this morning, either. When I went to get it late this morning the pharmacy still hadn't heard from the doctor's office. blah blah blah. I finally got the new bottle at 7:00 tonight. I managed to keep my sh!t together through the last two days. This morning my brain started drifting into the danger zone, but I recognized it for the unmedicated mess it was and backed away from those thoughts. I'm pretty proud of myself for that, really!

There is so much more to say, blathering on, yada yada about this and that. Warning: I tend to ramble when I get tired. But I'm going to shut 'er down and go to sleep now. HOPEFULLY I will get back here in time tomorrow to go into some topics I'd like to explore.

Updateless

Nothing new to post about Adam tonight. Light went back to school today. Adam is hospitalized in that city, also enrolled in college there. Hopefully Light will have access to people who have access to more frequently updated news. I'll let you know when I know something.

Thank you all who are thinking of him, praying for him, concerned about him.

And I told you I couldn't think or compose tonight.

Remind me

I have a thing or two I want to say about church
*going vs not going
*hypocrisy
*faith vs. religion

And I have a thing or two to say about coming out as a straight ally to my old friends who don't know what I've been up to recently.

These things are on my mind, but tonight my mind is too tired and dizzy and fuzzy and mushy to form coherent thoughts. Obviously.

Love you all, my dear readers.
good night

The Turkey

We finally ate the turkey tonight. It didn't turn out as well as I'd hoped it would. I used the recipe from Alton Brown (from Good Eats), which has turned out beautifully in the past. One of the problems this time is that I didn't cook it long enough. The breast and legs were fine, but lower down toward the back and the thighs wasn't cooked enough. The taste wasn't as good as usual, and it wasn't as tender as I remember. Maybe the bird itself wasn't a good brand. I'm disappointed. Whenever something turns out to be less than I expect it makes me want to make it again to get it right.

Though the turkey was a dud, the dressing, sweet potato casserole, green bean casserole, and steamed broccoli were very good. I ate more sweet potato than I should have, for sure. And really, how hard is it to mess up steamed broccoli? We got a new rice cooker recently that has a steaming basket and it does a great job.

After dinner Superman took the undercooked carcass and put it in the stock pot to boil. He's made a turkey soup with it. I haven't tasted it, but he did ask for my advice on what to put in it.

Once again we had a crowd around the table. In addition to the usual suspects, two of Light's friends joined us. It was pleasant, but not quite as special as the "real" Thanksgiving.

I am enjoying my holiday weekend so much! I don't want it to end. I dread that tomorrow is Sunday. I want to have a few more Saturdays strung on before we get to Sunday.

Finally! News about Adam

They've had to put in a new feeding tube due to trouble with the other one. They might have to do a tracheotomy. He's scheduled for surgery on his back on Friday. A lot can happen between now and Friday. I guess they are hoping for (maybe expecting?) some good progress between now and then.
Thank you all for your continued concern.

no news

There has been no update on the facebook page devoted to Adam since Thursday. I don't know the family well enough to get in touch with them directly. Light and I are both worried/aggrivated about the lack of news.

Adam Update

Adam is the name of the young man who was injured in the car wreck last weekend. This is the update that was posted on his facebook page today

11/22/07 update:

Adam was put in a new bed that rotates him side to side. He has had a blood transufusion. His lungs seem to be responding well to the new bed. Hope everyone has a Happy Thanksgiving

.

I took Light and her friend Flower to see him last night. He is still in Neural ICU, still comatose. When we got there shortly after 8:00 he was in the new bed, turning slowly left and right. I peeked in the room to make sure the girls had gotten there (I dropped them off at the door then parked the car). There is a limit of 2 visitors at a time, so I scooted to the waiting room.

Before I left, though, I looked toward Adam, but the bed was tilted away from the door. I could tell just from seeing his fingers that he is terribly swollen. I really didn't want to look any closer than that. I am afraid of what I'd see. Is that terrible of me? I am very concerned about him, very sympathetic towards his family. I'm not that close to Adam though. He's Light's friend, not mine. If I were a close friend of his, I'd have looked.

The family was not there at the time. I'd like to see them, to tell them of my support and sympathy. It'd probably be a good idea to send a card. I could do that.

Blogging in the dark

A Thanksgiving Message

It may take a while for me to post this message. It is 1:45 on Thanksgiving afternoon and the power is out. My laptop has battery backup so I can at least write this.

I am thankful I didn't have anything in the oven when the power went out.

We have so far had a very productive day. Most of the kitchen is clean. The older kids started on that before I even got out of bed. Light led the charge, bless her.

I am thankful that Light is doing so well the day after her wisdom tooth extraction.

I have prepared pies. I am waiting for power to heat my oven to bake the pies. There are other things on the menu besides pies, but that's what I did first.

I am thankful the power just came back on! I will wait a few minutes to see if it stays on before I go back to the kitchen. That is the excuse I'm using to stay here and write instead of going back into the hot, stuffy kitchen. J

I'll have to give some background info on the kitchen in order for you to appreciate how wonderful it is to get the kitchen clean. I'll do that in another post. Briefly, though, lots of junk from some of the cabinets has been on and under and around the kitchen table, some in boxes, some stacked on the floor, for a while now. Today it is ALL gone! Well, gone from the floor and table. Much of it has been put away, a significant bit was thrown away (yippee!), and some of it is just stored elsewhere (not where it should go) for the time being.

I am thankful my kitchen is as clean as it is.

I finally remembered to get the turkey out of the deep freeze yesterday morning. It is, of course, still frozen. I went out last night and got a nice big beef roast. That is our Thanksgiving dinner. The turkey will be our Saturday-after-Thanksgiving dinner.

S and C have gone to visit S's mother. She is staying in a little wide-spot-in-the-road town with her most recent ex-husband and their young son for the holiday. The boys are planning to be here for our dinner, but when the power went out they decided to go on out there (about 45 minutes away) to see the mom, since dinner here may be a bit later than originally planned. I hope they have a safe trip and an enjoyable visit with S's family. (A pleasant visit is not a particularly likely outcome, though it is possible.)

I am thankful that the boys can go visit S's family.

C is grumpy and out-of-sorts today. It is grating on S's nerves. I asked C about it, and the basic problem is that he misses his mom. She now lives in Virginia, I think- anyway, very far away from here. This Thanksgiving is not going the way he really wants it to. All the cleaning and arranging and busyness here today is accompanied by some fussing and arguing, particularly between the younger two and everyone else. Typical. He's really irritated by all that. I'm glad they've left for now, and I hope C is in a better frame of mind when he gets back. I hope S is still in a good frame of mind when he gets back. When visiting his family, anything can happen.

OK, enough procrastinating. Time to get cooking.

P.S. Vuboq: In the holiday tradition as you posted yesterday, I am drinking towards a Traditional Thanksgiving Stupor™.

Updates

I have further news of the folks about whom we are concerned. The young man, friend of Light, who was in the wreck Sunday is doing worse. He's hanging on but barely. He isn't breathing on his own and his lung keeps filling up with fluid. The docs aren't going to operate unless and until he can breathe on his own. Light wants to go see him at the 8:00 visiting hour. The hospital is 1.5 hours away. It is Thanksgiving Eve. If she and her friend go, I'm driving them.

Light had her wisdom teeth removed today. She is doing well. There is, of course, some pain, but it is managable.

No turkey for Thanksgiving tomorrow. It is still frozen solid. I'm going to the grocery later this evening (maybe after the long trip to and from the hospital!) to get a roast for tomorrow. We'll have turkey this weekend. Light should be able to eat it by then.

From the short bus

It's a short bus. Many of the students are mentally challenged. Today I was talking to two of the boys. One boy is 13, the other 7. They're about on the same level mentally, and the 7 year old is kinda slow.

I decided to tell them a joke that was a favorite of mine when I was a young kid. "What time is it when the elephant sits on a fence? Time to get a new fence."

Used to crack me up when I was 7. I told it to them, with the punch line. Then I explained it to them. You know, what would happen if an elephant sat on a fence? Yes, it would break and you'd have to get a new fence.

Then I told the joke again, just the question. "What time is it when an elephant sits on a fence? 13yr. old-"6:00"; 7yr. old-"3:00." Cracked me up. Funnier than the joke.

talk about procrastination...

I can do it with the best of them. I teach it well, too. Check out the newest (top of the list) blog on my blogroll. Light has a blog now. This should be interesting. I'm amused, to say the least. And she's calling herself "Brilliance and Light." I am so amused. Maybe a slight bit proud, too.

Long distance mothering

…sucks.

I was just reading Cowbell's blog. Her latest post details her college age daughter being very sick and on the other side of the continent. That's hard on everyone.

But I bring it up because Light called us tonight. Crying. She asked if I'd gotten her email. I'd turned off the computer to take a nap earlier and hadn't gotten back online, so no, I'd not seen the email. Did I need to look at it now? Light? You still there? "..sniff, snuff, Just a minute… sniff." Superman had the computer and was guarding it jealously. Poor guy. He doesn't get much chance at the 'puter cause I bogart it so much. But I said to him "I need to check my email. Now."

"Now? You mean immediately? Can't it wait?"

"NOW. It is very important." And I go back to making soothing mommy noises into the phone. He gets the point.

One of Light's best friends was in a terrible car wreck early this morning. He is in neural intensive care with lots of broken stuff, including at least one place in his back, possibly two. Well, here's part of the email she sent me:

He is in the Neural Intensive Care Unit at ___________ Memorial. He has a broken bone in his neck, his lower spine is broken, he has internal bleeding, his kidney and spleen are badly bruised, he has cracked ribs, is not fully coherent, and is having much difficulty breathing. They have inserted an oxygen tube down his throat, but one lung is badly damaged and may possibly collapse. Right now he does not appear to have any paralyzation.

He will need several operations, however they are currently postponed until his lung shows signs of being able to withstand them.

She is obviously upset. I know this young man. His family lives around the corner from us in our subdivision. He's been to our home many times. I'm upset, too.

I am worried about his condition, of course. This might prove fatal. God I hope not. Though I don't really know his parents, I am concerned for them.

I am concerned for Light. This is her first experience with grief of this nature. No one close to her has ever been injured or killed or died or anything. Of course this is part of life, and she will encounter trouble like this off and on throughout her life. She needs to know how to handle it. That doesn't make it easier for her or for me and her dad.

I am a mother. Things like this happen and I immediately think "what if it happens to my child?" My stomach lurches, my head spins. Get a grip, mama. Breathe. Keep your head on straight. Guiltily, I am so very relieved it is her friend, not her lying in intensive care, coma induced by the doctors, fighting for life.

Light is a freshman at a college in state, only an hour and a half away. We can be there soon if we need to be. This is somewhat comforting. And I sympathize with Cowbell who cannot drive for an hour or so to take care of her very sick baby girl.

Parenting is joy. Parenting is grief. Parenting is hard.

 

Cruising Along

I have some thoughts about going on this cruise. The whole idea of a cruise is wonderful. I have long wanted to go to sea. My mother is very generous to offer to take me.

There are a few family members going in addition to my mom. Also going are her brother and his wife (UB & AJ), her sister and her husband (AD & US), and their daughter and her
husband (Jen'n'Jam). My cousin Jen is cool, and she's only been married a year, so I hardly know her husband. He seems kinda shy, maybe overwhelmed by the family (understandably), but very nice.

My aunts are sweet ladies. AJ has been like a second mother to me for many years. She lived down the street from us from the time I was in grade 5. And although AD lived 4 states away, they often visited the rest of the family in Florida. She's been a nice aunt pretty consistently. She was there for me during a very rough event in my life that I'll have to tell you about another time. (Remind me. I'll forget)

Then you have my uncles. Strange fellows. Very funny, but sometimes crass (especially US) and insulting. I don't fear them in any way, but they annoy the crap out of me. I could give you examples and exceptions, but that's not what I'm here to talk about. You know; this is my blog so of course I'm talking about me.

I think this might fall under the category gender identity or gender non-conforming behavior. I am a female. XX chromosomes. I've never been much of a girly-girl, except, my mom tells me, when I was about 3 or 4. That was kinda a long time ago. Mama gave birth to two boys after I was born. Daddy left her for another woman who happened to have three sons. 2+3=5 boys to 1 girl (me). Most of the time I lived with Mama, but I spent a lot of time with my dad and stepmom, and hence my stepbrothers. All 5 of the boys (except Charles, but that also is another story) were very much "guys." As in "it's a guy thing."

And I fit in fairly well. It was adaptive behavior, sure, but it came naturally to me. [I think Charles had to adapt, too. Turns out he's a nancy-boy and I suspect under different circumstances he'd have been a much softer boy.] For whatever reason, I feel more comfortable around boys. I tend to understand how boys think. Boy behavior frequently makes more sense to me than girl behavior. Even the stupid stuff – it makes sense to me even if I wouldn't do it and think it is stupid. [Examples: discharging a fire extinguisher in the dorm hall; setting fire to the spray from a can of WD-40 (after having discharged the fire extinguisher); fart contests.]

With few exceptions, girls disturb me. There are some women/girls who, when in one-on-one interactions with them, I can like. I even have some women friends. But a room full of "ladies" makes my skin crawl. There are so many things about average female behavior that I simply don't understand. [Examples: putting on make-up to go to the grocery store; needing more than a half-dozen shoes; needing her friends to go to the public bathrooms with her; playing emotional games.] It doesn't make sense. What's worse, I've known women who get very upset at me when I don't act like I'm "supposed" to. Tough shit, Tootsie.

My need for companionship and social interaction is best met by men. I like men. There are lots of things about men that I like, and not just sex. Though I do like sex. (I am monogamous; married almost 25 years- for the record) I feel grounded when I've had a chance to be in male company on any given day. Conversely, I feel restless and incomplete if I don't interact with at least one man in a day. Even a young boy, a child, can satisfy that need to be in the company of a male.

And this how it relates to the cruise. My uncles are manly men. I can be very comfortable in their presence, especially with US. But they don't want me. To them I am just another female and should go away and be with the other girls. This upsets me, of course, and throws my mood off balance.

I love my female relatives. Each one is unique and special in her own way, interesting and fun to talk to. For a while. But they aren't men. And being with them for too long drives me nuts, just like being without male company drives me nuts.

Actually, I really like being alone a lot. Not all the time, but a lot of the time. I'm concerned about feeling pressured to join the family for all the "fun" activities the girls have planned. I talked about it with Mama yesterday and she assures me I'll have plenty of alone time. There are a few things she'd like me to be involved with, but generally it'll be up to me to decide when I want to join and for how long. Her motivation for taking me along is for me to have a chance to de-stress. I feel better about my obligations now, and I'm really glad we had that conversation.

I suspect it will be alright, though. This is a cruise ship with LOTS of people on it, many of whom will be men. I can probably strike up conversations with other guys on the ship; maybe even make a new friend or two. And I can take naps. That sounds restful to me.

There are other thoughts and concerns I have about this upcoming cruise, but I will save them for later. This is the issue that is giving me the greatest worry/concern.

That nap idea sounds very good right now.

From whence cometh the shoes and ships, cabbages and kings?

This is a follow up to this post

Yep, it's Lewis Carroll with The Walrus and the Carpenter

The Walrus and the Carpenter
Lewis Carroll
(from Through the Looking-Glass and What Alice Found There, 1872)
The sun was shining on the sea,
Shining with all his might:
He did his very best to make
The billows smooth and bright--
And this was odd, because it was
The middle of the night.
The moon was shining sulkily,
Because she thought the sun
Had got no business to be there
After the day was done--
"It's very rude of him," she said,
"To come and spoil the fun!"

The sea was wet as wet could be,
The sands were dry as dry.
You could not see a cloud, because
No cloud was in the sky:
No birds were flying overhead--
There were no birds to fly.
The Walrus and the Carpenter
Were walking close at hand;
They wept like anything to see
Such quantities of sand:
"If this were only cleared away,"
They said, "it would be grand!"
"If seven maids with seven mops
Swept it for half a year.
Do you suppose," the Walrus said,
"That they could get it clear?"
"I doubt it," said the Carpenter,
And shed a bitter tear.
"O Oysters, come and walk with us!"
The Walrus did beseech.
"A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk,
Along the briny beach:
We cannot do with more than four,
To give a hand to each."
The eldest Oyster looked at him,
But never a word he said:
The eldest Oyster winked his eye,
And shook his heavy head--
Meaning to say he did not choose
To leave the oyster-bed.
But four young Oysters hurried up,
All eager for the treat:
Their coats were brushed, their faces washed,
Their shoes were clean and neat--
And this was odd, because, you know,
They hadn't any feet.
Four other Oysters followed them,
And yet another four;
And thick and fast they came at last,
And more, and more, and more--
All hopping through the frothy waves,
And scrambling to the shore.

The Walrus and the Carpenter
Walked on a mile or so,
And then they rested on a rock
Conveniently low:
And all the little Oysters stood
And waited in a row.
"The time has come," the Walrus said,
"To talk of many things:
Of shoes--and ships--and sealing-wax--
Of cabbages--and kings--
And why the sea is boiling hot--
And whether pigs have wings."
"But wait a bit," the Oysters cried,
"Before we have our chat;
For some of us are out of breath,
And all of us are fat!"
"No hurry!" said the Carpenter.
They thanked him much for that.
"A loaf of bread," the Walrus said,
"Is what we chiefly need:
Pepper and vinegar besides
Are very good indeed--
Now if you're ready, Oysters dear,
We can begin to feed."
"But not on us!" the Oysters cried,
Turning a little blue.
"After such kindness, that would be
A dismal thing to do!"
"The night is fine," the Walrus said.
"Do you admire the view?

"It was so kind of you to come!
And you are very nice!"
The Carpenter said nothing but
"Cut us another slice:
I wish you were not quite so deaf--
I've had to ask you twice!"
"It seems a shame," the Walrus said,
"To play them such a trick,
After we've brought them out so far,
And made them trot so quick!"
The Carpenter said nothing but
"The butter's spread too thick!"
"I weep for you," the Walrus said:
"I deeply sympathize."
With sobs and tears he sorted out
Those of the largest size,
Holding his pocket-handkerchief
Before his streaming eyes.
"O Oysters," said the Carpenter,
"You've had a pleasant run!
Shall we be trotting home again?'
But answer came there none--
And this was scarcely odd, because
They'd eaten every one.

New blog buddy

Check out my blog roll on the right side of this screen, just below my cast of characters. There on the top of the list is my newest blog buddy. I mention this one specifically because he's more than just a blog buddy. I've been spending so much time with you, talking to you about my life (or something like it) and the people in my life, that the characters are beginning to blog. Behind Green Eyes is none other than S himself! He's so pleased with himself.

It's funny, he's been critical of me spending so much time here. I showed him some of the blogs from some of you today. He liked what he saw, I guess, and decided to do one himself. He's such a silly nelly.

See S and C

I'm having a bit of trouble figuring out how to post pictures the way I want to. So I'm separating this post from the previous one. The picture on the top is a shot of C that S took the other night. The other one is a self portrait of S. He has used whatever program he has to make them look artsy.

Photo art

S got himself a nice new digital camera a few weeks ago. He has artistic talent, I think. Here are a couple of the pix he's taken and 'arted' them up.

Another day, another dollar (spent)

The home has been bereft of groceries for the past few days. When we are out of cheese and eggs things are bad. We eat a lot of cheese. S wanted to go grocery shopping last night. He was hungry, didn't have any money of his own to get anything, and there wasn't anything here for him to easily fix. I had worked a long day, was tired, and wanted to go out with Superman. Also, Friday evening at the grocery is a sample of Hell. So I said "no." We'll go in the morning before it gets too crowded.

So this morning about 10:00 I went to Wal-Mart (supercenter-groceries!) with S and C. We needed lots of stuff and my energy runs out before completing that big a task if I go alone. Y'all, C and S are a hoot to shop with! With this month's limited budget we had to be careful in our choices. Superman had given us a list as a guideline. I find it easier under these financial circumstances to include him in the shopping decisions. That way he can't blame me entirely if the money runs short elsewhere. We learn these things after 25 years together. So we got some groceries and I hope we'll be set for at least a week if not two. I hope two. Payday comes every two weeks!

S kept track of the list. C and I picked stuff out. Came to the soda and wine aisle. I said I really wanted some more wine, but it wasn't on the list. So S got the pen and wrote "wine" on the list. Bless his heart. We actually decided to go to an el-cheapo grocery for wine, so didn't get it there. But we did get some. I don't drink much, I don't drink often. (Not nearly as often as Kelly, thus my blog isn't as sexy as Kelly's) I have trouble remembering what kind of wine I like and what I really don't care for. I'm a sissy wuss when it comes to booze, and I don't like strong tasting stuff. I tend more toward the sweet cheap stuff. I picked out some Riesling. It is pretty good. It is also all gone now. I'm having a little trouble keeping my focus. In my defense it was a smallish bottle.

I started out trying to make a different point, though. OK, here's that line of thought. Lots of places for money to go, not enough money to go all those places, not enough food to feed a family of 7 (or 8 when Light gets home next Tuesday). So we went shopping. S kept saying "are we over budget?" Well, I didn't have a specific figure in mind, I was just trying to not over-buy. Came to the check-out and S kept asking the cashier what our total so far was. "Are we ok still?" he'd ask. Yup, go on. Well, we came in under $200! I was thrilled. By "under $200," I mean $199.64. I love it when the figures are so close. A thing of beauty.

However, when we stopped by el-cheapo and I got two bottles of wine we went over the $200, but it is on a different receipt so it doesn't look as bad. Actually I got those two bottles for under $12, which I think is reasonable for booze.

And whatever else I was going to post here I forgot. TTFN

Busy busy day

It is almost 11:00 and this is the first time all day I've had a chance to look at a blog. I'm about to go nuts! I had a good day, but I was away from home doing one thing or another, mostly work, from 5:45 this morning until almost 10:00 tonight. Actually, the evening was spent with Superman, going out to dinner and seeing what sort of holiday decorations and preparations are displayed downtown. It was a nice peaceful evening, unlike much of my life.

Tired. Will try to post more tomorrow. Goodnight!

Rules of engagement

I made a conscience effort to engage people in conversation today. I stopped and chatted with 3 other lady bus drivers who were having a squealingly funny conversation. Then I spoke to another driver as I was on my way back to the car.

I also spent a couple of minutes talking to the mom of two of my students. She had surgery last week and goes back to work today, so I asked about how she was feeling. We discussed female-related health issues and the merits of various gynecologists in town. It was a brief conversation, but engage I did.

One of the things I like about driving a bus is that I get to do it alone (if you don't count all those students). I get to be completely alone in the morning on the way to my first stop, and again in the afternoon when I drop off the last student. Since my route is way out in the county I have nearly half an hour of private drive time. And in the morning I get to watch the sunrise (or the rain fall, as it did this morning.)

I took my youngest daughter, Diva, to the therapist this morning. She's got issues. (Diva, not the therapist. I don't know about the therapist's issues, and frankly don't want to. But I digress.) This is Diva's first visit with this therapist, so there was a lot of discussion about background, expectations, etc. That was definitely engaging.

I don't really know what my point is here, or whom I am trying to convince. I do know I am bitchy and moody today. I think it's hormonal. I'm gonna try not to make any serious decisions for a few days, try to keep myself out of more fully engaging situations lest my inner bitch erupt to my regret.

I'm off to drive around the county for a while. Damn, I wish it were Friday.

Am I losing touch with reality?

S is worried about me. He says I am spending too much time with the blogs and not enough time interacting face-to-face with people. You all are people, aren't you? I know at least most of you are.

He is also worried that I'm going to develop deep vein thrombosis from sitting on my ass too much.

My therapist told me I need to make friends, particularly with people who are intellectually stimulating. I've wanted to meet more people from the glbt community, and there isn't a good place to do that around here, as far as I've been able to tell. I heard a rumor that one of the bars in town has a 'gay night' once a month. Third Tuesday or something. But I'm not all that fascinated with bars. Drinking is fine, but bars … have too many people, are too loud, and the flashing lights disturb me. The point, though, is that I've met some truly wonderful people, many of you glbt and/or supportive. I've been amused and intellectually stimulated. (then there are the eye candy pictures, speaking of stimulating, but that's not the point of this post.) I've been informed. I have written down my thoughts, being forced to organize them and present them in an understandable (I hope) format. All sounds about good to me. Am I really missing something?

Maybe I should take off to Virginia (where I really want to go anyway) and meet face to face with some of my favorite bloggers in that state. I'd love to, really, but transportation, financial, and time issues prevent it. But I have a funny feeling that's not what the therapist had in mind. I know it isn't what S has in mind. He wants me to be engaged with physical beings in my physical community, and not to run away. For going to Virginia right now could be considered running away.

I am a bit of a recluse. Well, maybe more than a little bit of a recluse. Makes it tough to meet new people. I feel very safe in the blogosphere, though. I can have intellectually stimulating interactions with you all and not have to get dressed or comb my hair if I don't want to. Rest assured, I do have to go out in public on a regular basis to do my job, and I dress and groom myself (minimally on the grooming thing, but it's a 'me' thing) for work.

I shop. I go to Wal-Mart, wander up and down the aisles, chose merchandise to purchase, check on merchandise I don't purchase. I also dream about merchandise I'd like to purchase at some point, and (one of my favorites) make fun of ridiculous merchandise I'd never with a million dollars purchase.

Should I be worried? Should S be worried?

Of shoes and ships and sealing wax---

Of cabbages and kings. And why the sea is boiling hot, and whether pigs have wings.

Let's focus on the ship idea. And going on a ship. A pretty nice ship, designed for the pleasure and comfort of the passengers. Yup, I'm talking cruise ship here. Never been on one.

That's not entirely true. I stepped foot on board a cruise ship when my grandparents were set to sail around the world. The year was 1972, I was 10 years old. We saw them off, but got to go on board and check stuff out before they left. If I recall, we had a meal in the grand dining room. At 10 years old lots of stuff is pretty grand. The year was 1972. They set sail for a round the world cruise. Those of you who are old enough, or have studied history, might remember what happened in 1973. I think they called it an oil embargo. Still don't know exactly what that means, but for me it meant long lines at the gas pumps, stations running out of gas, prices soaring to astronomical heights! Like above $1.009 per gallon! (The year was 1973). What it meant for my grandparents was the cruise ship ran out of resources to continue the trip… on the other side of the world. I don't remember exactly where they were, but they secured passage on some kind of freighter I think, something that had a room and enough food to take them back to the states. The memory is very vague in my mind. I don't think they particularly minded, really. My grandmother especially was one who would welcome that kind of adventure. Grandpapa usually went along with her. It was easier that way. And this mode of transportation achieved two very important goals for him: 1) it was cheap; 2) he could get back home without getting on an airplane. That is a story of my grandparents. I should tell more. They were fascinating individuals.

But today I came to talk more specifically about an upcoming cruise that I seem to be involved in. My life has been hectic recently, there has been much stress, particularly involving the children. My darling mother, Mama, has been concerned. She decided I need a break, some rest and relaxation of a resort nature. She, her brother and his wife, her sister and her husband, their youngest daughter and her husband are all going on a cruise in late January around the Caribbean. Stops in Mexico, Jamaica, Haiti I think, and a couple of other places. Mama invited me to go along, her treat. 7 days +/-, in winter, in the Caribbean, on a ship. I thought about it for a while (3 or 4 days, really) then told her I'd go.

And today I submitted my passport application. That was pretty exciting. I've never had a passport. Never been outside the US, even to adjoining countries. I had to promise on my honor that I have never attempted to violently overthrow the government of the United States. I can promise that in good conscience. I'm just not that pushy.

No one in the household knows about the cruise except Superman. I'm not ready to tell anyone. I've known about it for over a month and I'm just now telling you. You hear about lots of things before the family does. You hear about lots of things the family never hears about*. That's the beauty of the blog.

I am tired. It is creeping past my bedtime now. I will post more, hopefully soon, on my thoughts and hesitations about the trip. It'll be cathartic for me. Might be boring for you. Just skip over the boring parts. I skip over the boring parts of your blogs, too, to be honest. But I still check them, and I love you all, you know.

*Except possibly Light. She knows about this blog, and reads it fairly regularly I think. Kinda' scary when I think about it. So I don't think about it.

 

Do you know where the title and first line of the post come from? No fair googling it. Extra bonus points to anyone who can tell me (without doing an internet search). I'll post the answer in the next day or two.

 

Autumnal beauty

The leaves are finally turning. We've had such unseasonably warm weather it has taken longer than usual for the colors to burst forth from the trees. They are bursting now. On my bus route out in the county this afternoon I saw some gorgeous trees in vivid red, some bright yellow, deep intense orange. This is one of the reasons I like my job.

My mind is having trouble with the timing, though. I hear Christmas music, see decorations on homes as well as in the stores. The "gift" type junk is on the shelves again. This triggers my mind into the Christmas holiday spirit, even though I know it is too early. I'm beginning to really want to watch my Christmas movies, and I NEVER watch them until after Thanksgiving (with a few exceptions, provisions, quid pro quo).

Autumn colors on the trees sets me in a different mood, though. It's a fall thing. Frost on the pumkins, harvest, scarecrows, roast turkey. With fall coming late and Christmas being forced on me early, I'm all confused.

JOB DESCRIPTION-PARENT

POSITION:

Mother, Mama, Mom, Mommy also Father, Daddy, Dad, Pop

JOB DESCRIPTION:

Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES:

The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not some one just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects . Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

Oh and one very, very important MUST. You MUST pray to stay sane!

POSSIBILIT Y FOR ADVANCEMENT &PROMOTION:

Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:

None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION:

Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS:

While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.

A Perfect Sunday

Here is my idea of a perfect Sunday:

• Sleep late, and then have breakfast in bed with the sweetheart. Cinnamon toast on bakery bread must be included on the breakfast tray. Someone else making said breakfast improves the picture. And coffee. A big pot of hot coffee and your favorite mug.
  
• Still in the bed, read the Sunday paper, preferably one with a competent editorial staff and from a larger metropolitan area. (Not our local rag, please!)
  
• Discuss interesting issues intelligently and with humor with sweetheart. No arguing, unless it is in the spirit of friendly debate.
  
• Entertain the children as they come to the bedroom, engaging them in your interesting conversations or listening to their thoughts, experiences, and adventures. No arguing, tattling, whining, crying, screaming, etc from either you or the children.
  
• Get out of bed, maybe get dressed, putter around the house for a while. Wash a few dishes, throw in a load of clothes including the pants/shirt/underwear you want to wear tomorrow. Play with the dog, feed the cat, watch the birds at the bird feeder out the window.
  
• Flirt subtly with sweetheart. Steal a kiss or two. Pinch the ass on the way past. Giggling is allowed, but not too much.
  
• Discuss the projects around the house that you plan to work on in the afternoon.
  
• Go back to bedroom to put on scruffy clothes you can work/paint in. Make sure sweetheart goes with you.
  
• As you begin to change clothes, change the direction of the conversation. Lock the door. Steal another kiss, but this time not just a little peck on the lip.
  
• Interrupt the whole "change clothes" process in the middle. Get back in the bed. It is warm and inviting, and hasn't been made up so it is all ready for you to just crawl into. Make sure sweetheart goes with you. (That's the whole point here, obviously)
  
• Warm each other up. Cool each other down. Heat each other passionately. You get the idea. Spend lots of time doing this. Be slow and deliberate, but fast and insistent. Giggling is allowed, but not too much. Moaning and squealing? It depends who else is in the house and how much it might disturb him/her (or you). Take your time. Rinse and repeat.
  
• Shower if necessary.
  
• Take a nap.
  

My Sunday has been pretty close to perfect. ;-)

What Life?

It is 2 f*cking 30 in the morning. I've been sitting on my fat a$$ all day and half the night reading blogs. I love this stuff, but really, shouldn't I be doing something more productive with my life, such as it is?

This and That

Not much going on here today. Diva has a friend spending the weekend with us. Sproing is doing his level best to aggravate the living snot out of the girls. It seems to be working.

 

Superman painted the foyer today. We chose a rich creamy yellow and it looks fantastic. I'm very pleased with it. If I had a digital camera I'd take a photo. That's on the wish list.

 

Did I tell you about Light's dental work? The child has had a time with her teeth. She got her daddy's big teeth but not the jaw to fit them all. She had to have a few permanent teeth removed to allow room for the others. She's only got three teeth on her bottom jaw between the canines. Most people have four. It isn't noticeable unless you're really looking. The poor dear had to put up with braces for a few years, too. So did we… ca-ching$$!

Well now her wisdom teeth are trying to come in. There isn't any room, of course. If she doesn't get them removed the pressure will undo the work the braces did. She suffers with migraines anyway and the added pressure on her jaw makes things worse. So the day before Thanksgiving she is having two of the wisdom teeth extracted. What a lovely way to spend her first Thanksgiving as a college student! The problem for us is financial in nature. The way the insurance companies work, says the oral surgeon's office, they often don't pay for this kind of dental work. Or they pay at a rate much lower than one is led to believe. Therefore (here comes the point. Start paying attention now) we have to fork over the entire estimated expense up front. Approximately $900! Sorry, don't have that sitting around waiting to be spent on the oral surgeon. (I should. That's called good money management, budgeting, etc. That's a topic for another post, which hopefully I'll never get around to.) With the next paychecks (Superman's and mine) we'll be able to come up with the down payment. And we will get a refund of whatever the insurance does pick up, but that'll be at least 4 weeks after the fact. So money will be tight(er than usual) for a little while. I hate how this happens so close to Christmas.

 

On a more positive note, and speaking of Christmas, I have already done a lot of my Christmas shopping, mostly stuff for the kidlets. I always say I'm going to start shopping early, and this year I actually did! Wal-Mart had a toy clearance sale at the end of the summer season. I spent more than I should have at the time, but now I'm really glad I did. Except for a few little trinkets, that's all they are going to get. I still need to get stuff for the older children. I probably won't get anything for Superman. He's much happier if I don't spend any money on him than he would be about any gift I could buy. However, I can always come up with ways to show him how much I appreciate him [wink wink – nudge nudge]. And I already told Light that her Christmas gift this year is the absence of two wisdom teeth. Of course I'm not being entirely truthful, but I will have to cut back on gifts.

 

So that is why a digital camera is still on the wish list and not in my pocket.

 

Bet you thought there wasn't a point to all that rambling, huh?

 

Cooper's got a boyfriend, neener neener neener

I love a good love story. There is nothing quite as thrilling. And Cooper expresses the thrill so well! Congratulations, fella's. Here's to a long fulfilling relationship.

"Dogooderyness"

Free Rice!!! No, not for you. For seriously starving people.
Vuboq featured this on his blog today. I trundled over there. Lo and behold, what fun! It is somewhat addictive.

P.S. "Dogooderyness" is vuboq's word. I'm borrowing it because it seems to work well in this application. I hope vuboq doesn't mind.

Atrocious sacrifices

Cooper has a lovely new post today about paying tribute to his sons' birth mother. That post and some of its comments inspired me to say this.

I am the mother of two adopted children, and worked as a foster parent for a few years before adopting my two kidlets. In my experience as a foster parent I saw a variety of situations with birth families. Many times the father (sperm donor) didn't give a sh!t about his children and ignored the fact that he had any. This was the case for the two males who fathered my adopted children. Many of the mothers were very young and had no clue and/or no resources for raising kids. Some were selfish, not willing to make the sacrifices required to raise children.

In the case of my son Sproing, I'm not real sure about his mother. She released him for adoption as soon as he was born, and we got him straight from the hospital when he was 4 days old. She was somewhat older, 36 when he was born. A nurse, she already had a 7 year old child she was raising, and was unmarried/un-partnered. Her beloved mother died after a long degenerative illness the day before she had the cesarean section giving birth to Sproing. I think she wasn’t emotionally capable to parent him, and I admire her willingness to see that and take steps to find him a family who wanted him. The sperm donor was a man in his late 50s or 60s who had no interest in her beyond sex and certainly no interest in his child. I never actually met either one of them. I got this information from the attorneys and the court records we saw at the time of the adoption.

My daughter Diva’s birth mother was only 16 when her baby girl was born. She also had an older child, a boy age 2 or 3. She pretended to parent my daughter for a year. We got the baby at 14 months old. Mama and the baby’s father were living together until he beat the crap out of her (the mother, not my baby). Papa ended up in jail for the abuse. Mama and the two babies were in a homeless shelter. I met the birth mother. She was ape-shit crazy, and totally unfit to parent. She was wise (?) enough to place the baby for adoption before protective services took the baby from her. That way mama had at least a little bit of say in what happened to the child. I also met my daughter’s maternal grandmother. Ape-shit crazy runs in the family.

Unfortunately the insanity is at least partially inherited. We’ve been having some trouble with Diva and took her for psychiatric evaluation. I mentioned this in a previous post maybe 2 weeks ago. The test results are interesting in a frightening way. The scariest thing in the report, to me anyway, is the doctor’s suspicion that she may be pre-schizoid. The child has an active fantasy life and has trouble differentiating between truth and fantasy. Her ability to read social cues is hampered. She is willing to do almost anything to gain favor with someone she wants to befriend. Her judgment about what makes a good friend is distorted. Did your mother ever say “If your friends jumped off a cliff, would you do it too?” Diva would probably follow a friend over the edge of a cliff. I’m afraid she might do exactly that some day in a metaphorical sense.

100 Things About Me

100 things about me
1) I am female.
2) I am a gender nonconformist.
3) I am a nonconformist about a lot of things.
4) I tend to do things that aren’t good for me, like stay up too late at night and eat foods that aren’t healthy
5) I am overweight. I eat too much and move too little.
6) I do not really like myself much of the time.
7) I suffer from depression, and have for most of my life.
8) I am 46 years old (born in January of 1962)
9) The only extended period of time that I haven’t had a depressive episode since I was 10 years old is when I was in college.
10) I want to go back to college. I want to study anthropology and/or art, maybe some psychology, and who knows what else.
11) I live in “the South.” The southeastern United States. Always have. Hopefully always won’t.
12) I don’t handle heat well. When the ambient temperature outside is over 80° with the humidity we have in the south, I tend to get cranky and want to stay in air conditioned comfort away from nature. So why do I live in the south?
13) I’ve been married for 24 years to Superman. He hasn’t always been a super man, but I’ve always loved him, even when I was so frustrated with him I could scream.
14) We both agree that I am the one of this couple who is harder to live with.
15) We have a slew of children. 2,4,6. 2 biological + 2 adopted = 4 + 2 unofficial foster teenage gay couple = 6.
16) My idea of a perfect vacation getaway spot is a rustic cabin (with modern conveniences like electricity and running water) in the mountains. No beach for me, baby. Too much sun, sand, heat, and skinny minis making me feel really fat and out of place.
17) I was born in Daytona Beach, Florida. Ironically.
18) I am the oldest of 3 children, and the only girl. Yes, I was spoiled a bit, especially by my grandpapa. I was his only granddaughter.
19) Both my mother and father are oldest children, and I married an oldest child.
20) My parents divorced when I was 8 years old. Shortly after that is when I started being depressed.
21) I didn’t admit my depression to the doctor, therefore wasn’t medicated for depression until I was in my mid 30’s. The medication has helped, but not completely.
22) I have never attempted suicide, but have contemplated it. I was hospitalized, only for three days, in the psych ward for suicidal thoughts in 2006. My first psychiatric hospitalization. God, hopefully my last. That place was full of seriously crazy people!
23) I like helping people. It makes me feel useful. It makes me feel good about myself.
24) My current occupation is school bus driver. I drive a special needs bus. Yup, I’m the short bus driver. And no, I haven’t seen that movie.
25) I am very good at my job, but I don’t feel completely fulfilled, occupationally speaking.
26) I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.
27) I am right-handed but can do lots of stuff with my left hand. Almost ambidextrous.
28) I like the taste of powdered milk. I prefer skim milk to whole milk. I prefer ice cream! But I like my ice cream to be not too rich.
29) I’d rather live out in the country than in a city. And I hate living in a planned subdivision.
30) I live in a planned subdivision. In a brick ranch style, 3 bed/2 bath boring rectilinear nightmare.
31) I love architecture. I draw house floor plans on graph paper for fun.
32) I love graph paper. Even my bed sheet looks like graph paper.
33) Office supplies thrill me.
34) I don’t like shopping, except at the home improvement store. We have a Lowes in this town, but no Home Depot.
35) Trees thrill me, too. I find great comfort in trees.
36) More often than not I’d rather be alone. Or with one other person. I don’t do well in groups. Parties typically make me uncomfortable.
37) I am basically lazy.
38) I am also messy.
39) I love words. I love playing with words, making puns with words, but I am not good with word games like Scrabble™ or the Jumble, or crossword puzzles, or word search puzzles. And I’m OK with that.
40) There is nothing that relaxes and sooths me like holding an infant (who isn’t cranky) and rocking him/her to sleep.
41) When considering children, infancy is probably my favorite stage of childhood. Infancy and late, late teens (like 22) when the kids are almost adults.
42) I am almost a non-smoker. I smoke socially. I like to smoke clove cigarettes, mild cigars, and I have 2 pipes that I enjoy smoking. One pack of clove cigarettes will last me 6 months to a year.
43) I never had any desire to smoke until I started driving a school bus. Driving a school bus can be very stressful.
44) I have trouble maintaining friendships because I am often uncomfortable around people. I like my friends, I just never get together with them. This makes it hard for them to be friends with me. I am a difficult person, really.
45) The internet is a wonderful place for me because I can visit with people without actually having to be around them. Sort of sad, really.
46) My house is very messy; cluttered and dusty and it smells funny. I should clean it, but I’m too… something. There are emotional issues involved, in addition to my laziness.
47) I am supposed to be cleaning my living room instead of playing on the computer this afternoon.
48) I don’t watch TV very much. The longer I go without watching broadcast TV, the more I despise commercials.
49) But I do like watching movies on my DVD.
50) I do not like horror movies. My tastes tend more towards romantic comedies and drama, with an occasional action flick thrown in if it isn’t too violent.
51) I own 3 of the 4 of the Lethal Weapon movies.
52) I enjoy sex very much. By all accounts I am good at it, though sex isn’t something I’d want to make commercially viable in my life.
53) I like to drive. Good thing, too, since that’s what my job entails.
54) I own a 1991 Ford F-150 pick-up truck, with a 4.9 liter, 6 cylinder engine and manual transmission. It is red and white, with an extended cab. That means it has a narrow back seat in the cab. I really like my truck, but I’d rather it not be red.
55) I don’t really have a favorite color because I like all colors. However, red is my least favorite color. Whether or not I like a color depends so much on how it is displayed. I like red hair, but not red cars. And not rooms painted red, typically, although there have been exceptions.
56) My major in college was Sociology, and I got a minor in art.
57) I love to throw pots… in an art/ceramics kind of way, not in anger.
58) When I am really mad I sometimes slam doors or throw my shoes on the floor. Other than the shoe thing, I don’t usually throw things when I’m mad.
59) I don’t get mad all that often. I tend to get sad and self-defeated instead of getting mad. I also tend to cry when I’m mad, and that makes me mad. Duh.
60) I don’t want to be younger than I am. I worked hard to get this far and don’t have any desire to go back. I do wish I was lighter, though, not as overweight. But I don’t do much to address that.
61) My mother and I didn’t get along very well when I was a child. We started having a good relationship after I got married and moved out of her house. I really enjoy visiting my mother, but not for too long. We get on each others nerves after a couple of days.
62) I do not have a very good relationship with my in-laws. They don’t understand me, therefore I make them uncomfortable. I understand them pretty well. They are old fuddy-duddies. I hope they never read my blog!
63) I have never lived completely on my own. I moved from my mom’s house to a dorm in college, then married before I graduated and have lived with my husband ever since. Sometimes I dream of living alone, though I don’t know if I’d like it.
64) My oldest daughter left for college this fall, and I am doing very well letting her go. Mostly. She is doing very well being away, and that helps.
65) Sometimes I want to send my two youngest children to boarding school, but then I feel guilty for thinking that. I couldn’t afford it anyway.
66) I am a poor money manager, speaking of things I can’t afford. I have way too much debt.
67) There is a lot of new technology that I don’t understand. What the heck is TiVo? I wouldn’t know what to with a BlackBerry. This makes me feel old.
68) I like to be honest about my feelings. I hate emotional games. Scarlett O’Hara is a conniving bitch of the first order, and I have less than no desire to be anything like her.
69) I like old Jimmy Stewart movies. But not the westerns, so much. I love the sound of Jimmy Stewarts voice.
70) I didn’t see It’s a Wonderful Life until I was in my late 20s, even though it ran on TV every Christmas for my entire life. It is one of my all time favorite movies.
71) I like taking naps.
72) I snore. Actually, I have sleep apnea, so I stop breathing in my sleep. I use a C-PAP now to keep my airways open when I sleep. That keeps me from snoring so much.
73) I have a quirky sense of humor.
74) I lived in Macon, GA from 1980-1988, except for a couple of years spent in Atlanta while Superman finished his degree at Georgia Tech. Macon is a very strange place.
75) I experienced painful orthodontia as a teenager. [I wore braces on my teeth]
76) I first got glasses when I was 11 years old. I needed them a couple of years prior to that, but didn’t realize it. Just last year my eyes got old enough to need bifocals.
77) Newsprint is really small. I’ve discovered this in the past couple of years.
78) My husband and I had two weddings. There was the big-ish public wedding in the chapel at Mercer University that my mother helped plan, but a month before that one he and I went to the courthouse in Atlanta and were married by the prison chaplain of the Fulton County Prison system.
79) I wore denim overalls to my wedding. The first one.
80) I resented my mother’s intrusion into my wedding plans.
81) She found out about the first wedding a year later at my brother’s wedding. She was really pissed off about it.
82) I greatly admired my paternal grandmother. She was a bit odd. I am somewhat like her in many ways. I think this bothers my father.
83) My oldest daughter is bi-sexual. I’m OK with that. So far she hasn’t had any serious love interests that I know of.
84) I really like chocolate. Really really. Dark chocolate especially.
85) I homeschooled my two oldest children until they were in 8th and 6th grade.
86) I am not very good at keeping records or doing that sort of paperwork.
87) I had my tonsils removed when I was 4 years old. I don’t remember very much about it.
88) None of my bones have ever broken. Yet.
89) Shopping for shoes is one of my least favorite things to do. I get antsy if it takes longer than a few minutes.
90) I have worn my hair long for most of my life. It has been short for the past 4 years, but I am letting it grow out again. I have good hair.
91) I like bluegrass and classical music.
92) I am currently talking two different psychotropic prescription medications. I still suffer with the depression.
93) I am allergic to cats.
94) I love watching the sun rise, but wouldn’t get up that early if I didn’t have to work so early.
95) I have never been to a foreign country. But I did go to Key West once when I was 4 years old.
96) I went backpacking in the mountains in Colorado with my dad, brothers, and step-mom when I was about 15. During that trip I crossed the continental divide. On foot. With a back pack on my back.
97) I sang Mozart’s Requiem in college with the choir. I sang soprano. I wasn’t good enough for a solo part. Didn’t want to sing a solo!
98) I can’t read music.
99) I was in a pretty serious relationship with another man when I met my husband. It was a long-distance relationship, though. It didn’t survive. I’m glad.
100) I’ve been in a few car wrecks, but never as the driver.

Coming soon, really, any day now

I am currently working on the 100-things-about-me list. I asked Superman if he'd ever written one. He's never heard of it, much less done one. He thinks it would be easy. I'm not having an easy time with it. I'd love to see him try to do one. If it is easy for him, I'll be pissed. I'm only about a quarter of the way through it and I've worked on it for two days already.

addendum: This 100 things list is harder than I thought it would be. Up to 56 so far. Superman is on the other computer typing as fast as he can. The bastard.

added addendum: Superman is having no problem at all coming up with 100 things about himself. He is more organized about it than I am. Grrr. I'm over 75% finished.

addendum the next: He and I finished our lists at the same time. His reads more like a narrative. I like mine better. So does he.

Flowers for you

I thought I'd give you a picture of some pretty yellow flowers today. This picture makes me happy and I wanted to share it.

Good Blogger points

I spent some time this morning working on the blog page. I finally got my blogroll up. I've been meaning to do this for some time. These blogs are the ones I visit frequently, and many of them have been very helpful to me as I try to figure out where I fit in the homosexual community. Take a gander, y'all.

Saturday again

and what have I accomplished? The most enjoyable thing I did all day was take a nap. I love to nap. Sometimes, maybe a lot of the time, a nap is the perfect way to escape life for a while.

I'm feeling very distant from the world. I don't want to participate. I'm hiding, but unfortunately I'm here with myself. And I'm not good company today. I know this is not healthy. But I think I don't care. Thinking isn't my strong point today.

Happy November

We made it through October, which is one of my favorite months, but I think I like November better. But I couldn't tell you why. Maybe it is because of fond memories of going to my grandparents' house for Thanksgiving. Although Christmas, for me as a child, was extremely exciting, I ultimately liked Thanksgiving better. I wouldn't have been able to admit that when I was young, but I understand now that our family Thanksgiving- the predictability, the smells, my grandmother all in a huff trying to get dinner on the table- all these things were of great comfort to me. Yes Christmas is exciting, but there is the stress and drama of wondering if I would get the gifts I wanted, waiting for a hundred forevers until I could open the presents under the tree. Looking back, I only remember stress, not any innocent childish joy. That probably says a lot about why I'm as fucked up as I am now!