Same $h!t, different day

I use this space to journal my experiences* with my crazy children. To keep a log, so to speak, of what and when, etc. But not why. I've determined that more often than not there is no "why."

Today it's Diva. She wants to have the privileges of a normal child, but. But she's batshit crazy; but she has demonstrated repeatedly that she isn't mature enough to handle the responsibility; but she can't be trusted to control her behavior especially when she feels threatened. And she is super-sensitive and easy to provoke by the vaguest hint of a slight. That child can get insulted by the littlest nothings. And things get out of hand very quickly.

Today the local sheriff's department was involved. The kids had a half day at school today, the last day of the first semester. She got home just after 1:00 this afternoon and shortly thereafter Twitch and I left for the grocery store. When we got back (Aldi is a great place to get lots of stuff for relatively little money) Diva was not home. Sproing told me she had packed her book bag with clothes and left. She only ever goes to her friend Shi's house.


A bit of background: The dear child wants to be able to spend the night at a friend's house. There are many reasons this is a bad idea. Refer to the paragraph above with all the "buts" for a few examples. In addition she still, at 15 years old, wets the bed. Of course it's Shi she wants to sleep over with. Shi's mom has allowed her daughter to drop out of school even before Shi was legally old enough to do so. Shi's mother lets her do pretty much anything she wants. Shi's mother got kicked out of public housing. I don't know why, but I imagine she did something really stupid. The mother is currently unemployed again. Diva said she lost her most recent job working in a convenience store because she took money from the cash register. Diva also joined a conversation Superman and I were having with Twitch about the taste of various hard liquors with information about the kind she likes. (She isn't very bright. If I didn't want my parents to know I had been drinking, I would NOT join such a conversation!) I asked her in a very nonthreatening way how she knows this stuff. Oh, she tasted it when she was with Shi and her mom. Shi's mom does not have much money, what with being unemployed and not living in subsidized housing, so Diva likes to give them money. She has bought food for them. Just yesterday Shi's mom drove over here and Diva got out our gas can (with the fuel for the lawn mower, you know) and began filling the tank with our gas. Diva also asks her daddy to help out Shi's family with monetary donations. Superman declines. Shi's mom actually asks Diva for money. As I explained to the child, that sort of behavior from an adult is wrong. She's taking advantage of you, dear. Diva gives them her allowance money. I wouldn't be surprised if she began stealing money from us to give to them. (Note to self: keep our bedroom door locked when our wallets are in there and we are not.)

Diva asked daddy over the weekend about spending the night with Shi. First of all, the deal Superman made with Diva was that if she was "good" for four weeks, he would consider allowing a friend to sleep over here. Diva, as is her want, contorted that information into something more personally palatable: she sleeps over there. No. Also, with her recent bout of insanity (see link above)(not the Aldi one) she has demonstrated that she's not ready to handle that responsibility.

So when I learned that she'd packed her clothes and left, I knew she'd gone to Shi's. When Superman called this afternoon to say he was on his way home from work, I told him about Diva and asked if he would stop by (their place is between his work and home) and get her. Which he did. She got in the truck to come home but left her stuff there. On the way home he explained to her that no, she may not spend the night with Shi. With that information, Diva opened the door of the truck and ran away. While the truck was moving, albeit slowly. He was doing that California stop thing at a stop sign. So he came on home to tell me about it, then went back to get her. As he drove into Shi's yard Diva was just entering the house. (This "house" I refer to is the sorriest looking little old mobile home behind a bar and across the street from a veterinary hospital.) So he went up to the door and knocked. No one answered, and the door was locked. Superman called Diva's phone: no answer. Sent her a text: no answer. So he called the guy who's doing family therapy with us now. The guy told Superman to call 911, so he did. Here's where the sheriff's department comes in.

Superman also called to tell me what was going on. I assumed that Shi's mom was also in the house, complicit with not answering the door. I was wrong. As things were wrapping up with the deputy, Shi's mom and her boyfriend came walking up the road. They'd been on a walk. I am thankful that at least the mom wasn't in on this one. Wouldn't put it past her with what else I know about her, but whatever. Full disclosure: I have had very few interactions with the woman. Superman is the one who usually handles Diva and her visits with Shi. Most of what I know about her I've gotten second-hand.

When the deputy arrived on the scene Diva came out of the house. She's at least smart enough to do that. Maybe all her experience with law enforcement officers has taught her a little bit. According to Superman, the deputy gave her a good, loud dressing-down. Talking-to. Come-to-Jeesus meeting. I don't have details. There were no charges filed, but of course the officer will make a report. And Diva came home with her dad.

One of the reasons I didn't get details is that when Superman came back to the bedroom where I've been ensconced on my laptop, Diva followed. I heard her come in the room, go into our bathroom (my back is to the door when I'm sitting in bed), and heard the sound of pills clicking together. "Go check what she's doing" I said to Superman. He didn't need to, since before he could move she came to the bed and told us she had flushed a week's worth of all her medications down the toilet. I just this morning filled her weekly pill organizer so there were a full seven days of pills in there. She takes four in the morning and three at night. One of her psych meds in particular is very, very expensive. Some of the others are quite pricey, and a few are dirt cheap. We estimate she dumped well over $100 in the toilet. And I told her it is that kind of behavior that proves you are not mature or responsible enough to have those privileges you so desire.

She stood in here and argued with us for a long time. She made accusations against us, we countered with facts refuting her claims. We never let her do anything or go anywhere. Why, darling, just last Friday - a mere three days ago - you got to go skating with a friend. Oh, but they didn't go skating. The friend picked her up but they didn't go to the "skating ring." This is news to me, and indicates if she wants to go skating one of us will need to take her. I am not OK with her driving around all evening with random friends I don't know. She has a habit of picking friends who are poor role models. I didn't say any of that to her, but "treasured these things in my heart." I asked her where they'd gone instead, and she said "just driving around" which I don't believe for a minute. And so forth. She demanded that we place her in a "fosser" home. Well, I asked one of her psycho-social service coordinators about that last week, and it apparently isn't an option, at least not through that agency. I've also applied for her to go to various children's homes in the state. Her applications have been rejected because she's too fucking crazy. I actually told her that, too, though I might have left out the obscenity. This is a sample of the 45 minutes or so of argument. After that Superman told her to go to bed because he'd had all the insanity he could stand from her for the night.

A couple of hours later I took her evening meds in to her. She was sound asleep. (I'm not sure what we're going to do about the missing week of meds. The insurance company isn't keen on giving us extra meds.) She sat up and took the medicine, no argument. Before going to bed she had written on our white board in the kitchen something like "I won't be here no more. Sorry" which Sproing said means that she's going to run away. I erased it. When giving her the meds I reminded her that she has an appointment with the nurse at the department of mental health in the morning. Oh yeah, she said, at 10:30. Good grief.

This is long enough (or too long) for one post, and covers the events and some background of this evening's adventures. I'm sure there's more craziness I could document from the intervening week since I last posted about her (yes, it was only a week ago that she set fire to a pile of trash in her bedroom). But I won't. Not tonight. Superman went to sleep half an hour ago and told me not to stay up too late. So I'll post this now. But will I then shut down the 'puter, spend another hour or so on facebork, or play solitaire for a long time? Stay tuned for the answer to this pressing question.

*somehow originally mis-typed the beginning of this word as "sex"

Further information

My life still sucks, but I realized part of the problem. It seems that yesterday I failed to take some important daily medications. My bad! I didn't notice that they were missing from the pill organizer I use. I ran out. The refills were waiting for me at the pharmacy. I've just returned from the pharmacy, and have taken the meds. Maybe, oh maybe today will be better.

The air conditioner is not working, though. Sproing is very fussy. Diva is working (mopping the kitchen floor as I type) but is beginning to get that pouty look on her face. We shall see what the day brings.

A tale of woe, Part 1

The day started pretty well. I had high hopes. But alas, my hopes were dashed.

Today is the last day of the semester in this school district. Therefore today was a half day. I picked up all my students before 11:45 this afternoon, and was completely finished an hour later. Cool, huh?

Twitch is going on a ski trip this weekend with his scout troop. He needed some ski pants for the excursion. We don't get snow, and we have no significant sloping areas. After work he and I went looking for ski pants at area sporting goods establishments. We found exactly what he needed at the second store. The stock was almost depleted but there was a pair in his size. They were marked down 20%, too, so it only cost $81.32. OUCH! I knew they'd be pricey. With me going out of town next week, my truck in the shop, and a few other unexpected expenses this month I really didn't want to spend $81.32 on a pair of ski pants for the boy that he'll probably never wear again after this weekend. He needs to get a job so he can pay for this kind of thing himself. The trip cost $110, plus $20 for meals on the road to and from the mountain. He needs to make his own money for stuff like this. He'll be 17 next month. It is time.

But that, while unpleasant, isn't what shot my afternoon to hell. No, it was the other son,
Sproing. I am feeling very uncharitable toward that imp today. Allow me to elaborate.

Sproing has been having some trouble at the after school day care. He refuses to cooperate, won't do the simple things he is asked to do, makes a big mess or a big fuss or both and refuses to clean up after himself. He's belligerent and defiant. That's bad enough, but these gals can handle that pretty well. No, it gets worse.

Of late he's also been screaming insults, including profanities, at the ladies who work with him. There is one young lady in the after school classroom and another woman who is the center director, both of whom have been working with him on his behavior. They tell me he has broken two chairs in the lunch room area, throws his book bag around the room if he's mad. He has been lying to the director about his homework, saying he doesn't have any when in fact he does. They have a homework time at the center. All the kids have at least a little bit of homework Monday through Thursday. I think it's school policy, maybe even district wide. I dunno, but he always has at least a little bit of homework. He refuses to do it and lies about it.

As if that weren't enough, he has begun to get physical with these gals. He has hit and kicked the classroom worker, and has scratched the director. The guy who is the director's boss called me yesterday to come get him because he was being so dangerous and disruptive. Yesterday he ran out of the building toward the parking lot, trying to, I don't know, escape. The director told him he couldn't do that, no sir! So he did it again. Today he threw a pair of scissors at the classroom lady, and punched the director in the stomach. Twice. Yesterday he spilled a glass of milk on the table at snack time. On purpose, of course. When told to clean it up, he took the paper towels and threw them on the floor. The lady persisted with her instruction and direction, and he finally got it cleaned up, but it took him half an hour.

There are a few other kids at the center. There are probably 6-8 other children in the after school group. When the workers are having to put so much energy into Sproing they of course aren't able to focus on anyone else. When the little brat acts like this he ruins the time for all the other kids. And of course he frustrates the workers out of their minds.

Superman and I had a firm talk with the boy last night, and then he got a spanking. Talking doesn't work, though. And the spanking didn't seem to do much, either. Although today when I brought him home I gave him another good spanking. This one relayed a stronger impression, I think, than the one he got yesterday. I had to stop before I got too rough.

I can't even talk to him. I talked yesterday, we went over it all. I asked him questions, he talked to me. He said he'd do better, but he didn't. I wonder if he is able to. The time for talk is over. Done. Dead. Gone. He knows better than this. He is actually a very intelligent little boy. He's almost 10; his birthday is next Thursday, two days after mine. He's intelligent, but belligerent. I don't know what his angle is, but he's got to cut this crap out. The center is about one straw away from throwing him out completely. The way he's behaving, I don't blame them.

Today is Wednesday. The kids are out of school tomorrow and Friday. I've already paid for Sproing and Diva to attend the day care those two days. But I'm not taking the demon child back this week. I have plans, I was counting on them being in the day care so I could accomplish some things. But no, not Sproing. He's got to make a huge fuss and get kicked out.

I wonder if that is his plan. He has told me he doesn't want to go there because they are mean. When asked to elaborate he says they make him pick up his book bag off the floor and hang it up with the other ones. Of course we've talked to him about that. That sort of thing is expected wherever you go. Pretty much everything he has issue with (at least that he's told us) is normal expected accepted standards of behavior.

A couple of years ago he was diagnosed with ADHD and ODD. ODD is Oppositional Defiant Disorder. Years ago when I first heard of ODD I thought "A disorder?? No, that's just a lack of discipline. That indicates bad parenting." Note to the wise: don't ever say anything like that. It'll come back to bite you in the butt. Hard. And NOT in a good way. Well, now Sproing is taking medication for the ADHD, and recently started on Remeron (or however it's spelled) which treats depression and helps him relax to go to sleep. He's always had trouble sleeping. Right now I doubt the effectiveness of both medications.

I have more to say about how I'm handling this, but I'll put that in a separate post.

Please do not give me any advice. I can't handle advice right now. There is a chance that maybe you've been in a situation like this. But I doubt it. Unless you are a recognized expert who has difficult children that you are parenting or have parented on a full time basis, I really don't want your advice right now. However, I will accept all the sympathy I can get!

Time keeps on slipping...

away from me. It is even later tonight than it was last night when I finally got to posting. I had every intention of regaling you with all the exciting things I experienced today. Or something like that.

I will tell ya' this one, though. As I have perhaps mentioned before, I have a bit of stress in my life. Did you know depression runs deep and strong in my family? It's my dad's fault, of couse, but we won't go into that now. The point is I am well medicated. I try to keep ahead of things, making sure I have my fills re-'d before I run out, expecially of the mood-influencing meds.

About 18 months ago I ran out of Cymbalta. It was over the 4th of July holiday weekend. I went unmedicated for 4 days, if I recall. Superman had gone out of town to visit his folks, leaving me here with the whole crowd of hooligans. I lost it. Cried all weekend. Made pathetic mournful calls to the poor man begging him to come home, sobbing almost uncontrollably. I got poor ol' C's shoulders good and wet. Only later did my doctor inform me that I had experienced typical withdrawal symptoms from the Cymbalta. I vowed to keep current with my refills!

Back to this weekend... I called in the refill to the pharmacy in time. What I failed to notice was that I had no refills left on that perscription. They had to call the doctor to OK the refill. Unfortunately it was late on Wednesday that I called it in, and of course the office was closed for Thanksgiving until today. I took the last capsule in that bottle on Saturday. No Cymbalta yesterday (Sunday). None this morning, either. When I went to get it late this morning the pharmacy still hadn't heard from the doctor's office. blah blah blah. I finally got the new bottle at 7:00 tonight. I managed to keep my sh!t together through the last two days. This morning my brain started drifting into the danger zone, but I recognized it for the unmedicated mess it was and backed away from those thoughts. I'm pretty proud of myself for that, really!

There is so much more to say, blathering on, yada yada about this and that. Warning: I tend to ramble when I get tired. But I'm going to shut 'er down and go to sleep now. HOPEFULLY I will get back here in time tomorrow to go into some topics I'd like to explore.