This is gonna embarrass me so bad when I sober up

*giggle*
I've had a fuckshit day. Lots of meetings (OK, two) about Diva, with Diva. First one, we were terminated from one of the agencies that has been providing psychosocial services for us for a few years. That sucks.

Second meeting was at the high school to determine if all of her fuckups this year are due to her disability diagnosis. She has been suspended for 10 days total this year, which is some kind of limit. If the behavior that got her suspended is due to her being diagnosed crazy, which "we" determined was indeed the case (the school psychologist and her special ed teacher had this figured out before the meeting), then she can't be expelled from school. Poor little bitch. I suppose that's better, since if she was expelled she'd be home all day with jack shit to do except bother me. But the solution that was already in place before the meeting has her with an "abbreviated" day, only at school from the regular 8:30 start time until 12:45, at which time she comes home to bother me. She'll have four classes instead of her current six. Fuck my life.

Time for a new paragraph, although I forgot what I meant to say next. Hang on a sec, it'll come to me. Right, so here's what happened to push her suspensions to the limit. Last Tuesday she got into a fist fight with another girl in the bathroom at school. She actually had this fight prearranged (on Facebork) with the other bitch. (They are all bitches.) Diva's real name is Angel, the girl she fought is named Heaven (except spelled weird, with a "y" in there somewhere). True story. OK, now forget you heard her real name. Moving on - So she got in a fight, with a black eye to prove it (giggle). At lunch last Tuesday. Monday was the MLKJr. holiday so she was off that day, and the previous Wednesday was a half day because it was the end of the first semester, then Thursday and Friday were teacher inservice (non-student) days. She was home for fucking five days before going back to school only to be sent home for fighting halfway through her first day back. Fuck my life. And was home the rest of last week.

I don't do so well when she is home. It's hard for me to get anything done because her negative energy pervades the house. I end up hiding in my room. And I pretty much stay depressed and don't do anything constructive in my house. There are a lot of things I need to do in my house, cleaning and organizing and creating and culling the junk. Can't do that (because I'm crazy too) with the bitch in the house.

Also, got a call from the gynecologist about her today. She had her annual physical last week; they did an STD workup (or whatever it's called) because I told them she had been treated for Trichomoniasis and we needed to be sure the crud was gone. So today I learned from the nurse that Diva has Chlamydia. Either she's had unprotected sex (unsafe sex?) since the time she got the Trichomoniasis, or when she was diagnosed with that at the emergency room, they missed the Chlamydia. FML. I told her this afternoon that she has another STD, Chlamydia, and she shrugged her shoulders; "so what?" WTF?? I think she has no clue about how dangerous STDs can be. Or she just doesn't care.

Fuck. How am I supposed to bring her up safely if she's so damned careless with her life?

She wants to leave this town, never go back to that high school because the kids pick on her. Yeah, welcome to life, bitch. That's really not an option, but when we tell her that, she accuses us of not listening to her. No, honey, I am listening. I realize you want to leave this town, but that's not possible right now. She doesn't get it. She just yells that we don't listen. She cray-cray.

I talked to the resource officer at the school this afternoon, too. Because she got into a physical altercation with another student, the officer filed a report about it. He does that for every physical altercation. (Aren't you impressed with how well I spell "altercation" when I'm drunk? Though I am beginning to sober up some. Time for either another beer (a bad idea, really) or sleep (a good idea, especially this late when I have to get up early and take the bitch to school in the morning).) Which means she's on the Department of Juvenile Justice (DJJ) radar again. Now, it'll take a fucking year for the court system to do anything with the case, by which time she'll have forgotten the incident. (I told you before that Sproing is in juvie jail-light now, right? Over a year after the first offense that got him before the court in the first place.)

It's been a rough day. Superman, being the super man he is, took me out to our favorite beer and pizza joint. We had a really good pizza, and I had two and a half really really really good beers. Hence the drunkenness. After getting home from that last meeting at the school I was very disgusted, downhearted, depressed, despondent. (Oh, and I've been eating my feelings for the past couple of weeks, threatening the progress I've made with the weight loss.) I decided I either needed some good beer (at a good beer joint, not at home because home is where the despondence lies) or a dose of my Ativan. Beer makes me feel happy, Ativan makes me feel pretty much nothing and puts me to sleep. Superman decided beer was the better choice. Don't know if it was, but I got really happy for a few hours. Then I came home and spilled my frustration out here on the blog and now I'm mostly disgusted. But it's late and I'm going to sleep very soon and that will be OK. I'll wake in the morning and... I got distracted by Bach's Toccata and Fugue and a beautiful organ.

And now it's time to brush my teeth and go to bed.

This post brought to you by Bell's Java Stout.

Well, gosh, a lot's happened since then.

There is so much I want to tell you; too much to put in one post. Think I'll just post the latest drama with Diva and Sproing. I also want to tell you about last week with the extreme cold (for us) and other thoughts I had then, which I should have written about at the time but got distracted (I blame Pinterest and Facebork).

Diva: 

Let's start with the lesser frustration. On a positive note, Diva has been quite pleasant for the past week or so. The main frustration is her health status. Last week she woke up in the middle of the night with severe abdominal pain. Diarrhea was involved. She could barely move and was in tears. We called the doc-on-call who suggested the emergency department would be the safest bet. So Superman took her to the hospital. She had a urinary tract infection again (I doubt the previous one ever cleared up) plus a new infection, Trichomonas. Trichomonas, I learned, is a sexually transmitted disease (STD). Oh for pete's sake! Keep your legs closed, child! Her daddy gave her "a talk," told her she needs to inform her sex partner of the diagnosis. I don't think she has. I mentioned it to her, also, and she laughed at me. I don't know who the fellow is or I'd call him.

She's failing most of her classes. Yesterday was the last day of the fall semester, so the failing grades go on her report card. I just looked (ain't the interwebs great?) and she's passing math and computer applications. She failed English, science, history, and her "academic enrichment" class. That last one is what they call a resource class, a kind of special ed class to help the kids catch up on other subjects and get specific help where they need it. Here's the thing: she's only going to benefit from special ed help if she's willing to participate and do the work.

Diva and I had a discussion yesterday about her bedwetting problem. It seems as if she doesn't consider it a problem. She doesn't wash her wet sheets unless I nag her to do so. Before she goes to bed she'll put a towel, blanket, or folded sheet over the part that got wet the night before and go to sleep on that. Which she will wet again, and the next night add another layer. After a while she'll pull those wet things off the bed and drop them on the floor at the foot of the bed, then put on a fresh sheet which will get the same layering treatment for a few days. The rule in the house is that she must wash any wet bedding in the morning as soon as she finishes her shower, putting the bedding and pajamas in the washer. Every day. As I said, she won't do it unless we make her. So I asked her, why do you want to sleep on wet, smelly sheets? What's wrong with you? This is not normal. She didn't have an answer, and I told her to think about it.

Because it's the end of the semester they had a half day at school yesterday and are off today and tomorrow, though teachers are at work. Monday is a holiday (MLK,Jr day) so they don't return to school until Tuesday. And they just got back from the winter break, which was a week longer for Diva because she was suspended the week before the break. The first week back at school she was out one day because of the aforementioned illness. She has been home waaaaayy too much recently.

Diva has terminated her friendship with the girl I didn't approve of anyway (who, incidentally, introduced her to the fella with the STD), so she's not spending time at that girl's house. I'm glad for that, really, except that it means she's home more often. Diva has a very negative energy. I can't explain it any other way. Maybe it's bad chemistry between the two of us, or perhaps she's just very negative. Or both. There is a sense of anger and strife about her that pervades the house when she's here, even when we are otherwise getting along well. It is very sad, but her presence makes me uncomfortable. I try to overcome that, I behave nicely to her almost all the time. She also doesn't like to be here, so that might have something to do with the negativity.

Sproing

Yeah, this one is hard. Do you recall about a year ago Sproing got in trouble with the law? He and a "friend" broke into a church on a Sunday night and stole some candy and the money from the evening service offering. He and the "friend" did pretty much the same damn thing a month or so later. He also had a charge of petty theft and incorrigible child, all of which have been waiting (and waiting and waiting) to go to court. Well, we finally got the court summons last week to report to the family court on Tuesday, 14 January. At 8:30 a.m. Which we did. There was more waiting and waiting. The legal system is good at making people wait.

We finally saw a lawyer from the public defender office at 11:30-ish. She laid out everything to Sproing (and Superman and me) about what the charges were, what evidence and statements the prosecution had, what the possible outcomes were, his right to a trial (with no jury for family court cases) and his option to plead guilty to the charges. He chose to plead guilty. Since he's already been on probation for a previous offense, and he committed most of the crimes charged while he was on probation, the DJJ office recommended he be remanded to the evaluation center. The Upstate Evaluation Center (UEC) is kind of like jail-light. So Sproing left home with us to go to court Tuesday morning and didn't come back home. They took him off to the UEC after court. He looked kind of shocked.

Here's what the state website says about the UEC:
DJJ's Upstate Regional Evaluation Center provides residential court-ordered evaluations for adjudicated juveniles from the upstate area prior to final disposition of their cases. The facility provides comprehensive psychological, social, and educational assessments to guide the court's disposition of cases. The facility serves male and female juveniles ages 11 to 17 from 15 upstate counties and is one of three regionalized evaluation centers around the state. By law, the length of stay for adjudicated juveniles cannot exceed 45 days.  The center opened in 1997. 

I'm struggling a bit with this. It's a good judgement. He did the crime and needs to do the time. What pisses me off is that he's receiving the punishment ELEVEN MONTHS after he committed the first of the crimes to which he pled guilty. Sproing has been doing very well recently (relatively), his grades are up so he's passing everything except his vocational class (auto tech) which he's failing by four points. His behavior at home has improved, he's less argumentative and confrontational. He's still pretty oppositional, but if we tell him to do something and walk away, ignoring his objections, he almost always does what we ask of him. So after working hard to improve himself, now he gets tossed in jail.

I just talked to him. He had his first meeting with his social worker, and she called to talk to me then let me talk to him. He seems to be doing well, all things considered. He asked about his dog and guinea pig, and asked me to get his phone charger and Xbox controler out of his room. I think he's afraid the electronics will be stolen.

We will go visit him Saturday morning. This is the same place Diva was incarcerated about two years ago after she assaulted me and the police officer. So we've been before, we know how to get there. It breaks my heart that I have not one but two children who ended up in DJJ custody. Seriously, when I consider Sproing right now I have a vague pain in my chest, I feel jittery, and my cheeks/tear ducts get ready for grief.

It felt icky being at the courthouse. As I said, we waited. After spending about half an hour with the attorney we went back to the depressing room to wait with all the other juvenile offenders and their families. We were told at 12:45 that we could have half an hour for lunch. That was nice (?). We got back to the courthouse at 1:15 and waited another two plus hours before being called in to the courtroom. The actual time in front of the judge lasted maybe fifteen minutes. Then we went out in the hall and were given a few minutes to say goodbye to Sproing. He gave us his cell phone and the sheriff's officer frisked him. Then Superman and I went into the DJJ office (right next door to the courtroom) to fill out forms and shit. (No, we did not literally shit in the DJJ office.) I looked at the clock on the wall when we started the forms; it was 4:00. That ordeal took about half an hour. So yeah, we spent all day in the courthouse. I tell you, I felt contaminated after that. Sitting with the criminal crowd really icked me out. Had I been on the other side of the counter, as an officer of the DJJ department, it wouldn't have made me feel so contaminated I think. It was being part of the bad guy group that freaked me out.

After that all day ordeal I needed a beer. Our favorite watering hole is two blocks from the courthouse. So yeah, we had dinner with really good beer at The Mill House Tuesday evening.

Beginning with a quote, some random tidbits, then a boring ramble about my life

Another quote, because I found it relevant.

The art of progress is to preserve order amid change, and to preserve change amid order. -Alfred North Whitehead, mathematician and philosopher (1861-1947)

I also like this guy's name; Alfred North Whitehead. An auspicious name, indeed.

A sign of inflation: the leading men in romance novels are now billionaires. Being a lowly millionaire isn't enough anymore.

To The Cat: Do you think I love you? No. You are not worthy of love. You demand worship, thereby foregoing the privilege of love.

I spent many hours this afternoon sorting through things. I'm trying to clear out some of the clutter. It's not technically a New Year's Resolution, because I don't like to make those. But it's something I've been working toward for a few months. (Years, maybe?) This is a convenient time to do it because Superman is home for two weeks and he helps me get things accomplished. We have been painting the front room this week. Well, painting it some more. We'd already put the gray on the wainscoting and the yellow above the chair rail. This week I have painted the yellow stripes on the yellow wall. It looks really good! The contrast is subtle and the whole thing works well, I think. We've decided to repaint the trim, too, because by golly it needs it. The existing color works really well with what we've done to the walls, and Superman found the right can of paint, so we can repaint. I was hoping to do that today (hoping Superman would do it, because he said he would and he's better with the detail work, anyway) but other things, important things, got done today instead.

So I started going through some of the boxes and bags of junk. I've only just begun. I found interesting things, like the sketch books and syllabi from two of my art classes that I took at Mercer University in 1986. One was a drawing class (b o r i n g), the other was advanced ceramics (thrilling!!). I kept those. I threw away the old colored pencils from the drawing class, though. Unfortunately I kept more that I tossed from that box. I took care of a couple of other box/bag things. There is SO MUCH more to do! It's intimidating. I'm supposed to tell myself "good for you for doing as much as you did" but sometimes I don't believe myself when I say crap like that. I organized our board games bin, too. Good for me.

In the box that holds our board games (it's our coffee table, too) I found a huge box of old pictures. That's what finally did me in. I looked through a few of them but had to stuff it all back in the box and put it in the other cabinet where it should have been already anyway. I don't know how it got into the coffee table box. Subterfuge, maybe.

Do you know how hard it is for a hoarder (that's me) (I can claim it now, which I suppose is progress, huh?) to sort through and throw away things? I feel good about what I accomplished, honestly. It feels good, in a way, to let loose of the junk. But it takes an emotional toll. And yeah, those pictures tipped me over the edge. I predict it will be many many months (years?) before I'm ready to sort the pictures.

I have two other boxes in the chairs at the dining table that I need to sort though. Then there are another three or four boxes of general crap in the front yellow room that I need to process before we can use the room. It all seems so overwhelming right now. I've had a beer, though, and that helps a little bit. Superman took over supper preparations (I got the collard greens cleaned and on the stovetop. He's made cornbread, supervised the cooking of the greens, and I think he may have heated up a can of baked beans. We didn't have any canned black-eyed peas, so we're making do with baked beans.) and sent me back to my room. I needed to lie down. Well, I'm sitting up using the computer, but I am in bed, so it's all good. And I had a beer, did I mention? That's good too.

Yesterday Superman and I went to my favorite thrift store source for furniture and bought a three piece living room set. There's a sofa, love seat, and rocker-recliner. The love seat reclines individually, too. It's pretty cool, really. Blue plaid with off-white background and some other neutral-ish colors in the plaid, neutral enough that I can't remember what they are. We've needed more furniture in the living room, but there's so much other junk in that room that there's not space for what we got. That's one reason I'm going through stuff today. It's time, and we need the space.

I'll tell you what we need. The front living room (parlor? sitting room?) that C is living in now. He was supposed to be out by the end of November, but alas, here he is. Superman has told the boy (young man, at 25 years old!!) that if he's  not out by the end of January his stuff is going to be on the curb. He needs to be out, and we need him out. I have grand plans for that room. I need it for my sewing/crafts/art. And office, perhaps. I'm not sure what all the room will hold, but I have lots of stuff to go in there.

And speaking of C, he's out of the hospital. He only stayed one night. He has psoriasis on his leg/ankle and the cracked skin allowed some infection to take hold. At the hospital he received IV antibiotics and got a prescription for an oral dose of something. Anyway, he feels much better now.

Back to my life, my house. One thing I've needed for a long time is ONE place for all of my sewing and crafts things. I have a little bit here, some there, a box or five stacked in there, etc. I feel as though I'd be able to work more efficiently on my creative things if it was all centrally located and organized. And I need to be creative. It feeds my soul.

So, about this soul of mine. Diva's aura sucks my soul dry. That may have something to do with why the box of pictures did me in. She was sitting in the room with me when I opened the box. She wasn't doing anything, it's not like she was trying to bother me. It's a gift with her, that ability to disrupt my groove. She has such a negative energy about her all the time. Or most of the time anyway. Today for sure. She walks in and anger fills the room. Anger, contempt, hatred. That's what she brings to the interaction. I try, I really do, to be as positive as possible. Some days it just doesn't work. She has been home for too long. You know she got suspended from school the last week before winter break. They go back next Monday. Oh, I'm so eager for her (and Sproing, too) to be out of my house all day, and at school where I know other people are watching out for them.

I can feel the tendrils of depression obscuring my outlook. I hope hope hope I feel better tomorrow.

Happy New Year