The Return of Sproing

Good grief. I knew it had been a while since I posted, but over a month? I had no idea.

I am currently waiting to hear from Sproing. He is being sprung from kiddie jail today. Juvenile justice dept is transporting him to the county courthouse today, and he should be arriving any time now.

I'll check in later to let you know how everything pans out.

Stuff keeps happening

It's been busy around here. Lots of drama. I should have posted earlier, but damn, I've been kinda overwhelmed.

Let's start with Sproing, because his drama just culminated today. I'll start from the end; today he went before the family court judge (where Dept. of Juvenile Justice cases are heard) for a probation violation hearing and was sentenced to further probation until he is 18 years old (January of 2016) and remanded to kiddie jail. He will be at the evaluation center/holding tank until a bed opens in an alternate placement. There are many of them around the state. Some are wilderness camp-type places, some with more of a military philosophy, and I'm not sure what all else. He will be at the eventual placement until he meets that facility's requirements for completion. As I understand it, each program has a certain level of accomplishment, like a number of points or something, that he has to reach to be considered acceptable for release. You know, until he has rehabilitated himself. Or something.

The kid has been incorrigible for months. He is failing all of his classes, refuses to cooperate or do any classwork in his English class and I guess is just lazy in his other classes. He actively despises his English teacher. She expects him to participate in class and do his work, heaven forbid. He has been suspended 14 days in the first nine weeks, so even in the couple of classes he was (barely) passing he has now fallen so far behind that it's overwhelming trying to catch up.

Sproing argues with us almost constantly. "What you fail to understand..." is his opening statement. We don't understand anything, evidently. He has responsibilities and obligations that he isn't meeting, but it's never his fault.

About three weeks ago Superman was out of the country on a business trip. The Tuesday he was gone Sproing and Diva got into an argument that turned violent. He hit her a few times, she threw half of our living room at him, piece at a time. Threw a side table at him, breaking the table and traumatizing the poor dog. She grabbed full drawers out of a plastic case thingie that had some of my craft supplies in it, and hurled the drawers at him, still full of stuff. There was craft detritus strewn all across the living room. I tried as much as possible to stay out of their way, as I had no desire to get hit. I told them to go to their rooms and calm down, which advice was of course ignored. I was in my room and Diva came in, hysterical. She locked the door behind her and Sproing banged on it, demanding to be let in. He's in a rage. You think we want him in here? Hell no! But he kicked the door in. So now not only are their bedroom doors broken and nearly ruined, mine is damaged too. The little fuckers.

There is a little bit more I want to say about Sproing's anger and argumentative spirit, but I'll go into Diva's drama first because his relates to hers.

Diva successfully contacted her birth mother. Through Facebork. A couple of months ago she found her mother's Facebork page and sent a friend request. Her mother, Janice, evidently doesn't check Facebork very often and only saw the friend request a couple of weeks ago, at which point she accepted Diva's request and was thrilled to be back in touch. The feeling was mutual. Janice has seven children, Diva being her second. Janice also has a double fist full of siblings, correspondingly large numbers of cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. Everyone was super excited about finding Diva. The first day they connected, one of Janice's sisters drove down here (an hour+ drive) that evening. The next day Janice came down with all of her younger children to see Diva. Was it that weekend or the next, I don't remember exactly, that Diva went to spend the weekend with her birth family? She's spent every weekend since with them. Last weekend she met her birth father for the first time. I overheard her talking to her father on the phone last night. She called him "Daddy" and she calls Janice "Mom." Interesting, in that she calls me and Superman "Mom" and "Dad" respectively. Sounds confusing.

Anyway, lots of big drama. Janice's family is kinda ... high maintenance from a drama drama drama standpoint. And it turns out that one of the assistant principals at Diva's high school is distantly related to her. She (the principal) was married to Diva's uncle once upon a time. I've had a couple of good discussions with said principal, and she tells me to be careful when engaging with that family. Drama, drama, drama. So far, and it's been maybe three weeks, things seem to be OK.

I am genuinely happy for Diva that she has connected with her birth family. This is something she's wanted for a very long time. I'm happy for Janice, too, because she eventually regretted placing Diva for adoption. It was the only choice she could see at the time, and did it in part (as I understand it) to prevent children's services from taking custody of her two children. So she gave Diva a good home (theoretically) and was able to parent her older son. Then she had five more children (two more girls and three boys) to make up for? replace? the one she'd released for adoption. I don't know. The whole thing is much more complicated than that, but I suspect that's one element.

As I said, things are going well so far. It's the honeymoon period, and Diva does honeymoons very well. I think Janice hasn't told her "no" about anything significant yet, or hasn't made any demands of her that Diva doesn't agree with. When that happens, oh boy, watch out. It'll get dramatic, I suspect. The first weekend Diva was with them, they bought her quite a few clothes and pairs of shoes. So Diva thinks they're heaven sent. Last weekend her birth-daddy gave her a cell phone. (We gave her a phone a couple of years ago and she immediately started sexting with much older guys, ranging in age from late teens to early 30s. Nekkid pictures were traded, meetings were set up. We took her phone away. After a few months we tried again, and the same thing happened. Repeat. So she doesn't have a phone from us anymore.) Right now they are spoiling her. This is the set-up. Soon they will expect things from her, things she isn't willing to do or provide. That's how I see this mess working out.

If you've read this blog for any time at all, you are aware of Diva's explosive disposition. She comes by her demeanor and personality honestly. The nut doesn't fall far from the tree, as the saying goes. So as, um, dramatic as she is, I expect similar behavior from the rest of her family. This has the potential to blow up. I hope it doesn't, but I'm expecting fireworks.

I don't really know how I feel about the whole reunion with the birth family. As I said, I'm happy for the girl and the family, but for myself? I'm not sure. In a way it's threatening, but at the same time something of a relief. We have had Diva for close to 16 years, through ups and downs. More recently things have been very difficult. If she wants to hang with her birth family and show them how bloody difficult she is, more power to her. Then I expect they'll blame us for her waywardness, but whatever. I'm almost past caring. The thing is, I really do care about her. I love her. I don't like her very much most days, but I always love her. I want what's best for her, and often I am not sure just what is best for her. Or for Sproing, either. He's in jail now. I hope he does well, learns important lessons from the experience, grows into the responsible young man I know he can be.

Diva reconnecting with her birth family has raised some issues with Sproing. All of a sudden he was asking about his birth family. Unfortunately we don't have much information for him. His was a closed adoption, so we don't even know his birth mom's name. We have records, court documents, etc. but her name is blanked out. I showed him what we have and he got very angry. He accused us of hiding things from him, for lying to him for 16 years. WTF? He hasn't even been curious about his birth family, hardly. Every so often he'll ask a general question, but he's never had the burning desire for contact that Diva has. I don't lie to the kids. OK, sometimes I may fudge the truth a little, or leave out a few details, but never do I tell big lies.

I understand that Sproing is angry. I think he feels neglected, left out, ignored. Or maybe he thinks we're taking advantage of him or something. I don't know, and he won't talk to me. He won't open up to me and let me know how he feels about anything. I try to start conversations with him, totally open and nonthreatening, but he immediately goes on the defensive. And he gets angry so very quickly. As I said, it's arguments every day for hours, if I keep engaging him. I tell him that we don't agree so there's nothing more to discuss, but he won't drop it then, he wants to keep yelling at me. Wears me out.

Diva will turn 17 one month from today (the 4th) (Happy election day). At that age she no longer is compelled to stay at home. If she runs away before she's 17, law enforcement can haul her back home. Once she turns 17 she's allowed by law to leave home. One month. By a show of hands, how many think she'll move in with her birth family in a month? She has been threatening/promising for months (a year or more, maybe even) to move away, in with friends once she turns 17. Now that the birth family is so eager and willing to have her as part of their lives, it's a real possibility she'll move there. Will that be a good thing? I don't know. Will she choose to do so? I don't know. To her benefit, Janice encourages Diva to finish school. Janice never did. She dropped out very early, getting pregnant at age 13 or 14. Janice wants Diva to get her high school diploma. I'm grateful for the encouragement. Janice also tells Diva to respect us as her adoptive parents. I like this. Will Diva listen? I don't know. Diva has a pretty strong opinion of us, and it isn't positive.

Diva will have to come to terms with her birth family on her own, learn about them, how to deal with them, how to not be overwhelmed by them. I don't know how long that might take, if she ever succeeds. I wish her luck.

Random shit

I've decided to be Pete. I decided that on the way to the jailhouse to see Sproing this morning. I thought about lots of things on the drive (1.5 hours) to see Sproing. It was a lovely morning. So, this Pete thing: Pete, but not instead of Java. Still Java, but Pete if/when I'm a guy. My parents were going to name me Robert because Robert Burns' birthday was my due date. (Different year) I was born a couple of days earlier, and son of a gun, I was a daughter. That saved me from the fate of Robert. Not that there's anything wrong with Robert. I've known some very nice Roberts. I don't like the name for me, though.

Signs of aging:

• I mostly drink decaf coffee because too much caffeine does odd things to my nerves and my heart.
• My nose hairs are turning gray. 
• I can make dot-to-dot pictures with the age spots on my arms and back of my hands. 

I practiced my southern accent in the truck on the way to the jailhouse. It's a random sort of accent, not associated with any one particular location. I think. I learned a few East Tennessee-isms from my father-in-law. "Lord, help!" for example. I don't know how to spell it so reads like it sounds, but the whole thing is said with exasperation. The kiddie jail is in Union, SC. That'd be "yooon-yun" with an extra long yoooo and a flat u in -yun. 

Superman is away for the weekend. I was away for a week,and I'm back now. Hi, y'all! Had a great time at the Bloggerpalooza. Superman went to his folks' place to celebrate his aunt and uncle's 50th wedding anniversary. That'll happen Sunday afternoon, as those things do in The South(TM). He'll come home Monday. Then Sproing comes home from jail on Tuesday. Yeah, we thought he'd be in custody for 60 days, but the DJJ office in our county messed up his paperwork. I'm mostly glad he gets to come home. He probably doesn't need to be there. Diva, on the other hand, should be in DJJ custody. Or someone else's custody besides mine. Someone responsible, not her "grown" 18 year old friend. I don't want to talk about it. 

When I don't post for a while, that probably means I'm depressed. That's why I didn't post earlier in the week. I had a great trip, lots of fun driving and seeing people I like. I was happy. Then I had to come home, and damn, y'all, my home life is shit, Superman excepted. Today I took another drive. To the jailhouse, sure, but on the way home I took a detour. I wanted to see where this highway intersects a highway coming back toward Greenwood. I saw some lovely things and some depressing things. There sure are a lot of trailer houses in rural South Carolina. And a lot of them are really ugly. 

I'm coming down with some kind of lung crud. Haven't had bronchitis in a long time, but that's probably what this is. It's in the annoying stage now, when I have a slight cough, my chest feels heavy, and my throat is a bit rough. However, my throat could feel rough because of all the drive-singing I did recently. Including today. I belted out loud songs to which I know not the lyrics. Things can get funny that way. 

Tuesday March 25th is the first anniversary of my Daddy's death. I'm OK, I think. Death happens, he was sick (sicker than we thought he was), he didn't linger and wasn't in too much pain for very long. I miss him. I feel bad for my step-mom who is alone now. We'll see what the 25th brings. That's the day we have to drive back to Union to get Sproing. Yeah, we have to pick him up; no delivery like he had last time. So I'll be busy, which is probably good. Don't know yet if Superman will be available to go with me to get the boy. 

I bemoan my traitorous heart. I have a crush* on another guy. It's not a big or painful crush; easy to ignore. But I dreamed about him last night. And Superman is away, not here to distract me. This guy is totally inappropriate for me. I mean, absolutely. For one thing, he's younger (by a year or two) than Twitch. He is an adult, but not "grown" in the way Diva thinks anyone who turns 18 is automatically mature and responsible. Actually this guy is pretty irresponsible. He shows addictive tendencies. Spent six months in jail last year on drug charges. But oh, my, is he cute!! He's beautiful. Tall, thin but not too thin, brown hair, sweet smile, and friendly to talk to. I really don't know him very well. He might be a total ass. But he's lovely to look at. 

I was going to talk about the weather not doing what "they" predicted, but I see that it is now sunny just like the forecast said. It was overcast at midday. Now at 5-ish the sun is back out. I like the sun, as long as it's effects are mitigated by cooler temperatures. Yeah, I'm picky. 

*"Crush" might be too strong a word, actually. Visual appreciation might serve better. 

Stuff, some of it disturbing

I am with Light now in Pennsylvania. It's good to be here, good to see her. We'll go see her art exhibit tomorrow evening... in the snow, evidently. Right now it's sunny and pretty here, but it's supposed to get very cold and wet, beginning with rain in the early hours tomorrow, but staying above freezing  most of the day. By night, though, it's supposed to change to snow. Then I leave the day after, in ice and snow it looks like. I'll be driving to the Bloggerpalooza in Lewes, DE on Thursday. Looks like I'll need to add a couple of hours to my drive time for this weather. I think this is the system the Weather Channel is calling Vulcan. OK, just looked at the report and this part of PA will only get light snow. But what about the water that falls before the freeze? East of here, and into DE won't be affected, snow-wise, so maybe it'll be OK.

And I'm super-duper looking forward to the Bloggerpalooza, even though the man who SHOULD be with me is back at home dealing with shit. I'll get to that in a minute. He and I are both really pissed that he could not come this time.

So, the shit at home concerns Sproing this time. He had his follow-up court appearance today, his chance before the judge after spending a few weeks (5, I think it was) in the evaluation center, what I like to call "jail lite." The DJJ office and the attorney recommended that he be put on probation, with the understanding that if he violated probation at all he'd be put back into DJJ custody for the remainder of his term. But no, not this judge. As Superman said, he got the hangin' judge today. She sent his ass to jail for 9 months. I am upset. Superman is upset. Sproing is beside himself. Superman said he was crying when they took him away. He'll be back at the eval center for a few weeks (60 days, but probably less) then be put into "placement." Don't know what placement means. The nice lady from DJJ said that could mean anything from foster care to group home to "I'd like to vacation here." So we'll see. He'll be subject to random drug tests, be enrolled in whatever school is available where he's placed, and maybe some other stuff but I can't remember what else Superman read to me.

Sproing has been doing so much better recently. He definitely learned that he doesn't want to go back to jail after his first stint in the jail lite. I really hope he doesn't become bitter and harder from this. It might work to his advantage, you know. He might learn a very valuable lesson and become a better person, etc. I can hope.

Why don't they do this with Diva?? She's the one who really needs to get the hell out of the home. She has some charges pending, but no news yet on when she'll go to court. I hope she gets this same judge, though. I'd love for her to be sent away. Maybe something like this would improve her attitude, too.

Anyway, I'm pretty upset about Sproing being sent away. And I'm upset about Diva still being at home. Actually, right  now I'm just kinda upset. Think I'll go sew for a while, listen to some happy music, and try to chill.

P.S. I had a fantastic road trip yesterday. Left home at 4 a.m. and drove for about 13 hours to get to Light's place. Had a really good trip, listened to some awesome music, didn't use a map or directions or anything and got here MAKING NO WRONG TURNS AT ALL!!!! I'm particularly proud of that. I will need directions to Lewes, though, because I don't know how to get there from here. The directions are printed out and attached to an official looking clipboard in my truck. I'll let you know how it goes.

Well, gosh, a lot's happened since then.

There is so much I want to tell you; too much to put in one post. Think I'll just post the latest drama with Diva and Sproing. I also want to tell you about last week with the extreme cold (for us) and other thoughts I had then, which I should have written about at the time but got distracted (I blame Pinterest and Facebork).

Diva: 

Let's start with the lesser frustration. On a positive note, Diva has been quite pleasant for the past week or so. The main frustration is her health status. Last week she woke up in the middle of the night with severe abdominal pain. Diarrhea was involved. She could barely move and was in tears. We called the doc-on-call who suggested the emergency department would be the safest bet. So Superman took her to the hospital. She had a urinary tract infection again (I doubt the previous one ever cleared up) plus a new infection, Trichomonas. Trichomonas, I learned, is a sexually transmitted disease (STD). Oh for pete's sake! Keep your legs closed, child! Her daddy gave her "a talk," told her she needs to inform her sex partner of the diagnosis. I don't think she has. I mentioned it to her, also, and she laughed at me. I don't know who the fellow is or I'd call him.

She's failing most of her classes. Yesterday was the last day of the fall semester, so the failing grades go on her report card. I just looked (ain't the interwebs great?) and she's passing math and computer applications. She failed English, science, history, and her "academic enrichment" class. That last one is what they call a resource class, a kind of special ed class to help the kids catch up on other subjects and get specific help where they need it. Here's the thing: she's only going to benefit from special ed help if she's willing to participate and do the work.

Diva and I had a discussion yesterday about her bedwetting problem. It seems as if she doesn't consider it a problem. She doesn't wash her wet sheets unless I nag her to do so. Before she goes to bed she'll put a towel, blanket, or folded sheet over the part that got wet the night before and go to sleep on that. Which she will wet again, and the next night add another layer. After a while she'll pull those wet things off the bed and drop them on the floor at the foot of the bed, then put on a fresh sheet which will get the same layering treatment for a few days. The rule in the house is that she must wash any wet bedding in the morning as soon as she finishes her shower, putting the bedding and pajamas in the washer. Every day. As I said, she won't do it unless we make her. So I asked her, why do you want to sleep on wet, smelly sheets? What's wrong with you? This is not normal. She didn't have an answer, and I told her to think about it.

Because it's the end of the semester they had a half day at school yesterday and are off today and tomorrow, though teachers are at work. Monday is a holiday (MLK,Jr day) so they don't return to school until Tuesday. And they just got back from the winter break, which was a week longer for Diva because she was suspended the week before the break. The first week back at school she was out one day because of the aforementioned illness. She has been home waaaaayy too much recently.

Diva has terminated her friendship with the girl I didn't approve of anyway (who, incidentally, introduced her to the fella with the STD), so she's not spending time at that girl's house. I'm glad for that, really, except that it means she's home more often. Diva has a very negative energy. I can't explain it any other way. Maybe it's bad chemistry between the two of us, or perhaps she's just very negative. Or both. There is a sense of anger and strife about her that pervades the house when she's here, even when we are otherwise getting along well. It is very sad, but her presence makes me uncomfortable. I try to overcome that, I behave nicely to her almost all the time. She also doesn't like to be here, so that might have something to do with the negativity.

Sproing

Yeah, this one is hard. Do you recall about a year ago Sproing got in trouble with the law? He and a "friend" broke into a church on a Sunday night and stole some candy and the money from the evening service offering. He and the "friend" did pretty much the same damn thing a month or so later. He also had a charge of petty theft and incorrigible child, all of which have been waiting (and waiting and waiting) to go to court. Well, we finally got the court summons last week to report to the family court on Tuesday, 14 January. At 8:30 a.m. Which we did. There was more waiting and waiting. The legal system is good at making people wait.

We finally saw a lawyer from the public defender office at 11:30-ish. She laid out everything to Sproing (and Superman and me) about what the charges were, what evidence and statements the prosecution had, what the possible outcomes were, his right to a trial (with no jury for family court cases) and his option to plead guilty to the charges. He chose to plead guilty. Since he's already been on probation for a previous offense, and he committed most of the crimes charged while he was on probation, the DJJ office recommended he be remanded to the evaluation center. The Upstate Evaluation Center (UEC) is kind of like jail-light. So Sproing left home with us to go to court Tuesday morning and didn't come back home. They took him off to the UEC after court. He looked kind of shocked.

Here's what the state website says about the UEC:
DJJ's Upstate Regional Evaluation Center provides residential court-ordered evaluations for adjudicated juveniles from the upstate area prior to final disposition of their cases. The facility provides comprehensive psychological, social, and educational assessments to guide the court's disposition of cases. The facility serves male and female juveniles ages 11 to 17 from 15 upstate counties and is one of three regionalized evaluation centers around the state. By law, the length of stay for adjudicated juveniles cannot exceed 45 days.  The center opened in 1997. 

I'm struggling a bit with this. It's a good judgement. He did the crime and needs to do the time. What pisses me off is that he's receiving the punishment ELEVEN MONTHS after he committed the first of the crimes to which he pled guilty. Sproing has been doing very well recently (relatively), his grades are up so he's passing everything except his vocational class (auto tech) which he's failing by four points. His behavior at home has improved, he's less argumentative and confrontational. He's still pretty oppositional, but if we tell him to do something and walk away, ignoring his objections, he almost always does what we ask of him. So after working hard to improve himself, now he gets tossed in jail.

I just talked to him. He had his first meeting with his social worker, and she called to talk to me then let me talk to him. He seems to be doing well, all things considered. He asked about his dog and guinea pig, and asked me to get his phone charger and Xbox controler out of his room. I think he's afraid the electronics will be stolen.

We will go visit him Saturday morning. This is the same place Diva was incarcerated about two years ago after she assaulted me and the police officer. So we've been before, we know how to get there. It breaks my heart that I have not one but two children who ended up in DJJ custody. Seriously, when I consider Sproing right now I have a vague pain in my chest, I feel jittery, and my cheeks/tear ducts get ready for grief.

It felt icky being at the courthouse. As I said, we waited. After spending about half an hour with the attorney we went back to the depressing room to wait with all the other juvenile offenders and their families. We were told at 12:45 that we could have half an hour for lunch. That was nice (?). We got back to the courthouse at 1:15 and waited another two plus hours before being called in to the courtroom. The actual time in front of the judge lasted maybe fifteen minutes. Then we went out in the hall and were given a few minutes to say goodbye to Sproing. He gave us his cell phone and the sheriff's officer frisked him. Then Superman and I went into the DJJ office (right next door to the courtroom) to fill out forms and shit. (No, we did not literally shit in the DJJ office.) I looked at the clock on the wall when we started the forms; it was 4:00. That ordeal took about half an hour. So yeah, we spent all day in the courthouse. I tell you, I felt contaminated after that. Sitting with the criminal crowd really icked me out. Had I been on the other side of the counter, as an officer of the DJJ department, it wouldn't have made me feel so contaminated I think. It was being part of the bad guy group that freaked me out.

After that all day ordeal I needed a beer. Our favorite watering hole is two blocks from the courthouse. So yeah, we had dinner with really good beer at The Mill House Tuesday evening.

Let's try a brief update*

Lots going on, long time since I last told you about it. No time now, really.

• The replacement "a" key was a bust, so I ordered a new keyboard for the laptop. Installed it yesterday. Am loving words with a's in them again. Again. Aging. Aggressive. Aggregate.
• Just in time, because I'm ready to write my big paper for that course work I've been avoiding. I saw my advisor on Tuesday. I haven't done jack about this thing aside from gathering some information, so I went in to tell her that I give up, I'll just take the F. She didn't like that idea. Told my sculpture prof the same thing and he freaked. My GPA is high - not 4.0, but something around 3.7high or 3.8low. Yeah, a zero would fuck that shit up. So my advisor gave me a pep talk and some direction and said "you've got 10 days." It's down to 8... well, 7.5 now. Last night I organized shit and wrote a rough draft outline. This morning I started reading the research articles I've chosen. As I suspected, once I get started I really get into it and regret procrastinating. I drive me crazy.
• Diva is home from jail, on probation, doing relatively well. There are more details about stuff with her, but I won't go into it now. She turned 14 last Sunday. And she's been wetting the bed every night for a week. My house stinks like sour piss. I HATE that!
• Which leads to the next bit of excitement around here: the washing machine broke. Diva broke it, actually. For those who don't know but want to, check the labels for "washing machine" to get lots of gory detail about my struggles with this washer. Diva failed to cinch the strap around the machine to hold the door closed. She put the strap on, but didn't tighten it. And she put an uneven load in it - one heavy thing and a bunch of light stuff. So of course it was shaking like Elvis. The door latch broke, but Superman fixed that one easily. However, the computerized control panel above the door also came loose and rattled around for I don't know how long. It now doesn't control shit. Superman looked up info about replacement parts for that, and can't figure which of the three things are the right one. The cheapest of these things is almost $200. Together he and I declared it totaled. It's been busted for about two weeks. He hopes to take it today to the place in town that sells used appliances to trade it for something that works. I've given him carte blanche to pick out a new one. He does laundry more often than I do anyway.
• In related news, I have been to the laundromat a few times in the past two weeks. I don't actually mind the laundromat most of the time, but I dislike the time and money it uses. This morning I spent almost $14 on the whites, Diva's stinky sheets from last night (I did three loads of her bedding yesterday morning), and the clothes Superman and I have dirtied in the past less-than-a-week.
• To make matters more complicated, the drain in the kitchen is leaking. Behind the wall. Into the wood under the vinyl flooring. The kitchen smells of rot, and has for a while. It took us a while to discover the source. Superman crawled under the house Thanksgiving morning as I was cooking the feast. Wow. Happy Thanksgiving. He turned off the water to the sink the day after Turkey Day and we haven't had the use of it since. Plumbers and insurance adjustors have been lurking around. Alas, the cause of the damage is not something our insurance covers, so it's all up to us. Superman and a good, handy friend of his say they can do it. His friend is one of these motivated, fired up people who will help get us going. They say they can finish the job (or most of it) in a day. Oh, I hope so! In the meantime we are using a lot of disposable "dinnerware" (Greg! Plastic utensils!) and eating out. Expensive! At Christmas time!
• I could go into a rant about Christmas, but I just can't afford the time. Perhaps after next Friday.

TTFN

*Turned out to be not too brief. No surprise there.

Long-overdue update and some new gay drama

Still no "a" key on my keyboard. It's annoying, but whatcha' gonna do?

The illustr'us governor of the state of South Carolina has decided that to make this great state more appealing, all state government offices must answer their phones with the greeting "It's a great day in South Carolina." The non-voluntary nature of the dictum negates the sentiment, imho. But here's the thing: I call the evaluation center where Diva is incarcerated and hear "It's a great day in South Carolina. (Your daughter is in jail.)" It doesn't give me a warm fuzzy feeling about South Carolina.

We still don't know much. Diva will remain in the evaluation/detention center until her court date. This is a good development. Some kids go back home after being evaluated to wait for their court appearance. We have told everyone who might influence the decision that we feel she is a threat to the family and should be placed elsewhere for the time being. We won't know anything until she goes to court, and we don't have a specific date for that. I pretend that the uncertainty doesn't bother me.

She said she wants to come home. I asked her when visiting last Sunday if she wants to come home or just wants to leave there and go somewhere else. After a brief pause she decided she'd like to go to a foster home. I don't know if that's an option, but I got the info I was looking for. She doesn't really want to come home, per se.

In other news, C has moved back home again. Last Sunday he broke up with N. It was inevitable. They aren't right for each other. The other couple with whom they were sharing the apartment also broke up Sunday morning. The younger guy moved here with C. And here's where it gets more complicated in a gay drama drama drama way. C is crazy in love with this youngster (he's 17, C is 23), but the youngster hasn't committed to leaving the other guy. They are taking a break, and he may get back with Mr. Other Guy (who is also 23). Youngster considers C a good friend, like a brother. C is going crazy wanting Youngster to stay with him and "learn to love" him. It's crazy. Oh, and C started smoking again with all the recent stress. Pisses me off, but I can't demand he quit.

C isn't taking the stress well. Obviously. There are other unhealthy behaviors he's fallen into that I won't enumerate. He isn't comfortable being alone. For what it's worth, I think he needs to be unattached for a while to learn who he is apart from a lover. I haven't told him that yet. He isn't ready to hear it. Right now we're waiting for Youngster to make up his mind about Other Guy.

And of course C moved back into what had become Diva's bedroom. It was his before she got it; he moved out, she moved in. She's out (for now) and he's back in. Are you dizzy yet?

I am glad C is back home, though. I feel very comfortable with him here. And of course I feel very uncomfortable with Diva here.

I'll share some thoughts I have about our home. The home that Superman and I have made is a comfortable, safe place (if you disregard the mess). There are actually many young people who feel more welcome here than with their own families. Sproing recently befriended a boy in the neighborhood who really likes hanging out here, and sometimes refers to me as Mama. I give him great big Mama hugs. His mother currently lives in one of those very cold northern states while she works a temporary job. And C has a friend over this afternoon who continually tells me he loves me and Superman and likes being here.

Earlier this week I gave Sproing's friend a big Mama hug and Sproing said "you never give me hugs like that!" Yeah, well that's because you push me away and complain whenever I try to. He's an odd bird.

My point here (maybe) is that my children (at least those who are still minors) do not appreciate us as parents. Lots of other kids (young and old) do. Can I trade?

And now a silly question for those of you of a certain age who are familiar with 70s TV sitcoms: Have you ever tried Milk and Pepsi?

Diva update

First of all, I must note that the "a" key broke off my computer keyboard. This presents a challenge that I may not completely overcome.

Diva had her arraignment hearing this afternoon, NOT in the Greenwood County courthouse. We had to drive an hour to get to Newberry. That's where juvenile court was held in this section of the state today. They ended up dropping both of the assault charges (didn't ask me; I wanted to pursue the assault charge I filed) and charged her with being incorrigible. Isn't that fun? All legal reps recommended that she be placed in the DJJ evaluation center where she will get what promises to be a thorough psychiatric and psychological* and physical evaluation. In 30-45 days she will appear before the court for a decision about what to do next. We have three agencies involved now: Continuum of Care, state mental health dept, and DJJ. I hope they all work well together. Any or all of them have the capacity to recommend alternative placement for her, a placement that does NOT include my house. Know what I mean?

Right now I'm not even worried about it. We have anywhere from 14 to 45 days (I'm not really sure how long she will be there) before the next step. I don't have the energy to worry.

The officer who transported her from Columbia to the courthouse today told our Continuum o' Care rep that Diva claimed to have a good time in kiddie jail last night. She met some new peeps, yo. Am I disturbed by this revelation? I don't know how I feel about it. I didn't expect this, but am not surprised. No, mostly I'm sad.

She was pretty upset after court though. We got to hug her and say goodbye, and she cried. Her eyes were pretty red when she came into the courtroom, too. We saw her again before the officer left to take her to the crazy kid jail, and she seemed a bit more relaxed. The officers and court personnel were kinda joking with her and the other kid who was going there. They reiterated to these two youngsters how important it is to behave well at the crazy kid jail, because their behavior reflects strongly on their overall evaluation. If they get in trouble there, the judge is less likely to have a happy story for them at the end of their stay.

My chest and back have been sore today where Diva punched me last night. Superman saw the whole thing and says she threw a lot of punches; at least a dozen. I remember it as about four, but my attention was divided and I wasn't trying to keep track. I don't see any bruising, but Superman says my chest has a slight bruise.

I only got about 4 hours of sleep last night, and it's almost midnight again. I'm going to bed now, and will post again over the weekend probably. Twitch's school quarter is finished as of tonight, so I'll drive up to Charlotte to bring him home tomorrow. That's about 5 hours on the road. Good thing I like to drive.

*I don't know the difference between the psychiatric and psychological. The DJJ agent or the public defender asked me if she had both -iatric and -ological diagnoses. I dunno. Guess they'll find out, huh?

I TOLD them it wasn't a good idea make us bring her home

Diva is in jail. Well, in the Department of Juvenile Justice detainment facility, which differs somewhat from jail, but probably not for the purpose of this blog post.

She punched me this evening, at which point I told Superman to call the police. Two officers responded. When the first gal arrived Diva was standing on a chair in her room holding a broom stick (without the brush part attached). Kinda weird, I guess, and the officer asked her why she was standing on the chair. "Because I can." Whatever.

Then a second officer, a young man, showed up. I'm really glad they were both here. She screamed and cussed at them. The guy spoke firmly at her and demanded that she show respect for us, her parents. She essentially laughed in his face, except she wasn't laughing.

Superman refrained from punching her. He was in her personal space with his fist drawn back, but I told him "Don't do it!" He listened. I'm so proud of him. It was difficult for him to resist punching her. She screamed really loudly right in my ear. That hurt. She shoved me a few times, shoved her dad, too. Then when I still wouldn't get out of her room she started swinging punches at me, hitting me in the back and chest. It's almost 1 a.m. now, and this happened around 9 in the evening, and my chest hurts a little bit. It may bruise a bit, but probably not much if at all.

I realize that this report is disjoint. I'm writing what I remember as I think of it, so most if it isn't in the order it occurred.

Both of the officers tried to talk to her and get her to calm down, to no avail. They were in her room with her, Superman and I were in the living room, next to her room. Her room is the first one off the hall, just past the living room, so we were very close. But we'd stepped out of her room when the female officer suggested Diva might calm down and talk to her if we weren't right there. She didn't.

Both of the officers stepped out of her room to talk to us, and Diva stormed out of her room and out the front door. The male officer asked us if she was allowed to go outside, and I said no, she needs to be inside now. She was still carrying the broom stick. He went out to tell her to come inside. She refused (with profanities) so he took her by the arm to lead her back in. She exploded, and hit him with the broomstick. And maybe with her fists, I'm not sure. They were on the other side of the truck in the driveway and it was dark, so I couldn't see what happened. She did beat on him, though, and he filed an assault charge on her for assaulting an officer. I filed one, too, and they also charged her with resisting arrest. It took both of the officers to wrestle her to the ground to put handcuffs on her. Then they led her to the patrol car. The female officer stayed with her at the car trying to talk to her, and ended up putting her in a choke hold or something (I was a bit unclear on the details) to get her to calm down and shut up.

The male officer, after being assaulted by this mouthy 13 year old, called his captain to ask about putting her in custody tonight. There isn't anyplace near here to lock up juveniles. As far as I know, the only juvenile detention facility is in Columbia, the state capital. It's not quite two hours from here. There's a county jail here, of course, but they don't put juveniles there. Thankfully. As much as I think she needs to be locked up (or detained somehow) I really don't want her in jail with adults, even overnight.

They drove Diva away from home in handcuffs in the back of a police patrol car. I had to go downtown to the station to talk to a woman from the county DJJ (Department of Juvenile Justice) before they could take her to kiddie jail. I sat there in the captain's office with the captain, the female officer, and Diva. By then Diva was subdued and had that far-away "nobody's home" look in her eyes. She was there maybe 15 minutes before I got there, and the captain told me that she was totally unresponsive when they tried to get any information from her.

Poor Superman was a basket case. Sproing has been acting up a lot lately, being strongly oppositional (but not violent to people... he damages property, but hasn't hit anyone around here) and loud and sassy. It's been bad. Superman has been on the edge of a nervous breakdown for a few days now. He didn't look so good this evening. Before I went to the police station I gave him a dose of his benzodiazepine. Our therapist told our doctor to prescribe some for him but he never took any. He did get the script filled, though, and I'm glad he did. 'Cause he needed it tonight! FYI, (from Wikipedia)

Benzodiazepines enhance the effect of the neurotransmitter gamma-aminobutyric acid (GABA), which results in sedative, hypnotic (sleep-inducing), anxiolytic (anti-anxiety), anticonvulsant, muscle relaxant and amnesic action.^[2] These properties make benzodiazepines useful in treating anxiety, insomnia, agitation, seizures, muscle spasms...

I was gone for about an hour or so, and when I got home Superman was still awake, but he was r-e-l-a-x-e-d. He'd been trying to read my previous post, but kept reading the same sentence over and over. He's funny when he's high. What with the amnesic action of the Lorazepam he probably won't remember much if anything of what we talked about tonight. He will undoubtedly remember The Diva Show, though. That's hard to forget.

The next step for her is to go before a judge. Juvenile Court is being held in an adjoining county tomorrow*, but I don't know yet if she will be on the docket. If she doesn't go to court tomorrow she'll go Monday. No Juvie Court on Friday. I'd rather they waited until Monday. I think it will do her good (?) to cool her heels in kiddie jail for a long weekend. Perhaps it'll teach her a lesson. She has no clue how good she's had it here. She thinks we're horrible restrictive parents. HA! Our main faults are being too lenient. The kid needs an education.

I don't know what's to become of her. Once a kid hits the DJJ system it's really easy to go there again. (This is my hypothesis, anyway.) The first time handcuffed in the back of a patrol car is hard. The second time is easier. Etc. I wish it didn't turn out this way. I wish she'd taken to the psychiatric intervention we tried. I don't know now if she'll stay in juvenile detention or will go to another psychiatric placement, or maybe to a children's home of some kind. I don't know. I really really really really hope they don't try to send her back home. I told the arresting officers, the police captain, and the woman from DJJ that I fear for my safety and the safety of the rest of the family with her in the house. You know, she threatened to kill us about 1.5 years ago. I won't forget that. She was wild crazy mad tonight. When Superman was in her face with his fist cocked she showed absolutely no fear, no sense of hesitation at all. She'd have tried to knock his block off if he'd stayed that close for long. She ain't right.

*Technically today, but since I haven't been to bed yet, my brain still thinks it's Wednesday.