Comment and Commenting

Y'all, check out this comment on the previous post:

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "This isn't what I expected from today (A rant. You...": How could anyone talk about a child this way. So very sad. You are a bad mother; its no surprise she doesn't respect you. 

I am very amused. All the years I have spent trying to be kind and loving to her, (and for that matter I still try) and the child treats me like dirt. One can only be hurt so many times before lowering the level of effort.

We had a rough evening yesterday, but about an hour after she took her meds she calmed down (because they make her sleepy) and was kinda nice to me. She wanted me to help her crack her back because it hurt. She was sitting at an odd angle and fell asleep in the chair in her room and her legs fell asleep. She called me "Mom! I can't feel my legs!" So I helped her get up, explained about cutting of the blood supply, etc. We were very civil to each other. Then she went to bed.

This morning I got her up at 10:00 and offered to take her with me to the fabric store. Simplicity patterns are on sale for 99 cents and fabric and notions and all kinds of stuff is marked down significantly. I offered to let her pick one or two patterns and either I'd make her something or she could make 'em. She liked to sew at one point in her life, maybe three years ago. She declined. She's not been antagonistic (so far) today, but she hasn't been pleasant either. I've been about as nice as I can be, which is pretty darn nice under the circumstances.

In a sense, the anonymous commenter is correct. I am a bad mother. Well, probably not "bad" exactly, but I have many faults, and I don't parent my daughter as well as I could. Nor my son, either. I (we) have not been as consistent as we should be with rules and consequences, for example. Both of these kids are very difficult to parent, both are emotionally disturbed to one extent or another. Clinically. Like, with psychiatric diagnoses and shit. And that shit is HARD, dude! Normal stuff doesn't work with these kids. We do what we can with what we have.

So, Anonymous, if you'd like to take Diva for a few months and do a better job with her than I have, come on! You'll need a six month minimum, better eighteen months to get a genuine Diva experience. She does the "honeymoon" period really well. New situations usually bring out the best in her. She can be quite sweet. Maybe if you are truly a better parent than I, she'll respond well and have a smooth transition to adulthood. I know she and I aren't a "good fit" personality wise, and that is part of our problem.

I genuinely wish the best for Diva. I want her to have a good relationship with her parent figures. I want her to have honest confidence in herself and her abilities.* I want her to have good people skills, respect herself and other people. I've done what I can to teach her these things, to model them for her. It saddens me that our relationship is so poisoned. We've had good times. Recently, things haven't been so good. If you can do better, please come forward.

*By that I mean not delusional about her capacity to, for instance, sing and dance. She tends to think she's American Idol winner quality about stuff like that. She's got rhythm, sure, and she has dancing potential, but she's not that good, and when we gave her dance lessons she didn't commit to them the way she needs to in order to be that good.

This is an example

This is what a blog post looks like.

And look! You can add pictures!

I found this picture last night. I immediately thought of Light. She loves to lie in bed and read. Well, actually, so do I.

Circle of Friends Award

Mr. Larry Ohio passed onto RG a Circle of Friends Award and RG passed onto me a Circle of Friends Award. What's really cool is that Ultra Dave also passed on this Circle of Friends Award. I feel so loved! So I must name five things I enjoy and pass on my own Circle of Friends Awards. Cool, huh?

This is a good exercise for me. Lately I've not had much enjoyment in my life. It's been a hard year. I seem to have forgotten how to enjoy myself. Let's try this. In no particular order, here are five things that I enjoy:

1. Blogging I really enjoy reading other blogs and getting to know other bloggers. I'm particularly fond of gay men. I like men in general for many reasons, and now that I've discovered all these wonderful blogs written by gay men, I'm in a fairy-land heaven.

2. Learning new things I'm very curious. I love to learn about stuff, typically the less pertinent it is to real life, the better. Trivia and such, you know. But I also enjoy gaining knowledge, exercising my brain. Sometimes I'm not so fond of it when I'm in the midst of the mental crunches, but I like the results.

Aside: There's a difference between "like" and "enjoy." Maybe not for you, but as I consider what to write here, the distinction seems important.

3. Laughing This is a broad entry, as it encompasses many things. I like to laugh at funny stories, funny movies, funny pictures, my husband laughing (he's very silly), and the irony of life. I get the "laughter is the best medicine" kind of body work-out when I laugh at the funny stuff. When I laugh at life's ironies, though, it's more like "I laugh to keep from crying." Both kinds of laughter are good, but in different ways. A corollary: I enjoy making people laugh. I like being funny and inducing laughter in others, especially the times when I get them to see something from a new perspective.

4. Helping others I get the greatest sense of satisfaction when I'm able to help someone. It means a lot to me when I can make a positive difference in the lives of others. And it's much easier for me to give help than to receive it.

5. Sex I mean, really. I recently saw this analogy: "It's as boring as married sex." HA! Married sex does not have to be boring. Really good sex is, well, really good. Even if there isn't much variety, if it's really really good, variety isn't that important. Go with what works, you know? If it ain't broke, keep doin' it. And that's all I have to say about that.

So now it's time for me to pass on this Circle of Friendship Award. I bestow this award on

Greg at The Midnight Garden. He loves to garden, loves plant and animal life in general, he's a gentle and loving soul who lives on Cape Cod year 'round. He has been a good friend and sounding board for me since I first discovered him about 18 months ago. His cheerful approach to life is inspiring.

Patrick at Loose Ends. Patrick is one of the few bloggers I've met face-to-face. He gives great hugs. He has passion for life, though he suffers from dark times. He and I have similar depression monsters that haunt our souls. He's a New York City resident who loves trees and nature and paths that lead to mysterious places.

Bigg at Bigg on Life. An interesting fellow, writes very well and has fascinating stories to tell. He's a cancer survivor. He and his partner are of different generations, and it amazes me how in love they are. He was married to a woman (gasp) and has a few kids. He loves the kids.

Rox at Heart in Hand. She's one of them Canadians you hear so much about. She lives way on up there in Canada, too, not like 15 minutes from the U.S. border or anything. She sees a lot of snow. She's an amazing woman, making her life with her husband and two daughters as peaceful and happy as possible. Sometimes it's not so peaceful, but it is a life, and the love she has for her family is obvious.

Kevin at la Casa del Retardo. He's a curmudgeonly gent who along with his partner is raising four children they adopted. He writes well when he writes, and he keeps threatening to quit blogging. He needs us, though, and hasn't been able to make the break yet. He has a small but loyal following. Though he tries to disguise it, there's something very lovable about him. He'll deny it, though.

These are my choices. If any of these folks wants to take up the challenge and post this on their blogs, that's great. If they choose not to, that's great too. I'm easy like that.

Sunday Snippets - With Updates!!

~Last night I watched a lot of Dan Savage's YouTube videos. I like that guy. He makes a lot of sense about a lot of things. I don't always agree with him, but I have a huge hunk of respect for him. That he's cute doesn't hurt anything, either.

~Superman appears to be coming down with the ick. He's very achy, his chest feels tight, and the glimmer in his eye is dampened. My Mama worries that he gets sick so often. I take it one day at a time and try not to think worrying thoughts.

~Still having trouble motivating myself to study. I have a mondo important test in Research Methods on Tuesday. I should be studying now. I should have studied last night instead of listening to Dan Savage talk about sex. I also need to write a review of a play I saw last week. Went to see it twice, just to get a better feel for it. I'm glad I did, too, since the second time I had a better seat and picked up on a few subtleties I missed the first time. Did I tell you about the play? I mentioned it somewhere. It was the play "Picnic" written by William Inge. 'Twas good.

~Since Superman is sick today, it looks like I'll be going to visit Sproing alone. I haven't seen him in almost two weeks. I was planning to go for today's visiting hour anyway, but I'm not so sure about going by myself. I'll be fine; I'll be strong for him. Who knows what kind of mess I'll be once I leave the visiting area.

~Twitch has gotten himself in financial trouble again. He's not very wise. Smart, yes; wise, no. He overdrew his bank account by $12 and hasn't had any money to take care of that. He currently owes $152.51 in penalties, fees, etc. I was planning to give him a little bit of money this week, and when I mentioned it, he asked that I send a check, rather than deposit the money directly into his account the way I usually do. I suspected trouble, and was once again correct. I'm not sending him a check. If I give him anything, I'll deposit some money into the account to decrease his financial obligation. His dad had a firm discussion with him last night, "suggesting" that he go talk to someone at the bank about this. Teenagers give me a rash.

~I have enjoyed visiting blogs this morning. I like to check up on all my peeps. Everyone seems to be doing fairly well, all things considered. Tigeryogiji is back! I'm glad to see new posts from him. Seriously, y'all, I need to reconstruct my blogroll on this here blog thingie. It's something I keep meaning to do, but am too busy reading all my favorite blogs to mess with my blog layout.

~Time to get ready for the afternoon. I'll try to get back here this evening to report on my visit with The Boy.

I'm back from visiting The Boy Sproing. It was a good visit! We sat and talked for over an hour, played a slow game of Othello, ate sour cream and onion flavored fake potato chips from a tall can, drank some apple juice, and generally pleasant time. He copied some recipes out of magazines to give to me, and some of them look pretty good. One is chipotle meatballs, and there's one for Samosa meat pies. We both said that we didn't like that last visit he and I had. This one was much better. I'm glad I went alone, somehow that made it seem better. No competition or something.

I identify maybe too closely

Have I ever shown you an xkcd comic here? I may have. Sometimes they are really good. 

Superman showed me this one today.

If you go to the xkcd site (the first link) I recommend you click the "random" link. I recommend doing this when there aren't any other urgent tasks you need to accomplish.

snippety update stuff

• Superman has lived up to his name once again. We have cold air moving all through the house! The condenser coils were frozen over. He turned off the unit to allow them to thaw. Twitch got our little pressure washer and had lots of fun playing with it. Oh, and in the meantime he cleaned the condenser coils. But mostly he played with the pressure washer. Superman then turned on the a/c unit, and voila! Cool air! I'm so thrilled. I'm in a much better mood now.
• Our internet access problem seems to have been a bad wireless router. We've got the new one hooked up and access has been no problem. I'm in a much better mood now.
• I spent the entire day Sunday watching old movies on Turner Classic Movie channel. I feel as though I've been culturally enriched. I'm in a much better mood now.
• Light fixed a batch of brownies at my request this afternoon. They turned out weird. They're spongy without much taste. This happened last time I baked brownies, too. I don't know what happened. She is a very good cook; it isn't her. We used the Baker's Chocolate One Bowl Brownie recipe, and the Baker's unsweetend chocolate. I have used that recipe for years with great success. This time she melted the chocolate in the microwave per recipe instructions. I did too, last time I made them. That's the only difference I know of. Usually I melt the chocolate in a saucepan on the stove. Anyway they are practically inedible. What went wrong? I could be in a better mood about this.
• Twitch left for a week of Boy Scout camp this morning. They return Saturday. He was very excited. His dad took him to the meeting spot from which they departed for camp. Usually I go, but I slept in late. He actually gave me a kiss on the cheek before he left, and asked if I would be there Wednesday evening for parents' night. I probably will go. One of the reasons I like to take him to the meeting spot is to get info on the plan for parents' night. The families from the troop typically bring pot-luck type dishes for the whole group to share. Being the unsocial bitch that I am, I don't know any of the other mothers, so don't know who to call to get my food assignment. Should I take the lemon squares that Twitch is so fond of? That's my standard, but 2 years ago he said he'd rather I brought something else. (Last year he missed camp because he went on a bigger, longer, more fabulous scout adventure.) I will pretend to worry about the parents' night supper briefly, until I forget about it. Hopefully I won't forget to go see him Wednesday! That would be uncomfortable. My mood about this is yet to be determined.
• I intended to get to bed earlier tonight so I can get up early with Superman before he leaves for work. Somehow time sped by unnoticed, until now it is 2:00 a.m. We shall see if I can get up in 4 hours. I might just pull it off, who knows? I will shut down this demon box and go to sleep after I post this and check the Boy Scout troop website to see if there is any news about parents' night. Really. I promise. No more surfing tonight. We won't discuss my mood anymore tonight. Thank you for your kind attention.

Update update:

Light made another batch of brownies this morning. They turned out very well! She realized at least one of the problems. She mis-read a measurement. The recipe calls for 3/4 cup butter and 2 cups sugar. The sugar is listed below the butter, and she read 3/4 cup for the sugar as well as butter. It is amazing what a texture difference the absence of sugar made. If indeed that was the only goof.

The new batch of brownies is gone now. They were good. (No, I'm not the only one who ate them.)

A lovely day

It is a gorgeous day here in Central Florida. The sun is shining, the temperature in Mama's shady back yard is 68F. I am sitting at the kitchen table beside an open window, a very gentle breeze wafting through every so often. The wind chime on the eave is dinging a soft bell tone in syncopation with the birdsong.

This is my blogging station this morning. It is so peaceful and pretty. See my little bear there on the keyboard? That's my Java Bear. I've taken a few pics of (him?her?) before to show you what's going on, but haven't posted any of them, I think. I took some of him on the cruise. But I wanted to introduce him properly, and now seems like a good time. I'll give you a closer look in a subsequent post.

Mama and I have eaten breakfast and almost finished a pot of coffee. We have begun to discuss lunch, as the hour is approaching when one is inclined to dine.

Here are a few pictures of what Mama is doing these days.

This is the scooter Mama is using. She scoots around without having to put her foot down at all.

And here she is in the process of scooting. Isn't it adorable?

Time for me to go-fer again. Ta ta from Central Florida!

addendum: The rug there beside the scooter is folded back so she can roll on the floor without having to maneuver over the rug.

Three Reasons Why I Blog

It's a meme. I've been tagged by one of my favorite people, one of the first bloggers I encountered when I discovered this crazy community.

There are some rules: (1) list three reasons why I blog, (2) List da rulz, (3) tag three other bloggers. Sounds simple enough.

Reason the first: I discovered blogs in the process of looking for information about homosexuality and the glbt community. The only real contact I had with gays was C and S and Light, all of whom are under 20 years old and recently "out." I wanted a more mature perspective on life from a gay point of view. I don't remember how, exactly, but probably Google sent me to a blog. I wish I could remember which blog I first encountered. But you know how blogs are, with blog rolls and comment links and such. I clicked my way to blogland and discovered exactly what I was looking for and more! Wow, there is so much here! At first I was reading blogs and commenting. I can't keep my mouth shut, y'all. I am not a silent lurker! But in my comments on other blogs I was expressing lots of thoughts, ideas, and emotions that really needed their own forum, not someone else's comment section. So I started my own blog, and here you are.

Reason the second: I have a busy mind. It thinks a lot, some days more than others. There aren't many places in my life right now where I can express my thoughts and opinions. And it helps solidify my thoughts to write them down. I've tried journaling, but I never have stuck with it. This is better, because there is feedback. I'm not just writing into the void, though the internet seems a lot like a void sometimes. If I write in a journal, that's were it is. Just there. But on a blog on the "interweb" it goes anywhere and everywhere. And in this particular blogging community my thoughts are read by people I have come to know through their blogs. We have a common interest, or common concerns, or common something. What is it? Anyway, with all this rambling I've determined I blog because I can express myself freely to this community of friends. And the reason I still blog, or keep blogging, is in part to stay connected to this network of friends. It's a bit scary to admit, but my blog friends have become very very important to me. I get more mental/intellectual stimulation, more positive feedback, more encouragement, more friendliness here than I do in the physical world of my daily existence.

Reason the third: Blogging is a perfect way for me to interact with people. I can have the interaction, yet be alone. Strange, that. I have some trouble being around people. I can't figure out how to say it. I like people in theory, but when actually in a group situation I am uncomfortable. I'm not socially adept, exactly. But people fascinate me, and I like quite a few people. I just don't like to spend lots of time with them, especially more than one or two at a time. I have met a couple of bloggers in person and I loved it! I would like to meet many more, and hope to do that this year. Maybe what I like about this format is that I have more control over my interaction with people. I feel free to be myself on the blogs, less inclined to shy away from expressing my true feelings, thoughts, and ideas. Because of the physical distance I am not as embarrassed about how I may appear to other people. Y'all, sometimes I'm hard to take. I'm kinda different… Here we can get to know each other a little bit, know whether we might be able to sit over a cup of coffee (or a sweet fruity rum drink) without me freaking you out with some of the strange stuff that comes out of my mouth! And if I bug you, or you irritate me, we just don't click the link and everyone is happy.

Now, who to tag… Eenie, meenie, miney, OH! I know…

Gregory from Please Check All That Apply

Lewis from Spirit of Saint Lewis

Steven from Sooo this is me

Three of my favorite fellas.

I'm looking forward to their responses.

TTFN

The plan was to leave home at 6 this morning. Well, it is 8:30 and here I am ripping off this last post. I was up way too late last night getting packed to get up that early this morning.

I am driving from South Carolina to Florida today to my Mama's house. On Sunday we will board the ship and set sail (there are no sails on this ship, I am assured) for the Carribean. I will probably be able to post again from Mama's house, but I'm not sure about the ship. If I don't post from the ship, at least I will be taking notes (and pictures) to post later.

So ta ta for now, wish me a safe drive (positive energies/prayers appreciated) and I'll check in tonight or tomorrow.

P.S. I'm driving my beloved truck, which, though I adore it, is a bucket of bolts. Remind me to tell you how much my mechanic loves me....

Blogging addict

77%How Addicted to Blogging Are You?

Kansas City Dating

It didn't take me long, did it? I've only been reading blogs for just over 2 months, and have had my own blog for a little less than that. But here I am, pretty involved with it.
Fun little quiz.

New blog buddy

Check out my blog roll on the right side of this screen, just below my cast of characters. There on the top of the list is my newest blog buddy. I mention this one specifically because he's more than just a blog buddy. I've been spending so much time with you, talking to you about my life (or something like it) and the people in my life, that the characters are beginning to blog. Behind Green Eyes is none other than S himself! He's so pleased with himself.

It's funny, he's been critical of me spending so much time here. I showed him some of the blogs from some of you today. He liked what he saw, I guess, and decided to do one himself. He's such a silly nelly.

What Life?

It is 2 f*cking 30 in the morning. I've been sitting on my fat a$$ all day and half the night reading blogs. I love this stuff, but really, shouldn't I be doing something more productive with my life, such as it is?

Coming soon to a blog near me

I am working on a 100 things about me list. Last night I got up to about 16. I was very tired at the time, so I have no idea what I wrote. I wasn't drunk, but tired can sometimes mimic the tipsy thing.

On another topic, Light is home for the weekend. She's the one who took the rest of the family to the party I didn't attend last night. I'm checking my favorite blogs this afternoon, and she mentions something I've got on my profile page. Um, dear, how often do you read my blog? Pretty often. Ooops. Steve told me just after I started my blog not to tell family or close friends about it, unless I felt really comfortable with them reading about themselves. I should have listened to you Steve. I haven't told anyone else since then, but I can't remember exactly who all I told.

Learning about blogs

I figured out how to put a picture in the sidebar. This is a picture S took of me over the weekend. He got a new digital camera and has had lots of fun playing with it. He wanted to take pictures of me, and I let him. He is very artistic, makes a nice composition with a photograph. But the pictures he took of me make me look fat. The fact that I am very overweight contributes greatly to the effect. But I like my hair, and I had him take a picture of only that part. If his heart had been in it he'd have taken more hair pics and made it even more artistic, but I think he wanted the whole essence of me, not just small snippets. So this is the only hair shot I got.
S loves me, the whole me. He likes me more than I like myself. That is why he likes the pictures that show face, shoulders, all the chins, blubbery bust, etc. Those photos don't fit the image I hold of myself. When I think about my appearance I see myself at least 100 lbs lighter than what the mirror shows. It is amazing how the human brain works. I can stand at the bathroom sink and brush my hair, take my meds, brush my teeth, wash my hands, and never really see myself in the large mirror that covers the wall above the sink. She's all there, I just don't see her. Because I don't want to see her.

too busy

I have been so busy I haven't had time to turn on the computer, much less post here or read my other favorites. I should be able to spend another two or three hours here this morning. I hope my phone doesn't ring.