Looking for myself

I have a love/hate relationship with the excuse "I'm trying to find myself." On one hand, it has been used as a sorry excuse for shirking responsibilities. On the other hand, there is some truth in the need to learn to listen for the whispers from one's soul (or from the Deity) in order to fulfill one's purpose in life.

And a life's purpose changes over time. Of the things I have given great attention to in the past 10-20 years, some of those responsibilities are no longer relevant in my life. There is more out there I need to do, and can do. And should do.

I feel I haven't been fulfilling my potential as a strong, intelligent woman. I drove a school bus for 3.5 years. But I graduated magna cum laude with a degree in Sociology a few years back. (OK, 22, but who's counting?) I'm intuitive, sympathetic, creative, don't run with scissors and play well with others. I should be using my talents better than I have been. With my oldest children out (or almost out) of the public schools, and my youngest now old enough to be more responsible (if only they will), the time seems right to move onward and upward.

It's a bit frightening.

Part of the needed change is to see myself as more than "just" a wife, mother, homemaker.* I need to envision myself as more mature, perhaps professional, as one who can carry her own in the company of strong, intelligent, influential people. I need to get out more!

And I'm trying. I told you about volunteering with the community theatre. The lovely woman who told me about that opportunity invited me to a lunch meeting of the Greenwood Women's Forum. Yep, a women's club/group. Ugh!! However, this is a fairly small group (20 maybe?) of local professional women who gather once a month for lunch and an informational talk about something happening in the community. I think. Last month they heard a presentation from the art director of the community theatre. Today the executive director of the Art's Council gave a talk about what's going on in the arts in Greenwood. Yes, I went. It was lovely! I enjoyed myself! I'm as shocked as anyone!

As an interesting juxtaposition, the Greenwood Woman's Club (note name difference) also met today. I read about it in today's paper. This is what the Greenwood Index-Journal had to say about it. From the "Community Calendar" column:

11:30 a.m. - Greenwood Woman's Club, luncheon catered by Aramark Food Services (Lander University). Lillian Holschen, of Doncaster Apparel of Newberry, presents "Don Yourself in Fall Classics."

I did not go to that meeting. Those are the kinds of women's clubs I avoid. It just isn't my kind of group.

*Not that there's anything wrong with that. Or that those roles aren't incredibly important.