I'm concerned about his lack of motivation and initiative. I feel some of that has been influenced by me coddling him, not being as demanding as I should be. He is responsible for his actions entirely, of course, but I'm afraid I make life too easy for him.
He is 18 years old, will be 19 in November. He dropped out of high school about a year ago. He has been employed twice in the past 18 months (more or less), both times for a fairly short period. After he got himself fired from the last job he has not earnestly looked for work. He will deny that. Yes, he's looked for work, but not earnestly. He doesn't want to work.
He also hasn't done anything significant about getting his GED. He talks a big talk, but there's nothing to show for it. There are a few different places in town he can go to get ready for the GED. At least one of them is free. There is a cost for the test, and his current excuse is that he doesn't have the money to register for it. It all boils down to the fact that he just hasn't made much effort.
So what does he do if he's not working or going to school? Mostly, he stays up all night playing video games or the card game Magic. Then he sleeps most of the day. Occasionally he'll do a bit of his and C's laundry, and he likes to cook. He baked a few pies last night, and left some of his dirty dishes in the sink. Recently he hasn't been leaving as many dirty dishes in the kitchen. But he doesn't thoroughly clean when he's finished, either.
S is cute and charming, but that doesn't go far enough in real life. His greatest talent is making excuses. He's very good at it. And I get so frustrated with him that I often don't know how to respond.
We have a counter in our laundry room for the purpose of folding clothes. Mostly what happens, though, is that stuff gets pulled out of the dryer and piled on the counter to wrinkle and get dusty. It had gotten pretty bad again, so I had Diva and Sproing clean off the kitchen table, then Superman told S and the young'uns to get everything off the counter and take it to the table, where they were then to fold it all. All of them. S dug through the pile and got his things, then tried to escape to his room. I told him he needed to help fold all of it. He argued and made excuses, saying that over half of the stuff in the pile had been theirs, so most of it he was going to fold in his room.
That wasn't my point. I want for him to take a more active role in household maintenance. He needs to make a larger contribution. Not just to take care of "his" stuff, but to help out throughout the place. He needs to earn his keep, basically.
Remember the thing about them paying rent? Guess what. They didn't pay the $50 they owed on the 21st of last month. S mowed the yard, and we took that in exchange for $15 of it. Superman said that on the remaining $35 there will be interest, compounded daily. (I don't remember how much) What they plan to do right now is pay for last month, this month ($75) and next month ($100) all at once when C gets his college loan check. That is supposed to arrive on the 15th, a week from Monday. That's NOT the way it's supposed to work out. The plan was for them to get serious about looking for gainful employment, not to pay us with borrowed money. And really, only C got real worried when we started charging rent. S didn't seem to care much. I don't know his true feelings, but I saw no change in his actions, so what does that mean?
But I digress. Here's where I need some specific advice. Tonight when I was arguing with S about folding the clothes, he got all sassy with me. He said I am not his mother. I said no, but you are living in my house. He said "don't patronize me," and the next words he spoke to me were patronizing. I pointed out that he is neither working nor continuing his education, therefore he needs to be more involved working around here. And then he had the gall to accuse me of sitting around doing nothing! I said to my husband, who was in the room also, I said "Honey? Did you hear that!?" He turned and laughed at S, and said "No, no, you do not understand." I don't remember exactly what he said after that, but the upshot is that S went in to help the other kids fold clothes. I'm steamed.
And shocked beyond words. How do I respond to that? OMG. I don't think it necessary to defend myself. It is true, for the last few months I haven't been very active around the house. I've been on the computer, blogging mostly, since I quit driving the bus last spring. I've also had a mild nervous breakdown or two. I'm looking for myself. I've spent the last 25 years working to raise these kids and care for this family. Who the hell is he to question my activities when he is living in my home under my good graces??
Superman has been chewing on this as well. He just informed me that he's decided S will mow the lawn, front and back, every week. And he will clean up the kitchen every day.
Honestly, I don't think I should defend myself against S's accusation that I am not doing anything. It is totally beside the point. A diversionary tactic of his. What do you think? Besides which, just this week I have begun to be more active around here. He isn't aware that I applied to Lander. And I'm not going to parade that information out just to show I've not been idle. OMG. The gall. And I'm rambling again.
In summary:
- How should I respond to his accusations and excuses?
- Should I defend my recent level of activity?
- What next?
