Random stuff

In which we update you on Sproing's little adventure: What is today, anyway? Thursday? Hell, I need a drink. 'Twas last Wednesday, yes, just over a week ago that Superman took Sproing from the acute care mental hospital to the next in what I fear will be a series of mental/behavioral health facilities. What have I told you so far? I'll just back up to that point. Father and son had a lovely time driving to the new place. Sproing was calm, pleasant, and his charming old self. He was subdued about getting checked in there, and Superman left right after he'd done his part. His part involved signing lots of papers promising them the moon, as far as I know.

For the first couple of days the boy was dull and lethargic. The first hospital had him so drugged up that he slept most of the time. This place is weaning him off those meds. Last time I spoke with the therapist, she said he had one or two more days on the last of the medications, then he would be completely unmedicated. I'm glad he's there with them. So far he's been mostly easy-going, though he still thinks we are bringing him home soon. I suspect that once he realizes that he'll be there for quite a few weeks, he may act out. The therapist there says he should stay at least three months, possibly six. It depends largely on him, and how willing he is to do the work that must be done.

Superman and I went up on Monday evening of this week for a family counseling session. We got to see him, of course, and he was all snuggly. It was nice. But he was unusually quiet. This is not like him. I'm not sure what's going on. Superman will be there next Tuesday morning for another session and a conference with Sproing's treatment team.

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In other news, Diva is doing very well without her brother here. She loves the individual attention. She's being particularly flighty, though. She didn't go out to wait for the school bus this morning because her daddy didn't tell her to go. She progresses at a snail's pace with any task, no matter how much she wants to do it. There are probably some things we could and should do to help motivate her, to help her take responsibility for herself. I'm so damned tired of it all, though. Of course it won't get better if we don't act, so Superman and I will have to get a program of behavior modification or something worked out for her soon. Maybe this weekend we can spend a couple of hours hashing that out.

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I've got two days off from school. It's our Fall break. I never had a Fall break back in the day, and I don't know what this is supposed to be, but I am not complaining! For me this is a chance to get caught up on some work for my research methods class. There is a lot to do. I had three tests this week, thankfully on three different days. I talked to a girl in my Theatre and Film class who had three midterms on Tuesday. She looked pretty bad.

So I took the Theatre and Film midterm. I studied diligently for that sucker, to good measure! By the time I sat down to take the exam, I knew what I needed to know. I wrote on that thing for the entire 1.5 hours of class. It was almost entirely short-answer format. Anyone reading this blog for more than a couple of weeks will know that "short" is not something I do. There's so much to say! The first half of the semester covered theatre (theater - how is that word supposed to be spelled? What am I supposed to do with the "e" and the "r" at the end?) and next week we'll start on film studies. It promises to be interesting.

I did not do well on the test I took Monday. I studied, but he asked stuff that I didn't know well enough. Tuesday was the Theatre exam, which I blew out of the water, and yesterday I took the Abnormal Psych exam. I was nervous about that one. Yes, I studied, and I was very confident on a few things. I never know how much detail this professor will ask for. That's what snookered me on Monday's test. (I have the same prof for two classes). I knew general information about the topic, but he got annoyingly specific on the test. But for Wednesday's class, the test wasn't quite as specific. It also covered more stuff than Monday's test did, so I guess he had a chance to get more picky. Anyway, I was better prepared for the Abnormal test than I feared, so that was good.

There's the research work I need to do. There's a big test next Thursday, our second one. I made a low C on the first test. That nearly killed me. I have a better grasp on this stuff now, I think, but I need to do a lot of studying, reading, research, writing, etc.

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It rained all day yesterday, and the temperatures are down to where they should be this time of year. Perhaps a little lower than average, maybe to make up for the unseasonable warmth for earlier? Anyway, yesterday was cool and drizzly all day long. I love this weather! I most wanted to curl up in the bed and nap, but instead I did those things that needed to be done. Today I'm at home with some opportunity to do that nap thing. I lazed around for a couple of hours this morning, but now am trying to accomplish a few things. Laundry for one. Gad, I hate doing laundry. However, it's much easier now that the washer works and I don't need to haul everything to the laundromat. For that I am thankful.

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We have applied, on behalf of Diva, to a state agency that helps emotionally disturbed children. We have the forms for Sproing's application, too, that need to be completed before tomorrow. Tomorrow morning an agent from this program is coming to do a home visit. I think I'm in denial about it somehow. I'm afraid of my house. I'm afraid for her to see my house. If I were a healthy person I would spend today cleaning. However, I'm too retarded for that right now. I can't work on that. I'll do laundry instead. And maybe some paperwork. And maybe take a nap (which is my most ardent desire right now).

OK, feeling somewhat guilty about that attitude, I just made two important calls to get information about Diva's treatment dates. We need to know that stuff for tomorrow's interview.

Next order of business is to make a list of what exactly I need to do for the research class this weekend. I'm not going to actually do any of it right now, but I'll get it queued up and ready to roll. Then I'll iterate laundry, take my anti-anxiety pill, and have a nap.

The plan of attack ::UPDATED::

We are just about to go out and have a talk with S and C.  This is the outline Superman and I have written.  We've printed two copies.  I'll be back with updates when the dust settles.  Wish us luck!!

I can’t believe you had the gall to say what you said to me last night.

I owe you no explanations.  No justifications.  At all.

Let’s get this boundary thing worked out. You live in my house. You live in this house by our good graces. You live in this house contingent upon our willingness to allow you to stay. 

As you mentioned, I am not your mother. 

I am under no obligation whatsoever to care for or support you. You, however, have an obligation to treat me with the respect due someone who is supporting your lifestyle in nearly every way.

You are an adult and should be treated as one.

We have done you a grave disservice by allowing you this much leeway in this living arrangement. Effective immediately you will adhere to these requirements.

You will be awake during the day and sleep at night.   (Awake by 7:00 a.m.)

You are now in charge of lawn care to our standards.  We will establish these standards and put them in writing. 

You will clean the kitchen completely before 10:00 every night, and no cooking will take place after 9:00.  (“Completely” will be further defined in another document.)

You will enroll in some program to further your education by September 10, 2008.  I strongly recommend Genesis Academy.*

You will submit a minimum of 5(five) job applications every week until employment is secured.

If you do not abide by these rules, there will be a series of fines imposed upon you.

First offense - $10

Second offense - $25

Third offense - $50

If non-compliance continues to be a problem, you will need to make other living arrangements.  If it comes to that, you will be given 30 days notice to vacate.

It's my house, so I get to do what I want. It's not your house, so you don't. It’s as simple as that.  Don't like the rules, go get your own house. **

* The location of the adult ed program run by the public school district

**This is what Tornwordo said in his comments on the previous post.

================UPDATE=================

I'm having a bit of formatting trouble with this post.  That's what happens when I copy/paste from a word document.

Well, we just had our little discussion.  We sat at the picnic table in the backyard so the boys could smoke.  I'm not going to drop this bomb on them without allowing them that stress relief.

I think the whole thing went quite well.  The two of them sat on one side of the table, Superman and I on the other.  I handed S a copy of the above decree, and Superman and I had one in front of us.  I pretty much read it off the paper.  As I was expressing the sentiments in the first two sections he was reading ahead.  I stopped and asked if he had a firm grasp of what I meant. Did he understand where I am and who I am, and what his position is in this arrangement?  He was looking at the paper.  I said "S!"  huh? I was reading.  

asshole

So I took the paper away from him and repeated myself from the beginning.  Did he understand?  Yes, he said with a sarcastic smile.  I gave him back only the first page, folded so he could only read the next little section.  We went over that.  He made a face, and I said "Don't try to make excuses."  He admitted there were none.  I continued.  That was about the last thing he said.  Which is good!  It shows me that he is taking me seriously.  He's not trying to play those games he was attempting last night.

We went on almost to the end, and showed him the lawn mowing rules.  (they simply state he will mow the lawn, front, sides, and back, once every week, and trim around the various installations throughout the yard when he's finished mowing.)  

I did not read the penalties to him.  He was reading those himself.  That last one was a shocker, it seems.  He didn't say anything, just turned the page so C could see it and pointed to it.  There were some moments of uncomfortable silence.  [I wasn't a bit uncomfortable, frankly :)  ]  I then suggested to Superman that we leave them to mull this over.  So we did.  The whole thing took probably less than five minutes.  

So there's more to come.  I'll listen when they are ready to discuss it.  I have no idea what their response will be.  But rest assured, I will report it all here.  Stay tuned.

Progress

What is today, Wednesday? Right. Well, on Monday evening Superman and I had "the talk" with C and S. Knowing it would be stressful for them, I convened the meeting outside and suggested they get their cigarettes.

This of course is one of the issues. Did I show you this before? That's all their crap, and this isn't all of it. This is the front patio, right there in the front of the house. This isn't all of the mess, either. I told S a month ago to clean up the trash they'd left around the front stoop. Lots of fast food containers and stuff. He did. He put it in a plastic grocery bag and left the bag there on the grass beside the steps. AARRRRRRGGHHHHHH!

So we discussed the messiness and general lack of respect for persons and property. Superman told them it's going to stop. Now.

We also set up a payment schedule. That's where they pay us, not the other way around. We've put out a lot of time, effort, and cash on these guys over the past two years. I don't regret it at all. But it's time for some adjustments. Their rent of $50 is due the 21st of August, one month from Monday. On 21 September they will pay us $75, and in October, $100. At the end of October we will reevaluate the situation and see if we need to make changes. Superman and I will at that time decide if the rent keeps going up $25 each month. I didn't want to set things too solid too far ahead.

This is about growing up. This is about shouldering more responsibility and working toward independence. We are making these demands now because we love them. I have known ever since before Light was born that the duty of a parent is to work herself/himself out of a job. It is not healthy for young adults of C (20) and S(18)'s age to be so dependent on their families. C will be a junior when college starts in late August. He has a job now, but only works 2 days a week, and I don't think those are 8 hour shifts. He might have 8 to 12 hours of work each week. He wants more, but right now that's what the manager is giving him.

S dropped out of high school last fall, his senior year. He has had a couple of jobs, but nothing recently. The first job he quit, but I don't feel too bad about that. He was working fast food and his manager was treating him unfairly, not giving him the tools he needed to do his job and blessing him out because he didn't do it right. We aren't sure exactly why she singled him out for mistreatment. We suspect she disliked him because he was gay, white, or male. Any of those qualities, or maybe the combination, was very likely her excuse. Whatever. He quit.

The other job loss I fault him for. He was waiting tables at IHOP and was pushing the envelope of acceptable behavior, primarily in his non-working hours. He and his friends would hang out there when he wasn't on duty. It got ugly, and not only is he no longer working there, but he and C are banned from ever entering that store again. He's an idiot. He's a teenager.

For the past 6 months or more he has not worked or been in school. We've encouraged him to get his GED or go through adult ed and get a diploma. He pretends to work on the GED thing sometimes. He says if he had $50 for the registration, he'd go take the GED test now. But as for now he just lays around all day playing card games, goofing around on the computer, and sleeping. We told him Monday that he needs to work. Now. Quit pussy-footing around. Get out there and work to find a job. Because $50 is due in my hot little hand in 4 weeks!

They are falling behind in their payments to other creditors, too. The cell phone service was cut of Monday, C discovered during our conversation. They have a credit card (the fools) and are behind in that payment. C started to protest the rent idea, saying "Do you know how much we owe other people right now?" It was hard for me to do, but I was psyched for it. I said "It doesn't matter. That's what being a grown up is all about. Yes, it's hard. Make it work." He protested "Yes it does matter!!" No, you are missing my point. Yes, it is important for you to pay your debts. If things aren't working out financially right now then you need to change what you are doing. Get an additional job if you can't get the hours you need at the current job. He likes the job he's got, and doesn't want to leave it. He wants to work it more!! But maybe he'll have to get another. And S certainly needs to get off his ass and help make a living here. I suggested S readjust his standards about what kind of job he is willing to do.

The whole discussion went better than I had feared. I was calm, loving but firm. Superman kept his cool. Neither of the boys freaked out. C is the more responsible of the two, and he takes it more seriously than S does. He didn't get over emotional. S really needs to feel the heat on this one, to get motivated to break out if his sedentary ways. I'm not sure if he felt the fire.

I feel very good about the whole thing. Now we need to maintain our firm stance and follow through, all of us. Your prayers are welcome!