Dressing

We rarely eat salad, yet we have all of these salad dressing bottles in the refrigerator. Oh wait, that one second from the end on the right is a hot barbecue sauce. There are three more barbecue sauces in the refrigerator, plus over half a dozen hot sauces, but that's Superman for ya'. You might notice there is no honey mustard dressing in the lineup. That, of course, is what I wanted on my eggs this morning.

I have been sick for over a week now. Yesterday brought a new experience to the week + of bronchitis. Some sort of intestinal monster attacked me. You may know how this goes. In the morning my stomach felt unsettled, which I took to mean I needed to eat a little something mild. Nope, that's not what it meant. Reverse peristalsis ensued. I'm glad I only ate a little bit. Plus of course diarrhea. (I've been practicing spelling diarrhea. So far, so good.) Then I took my sorry self to bed and was most grateful that gut cramps abated to let me sleep. All day.

Feeling much better this morning, and hungry to boot, I fixed myself some fried egg. Dry fried, mind you. Oh please, no extra grease! I made egg-in-a-nest*, which I most enjoy with a touch of honey mustard dressing atop.  Eh, had to settle for a light spread of mustard, to which I added a sprinkle of Parmesan cheese ("shaking cheese" we called it when the kids were little). 'Twas good, and so far my stomach seems satisfied. I'd be in pain by now if it was going to complain.

And I haven't been dressed in two days. My scalp tells me we need a shower and shampoo. A good idea, indeed, but I'm procrastinating. Or, perhaps, waiting for the washing machine to finish so I get good water pressure for my shower. Yeah, let's go with that one. Sounds better than "I'm too lazy to even get off my arse to shower."

The dress!! As I mentioned in my last post, I made the second sample dress for Light's wedding, took it to her, discovered what was wrong with it, came home all ready to make sample dress #3. That tightness in the lungs I mentioned previously turned into a frustrating bout of bronchitis. Feeling much better, but I'm still wheezing. And my inhaler (albuterol) doesn't seem to help much. No bueno. My goal for last week was to get a good start on the next dress. I get sick-stupid if I'm sick enough, and I was sick enough to not trust myself to properly cut out the material. Over last weekend I managed to cut out the adjusted pattern pieces.

There's this great stuff from Pellon called Tru-grid.
  My Mama took a sewing class last year and was taught to copy the sewing pattern pieces onto this tru-grid, which is gridded (duh) interfacing material. It's much more sturdy than the tissue paper that patterns are printed on. I've already used the tissue pieces a few times in making the samples and the paper is getting damaged. I need to make size changes and adjustments to the pattern, so voila! I (finally!) got that done over the weekend.

There were appointments and errands to run on Monday, and then something else happened (I have no idea what) to prevent me from sewing then. Yesterday was a sick (OMG) day, so perhaps today I can actually get to the fabric part of this project. After a shower, because eww. I should add pictures. I have the second sample dress here I could photograph. Perhaps I'll update this post with pictures, or maybe write a whole new post. Who knows? It's a wild and crazy life here.

*I've also heard it called egg-in-a-hole or egg-in-a-basket.

Poetry and a bit of rambling

This needs to be said:

Scintillate, scintillate, globule vivific,
Fain would I fathom thy nature specific.
Loftily poised in the ether capacious,
Strongly resembling a gem carbonaceous.

The internet tells me this poem is by John Raymond Carson

I saw the word "fain" in my A.Word.A.Day daily vocabulary email and recalled this poem. I had to look it up to get all the words right. Then of course I had to share it with you.

If you'd like a word every weekday in your mailbox, and I recommend it, subscribe at https://wordsmith.org/awad/subscribe.html 

One of my favorite parts of the Word.A.Day email is the "thought for today" which is a quote, usually from someone famous, sometimes having to do with world events, most frequently from someone who was born on said day. From last Thursday: 

We should not be simply fighting evil in the name of good, but struggling against the certainties of people who claim always to know where good and evil are to be found. -Tzvetan Todorov, philosopher (b. 1 Mar 1939) 

My goodness I sound like a commercial. Don't mean to! Honestly! 

I spent most of last week in western Pennsylvania with Light and her fiance. I sewed the sample dress to take up there for the fitting. So glad I did, too, because it is all wrong. I learned a lot about how NOT to put together this dress. Useful information, though somewhat frustrating.  I have all the materials I need to make a third sample dress, and that's my project for this week. I've barely begun, and right now I'm extremely tired. 

My lungs started feeling tight yesterday. I've been using my inhaler, so yay me. I have a bit of a cough; it's rough and unproductive. And oh lordy I'm so tired. When I finish this post I plan to take a nap. 

And since anything else I can think to tell you is too complicated to jot down quickly, I believe I'm finished. 

nighty-night

End of year updates and random other stuff

Here's something really nifty that I found on YouTube.


(If that doesn't play, check it out here.)

The mid December turkey dinner was a success. We used the fancy china. Twitch and a friend came, and also another couple, C&A, friends of ours, who are about a decade older than we are. After dinner we played Cards Against Humanity and it was hilarious! I have told C about CAH but she hadn't had a chance to play. Oh, we had fun! C's husband, A, is in the early to mid stage of Alzheimer's: still looks mostly functional but conversation can get a bit odd. He played with us but didn't really understand what was going on. When it was his turn to choose the best answer card he was pretty random about it, but that's OK. It worked. And he felt included, which is important. He's such a sweet fellow.

Christmas was a quiet affair. Twitch came over for gifts. I bought three pairs of jeans for Superman because his midsection has expanded a bit since he last bought jeans. Oops. I'm tired of seeing him in sweatpants all the time. For Twitch I got a handful of smaller possibly useful things, a couple of things he'd mentioned he wanted over the past year. An 18 inch steel straight edge ruler, a flexible whisk (those things are awesome!).

If you don't have one and cook often enough, you should get one. They are particularly good for mixing eggs and for stirring sauces. 

Did I get distracted again? I was telling you about Christmas. Nobody got me anything to open on Christmas Day, but I'm OK with that. Superman bought me a fancy new KitchenAid stand mixer plus a couple of attachments which I got a couple of weeks before Christmas. It's aqua blue and SO pretty!! Works great, too. 

Christmas dinner was lasagna and garlic bread. We  made two; one with Italian sausage for the guys and one without meat for me. Both included spinach. Quite yummy. More pumpkin pie for dessert because I love my pumpkin pie. Had considered making a lemon meringue, one of Twitch's favorites, but he seemed to like the pumpkin well enough. 

Superman has been off work since the Wednesday before Christmas. It's wonderful! I (mostly) love having him around. He goes back to work on the 3rd day of 2018. (Trying to practice writing/typing the new year) His Christmas break project is a cabinet for my sewing/craft supplies. I'll need at least 2. He's got a lot done on the first one and so far it looks fabulous! I need to take some pictures. 

I bought myself a journal notebook. Two, actually, because I couldn't decide which one to choose. The spiral bound one, 6 by 8.5 inches, has three sections: 160 pages each of lined paper, grid/graph paper, and blank paper. I get so excited about new office supplies!!  The cover is plastic, pink and white horizontal stripes, and says "Express Yourself". You betcha I will! 

The other is a faux leather bound - oh, it says "Leatherette Journal" on the wrapping. Ruled paper, with date options at the top of each page. By "date options" I mean it has the numbers 1-31 across the top, and Jan, Feb, Mar, Apr, ... Dec below the numbers. My plan with this journal is to make a 5 year journal kinda like this but more personalized. It's 7.5 by 10 inches, big enough theoretically to use for 10 years. For me, though, five is probably more realistic. Parsimony isn't my strength. Some of the specific five year journals say One Line a Day. Like I can write about a day in one short sentence. Most days, nope. Anyhow, the leatherette cover is debossed (opposite of embossed*) with the phrase "The Best Way to Predict the Future Is to Create It". I think that's a pretty good phrase for a journal that has five years of potential future. 

And speaking of office supplies, we got ourselves a new printer. Finally! We'd had the other one for probably 10 years. It doesn't like to print the first few letters of each line in the first paragraph (or comparable area of graphics). It had been wireless, but didn't know how to talk to these contemporary computers. The new one does, though. Fancy thing, all-in-one print, scan, fax (if I had a land line to link it to, which I don't), and something else. Craziest of all, the printer HAS ITS OWN EMAIL ADDRESS!! I'm blown away by this modern technology. 

That's all I can think to say right now. I need to go bake a cherry pie. My friend C brought a pie to our mid December dinner, so I'm going to return the pie pan with a cherry pie in it. :-)

*I thought the opposite of emboss was etch. But Dictionary.com doesn't agree. Also, etching might be slightly different. This thing is kinda like stamped. 

Hello

I keep thinking I should write something, but nothing sounds interesting.

Manny, my truck, is in the shop. The passenger window came off its track today, so they'll fix that, and I told my guy to go ahead and fix the bad oil leak. Maybe then the truck will be ready for a nice long road trip. Unfortunately a long road trip isn't in the budget, especially after paying for the repairs. Oh well. I do hope to get to the mountains of North Carolina for a camping trip this summer. Probably not going farther than that, unfortunately.

My life is boring.

Superman and I have been going to the gym almost every day, doing the weight machines and treadmill (me) or elliptical (him) on alternate days. Did that make sense? Every other day it's weight machines, the other days it's treadmill/elliptical. Tomorrow is a treadmill day for me. This is a boring topic.

I had an argument with Sproing today. Nothing new. We were in the truck (right before he knocked the window out of its track) on the way to his doctor's appointment, arguing, when I got pulled over by a state trooper. Why? Because Sproing wasn't wearing his seat belt. HA HA HA!!!  He got a $25 ticket and a lecture from the state trooper. I got to watch it all. We were only a little bit late for the doctor's appointment and it wasn't a big deal, thankfully.

I've been sewing some more. I made a dress that doesn't fit right but have an idea of how to adjust it to make it work. The arm holes (it's a sleeveless jumper) are too tight in the front. I'm going to have to hack up the bodice a bit. I'm making this shit up as I go along. I really don't know what I'm doing.

Which leads me to my current theme song.


And that's about all I got tonight.

Today is a good day

So often I post when I feel bad, depressed, frustrated, etc. I feel good today. So I thought I'd write down a bit about it here. Also, there's work I'm trying to avoid.

Stuff is getting done around here today, and it's a good Saturday to do it. "They" are predicting rain this afternoon, so the fellas are getting some outside stuff done now. Sproing and Twitch took a load of junk to the dump. Because I am a hoarder and they looked useful, I had Superman take the back wheels off the dead lawnmower before it left for the dump. They're bigger wheels, maybe a foot across. Not super big, but bigger than tiny, you know?

I sewed an ugly skirt for myself this morning. I just need a bit more elastic for the back waistband before I can finish it. Let me tell you the story. A few years ago, I don't remember exactly, I got this ugly fabric. I don't know how or why, but there it is. And there wasn't a whole lot of it, either, not enough to make a shirt with sleeves or a dress or my favorite skirt pattern. I designed a plain skirt with pockets (because pockets are important, dammit!) and cut it all out. Then left it to gather dust. I was depressed when I did all that, and decided to make an ugly skirt because I'm worthless and don't deserve any better. Then I got even more depressed and lost the motivation to carry on with making the thing. Well, I unearthed the parts recently and yesterday decided to put it together. Despite the fact that the fabric is ugly, the pattern I designed is pretty nifty and I wanted to put it together to see if it is as nifty as I think. The jury is still out on that one, since I can't put it on until there's elastic in the back waistband.

Superman is joining me in this weight  loss not-diet and exercise program. It's a 36 week program, did I tell you last time? Yes? Well, I'm telling you again. We had the orientation Wednesday last, then on Thursday did the first session with our personal trainer/coach. We get three sessions with her (Kimberly) for free to get us acclimated to the machines and such. I did 15 repetitions on each of however many machines she showed us. I forget which machines. There's a chart. I wasn't nearly as sore as I thought I'd be. Hardly sore at all.

After our first training session Superman took me out to get new shoes. I got the Nike Free things. Super nifty shoes! I wanted to get the mens shoe but they were out of my size. I got a gray pair of womens shoes. That's OK, too. Superman showed me a pair of bright red shoes, thinking I might be interested. I said "What?? Do you know me at all? What color do I absolutely never wear?" Red. So yeah, I didn't get that shoe. Also my shoe size seems to have grown from a 9 to a 10. What actually happened, I think, is that the manufacturers and merchandisers have changed the size categories again. I wore an 8 or 8.5 when I finished growing back in the olden days. I doubt my feet have grown that much. Some, yes, because pregnancy will do that and I did pregnancy twice, but really, I've been a 9 since the early 90s.

Today's project, until I get bored of it, is to organize more in my bedroom and office/studio. That's the task I'm avoiding now. I got a good start in the bedroom, got one big chunk of a shelf empty. The dusty stuff from that shelf is sitting on the kitchen table waiting to get cleaned and to find a place in my studio.

My stomach is asking if it's lunchtime yet. Think I'll have an egg in toast. That's too much starch for today, but we won't actually start the food part of the program until Monday, so today's the day, dude!

The drain

Sproing and Diva will be home all day tomorrow and for the foreseeable future. Today is the last day of school. I feel as though all the interest and motivation has drained from my life. I do truly despise summer break.

So I'm going to the gymnasium today for an orientation. I've joined a 36 week program (that's a really long time) of exercise and healthy eating that should get me in much better shape (and not so much the round shape) and help me lose some of this extra weight. I told the fella leading it that I want to lose 100 lbs. Now, I don't expect, nor do I desire to lose 100 lbs. in 36 weeks. Lordy, that's way too fast. Perhaps I could lose half of that, somewhere between 40 and 50 lbs in that time. That's also kinda fast, but doable, maybe. Anyway, I'll do orientation later this morning. Then probably tomorrow I'll start with the exercise. Ugh. I'm not looking forward to that part. And I need to get some proper attire. I doubt the skirts are going to be adequate. And I need proper footwear. Some people may be excited about getting all these new clothes and shoes and shit. I am not one of those people. I don't like shopping for clothes or shoes, though I like having a good pair of supportive athletic shoes.

I seem to be over-emotional today. Sproing threatened to skip school today and I broke down crying. Right now I'm on the verge of tears for reasons I don't understand. Maybe it's hormones. Maybe it's the threat of summer break. Maybe it's the threat of exercise.

For real, people. I fear exercise. It's like I was bitten by a gymnasium as a child or something. I get anxious and panicky when I go into a gym or onto a playing field. And I cry easily. I hate this. I look like a fat wimp. But part of me wants to do this. Really, I want the results and the only way to do that is to go through the discomfort, both mental and physical.

I have an idea. I'll make a paperclip chain, one clip for every day until the first day of school. And at the end of each day I'll take off one clip, and the chain will grow shorter and shorter. This works for me; I've done it before for other things. At first the chain seems interminably long, but all of a sudden, one day it looks shorter.

My brain is desperately searching for something to make it feel better. This is where we must avoid dangerous traps, because the simple brain wants to numb the pain. It's 8 a.m., let's have a beer! No, not gonna do that. The rest of that big bag of M&Ms. Also not a good idea. A cigarette! That'll be great! No, a particularly bad idea, and I don't smoke anyway. Dude, time to get baked. Nope, not going there. Don't have a source for that shit and I don't want to do it while it's illegal anyway, if at all. So here I am, pounding away on the blog. I think it helps.

I just received a call from the school. Diva needs to be picked up at 10:30 because she doesn't have a 6th period. As part of her shortened school day she dropped her 6th period class, and the last class of today coincides with the 6th period. So she has half a half day today. My stomach queeses. My last free day, last day free of them before summer break is now only two hours long. Well, three hours from the time they leave for school. Ugh. I'm not having a good day. Yesterday was a terrific day. Today, not so much.

Though I did get my sewing machine back. And for only $25 it got repaired, cleaned, and oiled. I am halfway through making a posh frock for myself. A dress made of linen. I probably won't work on it today, as it requires concentration and I'm all messed up.

OK, I'll put this on the blog then go make my paperclip chain. ttyl

Powdermilk Biscuits give shy persons the strength to get up and do what needs to be done.

My new medicine, Abilify, is Powdermilk Biscuits in a little blue pill.

Do you know about Powdermilk Biscuits? Prairie Home Companion, Garrison Keillor, etc. This video is kinda long but the Powdermilk Biscuit slogan is in the first minute. The whole thing is quite good, and I recommend watching it.


I have been so productive recently, much more so than I've been in, I dunno, the last year! I have sewn three shirts, carved a crochet hook out of a 0.75 inch dowel, am in the process of finishing a shelf that I designed and Superman built. I've been busy with said crochet hook. Oh, and I am nearly finished with a needlepoint project I started over 30 years ago.

I have pictures!

 This is the crochet hook and the rag yarn I made from an old sheet. That's another thing I've kept busy with, making rag yarn. I have almost a dozen balls, some of which I've crocheted into a long thing that hopes to be a hammock eventually.

Here are a couple of detail shots of the crochet hook that I made all by myself. As if you can't tell, I'm kinda proud of this thing. Also, detail shots of my cheap kitchen table, but you can ignore that if you want.  

And here are three shirts, two of which I've made recently. The one on the left I made in February or March for this year's bloggerpalooza. I wore it Saturday night. The middle shirt is the piratey shirt I wrote about in the last post. See, Slugmama, it isn't as obnoxious as the Jerry Seinfeld puffy shirt.

The green shirt has frogs on it. It's a batik print with a couple of different froggy things on it. I like it. I have also just finished a shirt that's blue with silhouettes of dinosaurs made of maps on it. Twitch calls it the VelociMaptor shirt. I finished it about an hour ago, and it's in the washing machine now.

I started to repair a pair of shorts after I finished the shirt and my sewing machine broke!!! Dude, I'm using that thing! I'm so glad it waited to break until I finished the shirt, especially the last task for the shirt was putting in button holes. Those are a bitch to do by hand. I know this from experience. The machine is stuck in reverse. There's something wrong with the feed dogs. I'll take it to the shop tomorrow.

And speaking of stuck in reverse and in the shop, Manny.

Manny, my beloved truck, has some clutch problems. No, he's not stuck in reverse, but I had to wrestle the transmission into gear to get it to the shop. I backed up a steep hill to get out of a driveway and the thing went  (pick one), gave off a funky smell, and would barely shift. My buddy Ron the mechanic called yesterday with a preliminary estimate. He's got to fix the first thing that's wrong with it (a bracket under the dash that holds the clutch and brake pedals) before he can even tell if the clutch is bad. That first fix will cost probably at least $400. I told Light yesterday that as old as he's getting (he'll be 25 when the new year models come out later this year) he's going to increase in value from here on out. She said the only thing that will increase his value is an engine fire. I beg to differ!! Then she admitted that yes, Manny is a balm to my weary soul. Her words. Ain't she sweet. 

Today is Thursday. The kids are in school today, tomorrow, and Monday, then half a day Tuesday and Wednesday. Diva only goes half a day now anyway. Yesterday I was sewing along, having a wonderful time, then she got home and the climate in the house took a downturn. It got worse later in the day, too. She's such a bitch. Sproing is behaving much better these days. I can tell he's trying really hard, and it's working! He earned his drivers license recently and in order to drive his dad's truck he has to be very nice, cooperative, respectful, etc. For the most part he's done so. He got to drive the truck to school today, and since Manny is in the shop, I am stuck at home. This doesn't bother me. Except with my Powdermilk Biscuit medicine I am more interested in going out and doing things. Also, we're out of beer and I need to make a beer run. This paragraph has gotten away from me in a drastic way. 

The kids. Will be home all the fucking time after next Wednesday. We are not thrilled about this. Sproing has been applying for jobs, had a couple of interviews recently. Maybe he'll get a job and be at work some of the time. Diva thinks she's going to live in Abbeville with Morq during the week and answer the phones at the auto repair shop where her boyfriend works. NOT. Not after she stayed for two extra days and missed school on Monday two weekends ago. We haven't told her yet. She's gonna bust a gusset. 

We had our first meeting with her probation officer yesterday. Diva was surly and rude, no surprise. She told the officer that she's contacted a lawyer about emancipating from the family, and the officer informed her that she cannot legally emancipate while she's on probation. I refrained from laughing out loud, but I was laughing in my heart believe me. And I laughed when I told Superman about it later. Diva has the opportunity to get off probation early, before her December birthday even, if she obeys her probation requirements each month. She gets a 10 day credit against the term of probation for each month she stays out of trouble. She didn't earn credit the first month. I'll remind her about the opportunity for credit at every chance. HOPEFULLY she'll try to stay on track until she's free of probation. 

I got the application from the fabric store and filled it out. I turned it in on Monday. Haven't heard anything from them yet, but the manager told me they aren't hiring, just accepting applications. Whatever. I'll hang tight for now. 

Convince yourself that everything is alright

For Nancy - Pete Yorn : Time Lapse Lettering from Bobby Roman on Vimeo.

'Cause it already is.

Nice message. Does it work? I dunno. Maybe.

I am preparing for a trip. I told you that last time, I believe. I made myself a new skirt and a dress or two. I say "or two" because the first one I made, well, the dress turned out OK before I "helped" it. I art-ed it up by painting it. It's made of plain unbleached muslin, so it was very plain and off white and boring. So I had some fun with craft paints. But the dress didn't fare so well. It looks like it was dragged through the mud. Doesn't matter much to me, really, because I made it with muslin as a test of the pattern. I'll use it as a house dress, just wear it at home when I'm hanging around doing home stuff.

Then I used the same pattern to make a dress with a blue and green checked seersucker cotton fabric. I'm wearing it right now. It works, it's comfortable, and it looks good (I think). So that's an overall win. I'm also going to use this pattern for some nice linen I bought a couple of years ago. That's the plan, anyway.

I have decided to try to do something creative every day. So far I've mostly sewed. I'd really like to get back into sculpture of some kind, but I'm working up to that. And there is a good bit of sewing I should do anyway. My wardrobe is... old. And worn. I have quite a few house dresses, or as I like to call them, rags. I rarely wear them when I go out anywhere. Most of them used to be fairly decent clothes but have been worn slap out. So I need some new stuff. So I sew. Diva and I went to the fabric store yesterday and I found (on sale!!) some pretty yellow fabric with a little flowery print. I bought the rest of the bolt (4 yards) and want to make a blouse from that, to match the skirt I plan to make from some yellow gauze stuff I have that looks like that picture up there.

Then there's the conestoga frame. I've used painter's drop cloth canvas to cover the conestoga in the past, but that stuff is very heavy. I'm not in good shape, folks. My muscles are weak and wimpy, so I need something a bit lighter and easier to manage. I made the roof portion of the cover last night. Now I need to set up the conestoga frame to determine how and where to attach the sides. I hope to do that this afternoon, but it looks like rain. I want Superman to help, also, because... well, because I want help.

We went to our favorite place, The Mill House, for brunch today. Today is the first day they've been opened on Sunday and have served brunch. As far as I'm concerned it was a smashing success. Mimosas, people. And savory crepes. And one of their specialties, Drunk shrimp and grits. The grits are actually polenta, and the shrimp are marinated in some kind of beer (I forget what) then they make a sauce with the marinade. It was extremely good. I had the curried chicken crepe which was even better than Superman's drunk shrimp and grits. After my mimosas (yes, two) I had a beer. So yeah, I'm feeling pretty good right now.

Today is C's birthday. He's 25. We were going to take him out for brunch for his birthday, but he had to work (he's a cook at Shoney's) until noon, but didn't get off until after 1:30. We were already at The Mill House, waiting for him to join us. Eventually we left, came home, and he was just getting out of the shower. So I told him we'd take him out for dinner, but he's going to spend the rest of the day with his friend Holly. Oh well, we'll take him out later this week. And I got to have a delicious boozy brunch with my Superman, so it's all good.

That's all I can think of off the top of my head. Since I have some sewing and other prep-for-my-trip work to do, think I'll post this, change into my house dress (or some shorts) and get to work.

Good intentions

Of course I've been meaning to write. Almost wrote a post last night, but was too tired.

I got a lot of good work done yesterday. I fixed a rather elaborate dinner. It wasn't all that fancy, but I ended up spending a lot of time in the kitchen. It was a good meal, too. Roasted chicken, low fat sweet potato casserole, and a simple salad that Superman made. Oh, and homemade yeast rolls. It's the dessert that took so much time and used so many eggs. I made an angel food cake, using a dozen egg whites. That left me with a dozen egg yolks. So I made a big double recipe of chocolate pudding. Have you ever made pudding from scratch? It's time consuming. Not terribly difficult, though not  simple either. Anyway, I had fun with it. Dinner was a success, the food part anyway. The table conversation, not as much.

Because the kids were at the table with us. Diva and Sproing got deeply involved in a spat. Again. For the second night in a row. Twitch didn't help, adding his opinions to the fray. And right now, honestly, I can't even remember which particular mess happened last night or the night before. And I don't remember details of the arguments either.

One of the things I was going to say last night is that I'm doing better with the kids. I've been more involved in the household, spending a bit less time hiding in my room. That seems to help some. Sometimes. And yesterday morning I woke up before 5. I lay in bed thinking about making waffles, and finally got up and did that. That's one of the things that kept me in the kitchen for so long yesterday. I made a huge quadruple batch of waffles, with plenty of leftovers to freeze. Think Eggos, only better. That used 8 eggs right there. Yeah, I went through about two dozen eggs yesterday, all things considered. The sweet potato casserole used one, the dinner rolls used another couple. I had a brief nap after lunch, but had to get up to pick up Sproing from bad kid school. He gets out at 1:45. School starts around 8, more or less. I can't remember exactly. Superman takes him in the morning, I usually pick him up in the afternoon. It's a relatively short school day. Shorter by an hour than the elementary schools. Think of it, though, a whole school program full of troublesome students like Sproing. They don't hang on well throughout the day (Sproing's medicine wears off early sometimes) and who wants to deal with that much grief for a long time? So yeah, they only have about five hours of school. I guess that qualifies legally as one day's instruction. They have to get their required 180 days in. Except for when the kids get suspended. Which Sproing did last week. Did I mention that? Yeah, he got suspended from bad kid school for three days. What a mess. Kinda like this paragraph, which is a huge mess. Let's leave this particular travesty and begin another paragraph, shall we?

So, better at dealing with these kids, right? Well, maybe. Or not. Let's discuss today. (Must we?) (Yes, Java, go ahead and get it out. It'll be alright. Take a deep breath, be calm, etc.) This morning I got a call from the high school, from one of the assistant principals. Diva was in trouble and needed to be taken home. Her regular assistant principal was out of the office today, so another one had to fill in. Diva was not suspended or anything, just sent home for today. Because she was not cooperating in class or something. What she did was get up and walk out of a class after the teacher refused to allow her to leave. That's the mood she's in. She got into some argument with another student or students before school and let this attitude affect her behavior. So she was sent home. Except she wouldn't come out to the truck when I got there. So I went in to get her, but she wouldn't go with me, she wanted to see her guidance counselor. Fine. We go in to see the counselor. She doesn't want me to go with her. Tough, I'm your mom and you don't get to choose these things. She told the counselor about the drama with the other girls. He said something like "OK, I see that problem, but look at your choices now. You are the one who's letting this attitude affect you. You can't change their behavior, you can only control yours." You know, that sort of thing. She huffed out his office and went back to class. WTF? She's been sent home, she can't go back to class! I didn't know where she was and asked the nice lady in the attendance office to help find her. Yeah, the kid went to her next class. The nice attendance lady (she really is a nice woman. I like her.) sent someone to escort Diva to the front office where I was waiting to take her home. You can imagine Diva's attitude by now.

We got in the truck, I told her to put on her seatbelt, and she refused. Good gods, is this how it's gonna be? So I turned the truck off. We aren't moving until you put on your seatbelt. Fine. We sat there for 45 minutes. In the heat. (Thankfully it isn't as hot and humid as it has been.) I ended up calling for the school resource officer to help. He got her to fasten her seatbelt. We came home. I told her she is grounded for the long holiday weekend (they are out of school Monday, oh my aching ass). She wouldn't give me her phone, but called her boyfriend (he's 13. Where is he that he can talk to her in the middle of a school day?). Anyway, a bunch of yada yada yada like this shit for a while. Superman came home. He tried to reason with her. Nope, no good. So he spanked her with his belt. No good. She ran off. We called the police to report her as a runaway. She actually came back home, was in the back yard but we didn't know it. Sproing saw her back there. So the nice police officer came over, talked to her, talked to Superman and me a bit.

Before Superman went back to work he talked to Diva again, this time she listened. She did her laundry (one of the things I told her to do) and said she would clean her room and the bathroom. I haven't checked up on that yet. I keep thinking I'll get up and go check, but alas, I can't seem to motivate my butt off this bed and away from the computer. Yeah, I'm afraid of her. My defenses don't want to subject me to her presence.

I took away the curtain from her window. I took away her rat (hamster, but whatever). There isn't a whole lot that she has that we can take away. Oh, about the phone. She refused to give the phone to her dad, so he went to the mobile phone store and had it disconnected. So she might have the physical phone, but she has no way to call, text, etc. anyone she wants to talk to. I think she can still call the emergency number, so that's good there, I guess.

Superman called a few minutes ago, asked about supper plans. I have some stuff I can throw together for dinner, but he wants to go out to our default location. So he's picking up some cheap nasty take out pizzas for the ne'er-do-wells and we'll go out tonight. I wonder if that's the best decision. Perhaps we should stay here to supervise the mayhem. But I can't think clearly right now. He says he's considered it, and the best option is to get away from them for a couple of hours. Hopefully pizza will placate them for that long.

I really don't know what else to say. There are some other things happening in my life, I think. I sewed some this week. Made a dress that I plan to paint. It's a plain muslin thing I put together to test the pattern. I want to use the pattern on other fabric, but want to make sure the pattern works for me. So I have this white dress that, for the most part, works pretty well except the color. So I'm going to paint it so it looks fantastic. That's the plan. I have to be more calm and sane than I have been today for that to work at all. I tried to do a couple of other things this afternoon, but was too frantic and scattered to accomplish anything except sitting here playing Mahjong Titans and surfing the 'net. I hate this crazy feeling. I really thought I was starting to get my shit together better than this, but I didn't count on the Diva Explosion. I suppose I should have. She always does this eventually.

Hell, I don't want to talk about her anymore right now. I'll post this, change my shirt, put on some shoes in preparation for going out with my wonderful husband. Yeah, that's the plan.

Misc.

This song has been floating around in my head since mid afternoon today (Saturday). I don't know why. It's been years since I thought about it.


And for some reason pedophilia has been on my mind this afternoon, but I think I know why. C and I had a discussion about a woman he knows whose father sexually abused her from a very young age. In addition to emotional damage, she has physical damage from his abuse (both physical and sexual). There is a lot I could say about who would do such an evil thing, but I won't go there today. This conversation meshed with the topic of hell. Hell: is it real? Is it a place, some ethereal plane where "sinners" spend eternity, as I learned in church? I don't think so anymore. Nowadays I am more inclined toward the idea that hell happens here and now, caused by people doing terrible things to others.

Superman took all three of the kids to Carowinds today.  It was a treat for me to be here alone (well, except for C and his buddy). I had a very good day. I spent a lot of time with the dog (which reminds me, I owe you pictures of this dog. I also need to keep taking pics of him because he keeps growing). He's still getting the hang of doing his bodily eliminations outside. I watched him very carefully today and he did most of his business outside. Progress! He's a sweet puppy.

I also baked some bread. I considered doing more baking, but did other things instead. I went to the grocery fairly early this morning, leaving for the store around 8:30. I was gone an hour or so. Earlier would have been better, but the crowds weren't bad. I got through the checkout very quickly.

The other fun thing I did with all this alone time was start a new sewing project. I enjoy sewing, but don't do it often. It takes a lot of creative energy, and when the kids are here they drain my energy, making it nigh unto impossible to start a sewing project. I also need a chunk of uninterrupted time (minimal interruptions, at least) and with these trolls here that doesn't happen much.

I sort of wanted to take a nap, but decided against it. I have all this time to myself today, why waste it sleeping? Maybe I'll nap tomorrow (Sunday).

Let's see, what else was I going to tell you?

Sproing, as I think I've mentioned before, is now going to the alternative school, the place where delinquents who can't be civil in regular school spend time "refocusing" on their education. Yeah. About that. He was suspended from the alternative school for three days on account of he wouldn't sit quietly and do his work in class. I don't know about that boy. So he was home on Friday, and will be home Monday and Tuesday. This is  not the way I want to spend my days! This is yet another reason I don't have a job outside the home. We don't trust these kids to stay by themselves for very long. A few hours every so often, sure, but not all day every day of the week while Superman and I are at work. You'd think that by the time they were 15 they'd be responsible enough to take care of themselves. Nope. Not these two.

For the past two or three days Sproing has been relatively well behaved and cooperative. This is a big change from the week or so previous. O.M.G. That kid has been horrid. He's talking to us in a manner one does not talk to one's parents! Except he does. He argues about every little thing. He deflects the conversation (argument) from the topic at hand to insignificant side issues. He is supposed to be grounded right now but earlier in the week he just ran off with his friends and stayed out until almost 9:00, after dark. Didn't care that he was grounded. Wouldn't cooperate with anything. Screamed at me and his dad, was rude beyond belief, and hurtful too. He says some of the most hurtful things. I'm sensitive to it. He knows my buttons, dammit. I'm supposed to be able to remove my emotions from the conversations, let his comments roll of my back more samer than a duck with water.

The early part of the week was awful. On Monday I met with the Continuum of Care team to get Sproing back on their client list. I got a letter today saying that our request is denied. Evidently there are community resources we can access to help with his behavior. OK. Yeah, in the meeting I got a couple of leads for resources for him. Haven't checked into them yet. Frankly, I forgot. But the rejection letter today reminds me.

The meeting was difficult, as I had to discuss his behavior and defend myself as a parent. The other people in the meeting were kinda tough on me. They didn't say anything that isn't true. You know, they stepped on my toes. It was hard. I feel like I do the best I can with that boy (and his sister) but they're saying "you can do better." Well shit! This shit is hard! But they are right, there are things we can do to improve the way we handle it. It is really really hard to focus on the details when all hell is breaking loose around here! As parents we are not as consistent as we should be. There is too much chaos in the household. We get emotionally overwhelmed too easily.

On Tuesday I had another meeting with ... somebody. Oh, yeah, my psychiatrist. I laid into him about my troubles, and he said "sounds like you need a therapist." Yeah, well, I have one of those. Two, actually, since we've got a family therapist coming to the house once a week for now. I don't know what I was supposed to say to the good doctor. "Hi. I'm current on my meds. Nice weather we're having. Well, see ya' in three months." He gave me some advice, most of it useless. He doesn't work with children and adolescents, and I don't blame him. Those kidlets are tricky. So he doesn't know how the systems work. He suggested placing them (one or both) into an alternative living arrangement. Oh, doctor, you are so far behind the curve here! After a while I quit listening to him. The only thing he said that was marginally useful is to think of myself as a survivor rather than a victim. I'm not sure exactly how to do that, but it's something I can contemplate. He said that I am smart and something else, maybe intuitive or some such. Anyway, that I can figure this shit out if only I try harder. Made me want to cry.

Then on Wednesday I met with Sproing's counselor. He and I went in to the session together. He usually goes alone, but I needed to talk with the counselor (Marie. She's pretty good, actually.) about his atrocious behavior. He was in the office too, and he demonstrated some of his nasty attitude and rude behavior. Marie pointed out how I was falling into his trap, taking the bait he set for me. After maybe 15 minutes he got up and walked out. Fine. The little son of a bitch. So Marie and I finished the session. It was easier without him. She told me I was smart and intuitive or some shit. Pretty much the same thing my psychiatrist said. I cried. I started tearing up a bit before Sproing left, and I suspect that's what triggered his exit. He hates when I cry. He acts like a total shit, it frustrates and hurts me, I cry, and he gets upset. WTF?? Marie told me to be stronger (I'm starting to tear up now as I type this), not to take his bait. She told me to keep doing what I'm doing, be consistent. Basically, I (we) need to keep up the parenting. Even in the face of total failure (what it looks like from here. She says it isn't total failure, but I fail to see that) we need to continue to stand firm and guide the boy. And the girl, for that matter. I feel so overwhelmed, but the message I got for three consecutive days was that I need to muscle up, rethink my reactions to this shit, quit being overwhelmed and get stronger. Damn. I mean, DAMN. Dammit dammit dammit.

And ever since the counseling session on Wednesday Sproing has been trying to behave himself. He has had a good attitude, mostly, and isn't arguing or going into a rage the way he was for more than a week prior to Wednesday. He is easier to deal with now, for sure, but I know nothing has changed, really. He's still the same, and something will happen to tip him into the anger pool again. Don't know when, it could be tomorrow, or he could be copacetic for another week or maybe two. But then he'll lose his shit again and drag me through the emotional furnace. And in the meantime there's Diva. Who pulls the same shit, only with less predictability. And less self control, which gets really scary.

So, to review: I'm a failure as a parent, except I'm not. I'm smart and CAN figure this out, except I can't. Or haven't yet, anyway. Oh, and the family therapist has also told me that I am smart and creative and can figure out how to handle their shit. He said that a few weeks ago. I actually really like this guy, but sometimes he pisses me off. Or maybe it's me who pisses me off. I don't know.

OK, it's so late that it isn't even today anymore. I didn't get a nap today, and got up pretty damned early considering how late I went to bed last night. So I'm gonna shut down and go to sleep now. Well, soon. Eventually. Aw hell...

The preparation

Light came home from college for the holiday. Superman drove up to College Town to get her Tuesday afternoon. I've been using her bedroom for my sewing recently. Some of my sewing stuff was in her room last year when she was at school. It all got moved out into the living room over the summer. Since she went back to school this fall I've been gradually moving the sewing stuff back into her room. With all the sewing I've been doing recently I've really made a mess of her room. There wasn't any room to put the mattress in there. Here it is, leaning up against the wall in the living room, waiting for a place in the bedroom. 

About the time Superman left to get Light, I wandered into the bedroom to begin the clean-up. Yep, I procrastinate. This is a sample of the work I had ahead of me.I got distracted with my sewing table. This is it, after I had spent at least 2 hours in there working on it. What distracted me was my box of thread. I'm saving that for another post since it was so enticing. 
Look carefully at what's on my table there. On the right is my trusty sewing machine. I've put the dust cover on it like a good little girl. My big yellow "Bubba Keg" sits beside the machine. It's a 52 ounce insulated mug that I fill with ice water every day. I try to drink at least one full keg of water every day. If you look carefully to the left of my water keg you might notice a brown bottle. That's a souvenir from my Carribean cruise last winter. It's a bottle of creme rum. I mixed that with the egg nog there to the left of the bottle. It went into that small green mug. Briefly. Then it went into me. Times 3. Yummy stuff!! And that might be one reason it took me as long as it did to get that room ready for Light's homecoming. 

And here we see the ironing board folded up, and do you see that spot of floor there? That's was a recent discovery.
Look! Here's the mattress all set up and ready to use. I got it into the room, but Light's the one who made it up. I was exhausted by then. She made the bed then dumped her dirty clothes on it. Yep, that's my girl.
I felt quite productive, getting all that cleaned up. But it was tough. I sweated!!! I don't like to sweat, people. And I'm so overweight and out of shape that it's difficult to do the bending and lifting required to pick up the messes that I make. Pretty pathetic. BUT hey, I'm focusing on the positive here. It's picked up, organized, and kinda clean-ish. After Light goes back to school on Sunday I'll take the mattress out of there and hopefully do some more sewing. There are many other projects I have in progress. (Ok, actually stalled rather than progressing, but...) I'm really glad I put forth the effort. 

And I had so much fun sorting my thread!! I have pictures. I'll show them and tell you all about it another time.

In the meanwhile, have a happy Thanksgiving. I hope you get to do more of what makes you happy than obligatory crap you'd rather not do. 

I had a weekend

The play for which I was sewing costumes opened and closed this weekend. Community theater, folks. Five shows, plus one on Thursday morning for the school kids. 'Twas the Legend of Sleepy Hollow. I didn't watch it. I actually didn't even do all the sewing I was supposed to. I did get the four dresses built, but the mob caps were fewer than desired.  I'll go ahead and make some more now, anyway, because they'll be used later. Brigadoon is coming up soon.

My allergies have been acting up, causing my throat and ears to itch. Sunday the mess moved into my lungs. I need my inhaler, but can't find it. I think the thing has expired, anyway, so I'm going to call the doctor's office this morning to request a refill on that prescription. If it gets much worse I'll go in for a look-over. Right now I don't think I need any antibiotic. Yet. My chest is tight, though, and I've got a wee cough. I feel icky, but not so much that I can't do anything. 

I think some other things may have happened this weekend, but I'm not sure what. I slept a lot. Superman and Twitch went grocery shopping yesterday and bought $400 worth of stuff. He likes to stock up. 

We have a new-to-us fireplace insert. It was cool enough last night that Superman built a fire in it. He says it puts some nice heat into the room. I think we'll set a fan in the hallway to encourage some of that warm air back toward the bedrooms. 

So, in conclusion, there isn't much to blog about. On today's agenda is more laundry (yes, the washing machine is still working!) and a visit to the drug dealer, my psychiatrist. Nice fellow, but not nearly as useful as my therapist. (No offense, Ur-Spo)

Happy Monday to all, and to all a good week.

Run away screaming

But actually if I ran away I'd probably not be screaming. I'd stop screaming. Which infers that I'm screaming now.  Well, I am, but only in my head. I haven't screamed out loud yet today. Yet.  

I also didn't smack Sproing this morning. Kudos to me.  

Superman has taken the lot of them to church this morning. He was sweet, encouraging, said he was taking them away. I told him not to bring them back.

I'm feeling particularly ugly today. Mean. Snarly.  

I want to get in my truck and drive north. I have no where to go, precisely. I often have a desired destination when I wish to depart. Today I don't. I just want to drive away. Good thing gas is so damned expensive, huh? Or else I might really go.  

No I wouldn't. I'm too responsible. I'll stay here. My body will be here. My heart will be on the road. My head will be in torment.  

Want-to-go-but-didn't is the theme for my late summer. I wanted to go to Chicago in August, but didn't. I wanted to go, again, to Chicago in early September, but didn't. Yesterday I wanted to go to the South Carolina Pride celebration in Columbia (the state capitol) but didn't. There's a whole big world out there. Here I sit. Stuck. Trapped.  

Sometimes "trapped" is a state of mind. I can be anywhere and experience refreshing enlightening discoveries. Read a book, take a class (or five), get involved in the community. Live life where I am. Eh. Screw it.

Maybe I need a new wardrobe. OK, I know I need a new wardrobe. Comfortable stuff that fits and doesn't look like rags. Most of my comfortable stuff looks like rags. Like the dress I'm wearing now. Used to be a nice jumper, but it's worn out. I like it, though. I should get set up to sew. Sewing would probably make me feel better.  I'll tell you a secret. The reason I want to sew up some new clothes is so I'll have something halfway decent to wear when I run away.

The blog is a great resource. I can shoot these thoughts out into the ether and you read them. Maybe I get some feedback. It's better than simple journaling because these words actually reach other real people. It's more powerful, or something.

miserere 

Yammer

Nothing much to report, so I'm gonna ramble aimlessly for a while

• We survived the weekend. Superman is putting down flooring (laminate, sturdy stuff) in Light's bedroom. She comes home from her first year at college next Friday. We need to finish fixing up the room before she gets here and moves all that other junque into it. We'll probably not be able to SEE the floor until she moves back to the dorm in late August.
• Friday evening was the elementary school's Spring Carnival. I sent baked goods to sell in the bake sale. I DID NOT attend! The wonderful Superman took the kids and a good time was had by all. Including me. Who stayed home. Happily.
• Thursday was the day I needed to do all the baking for the school carnival. I delayed and ignored and averted until 'twas well after midnight when I actually baked those damn cookies. They were good, of course. By the time I was finished baking, then had to wait for the cookies (I also made a pan full of cake-like bar cookie things) to cool enough to put them in individual wrappings, it was too late to go to bed. Does that make sense? I had to make sure the stuff got to the school, so I just stayed up. Superman was able to take the box of goodies to the school when he took the kidlets, so that worked. Then I went to bed.
• And also on Thursday I bought myself a new sewing machine. The old one, very old, needed some repairs and maintenance. I took it to "the place" and the fella said a cleaning and tune up would cost at least $65, and it may need some parts, too. However, there were a couple of new machines, discontinued, on clearance. I got a fairly nice machine for $150. It does more than the old one did. I haven't gotten it out of the box yet, because on Thursday I was supposed to bake, not sew. Superman only last night brought the machine in from the truck. The table I use for sewing has been in Light's room since she left for college all these months ago. Since her floor is being installed, the table is now in the middle of the living room with stuff piled on it. There isn't a comfortable place to set up my new machine. So it is still in the box. Now that we've survived the weekend and I'm not required to bake more cookies, I might just get to play with my machine.
• But not today. At least not while the kids are at school. Because today I did something worthwhile, one of those chores that has been waiting on me for a while. I finished painting the trim in Light's room. She painted her room last summer, but never got quite done with the trim. I have of course intended to finish the trim since she left for school in August. Now that Superman has most of the stuff out of that room, I figured the time wasn't going to get better. I'd already masked the trim, it was ready to paint. Has been for MONTHS. So today I did it. Good for me.
• And because Superman has so many projects he needs to work on around the house, the house decided it wanted even more of his attention. S was in the backyard this morning when I was washing out the paintbrush in the kitchen sink. He knocked on the kitchen window to tell me he heard water leaking under the house. Leaking a lot, evidently. And it stinks. I called Superman. First I asked him how his day is going. He said busy, but fine. OK, it's safe to tell him. If he'd been having one of those days from hell, I'd have waited to tell him about the leak. I told him. He sighed that deep depressive sigh of a homeowner whose house is falling apart on him. Do you know that one?
• This is one of those things about me. When I think I don't have anything to talk about, I can nevertheless ramble on THIS long!! People who know me well are not surprised. Yet I'm always amazed. Is it denial? Or inattention?