Oh, Look at the Time!

As in, it's been a long time since I posted. I've been either busy, depressed, or hiding.

Tonight I had lots of beer. I drank all 5 of the remaining beers in the refrigerator.

We bought another refrigerator. It's a used one, only 10.5 sq ft. It sits in our bedroom. The original purpose of this refrigerator is to keep our beer safe from predation by the other residents of this household. Yes, someone (or more than one someone) has been swiping our beer. What cads! So I got a used 'fridge so we can keep our stuff secure behind the locked door of our bedroom..

There are too many people in this house. Twitch has an alternative situation that might (I hope!!) come to be. A friend of his has a place in Charleston SC and is looking for a third roommate. Twitch has already applied for jobs in that area online. I really hope he can move to Charleston.

The kidlets have been much easier to deal with this summer than in previous years. And actually Diva is sometimes pleasant! Can you believe it? Sproing is a pain in the ass, but I'm not letting it get to me much. Here's the thing: I went away for three weeks (you remember my trip to New England, right?) The separation helped the relationship between me and the kids. While I was away, Superman kinda let loose of the reigns a bit. He's not as strict as I am anyway. So when I came back it was easier to keep the looseness than to impose more restrictions. And I've loosened up on my give-a-shit. So they do whatever and I don't care.

Of course that's not entirely true. I keep tabs on them, and give some direction. But since I've loosened up they seem to be more willing to do what I ask of them. Most of the time. Diva more than Sproing (OMG!!) because he's a pain in the ass.

I've been on edge today. Why? I dunno. Had my period last week, so it isn't premenstrual shit. Maybe it's that my home is stressful. Could be, eh? OMG, the week before my period was hell. I was so cranky, and realized it was hormonal. Poor Superman. I tried to stay out of the way of the kids as much as possible. I recognize when I'm unreasonable.

Hey, lets see what this dog of ours looks like.

 His name is Oreo. I don't like that name, particularly, but that's what Sproing likes. It was what he was called as a puppy, when we got him. It's a name, so whatever. As often as not I call him "pup."

 He's more or less adorable. And bigger now than he is in these pics. He's nearly 6 months old now. He had his balls chopped off earlier this week, and starts obedience class later today. He's pretty smart, and very puppy-like. Weighed 45 lbs on Wednesday when he had his surgery. He's got a lot of Labrador in him, and some pit bull, according to the kid who gave him to Sproing.

Oh look! It's Superman! I like this picture. He's a cutie. I don't notice it when I look at him, but in these pictures he looks older than I perceive him to be. 

 And check out our produce! While I was on my trip this pair of squash was harvested from our garden. I had to get a picture of it to share with you, since it looks so much like a scrotum. I mean, am I right?

How fun is this? We didn't eat it. They picked it when I was away, and by the time I got home it was far from fresh. Oh well.

So, let's talk briefly about this garden thing. We planted green beans, squash, zucchini, and tomatoes. Here's the thing: I don't like squash or zucchini. Besides which, the zucchini plant died from some kind of bug infestation. We've eaten some of the green beans, though I've thrown out more than we've eaten.  I've also used some of the tomatoes. There are green ones on the vine which I'll harvest at the proper time.

So we planted this garden with things I don't like. WTF? I dunno. And Superman is too busy with work and stuff around the house to cook up any of this stuff.

I'm quite tipsy. I've been depressed most of the day, and decided I'd do the beer thing tonight while watching Braves baseball. Didn't have the first beer until the 8th inning, when we were leading the Cardinals 4-1. That was the final score, btw. After the game I continued with the beer. I'm dizzy and feeling smooth, but the headache is there, too.

So. Depression. Superman went to Georgia today to visit his family. Good for him. I'm glad he gets to do that. I hate that he's away, though. Sometimes he takes one of the boys (Diva isn't welcome in his parents' house after beating me up a couple of years ago) but this time he went by himself. So everyone else is home. They all drive me crazy. Wait. This paragraph was supposed to be about depression. OK, so I has it, the depression thing. I hate summer. Maybe things will be better when the kids get back in school. Their first day is Aug. 20th. Less than a month away! I need me time with none of these pariahs at home.

Let's talk about parenting. I've given up, sort of. Diva and Sproing are 15.5 years old now. They are responsible for their own behavior. They do what they want. I leave them alone. That's not entirely true, of course. I just try to keep things together with the minimum effort. I can't do any more than that. They've broken me. I just don't give the kind of shit that I used to.

It's officially Saturday. It's my brother's birthday today. He's 49. Hee hee hee. I can't wait to tease him next year. I'm two years older than he is, so anything I say he's already said to me. That's not why I started talking about Saturday, though. I haven't even opened my computer since sometime last weekend. All week I've been either watching TV (which I rarely do) or reading from my Kindle. I've read I don't know how many gay romance novels/stories. I read a straight romance today. It was weird. The two main guy characters fell in love with women. WTF is up with that? It's time for another gay story, or else something of high quality. I have a collection of E. M. Forster works on the Kindle.  The novel I read today was not well written, so I need something of quality to wash out my brain.

I have another book, a paperback, that I started earlier in the week. It's entitled The Hoarding Handbook. It's written for social service providers who deal with hoarders. It isn't specifically for mental health professionals, rather it is written by mental health professionals for others who deal with hoarders. I have read the first three chapters. It's good, I guess, but hard to read because I see myself in it. I got it so I might be able to help myself a bit with getting rid of the crap I've hoarded. It's a slow process, especially since I keep distracting myself.

OK, I'm going to quit this rambling and get ready for bed. It's high time I went to sleep.

This just in... (sound of random beeps and clicks in the background)

From Sean (Breen Lantern) at Idle Eyes and a Dormy

Which Superhero Are You?
My results:
You are Superman

Superman 70% Spider-Man 70% Hulk 55% Robin 53% Iron Man 50% Catwoman 45% Green Lantern 35% Supergirl 33% The Flash 30% Wonder Woman 18% Batman 15%

You are mild-mannered, good, strong and you love to help others.

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Test

And here I thought I was only married to Superman. 

Saturday stuff

I got a couple of questions from my previous post about how the kids behaved while I was on my trip. According to Superman, they did pretty well. Figures. I leave, they straighten up. He isn't as strict as I am, so they don't fight against him as hard as they do against me, I think. And since I have been home they've done pretty well, all things considered. We haven't had any law enforcement officers involved in our business, at least.

I'll tell you a story about Sproing, though. Last week I took him to the Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV) to take the test for his learner's permit. He took it, passed, and got his permit. All is well. He and his dad went driving a couple of times that day and the next. He was driving at 10:30 last Saturday night to pick up his sister from the skating rink, and got pulled over by a highway patrolman. He had been weaving in his lane, and the officer said he didn't come to a full stop at a stop sign. Superman says the stop sign thing was bogus, but Sproing was indeed weaving a bit. He's not used to sitting in the driver's seat, and it's a different perspective on the edge of the road. He was getting too close to the road's edge, and Superman reminded him to move toward the left a couple of times. The officer came up to the truck and looked at Sproing and his permit. Sproing is kinda small for his age. When he saw that Sproing had the learner's permit, he asked if Sproing was just learning to drive. Of course Sproing answered in the affirmative. The officer said "you have a lot to learn," gave the kid his permit back, and wrote out a warning ticket. All in all it was a good experience/lesson.

However, on Sunday of last week Sproing was acting all crazy. He was angry, arguing with us and throwing things around. He threw his learner's permit at me and stormed out of the room, only to come back a little while later to retrieve the card. Then he got a pair of scissors and cut his permit in half. WTF? Then, of course, threw those at me. So I have them, tucked away in a drawer. He isn't getting another chance, not for a long time.

Sproing discussed the incident a little bit on Monday. He said he wasn't going to be driving anymore, not any time soon. I agreed. He isn't quite mature enough to drive, obviously. One of the things he said when arguing with us on Saturday was that Dad kept commenting on his driving while they were out. Well, duh! No, he says, I don't comment on your driving when I am in the car with you! Which is a lie. He comments on our driving all the time. But he just can't accept constructive criticism, suggestions, or correction in anything that he does. Seriously. This is going to continue to be a problem throughout his life if he doesn't figure this out. And he cuts us off cold when we try to discuss it. Oh well.

Since the kids were pretty chill while I was away, I've tried not to get into their shit since I got home. I don't necessarily agree with this approach, but it's better for my blood pressure if I let it be. I dunno. Things are so far gone with these kids that it's probably too late to try the strict approach. Right now I'm just trying to not rock the boat.

The state agency that supervises Diva's social services is trying to drop her as a client. We had a meeting the day after I got home from points north. Did I tell you about that? Yeah, the ladies in charge said that she barely qualifies for services any more. We've put her case on hold for three months, after which we'll have another meeting. The thing with Diva, she can hold it together really well for a while, then some damn something will tip her over the edge. So yeah, right now she's great. I hope it stays this way.

The scab on the bite on my arm came off yesterday, two weeks after the bitch bit me. The wound isn't completely healed, though. I put a bandage on it after the scab came off, but have just removed it. There's going to be another scab forming, but it'll be a much smaller, thinner one. The scab on my finger is still there, though it is smaller now. That was quite a deep bite on the finger there. And the finger is still a bit sore to the touch.

My new DVD player came in yesterday's mail. We bought a cheap nasty one for the living room a while ago, but it broke, so we donated the one in our room to that cause and I began looking for a replacement. That was more challenging than I predicted. So I ended up ordering one from Amazon. It came yesterday. This afternoon Superman and I watched two chick flicks. He's a good sport. We watched "The Backup Plan" which neither of us had seen. It's cute, but quite simple. JLo, you know. The male lead is a fella named Alex O'Loughlin who I've never seen before. He's cute! After that movie was over I was in the mood to watch more sexy male romantic leads, so we watched my current go-to chick flick, "The Proposal" with Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds. >swoon< Ryan Reynolds is so drool-worthy! So Superman watched Sandra Bullock while I watched Ryan Reynolds, and we both enjoyed Betty White, because hey, what's not to enjoy?

Not a lot of deep philosophy in today's entry, huh? Eh, it's too hot to think too hard. I'm inside enjoying the air conditioning. We got a new A/C last spring, and it works so beautifully! So here I sit, rotting my brain and cooling my heels.

Bridges, lessons learned, and other random adventures

Now that I have mostly caught up on my sleep and have wasted literally hours on facebork, I'll get back to telling you about my road trip.

First, Skippy. (Dammit, where is my camera??) Drats, I can't find my camera. I want to take a new, close-up pic of Skippy. Oh well, here's one of him showing off the little gift package I got when I checked into the hotel in Connecticut. As I mentioned in my last post, I got him at a little shop on the Blue Ridge Parkway (BRP) on my way north.

Before I got on the BRP I stopped to eat at a Waffle House (WH), knowing that I'd soon travel beyond the range of that purveyor of comestibles. One thing I've noticed about Waffle Houses recently is that their employees seem to have better teeth. The old joke no longer applies. (That baby has more teeth than the entire third shift at Waffle House.)

There was a new guy working the WH the day I visited. He's a manager trainee, but evidently very new and that day he was learning the basics of waiting tables and calling out orders. Thankfully the crowd was light in the mid afternoon. All the gals working with him had to tell him how to call the orders to the cook. There is a protocol for that, you know. He was making a mess of it. His coworkers were very patient with him. The fact that he was young and cute might have influenced their attitudes. He was of average height, fit build without being either bulky or skinny, and had his blond hair in a buzz cut. I estimate his age to be 25. And he had red cheeks and the sweetest smile that made his eyes twinkle. He was very good natured about the whole fiasco. Really, the other gals carried the work very well as he stumbled along so it wasn't a fiasco at all. They called him Skippy. He did not wait on me, but I sat at the high counter with a front row seat to the show. I never saw his name tag clearly, but I think it said "Skip." So a couple of hours later when I bought my little black bear, his name had to be Skippy.

That happened at the beginning of the trip. From here I'm going to relate my experiences in reverse chronological order (mostly), mainly because I need to tell you about my night at the campground in New Jersey.

New Jersey is an odd place. For one thing, they don't sell maps of all of New Jersey on one map. I found an atlas (book) of every New Jersey county but that exceeds my NJ information needs. I was over halfway through NJ before I found a map I could use. The NJ roads and highways are different from what I'm used to. Busier, more commercial enterprises along the road. It was one long long long long series of strip malls from north of Trenton to Camden. I got off the Garden State Parkway where it intersects the NJ Turnpike and followed US-1 to US-130 which took me down the western part of the state. I got on a little two lane county road at one point that was quite pleasant. Otherwise, too much traffic. I had the address and directions to a campground in Clarksboro, but laws-a-mercy it was nigh unto impossible to find! I circled around, narrowing my spiral until I had to stop for directions. I hate doing that. But I finally found it! I felt so accomplished!

I was on the road for approximately 11 hours that day driving from Southington, CT to Clarksboro, NJ. The date was June 22, 2013, the day after the first day of summer, ergo sunlight stayed around late. I got to the campground at 8:00, maybe 8:30 and had plenty of light to set up my Conestoga. That was also the night of the supermoon (as near as I could tell) and I wanted to sleep outside that night.

As is typical of most campgrounds now, this place caters primarily to camper trailers and RVs. There were two tent camping sites beside a small cabin in a somewhat remote area away from any other campers. Shortly after I arrived a trio of young people, twenty-somethings, came to the cabin. One young man and two women. I didn't catch the guy's age, but the girls were 20 and 25.

They came to party. Oooh boy. Miss 20 yr old got an early start with hard liquor. The others were mostly drinking beer. They invited me to join them, which I did. Two other young men friends of theirs, Joe and Andrew (both HOT!!) joined them a bit later. I took a six pack over (because it's proper to take booze to a booze party, right?) and stuck to beer all night. Had my first taste of Bud Light Lime. Meh, OK but not spectacular. I had been drinking Third Shift lager, which I prefer. We were sitting around the fire ring in front of the cabin shooting the breeze and chillin' out. 'Twas quite enjoyable. Miss 20 yr old and the first guy went into the cabin (where the little refrigerator with the beer lived), turned out the lights, and got loudly frisky. Odd, but whatever. Afterward she kept drinking the hard stuff, and eventually became belligerent. First guy tried to calm her down, but she got violent with him. Joe and Andrew were getting uncomfortable, saying they were going to leave. They'd planned to stay the night.

And here's where I get stupid. (You see what's coming, right?) I don't have a lot of experience (OK, none) with violent drunks, but I can usually help sober people when they get out of hand. So I tried to calm down this little Miss 20 yr old. And she was little, probably weighs less than half what I do. I'm big, but not very strong. She was little, drunk, and very strong. With strong healthy teeth and good muscular jaws. Yep, I got beat up. The bitch bit me (broke the skin) in at least three places- my right side, right bicep, and left ring finger. She punched me in the chest above the right breast and in the back of my head. That happened a week ago, Saturday night last week. My finger and arm are still a little bit oozy and sore. The bruises all over have faded to a sickly yellow. Oh, she also got me in the jaw but not hard enough to bruise, thankfully. I bit my lip and cheek in the process, and that was sore for a few days. That's better now.

Lesson well and truly learned: stay away from angry drunk people.

After Joe and Andrew put bandages on my cuts they left and I went to my truck to sleep. After I minced to the bathroom. You know a person only rents beer. It gave the old kidneys a good workout. (Probably the liver, too.) I got to sleep pretty easily, but some time later was awakened by some noise and lights coming from the cabin. I peeked through my curtains and saw a law enforcement cruiser and two officers with flashlights at the cabin. Then I heard her yelling curses and insults. One of the officers said "Alright, now you're under arrest," to which she cursed some more. And low and behold if I didn't have to pee again. So I got up and made my way to the bathroom. On the way back I got a flashlight in my eyes, but no discussions ensued. When I woke up at 7:00 Sunday morning everyone was gone. So I packed up and went south.

I drove over the Chesapeake Bay Bridge (not the bridge-tunnel from the Norfolk area) which I've heard can be kinda scary for people with bridge allergies. Gephyrophobia. Bridges used to make me uncomfortable, but not so much anymore. Oh, I also crossed over the Tappan-Zee Bridge into New York (or was it New Jersey there?) That was fun. Of course on the way from South Carolina to Pennsylvania I crossed the New River Gorge Bridge, one of my faves. It was a bridge crossing trip. Sean and Jeffrey took me across the Hudson River a lot when I visited Breen Acres.

Sunday I drove to Richmond, VA to my cousin's house. She had a little baby girl two months ago and I wanted to hold someone else's baby, which I did. I also got to play with her precious two-year-old son.  I did not want her to know about by violent encounter, and thankfully the shirt I wore covered all my injuries except the deep cut (bite) on my finger, and that was easily explained as a camping incident. You know, I pinched my finger (between some bitch's teeth). I was exhausted and not up to extensive visiting, so I didn't contact any of my lovely blogger friends in the Richmond area. Sorry guys. Maybe next time. When I went to bed Sunday night I told my cousin not to worry about keeping the kids quiet, that I'd wake up whenever I needed to. I hoped to get a fairly early start on my trip back to South Carolina, but did not set any alarms or anything. And I slept until 11:00! Woah! I was tired! It made the trip home seem longer and hotter, getting that late a start, but I don't mind. If I was tired enough to sleep that long (at least 12 hours), I needed the sleep more than I needed to get home early.

I am back in The South(TM). It's hot and humid, just like summer in The South(TM). I hate it, but I'll try not to complain too much. There is baseball and air conditioning, so it's OK. I didn't watch Braves baseball the whole 2.5 weeks I was away. They did well without my supervision.

And that's all I have to say about that.

INTERWEBZ!!

OMG y'all, it's the Internet! I haven't been online since Monday, and on Monday I forgot to post. I got so wrapped up in email that I spaced a post. Sorry. Before Monday I hadn't been online since the previous Wednesday. Holy crap, y'all. That's a long time!

I'm on the homeward leg of my trip. OMG I have had a fantastic time. I camped. There are pictures.

Today is the longest day of the year. Taking full advantage of that, I woke up at 4:30 this morning to break camp and head out. Left the campground around 6, iirc, and headed east to St. Johnsbury, VT. Strange name. Pretty town. Got gas and caffeinated coffee!! First caffeine I've had for days! It was utterly thrilling!! I still feel buzzed from it. OK, not really. I feel buzzed from being over-tired. I drove through a bunch of New Hampshire then into Maine, down the center (or something - not the coast) to New Hampshire again, because one must go through New Hampshire to get to Massachusetts from Maine. So I did. I got as far as Southington, Connecticut.

OMG, y'all, I haven't told you about Skippy yet! He's Skippy the Wander Bear. Because he goes with me when I wander. I got him in North Carolina in a little shop on the Blue Ridge Parkway. Here he is in the truck when we got to the campground in Vermont. He's excited about it, but it's hard to tell. This is the mess of my truck after approximately 10 days on the road. Skippy is very patient with me. He makes an excellent traveling companion. I can talk to him and he doesn't argue with me.

Although I didn't have access to the interwebz, I did take notes. I've got lots of stuff written in a little notebook, mostly the kind of things I'd write here if I could. Since I wrote down the info about Skippy, I forgot that I hadn't actually told you for real. I'll get back to that (I hope), transcribing (or interpreting) my notes into blog posts. I'll tell you then how Skippy got his name. Waffle House is involved.

My mind is all over the place. Beer is a contributing factor, but I was pretty crazy before I had my first. I've only just started on my second. I'd better hurry and write before I get to my third, because I have no idea what kind of foolishness will spill out from there.

Tonight's selections include Third Shift and Samuel Adams' Irish Red. Happiness ensues.

You wanna see the conestoga? I made sure to take pictures this morning before I took it down.

How groovy is that? From another perspective, how redneck (hick, podunk, hillbilly, white trash, bootleg) is that? WTF, I like it. I mentioned in the last post that I hadn't figured what to do about the sides. Well, I got an inspiration at the Black and Blue store (Red White and Blue thrift store in Pittsburgh, but I like to call it Black and Blue because it's fun and it irritates Light). Shower curtains!! They already have holes in them for hangin' and they're about the right length. Two of the three I got are extremely light weight. And I think they are all pretty. Put together with that crazy plaid, it all looks, well, bootleg, but what the fuck. Maybe one day I'll get it all color coordinated, but if not, what the hell? 

Here's the rundown of the trip so far. I went first to Indiana, PA to visit Light. There is more to say about that, but for now I'll say I had a lovely time. I was there from ... Saturday to Friday (6/8 to 6/14). Then I drove to Troy, New York to visit Breen Acres (Sean and Jeffrey). I was there until Tuesday 6/18. Man, what fun!! Of course I also saw Harvey Milk and Rita Mae Brown. They are the stars of the show, no doubt. I had a truly marvelous time visiting the Breens. 

On Tuesday I went to Vermont. I've been fascinated with Vermont for a while. Superman researched the state for a story he wrote, and he is pretty fascinated with the place as well. I wish he could have been with me. I drove from the capital district of New York to Bennington, VT, then hit highway 7 north to Rutland, Middlebury, and Burlington. I hung a southeast out of Burlington on highway 2 to Montpelier. From there I continued on US 2 to Groton Forest Road (called New Discovery Rd on Google Maps, but whatever). The campground where I stayed is called Groton Forest Rd Campground, so we'll call the road Groton Forest Road. OK? It's a small privately owned campground. Simple, but with nice facilities. Definitely functional and handy. I set up between two very nice camper trailers. Oh, yeah, I looked very hillbilly. I'll let you know if I start to give a shit about that. 

Did you get to see tonight's full moon? Actually, I think it's maybe a day short of full, but close enough. The sky here is very clear and the moon is awesome. How cool is it that the Summer Solstice coincides with a full moon? Very. 

I'm at the Days Inn in Southington, CT tonight. Skippy says that camping is fun and all, but Hey! Hotel rooms are really nice! 

Beer #2 is gone, and I've been awake and active for approximately 19 hours. Since I'd like to get to Virginia tomorrow, sleep would be an excellent idea right about now. 

There is more to say, but you will have to wait. 

Oh, except this one thing. Ur-Spo, I drove through Tewksbury today! No rats were consumed. *N.B. Massachusetts spells the town "Tewksbury" whereas England adds an "e": Tewkesbury. Not sure how rats are involved, but I suspect it's a rather sordid affair. 

(Just realized that today I've been to every state in New England except Rhode Island. Is that why I'm tired?)

Convince yourself that everything is alright

For Nancy - Pete Yorn : Time Lapse Lettering from Bobby Roman on Vimeo.

'Cause it already is.

Nice message. Does it work? I dunno. Maybe.

I am preparing for a trip. I told you that last time, I believe. I made myself a new skirt and a dress or two. I say "or two" because the first one I made, well, the dress turned out OK before I "helped" it. I art-ed it up by painting it. It's made of plain unbleached muslin, so it was very plain and off white and boring. So I had some fun with craft paints. But the dress didn't fare so well. It looks like it was dragged through the mud. Doesn't matter much to me, really, because I made it with muslin as a test of the pattern. I'll use it as a house dress, just wear it at home when I'm hanging around doing home stuff.

Then I used the same pattern to make a dress with a blue and green checked seersucker cotton fabric. I'm wearing it right now. It works, it's comfortable, and it looks good (I think). So that's an overall win. I'm also going to use this pattern for some nice linen I bought a couple of years ago. That's the plan, anyway.

I have decided to try to do something creative every day. So far I've mostly sewed. I'd really like to get back into sculpture of some kind, but I'm working up to that. And there is a good bit of sewing I should do anyway. My wardrobe is... old. And worn. I have quite a few house dresses, or as I like to call them, rags. I rarely wear them when I go out anywhere. Most of them used to be fairly decent clothes but have been worn slap out. So I need some new stuff. So I sew. Diva and I went to the fabric store yesterday and I found (on sale!!) some pretty yellow fabric with a little flowery print. I bought the rest of the bolt (4 yards) and want to make a blouse from that, to match the skirt I plan to make from some yellow gauze stuff I have that looks like that picture up there.

Then there's the conestoga frame. I've used painter's drop cloth canvas to cover the conestoga in the past, but that stuff is very heavy. I'm not in good shape, folks. My muscles are weak and wimpy, so I need something a bit lighter and easier to manage. I made the roof portion of the cover last night. Now I need to set up the conestoga frame to determine how and where to attach the sides. I hope to do that this afternoon, but it looks like rain. I want Superman to help, also, because... well, because I want help.

We went to our favorite place, The Mill House, for brunch today. Today is the first day they've been opened on Sunday and have served brunch. As far as I'm concerned it was a smashing success. Mimosas, people. And savory crepes. And one of their specialties, Drunk shrimp and grits. The grits are actually polenta, and the shrimp are marinated in some kind of beer (I forget what) then they make a sauce with the marinade. It was extremely good. I had the curried chicken crepe which was even better than Superman's drunk shrimp and grits. After my mimosas (yes, two) I had a beer. So yeah, I'm feeling pretty good right now.

Today is C's birthday. He's 25. We were going to take him out for brunch for his birthday, but he had to work (he's a cook at Shoney's) until noon, but didn't get off until after 1:30. We were already at The Mill House, waiting for him to join us. Eventually we left, came home, and he was just getting out of the shower. So I told him we'd take him out for dinner, but he's going to spend the rest of the day with his friend Holly. Oh well, we'll take him out later this week. And I got to have a delicious boozy brunch with my Superman, so it's all good.

That's all I can think of off the top of my head. Since I have some sewing and other prep-for-my-trip work to do, think I'll post this, change into my house dress (or some shorts) and get to work.

It's been quite a weekend

and I don't want to talk about it. Suffice to say that the police were involved. Here. At 1:30 this morning. Sproing this time.

Superman found the conestoga frame for my truck. I'm a goin' on the road again in a couple of weeks. Less than two weeks now, actually. I'm preparing stuff, beginning to figure out the route. I'm going to upstate New York anyway, and possibly on into New England. Right now I'm all hep to go lots of places and see lots of people. Once I've been on the road for a while I'll be less eager to go other places and more eager to come home to Superman. Though not so eager to come home to the miscreants.

I'll have to explain the conestoga frame. It's a wooden framework with PVC pole ribs to support a tarp, making the bed of the truck into a tent of sorts. (I would promise pictures, but you know how I am about picture promises. I still owe you pics of the puppy and my last road trip.) The idea is for me to do some camping while I'm on the road, or at least have that as an option.

Diva insists that we grill burgers today, it being Memorial Day. So we've got hamburger meat for those who want it, some veggie burgers for me and whomever else may want some, a few chicken boobies, some beer brats, and some turkey hot dogs. Diva just put an apple pie in the oven. She made it herself from scratch, including the crust. I'm impressed, actually. Took her a couple of hours to do it, but that's OK.

The right rear tire on my truck is flat. Sproing noticed it flat yesterday afternoon. Don't know what happened, exactly. Superman suspects I have a nail or screw stuck in it. We (he) will take it to our favorite tire place tomorrow to get it repaired (if it can be repaired).

Spelling quandary: repair and prepare. Why aren't they both spelled with either an "are" or an "air"? Those two words trip me up regularly.

That's all I got for now, folks.

Good intentions

Of course I've been meaning to write. Almost wrote a post last night, but was too tired.

I got a lot of good work done yesterday. I fixed a rather elaborate dinner. It wasn't all that fancy, but I ended up spending a lot of time in the kitchen. It was a good meal, too. Roasted chicken, low fat sweet potato casserole, and a simple salad that Superman made. Oh, and homemade yeast rolls. It's the dessert that took so much time and used so many eggs. I made an angel food cake, using a dozen egg whites. That left me with a dozen egg yolks. So I made a big double recipe of chocolate pudding. Have you ever made pudding from scratch? It's time consuming. Not terribly difficult, though not  simple either. Anyway, I had fun with it. Dinner was a success, the food part anyway. The table conversation, not as much.

Because the kids were at the table with us. Diva and Sproing got deeply involved in a spat. Again. For the second night in a row. Twitch didn't help, adding his opinions to the fray. And right now, honestly, I can't even remember which particular mess happened last night or the night before. And I don't remember details of the arguments either.

One of the things I was going to say last night is that I'm doing better with the kids. I've been more involved in the household, spending a bit less time hiding in my room. That seems to help some. Sometimes. And yesterday morning I woke up before 5. I lay in bed thinking about making waffles, and finally got up and did that. That's one of the things that kept me in the kitchen for so long yesterday. I made a huge quadruple batch of waffles, with plenty of leftovers to freeze. Think Eggos, only better. That used 8 eggs right there. Yeah, I went through about two dozen eggs yesterday, all things considered. The sweet potato casserole used one, the dinner rolls used another couple. I had a brief nap after lunch, but had to get up to pick up Sproing from bad kid school. He gets out at 1:45. School starts around 8, more or less. I can't remember exactly. Superman takes him in the morning, I usually pick him up in the afternoon. It's a relatively short school day. Shorter by an hour than the elementary schools. Think of it, though, a whole school program full of troublesome students like Sproing. They don't hang on well throughout the day (Sproing's medicine wears off early sometimes) and who wants to deal with that much grief for a long time? So yeah, they only have about five hours of school. I guess that qualifies legally as one day's instruction. They have to get their required 180 days in. Except for when the kids get suspended. Which Sproing did last week. Did I mention that? Yeah, he got suspended from bad kid school for three days. What a mess. Kinda like this paragraph, which is a huge mess. Let's leave this particular travesty and begin another paragraph, shall we?

So, better at dealing with these kids, right? Well, maybe. Or not. Let's discuss today. (Must we?) (Yes, Java, go ahead and get it out. It'll be alright. Take a deep breath, be calm, etc.) This morning I got a call from the high school, from one of the assistant principals. Diva was in trouble and needed to be taken home. Her regular assistant principal was out of the office today, so another one had to fill in. Diva was not suspended or anything, just sent home for today. Because she was not cooperating in class or something. What she did was get up and walk out of a class after the teacher refused to allow her to leave. That's the mood she's in. She got into some argument with another student or students before school and let this attitude affect her behavior. So she was sent home. Except she wouldn't come out to the truck when I got there. So I went in to get her, but she wouldn't go with me, she wanted to see her guidance counselor. Fine. We go in to see the counselor. She doesn't want me to go with her. Tough, I'm your mom and you don't get to choose these things. She told the counselor about the drama with the other girls. He said something like "OK, I see that problem, but look at your choices now. You are the one who's letting this attitude affect you. You can't change their behavior, you can only control yours." You know, that sort of thing. She huffed out his office and went back to class. WTF? She's been sent home, she can't go back to class! I didn't know where she was and asked the nice lady in the attendance office to help find her. Yeah, the kid went to her next class. The nice attendance lady (she really is a nice woman. I like her.) sent someone to escort Diva to the front office where I was waiting to take her home. You can imagine Diva's attitude by now.

We got in the truck, I told her to put on her seatbelt, and she refused. Good gods, is this how it's gonna be? So I turned the truck off. We aren't moving until you put on your seatbelt. Fine. We sat there for 45 minutes. In the heat. (Thankfully it isn't as hot and humid as it has been.) I ended up calling for the school resource officer to help. He got her to fasten her seatbelt. We came home. I told her she is grounded for the long holiday weekend (they are out of school Monday, oh my aching ass). She wouldn't give me her phone, but called her boyfriend (he's 13. Where is he that he can talk to her in the middle of a school day?). Anyway, a bunch of yada yada yada like this shit for a while. Superman came home. He tried to reason with her. Nope, no good. So he spanked her with his belt. No good. She ran off. We called the police to report her as a runaway. She actually came back home, was in the back yard but we didn't know it. Sproing saw her back there. So the nice police officer came over, talked to her, talked to Superman and me a bit.

Before Superman went back to work he talked to Diva again, this time she listened. She did her laundry (one of the things I told her to do) and said she would clean her room and the bathroom. I haven't checked up on that yet. I keep thinking I'll get up and go check, but alas, I can't seem to motivate my butt off this bed and away from the computer. Yeah, I'm afraid of her. My defenses don't want to subject me to her presence.

I took away the curtain from her window. I took away her rat (hamster, but whatever). There isn't a whole lot that she has that we can take away. Oh, about the phone. She refused to give the phone to her dad, so he went to the mobile phone store and had it disconnected. So she might have the physical phone, but she has no way to call, text, etc. anyone she wants to talk to. I think she can still call the emergency number, so that's good there, I guess.

Superman called a few minutes ago, asked about supper plans. I have some stuff I can throw together for dinner, but he wants to go out to our default location. So he's picking up some cheap nasty take out pizzas for the ne'er-do-wells and we'll go out tonight. I wonder if that's the best decision. Perhaps we should stay here to supervise the mayhem. But I can't think clearly right now. He says he's considered it, and the best option is to get away from them for a couple of hours. Hopefully pizza will placate them for that long.

I really don't know what else to say. There are some other things happening in my life, I think. I sewed some this week. Made a dress that I plan to paint. It's a plain muslin thing I put together to test the pattern. I want to use the pattern on other fabric, but want to make sure the pattern works for me. So I have this white dress that, for the most part, works pretty well except the color. So I'm going to paint it so it looks fantastic. That's the plan. I have to be more calm and sane than I have been today for that to work at all. I tried to do a couple of other things this afternoon, but was too frantic and scattered to accomplish anything except sitting here playing Mahjong Titans and surfing the 'net. I hate this crazy feeling. I really thought I was starting to get my shit together better than this, but I didn't count on the Diva Explosion. I suppose I should have. She always does this eventually.

Hell, I don't want to talk about her anymore right now. I'll post this, change my shirt, put on some shoes in preparation for going out with my wonderful husband. Yeah, that's the plan.

Misc.

This song has been floating around in my head since mid afternoon today (Saturday). I don't know why. It's been years since I thought about it.


And for some reason pedophilia has been on my mind this afternoon, but I think I know why. C and I had a discussion about a woman he knows whose father sexually abused her from a very young age. In addition to emotional damage, she has physical damage from his abuse (both physical and sexual). There is a lot I could say about who would do such an evil thing, but I won't go there today. This conversation meshed with the topic of hell. Hell: is it real? Is it a place, some ethereal plane where "sinners" spend eternity, as I learned in church? I don't think so anymore. Nowadays I am more inclined toward the idea that hell happens here and now, caused by people doing terrible things to others.

Superman took all three of the kids to Carowinds today.  It was a treat for me to be here alone (well, except for C and his buddy). I had a very good day. I spent a lot of time with the dog (which reminds me, I owe you pictures of this dog. I also need to keep taking pics of him because he keeps growing). He's still getting the hang of doing his bodily eliminations outside. I watched him very carefully today and he did most of his business outside. Progress! He's a sweet puppy.

I also baked some bread. I considered doing more baking, but did other things instead. I went to the grocery fairly early this morning, leaving for the store around 8:30. I was gone an hour or so. Earlier would have been better, but the crowds weren't bad. I got through the checkout very quickly.

The other fun thing I did with all this alone time was start a new sewing project. I enjoy sewing, but don't do it often. It takes a lot of creative energy, and when the kids are here they drain my energy, making it nigh unto impossible to start a sewing project. I also need a chunk of uninterrupted time (minimal interruptions, at least) and with these trolls here that doesn't happen much.

I sort of wanted to take a nap, but decided against it. I have all this time to myself today, why waste it sleeping? Maybe I'll nap tomorrow (Sunday).

Let's see, what else was I going to tell you?

Sproing, as I think I've mentioned before, is now going to the alternative school, the place where delinquents who can't be civil in regular school spend time "refocusing" on their education. Yeah. About that. He was suspended from the alternative school for three days on account of he wouldn't sit quietly and do his work in class. I don't know about that boy. So he was home on Friday, and will be home Monday and Tuesday. This is  not the way I want to spend my days! This is yet another reason I don't have a job outside the home. We don't trust these kids to stay by themselves for very long. A few hours every so often, sure, but not all day every day of the week while Superman and I are at work. You'd think that by the time they were 15 they'd be responsible enough to take care of themselves. Nope. Not these two.

For the past two or three days Sproing has been relatively well behaved and cooperative. This is a big change from the week or so previous. O.M.G. That kid has been horrid. He's talking to us in a manner one does not talk to one's parents! Except he does. He argues about every little thing. He deflects the conversation (argument) from the topic at hand to insignificant side issues. He is supposed to be grounded right now but earlier in the week he just ran off with his friends and stayed out until almost 9:00, after dark. Didn't care that he was grounded. Wouldn't cooperate with anything. Screamed at me and his dad, was rude beyond belief, and hurtful too. He says some of the most hurtful things. I'm sensitive to it. He knows my buttons, dammit. I'm supposed to be able to remove my emotions from the conversations, let his comments roll of my back more samer than a duck with water.

The early part of the week was awful. On Monday I met with the Continuum of Care team to get Sproing back on their client list. I got a letter today saying that our request is denied. Evidently there are community resources we can access to help with his behavior. OK. Yeah, in the meeting I got a couple of leads for resources for him. Haven't checked into them yet. Frankly, I forgot. But the rejection letter today reminds me.

The meeting was difficult, as I had to discuss his behavior and defend myself as a parent. The other people in the meeting were kinda tough on me. They didn't say anything that isn't true. You know, they stepped on my toes. It was hard. I feel like I do the best I can with that boy (and his sister) but they're saying "you can do better." Well shit! This shit is hard! But they are right, there are things we can do to improve the way we handle it. It is really really hard to focus on the details when all hell is breaking loose around here! As parents we are not as consistent as we should be. There is too much chaos in the household. We get emotionally overwhelmed too easily.

On Tuesday I had another meeting with ... somebody. Oh, yeah, my psychiatrist. I laid into him about my troubles, and he said "sounds like you need a therapist." Yeah, well, I have one of those. Two, actually, since we've got a family therapist coming to the house once a week for now. I don't know what I was supposed to say to the good doctor. "Hi. I'm current on my meds. Nice weather we're having. Well, see ya' in three months." He gave me some advice, most of it useless. He doesn't work with children and adolescents, and I don't blame him. Those kidlets are tricky. So he doesn't know how the systems work. He suggested placing them (one or both) into an alternative living arrangement. Oh, doctor, you are so far behind the curve here! After a while I quit listening to him. The only thing he said that was marginally useful is to think of myself as a survivor rather than a victim. I'm not sure exactly how to do that, but it's something I can contemplate. He said that I am smart and something else, maybe intuitive or some such. Anyway, that I can figure this shit out if only I try harder. Made me want to cry.

Then on Wednesday I met with Sproing's counselor. He and I went in to the session together. He usually goes alone, but I needed to talk with the counselor (Marie. She's pretty good, actually.) about his atrocious behavior. He was in the office too, and he demonstrated some of his nasty attitude and rude behavior. Marie pointed out how I was falling into his trap, taking the bait he set for me. After maybe 15 minutes he got up and walked out. Fine. The little son of a bitch. So Marie and I finished the session. It was easier without him. She told me I was smart and intuitive or some shit. Pretty much the same thing my psychiatrist said. I cried. I started tearing up a bit before Sproing left, and I suspect that's what triggered his exit. He hates when I cry. He acts like a total shit, it frustrates and hurts me, I cry, and he gets upset. WTF?? Marie told me to be stronger (I'm starting to tear up now as I type this), not to take his bait. She told me to keep doing what I'm doing, be consistent. Basically, I (we) need to keep up the parenting. Even in the face of total failure (what it looks like from here. She says it isn't total failure, but I fail to see that) we need to continue to stand firm and guide the boy. And the girl, for that matter. I feel so overwhelmed, but the message I got for three consecutive days was that I need to muscle up, rethink my reactions to this shit, quit being overwhelmed and get stronger. Damn. I mean, DAMN. Dammit dammit dammit.

And ever since the counseling session on Wednesday Sproing has been trying to behave himself. He has had a good attitude, mostly, and isn't arguing or going into a rage the way he was for more than a week prior to Wednesday. He is easier to deal with now, for sure, but I know nothing has changed, really. He's still the same, and something will happen to tip him into the anger pool again. Don't know when, it could be tomorrow, or he could be copacetic for another week or maybe two. But then he'll lose his shit again and drag me through the emotional furnace. And in the meantime there's Diva. Who pulls the same shit, only with less predictability. And less self control, which gets really scary.

So, to review: I'm a failure as a parent, except I'm not. I'm smart and CAN figure this out, except I can't. Or haven't yet, anyway. Oh, and the family therapist has also told me that I am smart and creative and can figure out how to handle their shit. He said that a few weeks ago. I actually really like this guy, but sometimes he pisses me off. Or maybe it's me who pisses me off. I don't know.

OK, it's so late that it isn't even today anymore. I didn't get a nap today, and got up pretty damned early considering how late I went to bed last night. So I'm gonna shut down and go to sleep now. Well, soon. Eventually. Aw hell...

I'm back

Betcha didn't notice I was gone, huh?

I ran away for a few days, got some mountain therapy. I went camping all by myself not too far from the Blue Ridge Parkway. On my way home yesterday I drove a couple of hours on the BRP. And by "on my way" I mean more than 100 miles out of my way. But that's my way.

I have pictures. Yes, I got a new camera. I'd take a picture of it, but it can't take its own picture, right? Ah, never mind. Look it up. It is a Canon little blue thing. Canon with some letters and numbers after it. A quick and dirty point-and-shoot because that's my way. I'd post the pictures now, except I haven't downloaded them yet and I can't reach the camera from where I'm sitting. I'm also somewhat cat stuck, so of course I can't get up.

Can you tell I am lazy today?

I had to get away from the little troll monsters. I was just about over the edge. I had a fine time and felt much better while I was there. The damnedest thing, though, is that I came back and here it was, waiting for me. Sproing was here when I got home, and he was a total asshole to me. Diva was at the skating ring (as she calls it) and I was in bed when she got home, so I didn't see her until this morning. She's acting all nice and friendly, which just pisses me off. There's something about her that creeps me out. She can be nice, but she's so often cruel to me that the nice seems like the worst kind of hypocrisy and/or cover-up.

I'm home and irritable. Except Superman, everyone else in this house irritates me. As Superman says, "I want them all gone."

Did I tell you that C lost his job? He has worked at the donut shop for nearly two years, off and on. The owner's daughter works there, too, of course, and (or but) she has a bit of a drug problem. She evidently has been skimming from the till. She has even admitted it before. Well, two weeks ago there was some money missing and the owner blamed C for it and fired him. He says, of course, that he didn't take it, and he probably didn't. (Once you're lied to so many times, it's very difficult to believe anyone. C doesn't lie to me, I think, but so many other young people do that I have a hard time believing anyone any more.) But the owner fired him nevertheless. So right now none of the young adults in this household are working. Actually, Superman is the only one with a job. It's a bad position to be in. We've given the guys (including Twitch) some significant home improvement and landscape jobs to do in lieu of rent payment this month, but so far none of them has even started. I am pissed.

I need to stop talking about this right now, I'm getting too worked up. I'm trying to remain chill. Hard to do around here.

I was away from home for three days. I left Tuesday afternoon (if I recall) and got home late yesterday afternoon. Whilst I was away Superman had to leave work for at least 1.5 hours each day to take care of Sproing or Diva's needs. Diva had a doctor's appointment, Sproing had to be picked up from school. (Did I mention he's going to the "alternative" school now? No transportation except us unless we can show need.) Yesterday Sproing was complaining of back pain and couldn't sit in his desk without pain. So he says. Superman had to pick him up early, then didn't get away from the house for over an hour.

Superman was commenting about how  much of his time they needed during the day, and I said yeah, that's one of the main reasons I don't have a job. I feel a bit guilty, or bad, about not bringing in any income, but I know how much running around I do during the weekday taking care of these kids' needs. I need him to validate my significance for that sometimes. He told me he appreciates all that I do so that he can stay at work. I feel better now. (maybe a little bit, anyway)

Tomorrow is Mother's Day. I have a problem with Mother's Day from a mother's perspective. I'm fine from a daughter's perspective. I'll call my Mama either tonight or tomorrow and all will be well. I gave her a gift when I saw her last month in Florida. No, it's my kids. The only kid I enjoy spending time with lives 600+ miles away. The other three who bug the crap out of me to varying degrees live way too close. Diva asked me today what I'd like for Mother's Day. She wants to cook me dinner. I'm OK with that, but have to decide what I want. But like I said previously, she kinda creeps me out and I don't trust her when she's being nice to me. As for Sproing, we had a brief interaction yesterday and he was unbelievably disrespectful to me. Superman had a talk with him and came away confused as to why Sproing seems to hate me so vehemently. I don't know. I wish we could ignore Mother's Day around here.

I've been having dreams recently in which I'm being attacked my small children. I used to love kids. I wanted lots. Be careful what you wish for. I'm so bitter and cynical about children now, and I hate it. Honestly, I am afraid of children.

I'm worried about Superman. He is under incredible stress. He was talking to the family therapist while I was away this week, and the therapist said if he doesn't relieve some of this stress it's gonna kill him. Kill him. Dead. I really really really don't want him dead. I need him desperately, I love him deeply, he is a large part of who I am. He needs to not be dead. And this kind of stress will kill a man. I've seen it happen before. With our recent brush with mortality (my Daddy) I'm even more aware of how fragile life can be.

The kids are putting us in danger, mentally, emotionally, and even physically. It makes sense to get them out of the house. We've been trying to get Diva out of here. We've looked into group homes and such, and due to her behavior history she doesn't qualify for placement in most of the places we can afford to put her. The state hasn't helped much. At all. We have yet another meeting with the Continuum of Care folks on Tuesday. Maybe there's something yet to be done.

Damn, I'm depressing myself. When I started this post my intention was to be cheerful and shit. And really, I had a lovely time in the mountains, even when putting up the tent in the rain (almost). (Almost a good time, not almost putting up the tent in the rain. I did put up the tent in the rain.) Thursday and Friday were gorgeous weather days. The drive yesterday was spectacular. Then last night I got to sleep with my husband (and also "sleep" with my husband) and that was lovely. The cat is affectionate, as if perhaps she missed me. She's getting fine black hairs all over me, but that's one of the ways she expresses her love, I like to believe. Oh, I also read a few books while I was gone. Lovely gay romances, mostly. I stayed up all night reading one on Wednesday night/Thursday morning, didn't go to sleep until maybe 8 in the morning. And no one was there to deride me for that shit. Love my Kindle!

Plans for today are to stay away from people as much as possible and perhaps get some more sleep. Lovely time in the mountains, not quite enough sleep. Eh. It's my way.

Oh, also, I bought a new "Welcome" mat to go in front of the tent in order to reduce the dirt going into the tent. Our front door mat is old and useless, so when I got home we threw out the old one, replaced it with the new one. The new one actually says "Welcome" on it. As introverted and, perhaps, unsocial as I am, I really don't like my door mat to say "Welcome." The old one said "Wipe Your Paws." That was better. I've seen one in magazines that says "Go Away" which suits me even better. Maybe I should get a plain mat and paint something like "Enter at Your Own Risk" on it. Although actually I like "Go Away" better.

Be back here soon, hopefully, with pictures from the trip.