Oh, Look at the Time!

As in, it's been a long time since I posted. I've been either busy, depressed, or hiding.

Tonight I had lots of beer. I drank all 5 of the remaining beers in the refrigerator.

We bought another refrigerator. It's a used one, only 10.5 sq ft. It sits in our bedroom. The original purpose of this refrigerator is to keep our beer safe from predation by the other residents of this household. Yes, someone (or more than one someone) has been swiping our beer. What cads! So I got a used 'fridge so we can keep our stuff secure behind the locked door of our bedroom..

There are too many people in this house. Twitch has an alternative situation that might (I hope!!) come to be. A friend of his has a place in Charleston SC and is looking for a third roommate. Twitch has already applied for jobs in that area online. I really hope he can move to Charleston.

The kidlets have been much easier to deal with this summer than in previous years. And actually Diva is sometimes pleasant! Can you believe it? Sproing is a pain in the ass, but I'm not letting it get to me much. Here's the thing: I went away for three weeks (you remember my trip to New England, right?) The separation helped the relationship between me and the kids. While I was away, Superman kinda let loose of the reigns a bit. He's not as strict as I am anyway. So when I came back it was easier to keep the looseness than to impose more restrictions. And I've loosened up on my give-a-shit. So they do whatever and I don't care.

Of course that's not entirely true. I keep tabs on them, and give some direction. But since I've loosened up they seem to be more willing to do what I ask of them. Most of the time. Diva more than Sproing (OMG!!) because he's a pain in the ass.

I've been on edge today. Why? I dunno. Had my period last week, so it isn't premenstrual shit. Maybe it's that my home is stressful. Could be, eh? OMG, the week before my period was hell. I was so cranky, and realized it was hormonal. Poor Superman. I tried to stay out of the way of the kids as much as possible. I recognize when I'm unreasonable.

Hey, lets see what this dog of ours looks like.

 His name is Oreo. I don't like that name, particularly, but that's what Sproing likes. It was what he was called as a puppy, when we got him. It's a name, so whatever. As often as not I call him "pup."

 He's more or less adorable. And bigger now than he is in these pics. He's nearly 6 months old now. He had his balls chopped off earlier this week, and starts obedience class later today. He's pretty smart, and very puppy-like. Weighed 45 lbs on Wednesday when he had his surgery. He's got a lot of Labrador in him, and some pit bull, according to the kid who gave him to Sproing.

Oh look! It's Superman! I like this picture. He's a cutie. I don't notice it when I look at him, but in these pictures he looks older than I perceive him to be. 

 And check out our produce! While I was on my trip this pair of squash was harvested from our garden. I had to get a picture of it to share with you, since it looks so much like a scrotum. I mean, am I right?

How fun is this? We didn't eat it. They picked it when I was away, and by the time I got home it was far from fresh. Oh well.

So, let's talk briefly about this garden thing. We planted green beans, squash, zucchini, and tomatoes. Here's the thing: I don't like squash or zucchini. Besides which, the zucchini plant died from some kind of bug infestation. We've eaten some of the green beans, though I've thrown out more than we've eaten.  I've also used some of the tomatoes. There are green ones on the vine which I'll harvest at the proper time.

So we planted this garden with things I don't like. WTF? I dunno. And Superman is too busy with work and stuff around the house to cook up any of this stuff.

I'm quite tipsy. I've been depressed most of the day, and decided I'd do the beer thing tonight while watching Braves baseball. Didn't have the first beer until the 8th inning, when we were leading the Cardinals 4-1. That was the final score, btw. After the game I continued with the beer. I'm dizzy and feeling smooth, but the headache is there, too.

So. Depression. Superman went to Georgia today to visit his family. Good for him. I'm glad he gets to do that. I hate that he's away, though. Sometimes he takes one of the boys (Diva isn't welcome in his parents' house after beating me up a couple of years ago) but this time he went by himself. So everyone else is home. They all drive me crazy. Wait. This paragraph was supposed to be about depression. OK, so I has it, the depression thing. I hate summer. Maybe things will be better when the kids get back in school. Their first day is Aug. 20th. Less than a month away! I need me time with none of these pariahs at home.

Let's talk about parenting. I've given up, sort of. Diva and Sproing are 15.5 years old now. They are responsible for their own behavior. They do what they want. I leave them alone. That's not entirely true, of course. I just try to keep things together with the minimum effort. I can't do any more than that. They've broken me. I just don't give the kind of shit that I used to.

It's officially Saturday. It's my brother's birthday today. He's 49. Hee hee hee. I can't wait to tease him next year. I'm two years older than he is, so anything I say he's already said to me. That's not why I started talking about Saturday, though. I haven't even opened my computer since sometime last weekend. All week I've been either watching TV (which I rarely do) or reading from my Kindle. I've read I don't know how many gay romance novels/stories. I read a straight romance today. It was weird. The two main guy characters fell in love with women. WTF is up with that? It's time for another gay story, or else something of high quality. I have a collection of E. M. Forster works on the Kindle.  The novel I read today was not well written, so I need something of quality to wash out my brain.

I have another book, a paperback, that I started earlier in the week. It's entitled The Hoarding Handbook. It's written for social service providers who deal with hoarders. It isn't specifically for mental health professionals, rather it is written by mental health professionals for others who deal with hoarders. I have read the first three chapters. It's good, I guess, but hard to read because I see myself in it. I got it so I might be able to help myself a bit with getting rid of the crap I've hoarded. It's a slow process, especially since I keep distracting myself.

OK, I'm going to quit this rambling and get ready for bed. It's high time I went to sleep.

Thanksgiving at the House of Java

My kids are home for Thanksgiving. I drove for 6+ hours yesterday evening to gather them. It's a good thing I like to drive, eh?

Here's Light. This is what she was doing when I got up this morning.

Here's Twitch. This is what he was doing when I got up this morning.

The best part is the sound effects, which you can't hear by looking at this picture. He snores. It's cute, as long as it doesn't disturb my sleep.

Diva is, of course, at home. She and Twitch have been griping at each other since they woke up. The only one missing is Sproing. I'm sad that he isn't able to be here, and by that I mean that he's not well enough to be home. I'm glad, since he is as messed up as he is, that he's not here to wreck havoc with this delicate balance of the family dynamic.

I'm glad to have them here, with a caveat. I like the still-picture of everyone together. As the day gets moving and we are interacting, I'm having trouble with my emotions. I'm tense, anxious, hypersensitive, impatient. I thought I was getting better, but evidently I can't handle the stress. I've been "better" because the stress is lessened. Or maybe I'm having a bad day and need to eat a healthy lunch to get my humours in balance. Perhaps a nap will help.

Ah, Superman is home for lunch now. He's going to fix a good-for-me sandwich, and after lunch I'll take a nap with my special nocturnal afternoon-nap kitty. (Samhain)

Procrastination and possibly interesting stuff

I am SO procrastinating right now. There's a report due tomorrow morning and a big exam Thursday that I MUST study for beginning yesterday. But I just had to show you these things, because I must. That's all. 

Here's the big kitty, Samhain. He sat down on my computer as I was booting up yesterday. I love that look he's giving me. It's his standard look. He's one of those cats who has not forgotten that cats have been worshiped as gods. 

I saw this note on Twitch's door this evening. The cats love his room, and have been making a mess of his stuff recently.
It says "I don't care if you're the Pope, if you let any of the cats or any/all of your person into this room, I'll see to it that you'll be eating and breathing through a series of tubes for the rest of your meaningless life. (However long that may be)"

Superman has been building beds for the two younger kidlets. They had an interesting bunk arrangement when they shared this room, but since C and S moved out they've each gotten their own room. Superman had to disassemble the big bunk contraption and has spent this past weekend putting legs on the platforms for the kids' mattresses.
This is the underside of Diva's bed as Superman is putting on the legs. The walls in that room are in a sad state. I began to prime them nearly a year ago and didn't get very far. Maybe after this school term is over I'll get back in there and finish up. Diva has some wild ideas about color for that room. Her color selection changes frequently, so we shall see what actually happens when it happens. 

He's about to drill a really deep hole so he can put a long screw through the wood to connect the leg pieces. The man has tools. It's exciting. 

I took the picture above just because I like being that close to him. Did I mention that Tuesday is our 26th wedding anniversary? I'm really glad I married this man. 

This is what Diva has done with her bed now. All her favorite critters are lined up on her "new" bed. 

This shot shows how high off the floor the bed is. She can store all manner of things under the bed and they will hopefully be fairly easy to access. 

And here's a look at Sproing's new bed frame. That's Diva being Diva-licious on the bed. The walls in this room were painted by Light, as it used to be her room. 

Here's the boy being all cool and shit on his new bed. He really likes it. It was SO cute, last night Superman went in to tuck him in and Sproing said "Thanks, Dad, for building my bed. I really like it." Awwwwww!
Sproing spent most of the day yesterday being an absolute pain in the ass. The more annoying he is, the more love he needs, and the harder it is to give him that love and acceptance. Building him a bed is one of those things that speaks his love language. So for a day or two he will feel loved. Then he'll forget that feeling and find something else about his life here with this family that sucks out loud and is evidence of the failure of the universe to meet his every whim. 

Puberty sucks. 

OK, I'm going to post this then get to work on my report. I'll let you know how it goes after the presentation tomorrow (Tuesday).

Busy days

I finally got my chance to hear Gregory sing! * He recently joined the ensemble group Chanticleer and has been on tour with the group for the past 2.5 weeks. Tuesday was the last concert in the tour, and was at the Newberry Opera House. Newberry is a small town along Interstate 26 between Greenville and Columbia, South Carolina. Their claim to fame is the Opera House. It's about 40 miles east of here. I hadn't been before Tuesday. It's a nice little place, the town and the venue. But that's not the important thing. No, the important thing is that I got to see Gregory! And hear him sing! I have tried but failed to see Gregory a couple of times this past summer. Here we are in the lobby after the performance. He looks great. I look big. Never mind. 

He is one more blogger friend I have now met. I so enjoy meeting my blog buddies. Gregory has a personality as big as all outdoors and it shows in his writing (to which I cannot link. Sorry if that frustrates you. Trust me, dears, he is fabulous!) When we met Tuesday afternoon it did not seem like a first meeting. I felt like I was having lunch with an old friend, which I guess I really was. The transition from reading his blog to exchanging email and text messages, to giving him a great big hug was smooth as silk. 

Superman and I got to Newberry around 3 in the afternoon on Tuesday. Gregory was just chillin' at the hotel, so we met him there. We took a walk down Main St. to a local eatery where Superman and I had late lunch/early dinner. We sat in a booth there in the restaurant talking and laughing for a couple of hours before Gregory had to go to rehearsals. It was so much fun! 

Superman and I hung around, walked around downtown Newberry, chilled in the lobby of the hotel (which is right across the street from the Opera House) until time to go to the show. The show, let me just say, was fantastic. If you ever get a chance to hear Chanticleer, take it! They'll be at the Met in early December for 4 shows. There's a concert calendar on the Chanticleer website. 

'Twas rather late when we returned home Tuesday night. I was so pumped that I had a hard time getting to sleep. And Wednesday I had to get up early and do Good Mommy things.

I woke up Wednesday morning at 7:00. I rolled out of bed, took my meds and used the bathroom, slipped on my shoes, grabbed my purse and was out the door. I took all the kids to school and Superman to work. I went from there to Wal-Mart where I bought stuff that Diva and Sproing need for the field trip they are on now. [Field trip aside: The 5th grade classes at the kids' school go on an overnight field trip every year to Myrtle Beach, where they "sleep with the sharks" at the Ripley Museum thing over there. They sleep in the walkways that run under the big shark tank. It's a big deal. Diva and Sproing have been looking forward to it for months. They left this morning (Thursday) and will be back at the school tomorrow at noon. It's very peaceful at home this evening. :)]  After checking out at Wal-Mart and getting the cash I'd need to give the kids for their trip, I took my tired old self to the laundromat. Superman and Twitch had put a few loads of our dirty laundry into the van before we left home. 

Wait, there is an addendum to this series of events. After I left the store I had to get some food and coffee. I stopped at the IHOP for a good breakfast (pumpkin pancakes at the IHOP this month y'all. Go. Eat. Enjoy) and coffee. My waiter was a fabulous little cocoa fruit cup with huge "diamond" earrings. I called him "dear" and "honey" and smiled so sweetly at him and gave him a big tip. It was a wonderful breakfast all around. 

OK, so now off to the laundromat, my favorite place in town. (cough, hack, gag) There are so many dirty clothes, towels, sheets, etc. etc. Way too many for me to deal with all at once. Sproing wanted something specific to wear on the field trip which of course was dirty, and requested specifically that it get washed. So I told him to put it in the hamper that Twitch was loading into the van. They loaded towels (we have an amazing quantity of towels, even considering the size of the household) and jeans and Superman's work pants. Heavy stuff that is very difficult to wash by hand. 

I only took 3 hampers, one of which was half full. It made 5 loads in the washers at the laundromat. I can handle that. It isn't overwhelming. I ponied up the cash for the dryers, too. It took an hour and a half, I think, and I got everything washed, dried and folded. It was so exciting. The clean stuff is still neatly folded in the hampers right here beside my bed. Follow through is a problem in our home. 

I got back home sometime between 11:00 and noon and was hot, dirty, tired, and my head itched. I got a shower and shampoo then went through my email for a little while. I napped for less than an hour, then it was time to hit it again. I picked up Twitch from school, wasted an hour doing I have no idea what, then took Sproing and Diva to their soccer game. Superman and Twitch went to gather a load of firewood from a source we'd discovered. (fallen trees, not nicely chopped and split cords of wood). 

Last night's soccer game was the last of the season, so we had the awards "banquet" afterwards. The team met at the local Pizza Inn for the buffet and awarding of the trophies. It was ... an experience. Similar to other soccer award banquets I've been to. And that I don't want to repeat. And that I didn't want to do last night.  It's another one of those good mommy things, you know? The kidlets had a blast, and it's over, so we smile and soldier on. 

Once we got home and the kids were preparing for bed we realized that the clothes Sproing wanted for his field trip did not in fact make it to the laundry basket in the van. I wondered, because of what I washed yesterday morning the only thing he had in the load was a couple pair of underwear and some socks. So at 8:45 last night I took another load of the kids' clothes and lugged my tired ass back to the laundromat. It was anticlimactic. 

I did however feel very "good mommy" yesterday. In addition to washing Sproing's clothes on a special extra trip to the laundromat, I got all kinds of goodies for their trip. I filled up a bag for each of them with a disposable 35mm camera, a book of games and puzzles to do on the 5 hour bus trip, snacks for the bus trip, a white t-shirt for the art project they are supposed to do during this educational experience, mechanical pencils (that don't need sharpening) to use on their puzzle books, and money (cold hard cash!!) for tonight's dinner and the gift shops. 

By the time I got to bed last night I was exhausted. Unfortunately I had Coke with my pizza at the pizza buffet. Coke, you know the stuff with caffeine? Bad idea. I was very tired but couldn't go to sleep. As I lay in bed wishing I could sleep the pizza came up and bit me in the esophagus. Acid reflux. Ick. I had to get up and stay vertical for an hour or so. I piddled around on the computer, mainly read my email, for that time. I was too sleepy and weird to write anything coherent, which is why I'm posting this entry tonight rather than last night. I finally was able to lie down and go to sleep about 1:30 this morning. Superman, the dear that he is, took all the kids to school this morning. When I woke up and looked at the clock I was shocked to see it was 11:55! Yay! I slept almost 11 hours! I needed it. My muscles are sore from all the walking around we did in Newberry on Tuesday and shopping, laundry, and going to the soccer game yesterday.

It's 8:00 now. I'm tired (still or again, I'm not sure which). Sproing and Diva aren't here, so it's relatively peaceful. Superman is going to take me out to dinner soon. We'll bring back something for Twitch. 

Tomorrow I see my therapist. Visits to her office usually do me a lot of good, help give me perspective, and encourage me. I should take the next category of laundry to the "wash-ateria" as my Grandmama used to call it. Don't know yet whether I'll have the gumption for that little adventure. The kidlets will be home after school tomorrow, and I'm sure I'll be bombarded by excited and very tired younguns. But right now I'm going out to eat with my sweetie. 

*I would link to his blog, except he has deleted it since he is now such a public figure.

Honesty- be true to yourself

I know a guy. He's an energetic, creative young (good looking!) black man who lives in our city. I had some business dealings with him earlier this year. He's a terrific man in many ways. Recently C and S introduced me to a new friend of theirs, A. (He puts the flame in flamboyant!) While visiting with this wonderful new friend we discovered that we both know this other man. A knows him because they used to be boyfriends. OK, I didn't know that about this man.

That's what makes me sad about him. I didn't know because he's hiding it. He's evidently dating girls now. He's trying to make his mama happy. He "got religion" and renounced his former way of life. Right. A, ever the discrete gossip, told me of a phone conversation he had recently with another friend who "couldn't talk right now. I'm with _______, and we're fixin' to, um, [ ;) ]."

I want to talk to this wonderful young man. If I was with him right now I'd (first put my shirt back on. Damn it's hot in here!) say. "__________, you are a wonderful, beautiful man." (Do you think that would scare him? I'm probably at least 20 years older than he, and pasty white, not gloriously rich black like he is. Oh, and married, and the mother of one of his former students. I mean "beautiful" in an objective, platonic way.) ..."Be true to yourself. God made you just the way you are. It will be hard sometimes, but I believe God will honor your efforts to live as he made you. You've got lots of talent, a lot going for you. If you try to suppress part of who you are it will end up crippling you."

That's the way I see it, anyway. Do you think he'll know what I'm talking about if I don't come out and say "I know you are gay?" As far as I know he doesn't realize I'd have any reason to know he's gay. He will throw up a wall of defense if I really do say that to him. But that conversation is for him to dwell on, to contemplate. I don't expect any kind of immediate positive reaction (except possibly polite ignorance or something). And maybe it won't make a difference in his life at all. Then again it might be helpful.

So, all you wonderful gay guys (and lesbians with an opinion), do you think I should talk to him, or leave him the hell alone?

UPDATE: Guess who I saw in Wal-Mart tonight? Of course you know- it was the man in question! But I hadn't had a chance to check for responses to this post yet, and I wanted to get some input from my readers before jumping on the poor guy. I'm glad I didn't accost him. Although I really want to talk to him, I think that now isn't quite the right time. In middle of a main aisle in W-M isn't the best place for this conversation, either! Especially with my husband and two kidlets right there begging to get out of the store already!

What's funny/ironic about seeing him tonight is that I rarely run into him when running errands, hanging out, etc. Was it a sign or something?

We did greet him, the kids hollered to him, we smiled and waved, etc. I'm going to try to meet him again for business purposes, maybe re-invigorate the casual acquaintance-friendship. This hopefully will lead to a better opportunity to casually, non-threateningly bring up the topic. It may also allow me a chance to let him know I am an advocate, an ally. And I have no intention (hell NO!) of "outing" him. I respect his privacy, his timing, whatever in that very personal choice of if or when to come out.