PRIDE

Proud to be (associated with) Gay

This is the Pride flag image that Kelly is encouraging bloggers to post this month. He suggests we post the flag and tell our coming out stories.

But what is my coming out story? As far as sexual orientation goes, I'm heterosexual. I did "become gay" in spirit a couple of years ago. I've told some of the story in previous posts, but I'll try to encapsulate the essence.

I used to be a homophobic fundamental Christian. Early in 2006 I met C, who was at the time 17 and just coming out. He was a good friend of my daughter, Light. I met him, got to know him, then came to love him. When he came out to his mother and stepfather they kicked him out of their home. He now lives with us.

As I began to love C, I started questioning the church's position on homosexuality. From mid-spring to late summer of 2006 I did a lot of research, a lot of thinking, and a lot of soul-searching. I came to the conclusion that God made gays, therefore being gay wasn't a sin. That's where it started, and I continue to learn and grow.

Once I realized it's OK to be gay, I became proud of "gay" and got defensive if anyone said or did anything to contradict my new-found reality. Having been in the church for 30 years or so, most of my friends were people who believed as I used to. By autumn of 2006 I was (as gently as possible) telling my friends about my revelation that gay is OK. The message was not well received. As important as faith and spirituality are to me, I couldn't make myself sit through a worship service in the congregation where we are members. None of my old friends from church agreed with my new opinion of homosexuality. At this point these people are my "former friends."

I wanted to meet other gays and lesbians. The only gays I knew were C and his partner S, and they are both still teenagers. I wanted to get to know older, more mature people with broader experience and adult perspectives. I've tried to find them here in Greenwood, South Carolina with very little success. I know they are here, I just can't find them! We got involved with the PFLAG chapter in Greenville, about an hour's drive north of Greenwood. But that city is far enough away that socializing with anyone there is too difficult. (Especially with gas prices as high as they are now!)

Eventually it occured to me that this is the 21st century; I could look online for gay and lesbian contacts. That's how I found this blogging community. I have met so many wonderful men and women through this medium, and everyone has been so open and honest with me. I now understand a vast range of gay life experiences.

I continue to learn, to grow, and to reach out to the gay community. My 5 year goal is to return to school, hopefully to get a Master's degree in some field relating to GLBT issues. I want to devote my time and talents to support homosexuals and eradicate homophobia wherever I can.

Honesty- be true to yourself

I know a guy. He's an energetic, creative young (good looking!) black man who lives in our city. I had some business dealings with him earlier this year. He's a terrific man in many ways. Recently C and S introduced me to a new friend of theirs, A. (He puts the flame in flamboyant!) While visiting with this wonderful new friend we discovered that we both know this other man. A knows him because they used to be boyfriends. OK, I didn't know that about this man.

That's what makes me sad about him. I didn't know because he's hiding it. He's evidently dating girls now. He's trying to make his mama happy. He "got religion" and renounced his former way of life. Right. A, ever the discrete gossip, told me of a phone conversation he had recently with another friend who "couldn't talk right now. I'm with _______, and we're fixin' to, um, [ ;) ]."

I want to talk to this wonderful young man. If I was with him right now I'd (first put my shirt back on. Damn it's hot in here!) say. "__________, you are a wonderful, beautiful man." (Do you think that would scare him? I'm probably at least 20 years older than he, and pasty white, not gloriously rich black like he is. Oh, and married, and the mother of one of his former students. I mean "beautiful" in an objective, platonic way.) ..."Be true to yourself. God made you just the way you are. It will be hard sometimes, but I believe God will honor your efforts to live as he made you. You've got lots of talent, a lot going for you. If you try to suppress part of who you are it will end up crippling you."

That's the way I see it, anyway. Do you think he'll know what I'm talking about if I don't come out and say "I know you are gay?" As far as I know he doesn't realize I'd have any reason to know he's gay. He will throw up a wall of defense if I really do say that to him. But that conversation is for him to dwell on, to contemplate. I don't expect any kind of immediate positive reaction (except possibly polite ignorance or something). And maybe it won't make a difference in his life at all. Then again it might be helpful.

So, all you wonderful gay guys (and lesbians with an opinion), do you think I should talk to him, or leave him the hell alone?

UPDATE: Guess who I saw in Wal-Mart tonight? Of course you know- it was the man in question! But I hadn't had a chance to check for responses to this post yet, and I wanted to get some input from my readers before jumping on the poor guy. I'm glad I didn't accost him. Although I really want to talk to him, I think that now isn't quite the right time. In middle of a main aisle in W-M isn't the best place for this conversation, either! Especially with my husband and two kidlets right there begging to get out of the store already!

What's funny/ironic about seeing him tonight is that I rarely run into him when running errands, hanging out, etc. Was it a sign or something?

We did greet him, the kids hollered to him, we smiled and waved, etc. I'm going to try to meet him again for business purposes, maybe re-invigorate the casual acquaintance-friendship. This hopefully will lead to a better opportunity to casually, non-threateningly bring up the topic. It may also allow me a chance to let him know I am an advocate, an ally. And I have no intention (hell NO!) of "outing" him. I respect his privacy, his timing, whatever in that very personal choice of if or when to come out.