Here's what it's about

"When we find ourselves believing that killing a man makes us more of a man but loving a man makes us less of a man, it's probably time to reexamine our criteria for manhood." Jay Smooth, from ill*doctrine.

Just found this on RG's blog. (NSFW) This guy sounds like he's got some good things to say. I haven't looked at anything else yet, I just found his site. I look forward to checking out more of his stuff though.

Cuteness, craftiness, and conjecture

What we have here is a picture of a smug little boy who is proud of his dimple. As well he should be. This dimple is a fairly new addition to the features of his mahogany face. I always thought dimples were there when a person is born. You are born with dimples or not. This is not always true, I have discovered.
This is the story of how Sproing got his new dimple. Sometime earlier this year, maybe 4-6 months ago, he and Diva were rough-housing in the living room. It wasn't a particularly friendly scuffle, if I recall. The boy fell (or was thrown) off the sofa and his cheek hit the corner of the coffee table. Big ouch. His cheek swelled up pretty badly. It probably bruised, but I've never been good at identifying a bruise on this boys skin. It's darker than it looks in this picture. His flesh has a reddish undertone, too, which camouflages a bruise. The cheek was swollen and sore for a couple of days, then got better.
A month or two after the injury I was talking to Sproing and noticed the dimple. I thought to myself "That's a cute dimple. I bet he was adorable with that dimple when he was a baby... Wait, I've had this boy since he was a 4 day old baby. This is a new dimple!"
And by now of course, being the charmer he is, he has learned how to incorporate the dimple into his charm show. As Grandma would say, "He's a caution!"

And guess what Superman is holding!?!? Yes, this is the new motor he bought to replace the old dead one in the air conditioner. He got it for about $85 at a supply place down the street. He says it's a better, more efficient motor than the one we had. If it works, I'm happy.
See the wires he's holding in his left hand? There are more wires on this motor than on the old one. Oops. He knows it will work, but isn't sure exactly how to wire it into the a/c unit. So I ask him, is Batman is available to assist? Well, Batman left for a week's vacation yesterday. (the yesterday of this conversation, which happened late last week)

However, all is not lost. Superman called on another of his very handy friends. (leave name suggestions in the comments) That's his fuzzy head up there^. I took this picture from the window in Diva's room. He and Superman worked to very good effect,
and got our a/c working again!!! Yes!! This fella is my He-ro for the weekend. That was Saturday. When we went to bed Saturday night it was much more comfortable in the house, though still a bit warm. This (Sunday) morning the house was blissfully cool.

On to other things

Diva and Sproing have been playing in the little wading pool I bought right after the a/c went out this last time. They have had a rollicking good time, mostly, when they aren't fighting and screeching horribly mean things to each other. I gave Light my camera so she could surreptitiously take some shots of them playing nicely.

I love the above shot. That's Diva's wet head you see, but that huge splash (good work, Light) is all Sproing's doing. Very impressive.
It's hard to tell what they are doing in this picture. They are having fun, playing nicely together, and not complaining to me, so I'm happy with it.
In other news
There's nothing new about this. This is how C and S have left our front stoop. These cigarette butts and the empty soda bottle have been here for a while now. The boys spend a lot of time avoiding the rest of us. It's been so hot this past week I think they spent a lot of time at the homes of other friends. I hardly ever see them anymore. When they are here they are either asleep in their room, or up playing cards, eating my food, and dirtying my kitchen when the rest of us are asleep.
Superman had a talk with them recently. Light's bedroom is right off the kitchen where they spend a lot of their time late at night (all night). Light is a light sleeper. (no pun intended, but it works, doesn't it?) Superman told the boys that there will be no more game playing in the kitchen at night. They need to keep diurnal hours when they are here. To my knowledge there have been no more overnight card games since.
He also talked to them about the food. As did I. They've been cooking our food and feeding their friends at night. No more. That has stopped. I also told S that (I may have mentioned this before. I forget) he is not to cook up any of our food, specifically the meat, unless he is fixing a meal for the entire family at regular meal times. You have to be specific with teenagers. They like to find loopholes. He's the kid who would cook a meal at 3 a.m., he and S eat it, and put the rest in the refrigerator (if he didn't leave it out on the counter). We may never notice that it's in the fridge. But he and S would come back and eat the leftovers. If confronted, he'd say "But it was in there for everyone. You should have gotten some. I didn't want it to go bad, so we just ate the leftovers." I can hear it now. Anyway, I tried to nip that one in the bud.
I sense they are getting restless and uncomfortable here. It's about time. S still doesn't have a job, but he's pretending to look for one. With him it's hard to know how serious he is. He's a charmer. He talks a good talk. His walk, however, stumbles and falls down. I've tried to encourage him. I've tried to be helpful. I think what might be the most helpful now is to give them a move-out date and let them suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune for themselvs. The longer we (I) coddle them, the more damage I do. It isn't helpful anymore. When they first came here over 2 years ago the situation was very different. Two years is a long time, a lot changes in the lives of young people between the ages of 17-20. S was 17 when he moved in here, and C was already here. For that matter, C was 17 when he moved in. OK, so maybe S was 16. No matter. C turned 20 in early June. They have both grown up a lot and are ready to handle a lot more responsibility.
What I'd really like to do instead of just giving them a move-out date is to begin charging rent (which as some of you have said, and probably most of you have thought, I should have been doing all along). We'll start out the first month at maybe $50. (I'm conjecturing here) The second month the rent will be $75. We will increase it by $25 each month. At some point it will be more cost effective for them to have their own place. This also might force the subject, give S the extra motivation to get a job. He isn't in school (dropped out of high school last year in his senior year) and doesn't have a job. We aren't doing him any favors by meeting all his room and boarding needs.
The next thing is to have this talk with them. I think I may be ready. If we can find them, pin them down long enough to listen...
Wish me luck!

And now for something completely different

I found this on Em's blog today while I was catching up through some of her archives. Once I saw this I couldn't resist sharing it with you.

A rant against the quality of education in South Carolina

I have begun the process of applying to our local university. The admissions office sent me an email encouraging me to activate my personal admissions information page. I followed along, clicked links, etc. At one point I was prompted to chose the category that best applied to my situation. There wasn't one specifically for tired old ladies who want to add intellectual challenge and a change of direction to their lives, so this one was the next best thing.
Read carefully.

Transfer Interest Page
You have been studying at another college/university (possibly multiple colleges/universities). You are now interested in pursuing a degree at Lander University. Note: You don't want to loose the time investment at your other institution(s), so don't forget to discuss your credit history with a counselor.

Notice the word I have emphasized. I could be at loose ends, I could loose the chains that bind me, I might even be loosely associated with organized crime. But I don't think I have the power to loose time.
I have been accused of being too picky, being a grammar snob on occasion. It's a family thing. We all do it. I will admit that my spelling isn't always accurate. I try not to be too picky about things like this where it really doesn't matter. But please. This is on the website of a university within the state-wide university system. I expect more from them, even if it is South Carolina. How are we going to improve our reputation if we don't set higher standards of accuracy and good grammar especially within our institutions of higher learning?

Right now my situation has me living here. I'd rather not live in this city, in this state, but for now it is what it is. I strongly desire to go back to school. Lander U is conveniently located. But if I had my druthers, I would rather not matriculate at Lander University.

Fun family pictures

Here's our birthday girl! This is Light. She was born on this day 19 years ago, in the late afternoon. Ain't she sweet? Her daddy thinks she is mighty pretty, too. I don't disagree. :-)

Here are a couple of shots. Sproing took the picture that Diva is in, and Diva took the picture with Sproing in it. Simple, huh? But where's Twitch? Not in these pictures. He's inside poking at his ingrown toenail. I don't know.

Here's a shot of our bouncing baby Sproing. He is beginning to lose his patience with all this foolishness. Now it's time to take a picture of Diva.

Then we take a picture of the two of them standing beside each other. Oops! We lost the boy! He stormed off in a huff. Why? He felt slighted, or perhaps irritated, or maybe he was just impatient. With him, who knows?

How to survive a nervous breakdown, take two

My day is not this bad.

But it isn't too good, either. I felt so much better yesterday. I don't know what happened. Did I do too much? Or is this the nature of the beast?

Today is Light's 19th birthday. She is such an incredible young woman and a blessing to me. She is handling the household while I isolate myself. I want her to have a good day. I want to be able to carry my share of the burden and give her a break.

I slept through morning visiting hours this morning (7:30-8:30). When I got up at 8:30 I got dressed and went into the kitchen to make coffee and find some breakfast. I got the coffee started. That was my limit. Breakfast befuddled me. Dear darling Light toasted a bagel for me. I gave her my debit card and she went to the grocery store for some milk. Besides that and a small block of Havarti cheese I have no idea what else she got. The thing is, see, I trust her. I know I can send her to the store with my debit card and she won't buy 3 gallons of ice cream and the latest Playboy or Maxim magazine.

The younger ones have come in to hug me and whine at me. That challenges my stability but doesn't confuse me. I can very easily say "Tell your problems to Light or save them for Dad when he gets home." I give them hugs, scratch Sproing's back for a minute, then say "I'll see you later." This works. But I feel bad for not being able to do more, to help keep them out of Light's hair.

Here's a funny exchange from this morning. The setting: our kitchen. Players: Light, Sproing and Java.

Java to Light- Sproing asked me yesterday if I was going to bake a cake for your birthday today. Do you want one?

Light to Java- Only if you are up to it.

Java to Light- We'll see.

Sproing to Light- A white or a pink cake?? Do you want a pink cake?

Light to Sproing- Do I look like a pink cake kind of person??? (btw, she is definitely NOT a pink cake kind of person. She's a semi-butch bisexual who loves to wear black.)

Sproing- OK, a chocolate cake. But with white icing, OK?

Java to Sproing- It's her birthday. Don't you think she should have the kind of cake SHE wants?

The conversation broke down at this point. I suspect he isn't capable of considering anyone else's point of view. Either that or he got distracted by something shiny and/or had stood in one place as long as is possible for him. He's kinda frenetic.

Superman and I are taking Light out to eat this evening. She wants to go to the Crimson Crustacean. I might take my glasses off so I don't have to look at the clientele.

I was waiting in the drive-through line at the fast food place beside the Crimson Crustacean on Monday evening. From that vantage point I could clearly see the Crimson Crustacean parking lot. A rotund man who's age I approximate to be late 40s or early 50s left that fine establishment and waddled out to his car. He was wearing athletic shorts, a grungy t-shirt and a baseball cap. In this small town, that is one of our nicer restaurants. It disturbs me that people go in there dressed like that. I am fairly rotund myself, and am anything but a flashy dresser. But when I go out to a restaurant I clean up a bit. Maybe I'm being snobbish, but there you have it.

Think I'll go doodle for a while.

Have a nice day.

So far, so good

I'm feeling a bit better. Saw the therapist today, told her about my Do Not Disturb sign and my visiting hours. She especially liked the visiting hours. I mentioned something about the time frame for all of this, and she said it's OK with her if I stay "insulated" like this until she gets back from vacation! I didn't realize she was going on vacation. Today was her last day of work pre-vacay. She'll be back in a week and a half. I don't know that I'll need that long, but it's nice to know she approves.

The visiting hours are going well. Sproing is the one who mostly needs Mama. We do lots of snuggling and back scratching during visiting hours. Sometimes he needs a Mama back-scratch fix mid day. But it's a quick verification, and he's on to bigger and badder things.

He and Diva have actually been very well behaved these last two days. Light took them to a movie yesterday morning. Today she took them to the park for a picnic. They have both spent a lot of time in the back yard swimming in the wading pool I got the other day.

As for me, I'm hanging on. I went to Wal-Mart after my visit with the therapist. I may have overdone it a bit, but not too bad. I was tired and uncomfortable (restless? nervous? cranky?) when I got home. I rested, blogged, read the newspaper, chatted with a friend. I feel better. As far as I know I don't need to go anywhere tomorrow. I'm going to try to just stay at home and chill.

My Mama sent this to me via email. She says this is the next hobby she's going to try. Hmm. I don't predict much success for the old gal. (Don't tell her I called her old. She's ONLY 71!)



Wouldn't you just love to have an outfit like that? Either one. Both are fabulous.

How to survive a nervous breakdown, take one

There is a note taped to my door. It says

Do Not Disturb

I'm disturbed enough already

visiting hours

7:30-8:30 a.m., 6:30-8:00 p.m.
or by appointment or special decree

I explained everything to the best of my ability to Light this morning. Told her I'm trying to stay out of the hospital here, I need her help. I gave her some cash. She's going to take her siblings out to a movie and lunch today, and possibly to the park after that.

Then Twitch came in, I told him I need him to help out a lot because I'm not able to deal with anything right now. Explained that I am in the midst of a nervous breakdown and need to avoid stress. Get this: he asked me how long this will take. Will I be OK by 10:00 this morning? He wants to go to the mall for big sale at his favorite clothing store. Um, no dear. This is bigger than that. I had already arranged with Light to drop him off at the mall anyway, so he'll get what he wants. I even gave him a little money. How nice am I?

I explained the situation to each of the 10 yr olds separately. By the time I talked to Diva I was all in. Light was here with her, and I finally said to her "Do you know what I'm trying to say? I can't go through it again. Can you talk to her?" She's going to take care of it. I gave each of them big hugs, told 'em I love them. Maybe that will help some.

What I have done today for the good of my cause

• Had some quick but good sex
• Got dressed
• Ate a good breakfast
• Took Superman to work (all this before 7:30 mind you)
• Got some cash from the ATM for the kids to use while they stay away today
• Payed the (overdue) power bill
• Stopped at the grocery store for a loaf of bread, some soda for the kids, and a pack of blueberry muffins for my second breakfast, to enjoy with coffee
• Explained my situation/condition to the children then sent them away
• Put the "Do Not Disturb" sign on my door
• Am now listening to refreshing music with my headphone/ear buds. Sounds applied directly to the ears help muffle extraneous not-so-pleasant sounds

When I started to feel overwhelmed in the grocery store I went directly to check out. I got what I got. If we need more, someone else can get it.

I'm tired now. Nap time!

TTFN!

A "work-in"

I've been having a difficult time maintaining a semblance of sanity. It's been bad. I called my therapist's office to see if she could see me today. I had an appointment for tomorrow afternoon, but wasn't sure if I could hold it together that long. Lo and behold she had a cancellation and her 5:00 spot was free. So I went in and we talked for 2 hours. It was good. She helped me with perspective.

It's official. I am having a nervous breakdown. But that's OK, she says, because I've earned it.

Gawd I love that woman!

We briefly discussed hospitalization. I brought it up. She can do that if we need to, but she thinks I should first try insulating myself within the confines of my air conditioned nest. So right now that's the plan. The rest of "them" are supposed to leave me alone. We'll see how that goes.

I have another appointment Wednesday morning. She wants to lay eyes on me again, just to make sure things haven't ... um... gotten terminal?

Spam Gold!

The simple things in life give me much pleasure. Especially when my world seems to be crashing down around me, trying to snuff me out, these simple pleasures like fragile toothpicks hold back the crushing flotsam.

I've had some pretty boring spam recently. A few adverts for hook-up sites, miraculous ways to lose weight and make lots of money. Evidently I can stop smoking without stress finally and forever. Thankfully I never started smoking, so that problem is solved. There's been hardly anything offering to improve my sex life. Those, of course, are my favorites.

But today I got some good ones. There's this one:

Erectile dysfunction is a problem which can be solved with Erectifix. The powerful formula of Erectifix guarantees hard and easy to attain erection.

And FOUR different messages promising to make my penis bigger! I'm thrilled! I will discover a new and happy side of love. (Huh? It's pretty happy already. And I don't think they are talking about real love.) "It will be shipped quickly and discreetly and delivered just on time. Your life is going to change from then on. " How can I refuse?