Appliance Malfunction Saga: Part the Second in which other food-related appliances quit working

Part the First is here.

We survived Thanksgiving, somehow. We muscled our way through the visit to the in-laws, the saving grace there being Superman's brother and his wife. They're the sane ones in Superman's family and we stayed at their house. Superman spent Friday afternoon and much of Saturday with his parents. I "had plans" with my favorite sis-in-law. I won that round.

Home again after Thanksgiving weekend, and our bottom oven has a burned out element. Complicating factor #next, I promised to bake a bunch of cookies for the bake sale our Hospice Care organization holds in conjunction with one of their biggest annual fundraisers. Cookies due at 3:00 p.m. Thursday. My top oven is fully operational, and its size works wonderfully for baking cookies. I'm spoiled. I want to bake two sheets at a time. In two ovens. I asked Superman to order a replacement element once we were hooked up to the internet at his brother's place, but of course one needs the make, model, serial number, oldest child's SSN to order the replacement. No go ordering it Friday. But I remembered. As soon as we got home Sunday evening I asked again. After pulling the oven out from the wall, finding frightening things underneath it, and finally locating the necessary numbers, my wonderful husband ordered the replacement elements. He ordered both, though only the bottom element was burned out. A few months ago the top element in the top oven burned out. Since these things seem to be happening now at the oven's advanced age, we figured better to replace both top and bottom elements for the bottom oven. But will they arrive in time for baking day Thursday?!?!?!?
  via GIPHY

Yes. The package arrived Wednesday and my wonderful Superman installed them Wednesday night. Thursday I made 5 batches of cookie things. It was thrilling.

Oven repair achievement unlocked.

But wait, there's more! No, not the oven. It works fine now. But remember all the turkeys from the previous post? When Superman got a great deal on turkeys and bought four? Because we like turkey and we have a nice upright freezer in which to store food, shopping wisely when prices are low and all that good responsible stuff? Well, we had a freezer.

Thursday afternoon (iirc) I snuck into the freezer to get myself a bowl of Great Value Low Fat Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Ice Cream.* I like to keep it in the deep freeze so it's good and hard (giggle) rather than in the smaller refrigerator freezer. I opened the carton, positioned the scoop preparing to fight for a chunk of hard frozen dairy delight, and the scoop almost fell through to the bottom of the carton. Oops. And Oh Shit.

I keep a lot of water bottles in my freezer. We like the Bolthouse juices, and the empty bottles store water well. Frozen water bottles are useful when packing coolers, for instance, or to use at the beach/park/lake/hike/mowing the lawn. They also provide thermal mass to help keep the freezer cold. Good thing, too.

I filled our 'fridge freezer with as much of the food from the deep freeze as would fit. We got one of the turkeys in there. The other three I put in the refrigerator and surrounded them with frozen water bottles, then turned down the temperature in the 'fridge. Thursday night when Superman got home we debated our options. We needed a freezer SOON. The current one is a few years old, but is kept in the garage that gets super hot in the summer; not an ideal location for such an appliance but it's what we got. No idea when a repair person might be able to get here. The freezer still has power. The light inside works. The electronic display on the front still has something on it, but not the 5 indicating its cooling level. The internet was vaguely helpful, telling me how to run a diagnostic using those buttons on the display panel. Two buttons, up and down. Hold both for three seconds, then the display will blah blah blah blah blah. Some kind of code signs. I don't know. They mean nothing to me and I haven't the tools to do anything with it.

Thursday morning, and also Wednesday morning at about the same time, the power in the house did one of those BLIP things, where everything shuts off and restarts immediately. Makes my refrigerator beep, resets the settings on my dryer, blanks out the clock on the microwave (but not on the coffee maker or the stove, interestingly). Is that a power surge? Anyway, I suspect that might have knocked out the capacitor on the freezer. Where is the capacitor on the freezer? How does one get to it? Where does one get a replacement? Oh fuck it. Why not just buy a new one? We have the money for a modest freezer, and don't need a huge one.

By the time we figured this out, Lowe's was closed. Lowe's and Sears Hometown Store (only appliances and lawn care equipment) and one independent store are our local options for freezers. Lowe's opens at 7 a.m. and has the best prices, so there we go. Seven o'clock on Friday morning is a good time to go to Lowe's, in case you're wondering. The freezer selection was minimal, but we found what we need for a reasonable price. And Superman has a pickup truck, so Bob's your uncle and we have a new freezer at home. The tricky part now is getting it off the truck by himself. He had help getting it up there. I tried to call Twitch to come help, but he was unavailable. Superman, being Superman and an engineer, got it done without hurting himself. I'm so proud. (No, really)

We got it in place (I helped without hurting myself, too!) but can't load it up until it pre-cools** for 24 hours. The only thing I'm concerned about is those damned turkeys. I did all I could, so I let it go. When we were finally able to load up the new freezer, all but one of the turkeys was still frozen. There's another turkey thawing in my refrigerator now. Turkey dinner this week! Again! After we finally finished off the turkey soup my dear husband made from the disastrous Thanksgiving debacle. Good thing we like turkey. Perhaps we'll have Twitch over again.

Freezer replacement achievement unlocked.

And this afternoon, because this is my life, or something like it, the microwave died. More detail in the previous post. I've lost track of how long we've had that microwave. We've lived in this house for 11 years? 12? It moved in with us, and was old then. No question about whether to repair it. Can microwave ovens be repaired? Ours sits in the bottom shelf of the upper cabinet to the left of the sink. Superman measured the space and heigh'd off to Walmart (again) for a replacement. He found one the exact size of the old one. The light in this one works so now I can watch my food cook again! Finally! Gotta find some Peeps for a jousting match. Are there Christmas Peeps?***


YES!! I figured out how to embed a YouTube video!

Microwave replacement achievement unlocked!

*A bowl full of this delicious ice cream with a generous shake of chocolate Ovaltine powder applied to the top - Yum! Don't stir it in much, though, at least not at first, but be careful not to inhale the Ovaltine powder. That hurts.

**The opposite of preheat?

***There are!!

I can't stand the taste of Peeps, though, so I doubt I'll get any tbh. 

Then there's this:  

OMG

OK, I'm done. 

Casting into the void --- is anyone there?

So I've been contemplating my worth recently.

I am undergoing therapy for a sexual assault that happened when I was in my early teens. I'm 54, almost 55. My therapist sees a lot of young children, too, and that breaks my heart. She says the little kids take to therapy much better than most adults. They're resilient and believe what they're told. She tells them the sexual assault is not their fault, and they just believe it. She tells me my experiences are not my fault and it's ... it doesn't make sense that I don't have some culpability in the scenario.

Winter is approaching. Summer is over. I'm thankful for that. As has been mentioned in this space previously (a lot) I don't fare well in the heat. It's cold enough to need a fire in the wood stove. I'm back in my bedroom with the door closed, so it's a good bit cooler here than in the living room. I'm comfortable in a short sleeve dress. Ahhh.

My sleep quality is poor these days because my obstructive sleep apnea has gotten worse. I had a sleep study last month that determined I need increased pressure on my CPAP machine. The doctor gave me a prescription for a new CPAP with the increased setting. The supplier has all the necessary information. Then they told me it'll be 3-5 weeks before I get my fucking CPAP. Bastids. I'm snoring through my current CPAP, having apnea episodes, waking up with a sore throat from snoring so hard, and I'm tired all the time. Speaking of which, it's almost time for a nap. I love naps.

A couple of years ago I lost a good bit of weight, around 60 pounds. Well, I've gained most of it back. I should get back to the gym. I need a new gym membership, though. I'm strongly considering the local YMCA. I looked into it a few months ago and found that membership fees for people over 55 are discounted. Since I'll be 55 in January I figure I'll wait until then. I also had the bright idea to do some yoga in the meantime, to get limber and possibly strengthen my core, or whatever. I visited the yoga studio, got the business card of the woman I need to talk to. But alas, I haven't taken it any further. Yet. Maybe after Thanksgiving.

I'm very good at procrastinating. It's one of my greatest talents. (Note that it's been nearly six months since my last post. I occasionally think of posting, then something else happens.)

Sproing was in the county jail for 5 blissfully drama-free months. It was a bogus arrest, though, and he didn't deserve to be there. He was there awaiting trial for a piddly little charge, and didn't get a court date for a ridiculously long time. He was charged with auto break-in and petty theft. He allegedly opened an unlocked car and took some loose change from the ashtray. Why anyone would leave their car unlocked in that neighborhood I do not know. (It's "the projects") The only thing they had on him was the testimony of one of his hoodlum friends, who probably did it himself, the little punk. Sproing says he didn't do it, and I believe him. Yeah, he's a liar, but he's been pretty honest about the crimes he's committed. And really, auto break-in and petty theft and they leave him to sit and wait for five months? Geez. He didn't get a trail, either. The solicitor's office assumed guilt and offered him pre-trial intervention (PTI), which costs $350 (which he doesn't have) and 40 hours of community service. He doesn't even mind the community service. And it'll be good for him. After the completion of the PTI his record will be expunged. All very well and good, but he didn't do the crime in the first place. Shit. The criminal "justice" system is fucked up.

Superman, Twitch, and I are going to visit my in-laws for Thanksgiving. This year Thanksgiving happens to fall on my father-in-law's birthday, so his kids have decided to make the whole thing into a birthday party instead. I mean, it'll be Thanksgiving with the whole feast thing, we'll just call it Grand Dad's birthday. It's cool. BUT, it's the in-laws. They are ... well, they have social and political and religious views that are different from mine. They also disapprove of cussing. I'm fucked. (Actually, last time I visited I managed to go three days without cussing in their presence once!!) My m-i-l voted for Trump. F-i-l voted third party. To their credit, neither of them likes Trump, but they preferred him to Hillary. I'm hoping for no political discussion. They have a lovely screened back porch to which I can escape if the discussion gets too uncomfortable.

And speaking of complicated discussions, they want to hear all about Light's new boyfriend. Yes, Light has a boyfriend. Superman and I visited them in late October. He's a wonderful fellow, about three years younger than Light's 27 years, will graduate from IUP next month with a dual degree in English and religious studies. That's what the in-laws will like. That he's from western Pennsylvania, not a plus to these southern rebels. Grand Dad dreads that his great-grandchildren will be Yankees. Yes. Really.

Here's the rest of the story. The religious study the bf concentrated on is Buddhism. Not protestant Christianity which is the only acceptable option in their opinion. We won't tell them that. The "boy" part of boyfriend is his gender identity which doesn't correspond to his DNA or body morphology. No unplanned pregnancies in this monogamous relationship! So no Yankee grandchildren unless they do the sperm donor thing. Which Light is considering. I'm thrilled that she's in love with a wonderful young transgender man. There's a lot we won't be telling the grandparents.

There's a cat sleeping on my arms, making it difficult to type. The whole nap idea seems more and more appealing.

Yep, I caught it

I'm sick. Chest cold with sinus/ear/nose/throat involvement. You don't want details. Saw the doctor yesterday and am on antibiotic now. I suppose I'll feel better in a few days. In the meantime I'm trying to rest a lot and drink plenty of fluids.

I don't really feel bad, as such. Not good, but not terrible. Just stupid. I've got that dull brain thing that happens with illness. Happens to Superman all the time, and it's annoying when it's someone else. Pretty damned annoying when it's me, too.

So let's try to talk about last weekend. Yes, we went to northwest Georgia for the funeral of Superman's aunt. It was good, I guess. This is the first time in nearly 10 years, I think, that I've been to Superman's hometown, visited with his family. I've been staying home with Diva so she doesn't have to go for the past few years. After Diva assaulted me a couple of years ago she was "disowned" by my in-laws. So when Superman goes to visit them, Diva stays here with me. Also, the last time I went there was some strife, the details of which I now forget. Our relationship, me and the in-laws, has been rocky. Lots of miscommunication, misunderstanding, lack of patience, etc. We can be nice to each other sometimes if not for very long. This time we stayed with Superman's brother instead of his folks. That worked very well.

The funeral was a funeral. They're all Baptists, which is fine for them. The service itself was nice, I suppose. Visitation the day before was a bit odd. I hung out with Superman's uncle, the remaining brother of my MIL's sibs. There were four girls and two boys in their family. MIL is second from last in birth order. Oldest boy died of cancer over 10 years ago after chain smoking most of his life. Aunt Jackie, the nice one who died last week, was girl #2. Uncle Ronald is the remaining brother. He's something of a bad boy. He and I sat in the corner at the funeral parlor and told ribald stories. Shhh: don't tell my mother-in-law. For the most part I behaved myself. I don't think I said anything wrong. The best thing is for me to keep my mouth shut when I'm around them. So except for laughing at Uncle Ronald's stories and adding a couple of my own, I think I did OK. It was hard to keep my mouth shut, though. Especially when my sister-in-law showed up. She and I are very different. She spends a lot of time on her personal appearance: hair, makeup, clothes, etc. I don't. So she showed up for the visitation with her hair looking like she stuck her finger in a light socket. And I know she spent a long time getting her hair to stick out all over the place like that. It looked frightening. I didn't say a thing until Superman and I were alone at the end of the day when we could laugh just a little bit at her between ourselves.

We would have had a lovely time away from home if home hadn't kept calling. We'd been with the in-laws for less than an hour Saturday when Twitch called to tell us that Sproing had been arrested for shoplifting at Wal-Mart. The kid (Sproing, not Twitch) is supposed to be grounded, which means not leaving home. But he snuck out with his partner in crime, walked to the store and got caught shoplifting. The sheriff's deputy brought him home and released him to Twitch, who is for their purposes an adult. The deputy called me, though, and we talked about Sproing. I would like for her to have taken the little snake to jail, but she said they couldn't do that for a shoplifting charge. Oh well. Once he goes to court for this offense, though, he may get sent to the DJJ facility. Whatever. I've done what I can with the little snot. I'm sick and stupid. I can't talk to him.

We've done what we can, you know? Of course we haven't been perfect. There are probably a lot of things we could have/should have done differently. But we did our best. Are still trying to do our best. These little snots (both of them) can go hang. Right now I don't care.

Diva did OK, I think, this weekend. She doesn't seem to have caused any major trouble, at least none that we are aware of now. I appreciate that from her.

Also, on Saturday evening Twitch called telling us that the fireplace chimney wasn't drawing properly and there was smoke all through the house. Well, shit. Though when we got home Sunday night Superman couldn't find anything wrong with the chimney. It worked fine yesterday. Oh well. And while we were gone the dryer broke. The heating element quit working somehow. Superman took the back off the dryer yesterday and found the broken part. He showed me. It's small and has a  name. Some kind of regulator thing. I don't remember because I am stupid today. But he's already ordered a replacement part and hopefully will have it fixed later this week.

I did some knitting over the weekend. Knitting is a good thing to do when visiting with my parents-in-law. It keeps my fingers busy, gives me an outlet for nervous energy, and provides a safe topic on which to speak. And that's all I know.

Hi, it's me again

Figured out what Sproing's problem is, I think. His breakdowns happen 10-12 hours after he takes his ADHD medicine. I think it's a reaction to the time-release medication finally leaving his system. He has an appointment at the mental health clinic Tuesday morning. It might help if he has a low dose pill of his medicine to take when he gets home from school, to help step him down from the higher dose of the time-release tablet.

Sproing has been working hard for a few weeks to save $100 toward an Xbox. I am generally against gaming systems like that, and we've never had one in all the years we've had kids. In his case, though, I'm softening my stance. Ya see, the poor kid is struggling socially for a number of reasons. Primarily it's his age and school grade. Middle school is hell. But additionally, there's his mental/emotional issues which make life difficult in many ways. He is shorter than average. He's adopted, which is bad enough, but he's a black child adopted by a white family, in the close-minded south. Not only is he black, but he's got a very dark complexion, and the intra-racial prejudice against darker skin tone is a problem. I don't understand that, and it pisses me off. Oh, and his parents are weird. And there's a gay man living in his house. And he is the only one of his peers (to hear him tell it) that doesn't have an Xbox. Of all the issues causing him stress in his life, I can do something about the lack of an Xbox.

But we made him work and save for it. The saving part has been most difficult for him. If he has money, he wants to spend it. After the stash got above $60 I kept it safe for (from) him. Last Thursday he finally earned the final $17 he needed for his $100 contribution. On Friday after school Superman took him to W-M to buy the Xbox and the Halo 3 game that he's had his heart set on. He came home, they set up the system, and he played until 11:00! I told him that this was the only time that his play time would be unlimited, and he expected that. We'll see how it goes, but I'm thinking that 2 hours per day, maybe less on school days, is a good place to start.

And interestingly enough, he hasn't had a major blow up since Thursday. He played the Xbox through the usual monster hour on Friday. He and Superman left Saturday morning for the grandparents' house, taking the Xbox with them. Sproing has been fine, no emotional upheavals, during their visit (so far).

Superman's mother has a birthday next Wednesday. The family celebration of said event is tomorrow, Labor Day here in the states. Since Sproing and Superman both have the holiday off, they went to visit the folks. C and I are here alone with the cats. I'm loving it!

Have been studying this weekend. Probably should be studying right now. Psychometrics is BORING! I've tried to read the first chapter of our textbook and have fallen asleep twice. I read the Sexual Deviance book. It's boring, too, but the subject is interesting enough to keep me awake. I need to read the rest of the first chapter in Adolescent Development before I go to bed tonight, too.

School is good so far. It is good to be back in the classroom again. Yes, as one recent comment said, I am generally happier when I'm in school. The summer break was nice, I suppose, but probably too long. I don't do so well with large stretches of unstructured time, and I'm not much of a self-structurer. (Find that word on your corporate lingo bingo card!) I like unstructured time, but too much is not healthy for me.

The weather is cooling down finally. We've had temps in the high 80s F (low 30s C) instead of the high 90s F (mid-high 30s C). And it's dry, not humid. The sun is still hot and intense, but it's almost comfortable in the shade. As I said, it's dry, and we haven't had rain in a couple of weeks. Earthy things are getting a bit too dry. Some rain would be nice, if we can have it without the higher temps and a return to the sultry humidity. I know, I'm picky.

I rearranged my office yesterday. I think this arrangement will work better than the old. I also culled some of my fabric stash, and I'm sure Light will be pleased to hear that. I eliminated one whole plastic tub/box thingie of fabric. I sent a message to the counselor at Diva's treatment facility, asking if she'd like to have this extra fabric. The girls had a sewing class going on this summer, and Diva made a few things. She seems to like sewing.

So the rest of this room, my office and craft space, is somewhat cleaner and more orderly, but my desks are a mess. I have one large main desk that I work off of, and a small desk with a hutch that mostly stores stuff. I had to clean off my main desk this evening just so I could get to my laptop to write this post.

I slept until 10:30 this morning, then took a two hour nap in the early afternoon (after Psychometrics put me to sleep). I feel tired again, and I need to read/study some more before I go to bed, so I'm gonna try that now.

Remind me to tell you about the donut shop next time. It officially opens tomorrow! C has a job that actually pays money now!

Next in line

I had to get that hairy-backed NASCAR fan off the top of my blog. I like this one much better. I have always liked glass blocks. Wouldn't it be nice to have a glass block shower like this?

I had an exam in statistics last week. We got the grades Monday. I got 100%! I'm thrilled. Then we started something new and I'm all kinds of confused. I can do the calculations, but the logic of it all has my brain in a strain. The answers sound something like "I reject your reality and substitute my own." Replace "reality" with "hypothesis" and that's what it is. The prof keeps saying that if the calculations indicate that what we've observed is very, very rare, then we need to reject that reality. It brings to mind the infinite improbability drive from Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, and I think "of course this will happen!"

Interesting happenings with the in-laws: I mentioned recently that the sister-in-law (SIL) got married. She was in a loveless, lifeless marriage to The Lump for almost 20 years. Superman and I wondered, even before their wedding, why she chose to marry The Lump. I know why she stayed in the marriage, though. She, like the rest of Superman's family, is very religious. They don't "believe" in divorce. Well, SIL lived with The Lump for as long as she could stand it. Her mid-life review broke her out of that trap. I hope her new husband will be as wonderful as he seems. He really does seem like a super nice fella. And he's willing (yea, eager) to have sex with her. That's something The Lump didn't do. SIL is a very sexual woman. I don't know how she stuck it out in that dead marriage for so long.

The Brother-In-Law is eleven years younger than Superman. (SIL is my age, two years younger than Superman.) He went through a series of girlfriends over half a dozen years before settling down with his wife. They've been together for 5 or 6 years, married for 2.5 years (if I recall correctly). Well, this weekend Superman heard from his brother. BIL is leaving her. This is a shocker to me. I learned a lot about them that I didn't know. For the three or so years they lived together before the wedding, they never consummated the relationship. She's a "good Catholic girl" and wouldn't have sex before marriage. She promised it would be different after the wedding. You guessed it - there hasn't been any significant difference. Evidently they hadn't had much sex at all in the entire length of the relationship. I feel sorry for the BIL.

But wait, there's more. Turns out the wife was married previously. BIL knew about it, so no surprise there. What he didn't know until very recently is that she is still married to her first husband! She was going to get the marriage annulled, but never got around to it. When he found out she was still married, he told her, of course, to go ahead with the annulment and they'd get remarried. She has dragged her feet for I don't know how many months, so he finally gave up on her. When she told him this weekend that she will never sleep with him again, he decided that now is a good time to cut and run. At least he doesn't have to go through the expense and aggravation of a divorce. Their marriage is null and void anyway.

They have lived in the Raleigh, NC area. He's moving back to Chattanooga. SIL's new husband lives and works in Chattanooga, too, so she's there. The parents live just over the border in NW Georgia, so now two of their three children live close by. No, we aren't moving to Chattanooga. I've got nothing against the city itself (especially now that they've done so much civic improvement), but I have a LOT against living that close to Superman's familly. (I shouldn't say "never," because as soon as I do, I'll end up living in Chattanooga. Therefore, while the idea doesn't appeal to me, I won't reject the possibility of moving there.)

My dear Father-in-law is scheduled for surgery on August 3rd (I think) to have one of his kidneys removed. He is old, tired, not in good health, and is showing signs of preparing to die. He doesn't expect to survive the surgery. As far as I know, there is no compelling medical evidence to indicate that he won't survive. His spirit, however, is not willing. Superman is understandably concerned. I will keep you updated.

And that's all the gossip from the in-laws. Other than that, I don't have too much to say.

My Father's Day message to Daddy

This is what I ended up sending my father. As you can see, I didn't get it off to him until late Sunday night.

A bit of background info: Daddy was a teacher and counselor at a community college in Florida for many years before he retired. I am his only daughter. I have two brothers, and when I was 9 years old he married a woman with three sons. My step brothers were 11 (the twins) and 8 when he assumed the role of father for them. Their biological father was a douchebag who never participated in their lives if he could avoid it.

Now, on with the show!

"By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right,

he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong."

-- Charles Wadsworth

Sunday June 21, 2009

10:30 p.m. EDT

It is still technically Father's Day. You are probably on your way to bed by now, if not sawing logs already. And I didn't call you today, or send you a card, or any of those things that "good daughters" are supposed to do for their fathers. Eh. I suppose we will both have to live with that. The alternative is hardly attractive.

Superman is doing his "good son" duty this weekend. He is in [his hometown] until mid-day tomorrow, spending this Father's Day weekend with his dad. [Father-in-law] is not doing well. He is beginning to show the frail countenance of the declining elderly. He and [Mother-in-law] came for Twitch's high school graduation a couple of weeks ago. He looked a little peaked, but in the brief time I spent with him, he seemed well. They drove the five hour trip down here on Friday, and returned home on Saturday. [FIL] could barely get out of bed for days afterward. One never knows about these things. Human beings, body and spirit, are amazing. [FIL] could live for five more years, or he could be dead by his birthday in late November. However, that could be said of us all.

On parenting:

Being a parent changes a person. It's not something one can totally prepare for. I could read books about children, adhere to a philosophy of child rearing, and paint the spare room in pastel hues. I would buy a minivan, crib, car seat, and high chair. I could even study child development and become something of an expert in the knowledge of children's behavior. I might get college presidents to bestow upon me the high honor of an advanced degree on the subject, but that won't prepare me for parenthood. None of these preparations include living with children and being totally responsible for their care 24/7.

You did it. You fathered a passel of children. When I say "fathered" I don't restrict that to the biological function. There were six of us, all tolled. Undoubtedly you have had a paternal influence on many more. The pedagogue that you are, you have a gift for the craft. And craft it is. Tricky stuff, this parenting. What works with one doesn't do a thing for another. There are too many human influences in the equation, being as how all the parties are human. Yet somehow, with the passing of time, we all survived. You may be a bit crazier for the experience, but overall I think you did a fine job. I am having a very difficult time with my own very difficult children now, and that increases my appreciation for all you have done and for who you are.

With love,

Your favorite daughter.

In honor of Father's Day

"By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right,

he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong."

-- Charles Wadsworth

Once again, Father's Day comes 'round on the guitar and I haven't done anything for my dear ol' Dad. I'm gonna send him an email with this quote and a sorry excuse for why I didn't actually get a real card or anything. It'll have to do.

Superman is going to his parents' home for the weekend, so my kids won't have their father here on Father's Day. Superman won't return until Monday, so he won't be here at all Sunday. I'm not overly upset about it. I am mostly pleased that he's going to see his dad. The old man isn't doing too well. As you may remember, they came here for Twitch's graduation. They didn't stay long; drove down Friday, returned home Saturday. Mom-in-law talked to Superman a couple days after they returned, and said that Dad had a really bad time when they got home. He was completely wiped out and couldn't do a thing for days. He seems to be declining more rapidly now. This may be his last Father's Day, so I think Superman is right to spend it with him.

In other in-law news, Superman's sister is getting married on the 11th of July. Second marriage for her and the groom. Both had long lasting but unhappy marriages. SIL was miserably married to "The Lump" for nearly 20 years, and finally realized that she just couldn't do it any longer. I am very proud of her for leaving him. She is a Super Christian; has been involved in her church for ever. Plays the piano for the senior adult choir and a few other things. I think she was doing part-time secretarial work for the church at one point. Anyway, she had to struggle over that hurdle to get to the point where she could leave her husband. She had pretended for years and years that everything was fine, so when she left his sorry ass, everyone she knew thought it was horrible. They have been separated for a few years now, and the divorce was final over a year ago. People in the church are still giving her hell about leaving The Lump. She's moving to Chattanooga with her new husband, so she'll be 200 miles away from her old life. It's a good thing.

But what I came to tell you about is my FIL. His health is failing. SIL gets married on the 11th of July, and I hope FIL is able to attend. That's less than a month away, and I think he'll probably make it. I'm really glad she's getting married so soon. I'm very worried about FIL's health. He and I haven't been able to get along with each other for many years, but I think he's a fine man in his own right. His wife and children love him very much. As much as I don't like to spend any time with him, I am sad about the prospect of losing him. It'll be really hard on Superman and his sister and brother.

Of course his wife of 50+ years will be devastated. Well, I don't know if "devastated" is the right word. It will be hard on her. They are very close. But I'm pretty sure she will be OK. She's strong, and everyone has always assumed that she would outlive him. It will be hard, but she'll be OK. Now, on the other hand, if she dies before he does, he'll be dead inside of six months, I'm sure. As poorly as he's doing now, it might take less than two months for him to go if for some reason she should die now.

This is terribly depressing, and purely speculative. Let's change the subject.

Summer A term will be over next week. I have one more regular writing assignment due Monday, and I'm not sure if we'll have any kind of final exam. Exam day is next Thursday. We get a whole 3 days!! off between Summer A and Summer B. Classes begin the following Monday. I have had this online composition class this term, and Summer B I have Economics 101 online, and a math (statistics) class that meets on campus. I have very much enjoyed the flexibility of the online format, and am not looking forward to having to go to class. It's too damned hot to get out of the house. I hope the classroom is well air conditioned.

Speaking of school, I have some homework to do. I also have to iron some of Superman's shirts. He leaves for his folks' house after work today, so I have maybe four hours to iron three shirts. Since the ironing board is hiding behind a huge stack of miscellaneous stuff, it could be a tough chore. I'll see to that now, then.

The Aftermath and other ramblings

I don't like the word "aftermath." I think it is a stupid word, but sometimes that's the right word to use. It probably isn't the right word to use in this case, but whatever.

I do like the phrase "but whatever."

Graduation weekend is over! I survived! We all did, actually. The visit with the in-laws went well. We were all on our best behavior. Superman says he felt the disapproval from his dad, but neither of them said anything. They didn't say anything critical to me. I tried not to say much of anything at all to them. I smiled. I answered questions. I excused myself from the gathering, went to my room and took a nap. That was the best part of all. When I finally woke up at 9:00 p.m., they had gone back to their hotel.

The visit with Mama was mostly nice. As I mentioned in a previous post, she was mildly annoying, but only because I allow myself to be annoyed at some of her little quirks. She didn't intentionally annoy me, as far as I could tell. We didn't really do much. It was a very laid-back visit. She brought a book and read a lot. I blogged some while sitting in the living room with her. That is sort of like spending time with her. We're in the same room, and if I see something particularly interesting I read it to her.

Mama has always been a very active person. She is in her mid 70s now, and beginning to slow down. I have never been active. That woman has run me ragged for years, dragging me here and there to see things that should interest me. Some of them do interest me, so I guess I'm better for it. Now that she's slowed down so much, I can keep up with her. I actually am waiting on her now. I like this better.

She told me about a time when I was 4 years old. I had a favorite baby doll that I carried around a lot. I took the doll to preschool one day and gave it away to another child in the class. Mama was upset that I'd done that, but evidently I didn't think anything of it. I can see both sides of the situation now, as a mother and a generous person. As a mother, I would be frustrated if my child did that, especially if I had spent time and money buying the doll specifically for my child. I can also clearly understand my desire to give a toy to another child if I felt that the child would be comforted by my action. Mama has no recollection of why I felt inclined to give the toy away. She doesn't think that way herself. As nice a person as she is, generally, she isn't into sacraficial generosity. I don't know why, but I am. Evidently I always have been.

Let me tell you the incident that sparked this conversation. We were on the interstate on the way to the airport for her flight back home. I was in the right lane, and traffic was moderately heavy. An 18-wheeler was entering the highway from an entry ramp with a fairly short merge lane. I was in the way, and couldn't get into the left lane. The truck was rapidly running out of lane, so I slowed down to allow the truck to merge. As soon as I got clear of the back of the trailer I flashed my headlights and waved him over. Mama said something about me being nice, but with a tone that suggested she thought this was not a good thing. I'm too nice, or perhaps she wouldn't have been so nice.

But that's who I am. It's what I do. As for trucks, I've always had a lot of respect for truckers on the road. As I have learned rules of the road that make driving easier for truck drivers, I've adapted my driving behavior to accomodate them. Now that I've spent over three years as a professional driver myself, I have even more respect for anyone who drives a large vehicle. I know how tough it is to move a big long vehicle into another lane. I also don't usually mind driving behind a truck, but I understand a lot of people do. I hate being behind a school bus, ironically. Most bus drivers do, especially if they are driving a school bus at the time.

Did I mention that my "F" key still isn't working well? That is so fffffrustrating!

There's more, but I'll save it for another post.

I'm coming up for air

So far so good.

I must amend the previous post and say that my mother-in-law is usually not as bad as she was that day. That was one of her worst episodes.

Somehow we ended up rushing around frantically cooking as the in-laws arrived today. I hate that. This time, though, there were four of us cooking. Light did most of it, really. Twitch grilled the London broil. I made two lemon meringue pies. I was the one pulling stuff out of the oven at the last minute, though, because everyone else was busy with something else. Whatever.

I sat in the living room with all the parental units and the children for about fifteen or twenty minutes. I smiled. Then I excused myself. When Light had the table set and ready for the meal, I ate with everyone. Then my mother and I went to the graduation venue early. I wanted to be there with her when the doors opened so we could get a seat close to the doors. She can't walk very far, and I didn't want her to climb a lot of stairs in the arena. This is the arena where Lander Univesity plays basketball. So we got there early and got a good seat very close to the entrance.

The graduation ceremony was dreadfully dull. There were four or five different student speakers. None of them spoke for too long, but they all said practically the same thing. They all used the "turn the page," "this chapter of our lives" metaphor. The dispensation of the diplomas was tedius. The chorus sang a couple of pieces, and that was the best part. I also enjoyed watching this huge black man directing the graduates to their seats when they processed into the arena. The guy was head and shoulders taller than almost all the students, and was a massive wall of very dark manhood. It was funny to see the tiny teenage girls standing beside him. If he sneezed he'd have crushed them.

Mama and I did not sit with the rest of the family. After the ceremony Mama went back to her hotel to lie down. She is tired and doesn't feel well. The rest of us are at home. We served the pies (pecan and lemon meringue), and now Light is showing the in-laws her artwork. I am hiding in my office, doing this. I'm tired and slightly dehydrated and grumpy. I think I'll go lie down for a while. The ordeal is more than half way over. I feel good about that. If I can avoid the people for another few hours, we'll be golden.

Preparing dinner for the in-laws: why I don't

Many years ago, before Diva and Sproing were born, we lived in a cute little house in the country. Light and Twitch were maybe 5 and 7, give or take a year or two. Superman's parents were on their way to visit us. I don't recall the occasion. It may have been a "just because" visit. "Just because" in this instance means "just because we live to torture you." (My interpretation)

The drive from there to here is approximately 5 hours. They said they'd be arriving at our house at 12:00. (Whatever time it was, I don't remember, but lunch was the meal in question.) We have traveled that trail ourselves, and predicting the exact time of arrival is iffy, in my experience. Not so with the Super-in-laws. (Here, "Super-in-law" refers to the fact that they are perfect. Not nice, kind, or thoughtful, just perfect. As in "can do nothing wrong.") They are precise and punctually perfect.

Being perfect, of course, they have a perfectly lovely home, clean and well apportioned. I, on the other hand, am a mess. My house is perpetually cluttered, and not particularly clean. In preparation for the in-law invasion, we had attempted to clean up a bit. It is impossible to be completely prepared, though. Impossible. I was stressed. (duh)

I was told that they would be expecting lunch when they arrived. I was reminded that Father-in-law (FIL) does not eat breakfast, and would need his lunch in a timely manner. He is used to eating at 11:00, so he would be an hour past hungry when they arrive. The mid-day meal is their large meal of the day. Now that they are retired, they eat a substantial lunch, then a very light supper. And you know how FIL loves my baked ham! (hint hint)

So I was fussing around in the kitchen, trying to get it all together. I was working on an impressive menu. We had the ham, some desserts (probably pies. That's typical.) at least two side dishes, freshly baked homemade bread of some sort (either biscuits or yeast rolls) and I don't know what else. And I had two children who I was ostensibly homeschooling. 

At some point during the morning I was in the kitchen, trying to clean up as I cooked. I had an empty glass jar with a label I was trying to remove. Soaking didn't help, so I took a razor scraper to it. The jar, as are most jars, was round. I held the jar with my left hand, being right handed. In the process of trying to clean this thing up, I made a bigger mess. Of my thumb. The razor slipped and I jabbed the blade into the knuckle of my left thumb. There was much blood, and a fair amount of pain. I washed and wrapped it tightly, and the blood flow slowed, but did not stop. 

I had a ham in the oven, nearly finished. There were a few side dishes and some bread that still needed to bake once the ham was done. The in-laws were an hour or so away. This was before we all had cell phones, so communication was impossible. My babies were too young to leave alone, though I think Superman was there. But he was working like a dawg trying to clean the place, if indeed he was there. I was cleaning in the kitchen as much as I could while cooking and caring for the kids. So I just wrapped my finger tightly and soldiered on. I had to change the dressing once or twice; the blood was flowing slowly. 

It was a week day, so Superman would have or should have been at work. He may have taken the day off. I know he was there when his folks arrived. On time. Exactly. (Spooky, really). When they pulled into the driveway, Superman was in the shower. He'd been working and was all sweaty and smelly, so he was bathing. I was very busy shuffling things into and out of the oven. 

Now, I married into this family. I was not born Perfect. Only these people and their children are Perfect. It only hurts my case that their daughter, who is almost exactly my age, is indeed Perfect. She has a Perfect house, cooks delicious Perfect meals, and always gets everything on the table at the same time at the Perfect time. I am not Perfect like her. When these people arrived there was still close to an hour before the meal would be ready. I did, though, thoughtfully prepare a few little appetizers to help tide them over until lunch. 

As I said, Superman was in the shower. Mother-in-law (MIL) greeted my children (not Perfect grandchildren, because their mother was woefully deficient as a parent) then came into the kitchen where I was up to my eyeballs in stress and cooking. She asked if dinner was ready. I said I'd run into some trouble, and it would be about an hour before everything was on the table. I showed her the appetizers. She refused the appetizers, saying they didn't want to spoil their appetite for the dinner. huh? 

That's not the gold, though. No, then she stood in my kitchen and blessed me out because lunch wasn't ready. She had told me when they would arrive. She told me "Dad" would be hungry. So why did I not have lunch ready? She was hungry! She needed to eat! "Dad" needed to eat! I directed her to the appetizers again. NO! She wanted LUNCH, not a little snack that would spoil her appetite. 

Superman usually intervenes before she can start this bullshit. He was wet, naked, and totally unavailable in the heat of the moment. I stood in the middle of my kitchen and stared at her, dumbfounded. I so wanted to say (in a very stern voice) "Get back in your car, turn right out of the driveway, go two miles into town, and there you will find a pizza parlor and a Mexican diner. You can eat there." I didn't though. I swallowed it, and just said "I'm sorry it isn't ready. I'm doing the best I can." 

Superman finally came out, dressed and in his right mind. The in-laws greeted their perfect son, the poor boy who had mistakenly married this pathetic excuse for a wife. MIL then had the gall to laugh lightly and tell him that she was a bit cranky because she was hungry. Ha ha ha, isn't that quaint?

I stayed in the kitchen and finished preparing the meal. I served the meal. We ate. Once I'd had a bit of food and saw that the kids had some lunch, I took myself to the doctor's office to get my thumb stitched up. Because the cut needed stitches. The doc soaked my finger in some kind of disinfectant stuff for about half an hour before he sewed it up. I was grateful to be able to spend that extra time away from home and the Perfect Mother-in-law.

I will bake a pie as my contribution to this mid-day meal. I will bake a lemon meringue pie, because that is the kind Twitch likes. FIL won't eat it, though. He once told me "The GOOD LORD deliver us from Tart Desserts." (I wish you could hear the inflection. It's wicked.) 

I'm too old for this shit. 

It has been a busy day. Tomorrow will be worse.

This morning I went to the "graduation" ceremony at the elementary school, where my dynamic demonic duo received their certificates of attendance for the fifth grade. Yep, a certificate of attendance. It means diddly squat. The only part of the ceremony I enjoyed was the speech by the principal of the middle school that my kids will attend next year. The rest was ... less. At one point in the midst of the program I started getting a bit panicky. There were too many people in that cafeteria. I was trapped. I would have gotten up and stepped into the hall, but that would have drawn more attention to myself, and that would be worse than just sitting there. So I just sat there. I survived. 

Light and Sproing took the little car (Eva) to the airport in the "big city to the north" to meet Grandmommy's plane. That went well. So now my Mama is in town. She and I went out to dinner tonight. We had a pleasant visit. She's here at the house now, visiting with the kids. Each of the grand kids is showing Grandmommy his or her special achievements. Light has displayed her pottery, Twitch showed her all the nifty stuff he did in his PhotoShop class. The youngsters showed off their certificates of attendance. Grandmommy is appropriately impressed. 

While big sister and little brother were off collecting the grandmother, I took Diva to her first gynecology appointment. Did I mention that she's 11 years old? Actually, today is her half birthday, so she is now 11.5 years old. She had her first pelvic exam (it's worse than a prostate exam, really) because she has had her first sexual intercourse. This is shit. They did a pregnancy test. It was negative. I figured it would be, but WTF. They are testing for chlamydia and gonorrhea. Results will be back in a few days.  I expect negative results from that, too. The point, really, is to demonstrate to the child the dangers inherent. I believe the doctor talked to her and showed her some really nasty, scary pictures of what can happen with STDs. That was what the nurse and I talked about when I called last week. We left the office with a prescription for birth control pills for my 11.5 year old daughter. 

On the way home, Diva was going on about how glad she was that the pregnancy test was negative. She was revelling in the drama, thoroughly enjoying herself. I know that game. I put the quietus on that one. I told her that this is not a game. I lectured her all the way home. This is NOT fun or funny. You must not do "that" again until you are ready to handle the possible consequences. Do you have a high school diploma? Do you have a job? Can you pay for an apartment? Do you have transportation? Can you buy food for yourself and a child? Can you pay for utilities? ("What's that?") Can you pay your medical bills? Or do you have insurance? Etc. I'm sure she tuned me out. If she doesn't like it, it doesn't apply to her. The child is not right in the head. 

I'm having a hard time. Taking her to the doctor was so hard.  It has been so difficult emotionally, this whole thing. I'm terribly depressed. I've been on the verge of tears most of this week. Watching their 5th grade celebration thingie this morning was heart breaking under the circumstances. 

We do what we must. I carry on. I take the next step, breathe the next breath. But my mind is coming unglued. My heart is in tatters. 

To complicate matters, my mother is in town. Worse yet, my in-laws arrive tomorrow. I will survive. I am a survivor. I'm just not sure how healthy I'll be on the other side. 

Coming up: the story that explains why I will not be preparing dinner for the in-laws.

I'm still standing

I'm still here.

I had an assignment in my English class to write a paper in the format of an article from a magazine. She gave Good Housekeeping and Vogue as suggestions. I'm not much of a Vogue or Good Housekeeping kind of gal. (quit snickering) My favorite magazine is Smithsonian. Smithsonian articles are not simple affairs. I didn't want to do real research to write a factual article. That's too much work. I'd much rather pull something out of my ass, like I usually do. But the Smithsonian was the only magazine that inspired me for this assignment. So I wrote a parody piece. I combined the idea of a snipe hunt with Rodents of Unusual Size (R.O.U.S.es). I wrote an article in which I detail a morning spent with a researcher from the University of Florida on an observation of the Florida snipe. I used photos of capybara (the largest rodent on earth) as my snipe. It was great fun. I haven't received any feedback from the professor, so I'm not sure how it was received. I had a blast writing it, though. 

Capybara or Snipe, depending on one's interpretation

Sproing and I had an appointment with his counselor today. Sproing has been doing so much better recently. Two or three weeks ago we added Zoloft to his medication regimen, and that seems to have made a significant difference. About the same time we bought him a used PSP handheld game console. Between the two, I'm not sure which one made the biggest difference. We talked with his counselor about how much more in control of his emotions and reactions he is. This is good! 

Sproing then left the room so the counselor and I could discuss some other stuff. I told her what the psychiatrist had said, that Sproing needs a lot of structure in his life. The doc indicated that Superman and I needed to get our shit together (she said it a bit nicer than that) and have firm rules, appropriate and consistent consequences, etc. I was intimidated. I got the impression from the doctor that in order to be a good mother to Sproing and Diva, I needed to get over my issues with structure and self discipline to provide that kind of environment for the kids here at home. Ugh. She told me that Sproing's counselor was very good with that sort of thing, and could help us get organized and develop lists of expected behaviors, consequences and rewards and stuff. 

Well, today I discussed that with the counselor. She seems to think that a large part of our success so far is in our (mine and Superman's) ability to be flexible and go with the flow. According to the counselor, we should stick with our strengths and not try to fight against our natural inclinations. Though perhaps a few guidelines about positive and negative consequences for specific behaviors may be helpful, generally let's work with our strengths. I was so relieved! I've been more stressed than I realized about the prospect of changing my entire life around to fit into that whole structured lifestyle. 

And speaking of stress, my mother flies into town Thursday afternoon. The in-laws plan to arrive late Friday morning, and Twitch's graduation exercise is at 2:00 Friday afternoon. There is some expectation of having a fabulous lunch here before the graduation ceremony, then dinner out that evening. I have had enough of preparing meals for the in-laws. I may tell you that story some day, but suffice to say that I ain't gonna put myself out again. Superman and Light have an idea or two, though. Superman will take Friday off from work, thankfully, so he can be here when his parents arrive. I'm trying to think of some urgent errand or emergency or whatever I can come up with to have an acceptable excuse to stay away from home Friday. I'll show up at the graduation, of course. Since my mom will be here, too, I don't think I can pull it off. Aw hell, my mother likes Superman better than she likes me, so why the hell not? 

And it probably won't be as bad as I fear. It often isn't. The times these visits turn bad, though, is enough to make me gun-shy. 

For now, though, I'll just stand my ground.

All in the Family

I talked to my mother today. I'm like my youngest brother in that I rarely call my family when I'm having a bad time of things. I haven't called her in a few weeks. Today she called me. 

I told her a few of the kids' latest escapades. She's clueless and upset about it, too. But she told me that I'm not the only one in the family dealing with crap from children. Mama had three kids: me, Brother 1, and Brother 2.  Brother 1 has had trouble with his two boys for a long time. His oldest in in his early 20s, and his youngest is a couple of months older than Twitch. I heard today that both of Bro 1's boys are in trouble. His son 2 has run away from his mother (my brother's ex). No one knows quite where he is. He dropped out of high school a couple of years ago and has not done squat with his life. The oldest, a father of a 2 year old girl, is estranged from his daughter's mom, got fired from his job for being a dumbass, and has impregnated his current girlfriend. They are living with the girlfriend's mother, since he's an unemployed dumbass.

Brother 2 has a 15 year old daughter who has been giving them hell for a few years. She's batshit crazy, but so is her mother (Bro 2's ex). She tried to run away from the school's resource officer when Bro 2 went to pick her up from school. She had been caught doing something wrong, smoking in the bathroom or something. I dunno. The school suspended her for a few days, and called dad to come get her. She made a huge fuss about getting into dad's car, and when the resource officer went over to see about things, she ran away. That landed her in a pediatric psych ward for a week or two. I'm not sure just what is going on with her now. The hospitalization occurred about three months ago. She is a huge bundle of trouble. 

Diva is younger than her cousins, but she's getting into some freaky shit at a somewhat younger age than they did. I think. Now that I think about it, Bro 2's daughter was about this age when either she or her mother (if it was her, it was at the urging of her mother) accused Bro 2 of sexually abusing her. He never did that. The ex-wife gets her jollies from screwing up my brother's life. Seriously. Anyway, Diva has started early, and it will only get worse from here. The next 5-7 years are gonna be doozies. 

Twitch graduates from high school on Friday. The grandparent invasion begins Thursday with my mom's arrival. The in-laws drive in Friday. It's a 5 hour drive for them, and they want to do it Friday. They are staying in a hotel in town Friday night, then driving back early Saturday. They are too old for that shit, but there's not reasoning with them since they are always right.  My mom flies back home Sunday. I am very proud of Twitch for achieving his high school diploma. The ceremony, the grandparent invasion, all that stuff is crap that I have to endure. I'll just grit my teeth, try to smile, and wait until it's over. 

It has been another relatively peaceful day around here. Huzzah! They have two more full days of school, two half days, and then they're done until late August. May the Good Baby Jeebus deliver us.