It has been a busy day. Tomorrow will be worse.

This morning I went to the "graduation" ceremony at the elementary school, where my dynamic demonic duo received their certificates of attendance for the fifth grade. Yep, a certificate of attendance. It means diddly squat. The only part of the ceremony I enjoyed was the speech by the principal of the middle school that my kids will attend next year. The rest was ... less. At one point in the midst of the program I started getting a bit panicky. There were too many people in that cafeteria. I was trapped. I would have gotten up and stepped into the hall, but that would have drawn more attention to myself, and that would be worse than just sitting there. So I just sat there. I survived. 

Light and Sproing took the little car (Eva) to the airport in the "big city to the north" to meet Grandmommy's plane. That went well. So now my Mama is in town. She and I went out to dinner tonight. We had a pleasant visit. She's here at the house now, visiting with the kids. Each of the grand kids is showing Grandmommy his or her special achievements. Light has displayed her pottery, Twitch showed her all the nifty stuff he did in his PhotoShop class. The youngsters showed off their certificates of attendance. Grandmommy is appropriately impressed. 

While big sister and little brother were off collecting the grandmother, I took Diva to her first gynecology appointment. Did I mention that she's 11 years old? Actually, today is her half birthday, so she is now 11.5 years old. She had her first pelvic exam (it's worse than a prostate exam, really) because she has had her first sexual intercourse. This is shit. They did a pregnancy test. It was negative. I figured it would be, but WTF. They are testing for chlamydia and gonorrhea. Results will be back in a few days.  I expect negative results from that, too. The point, really, is to demonstrate to the child the dangers inherent. I believe the doctor talked to her and showed her some really nasty, scary pictures of what can happen with STDs. That was what the nurse and I talked about when I called last week. We left the office with a prescription for birth control pills for my 11.5 year old daughter. 

On the way home, Diva was going on about how glad she was that the pregnancy test was negative. She was revelling in the drama, thoroughly enjoying herself. I know that game. I put the quietus on that one. I told her that this is not a game. I lectured her all the way home. This is NOT fun or funny. You must not do "that" again until you are ready to handle the possible consequences. Do you have a high school diploma? Do you have a job? Can you pay for an apartment? Do you have transportation? Can you buy food for yourself and a child? Can you pay for utilities? ("What's that?") Can you pay your medical bills? Or do you have insurance? Etc. I'm sure she tuned me out. If she doesn't like it, it doesn't apply to her. The child is not right in the head. 

I'm having a hard time. Taking her to the doctor was so hard.  It has been so difficult emotionally, this whole thing. I'm terribly depressed. I've been on the verge of tears most of this week. Watching their 5th grade celebration thingie this morning was heart breaking under the circumstances. 

We do what we must. I carry on. I take the next step, breathe the next breath. But my mind is coming unglued. My heart is in tatters. 

To complicate matters, my mother is in town. Worse yet, my in-laws arrive tomorrow. I will survive. I am a survivor. I'm just not sure how healthy I'll be on the other side. 

Coming up: the story that explains why I will not be preparing dinner for the in-laws.