It's primarily bad children, though

So much has happened in the 23 hours since my last post. Holy shit.

Currently listening to this.

Except of course I don't feel fine. Half way through a bottle of Martini Asti sparkling wine (cheap shit, my favorite!) and am feeling better in some respects. 

But seriously, what the fuck can I do with these trolls? Let me see if I can catch you guys up on all the unfortunate drama. 

Superman got home last evening around 8, maybe? Not sure. I'd closed my eyes to rest but wasn't fully asleep. Neither of the trolls was home, which is good and bad. They weren't actively annoying me, but I didn't know where they were and was concerned about their welfare. Go figure. Also pissed at them. Sproing is grounded, dammit, but he's gone. Diva is just a wild bitch and I don't trust her.

So Superman decided it was time to call the police to report them missing or runaways. They found Diva in Abbeville staying with her boyfriend. I am vaguely aware she has someone she calls a boyfriend, but I don't know who this kid is. Her dad and I specifically told her Friday night that she could NOT go to Abbeville. We both tried to call her but her phone went directly to voice mail and she didn't return any calls. So anyway, the police found her, went to the home where she was staying and took her to the Abbeville police department. That pissed her off, believe me! Embarrassed her in front of her boyfriend and his uncle. hee hee. Serves her right. We had to drive to Abbeville to bring her home. At midnight. After Superman hadn't had any significant sleep for approximately 40 hours. He felt like shit. I drove.

Sproing came home while we were out retrieving his sister. We called the police officer who was managing this fiasco to let him know everyone was home now. He came over and gave a nice little lecture to the kids. It did no good, of course. They can ignore grownups with alacrity. I added my two cents because my two cents is worth a lot more and they should listen to the wisdom of their mother. Dammit, their mother is fuckin' wise! They are missing out on a good thing here, right Light? I know useful shit, don't I?

But I digress. Cut to today. Sproing got up this morning and his dad gave him some tasks to do. Sproing talked back to his dad, made some snarky comment, and Superman smacked him upside the head. Sproing spouted off disrespectfully again, so Superman smacked him again and knocked him over. Sproing then got up and did what his dad told him to do, thank you sir.

I made a detailed list of things for Diva to do in the kitchen. By 2:00 I still hadn't seen her so I sent Dad to check. She was still in her piss soaked bed. Godallmighty it stinks in there! I'm not sure what Superman told her to do, but she didn't like it so she called the case manager to complain that her parents are unfit. Or something. I am not sure. Then I think she threatened to call the police, to which Superman replied "go ahead." And she did. Two young men from the city police department came out to interview Diva and Superman, separately. Superman told them exactly what happened. Yes, he smack the kid twice, and the kid fell down the second time. The kid got smacked for being disrespectful. OK, fine. The other officer talked to Diva. Don't know what she told him. Then both of the officers spoke to our next door neighbor. I have no idea what that was about. Superman told me what had transpired, and I decided I needed to talk to the officers myself.

Well, I went through the living room and there was Diva. I asked her something, can't now remember what. What do you think you're doing? maybe? Anyway, she got all sassy with me. I told her no, she is my child and she does what I want. She said that she told the officers that her daddy had threatened to hit her. I asked her if she told them that she had assaulted me? Oh, they don't need to know that. Pissed me off. So I went out to speak to the officers. Superman and Diva joined me.

(Update: All 750 ml of sparkling wine is now on the inside of me.)

We had a little powwow. I told the officers that Diva has a bad attitude. I explained what happened earlier in the weekend - Friday night through Saturday night, with her running away and the police getting involved. She said she doesn't want to stay here. I said I don't want her here, either, but it is our responsibility to make sure she is properly cared for. Oh, get this, she told the officers that she feels stressed being here. HA!!! What a hoot! I feel stressed too, bitch. Put on your big girl panties and get to work. Bitch. I told her and the officers that I was not going to just let her go anywhere without making sure she is properly cared for and supervised. I also told the officers that she is on a lot of medication, and as a parent it is my responsibility to see that she gets medical care. When she left Friday she didn't take her medicine, and missed her Sat. morning dose as well. I asked if she'd taken her meds today, and she said no. Right. I pointed out that some of these meds have withdrawal symptoms if stopped suddenly, and some of her feelings might be due to that. So take your damned medicine bitch!

Then these two fine young men with the Greenwood Police Department proceeded to give her yet another lecture about how she is a child and must obey her parents. She's got it good now. Her parents care about her and are taking good care of her. She is powerless until she turns 18. She needs to obey us. The real world is a lot uglier than this. Et cetera. She didn't like that much, but had the sense to keep her mouth shut. Last time I saw her she was in the kitchen doing what I told her to do. I told Superman to keep me away from her because I want to smack the shit out of her. I want to kick her into next year. I am very angry.

Superman is working on the sink cabinet for the hall bathroom. The bathroom that has been in various stages of remodel for, what, five years now? The sink cabinet is one of the last things to do. He's actually working on it now. I am pleased about that. Perhaps this week we will have a sink in the bathroom. I hope so.

Sparkling wine doesn't seem to like my intestines. Or vise-verse.

I need a break. Yes, I still need to run away. I'm working on a plan. Might run away twice. Perhaps I can take a couple of days, maybe three, away from home this week. But I need a long trip. That won't happen until  after school is out for the summer probably. I don't know yet. We shall see. I want to visit some blog friends in various places along the east coast.

That's what I know now.

More about bad children and bad parenting

I am desperately trying to keep it together. I'm close to breaking. Today this is one of my coping mechanisms. Jason Mraz is singing positive messages to me.

In yesterday's post I told you that my children are rude, crude, and socially unacceptable. Allow me to continue the story.

Both of them disappeared last night. Sproing is still on probation with a court ordered 7:00 curfew. He's officially released from probation on Monday, but Friday night isn't Monday. He wandered off with his friends and didn't come home until some time this morning. When I got up to take care of HIS dog at 5:45 he was not at home. The dog and I went back to bed and when I got up at 10:00 he was here. I refuse to talk to him. He tried to ask me a few things, but I glared at him in lieu of an answer.

Diva also wandered off somewhere last night and is still missing. I assume she's with friends. She said something to one of the other guys around here about going to the Spring Festival in Abbeville, the little town west of us. I had told her no, she could not go. Her Daddy told her before he left for Georgia yesterday that no she may not go. I think she went. It's after 4 in the afternoon now and still no girl. And Sproing, who in addition to being on probation is grounded, has left again. Total disregard for my authority as their mother. 

I am getting very close to having a nervous breakdown. I feel a strong need to flee. Superman and Twitch are on their way home from Georgia now. They were supposed to stay with Superman's folks until tomorrow, but in part because our children are trolls, he is coming home early. But also he left his CPAP here so he couldn't sleep last night. When he gets here he's gonna be in a really foul mood and not in any state to be reasoned with. I am glad he's coming back, sorry for the reasons he needs to come back, and not looking forward to dealing with his mood. Hell, he probably isn't looking forward to dealing with my crazy ass, either.

Remember Diva's door? Here's a reminder. This morning in my anger and frustration and crazy-ass-ness I painted over the door. I found some dark green paint, stirred it up, got my little 2 inch brush and put a very thick coat of paint over that mess. A very thick coat. I didn't neatly paint the door, I just covered what was there. When I walked down the hall recently I noticed that the paint is running down. There are run/drip marks below where I painted. Don't know if it has dripped to the floor yet. Don't care if it does. The floor is just underlayment that needs to be replaced before we can put some kind of finished flooring on it. Which is another frustration in my life, all the unfinished remodel projects around here.

I am mentally packing my bags and planning my escape. I considered leaving today before Superman and Twitch get home, but have decided not to do that. It's wet and cool outside today. I kinda like the cool, but the wet hampers attempts to do anything outside. I'd like to go camping, but not in the rain.

I need to get out of here. This is my mental health escape. I could get my psychiatrist to admit me to the hospital, but that would be more expensive and probably a lot less effective than a solo trip to a leafy mountainous location. Not sure when I'll leave or how long I'll be gone. If I go within a few days I will be gone less than a week. If I wait a couple more weeks I can be gone a bit longer. I feel a long drive coming on. I want to see some powerful big water. Maybe I'll go to the ocean, or perhaps a raging river or a big waterfall. 

Something about bad parenting, I think

It's been a bad day. The bad day started yesterday. Think I'll whine about it for a while.

Superman left this evening to visit his parents for the weekend. He took Twitch, leaving me here with Sproing and Diva. I've been having trouble with these two trolls, so he leaves me alone with them. OK, that's not fair. He wants to see his parents, and especially to visit his mom in light of next Sunday being Mother's Day. He'll see her this weekend so he can be with me on Mother's Day. Nevertheless, my poor broken heart feels abandoned to the trolls.

I've mentioned before that my two youngest children are not normal. Here is a recent example. Last evening Sproing and Diva were picking on each other. Nothing new there. It started as pseudo-friendly banter. They were having fun, playing, trading verbal barbs. With these two these things can get out of hand in a hurry. And of course that's what happened. I don't even know what the argument was about. One of them pushed too far (they also both have boundary issues) and made the other genuinely mad/hurt. So the angry one got nasty to the other, which made the other even meaner. You see how these things go. I was staying out of the way. My currently philosophy about their arguments is to let them have at each other and do what damage they will. In other words, I (am pretending that I) don't care.

Diva came into my room to complain about Sproing, and said she was going to "cut him" if he didn't quit this shit. Don't remember exactly what I told her. Probably something like "leave him alone, ignore him, go into your room to remove yourself from the situation." Of course she didn't.

They finally separated and retreated to their own rooms. I got up to check on things and noticed that the kitchen was still a mess, and it's Diva's day on kitchen duty. I went into her room to send her back to finish her job, and low and behold there on her chair was my largest butcher knife!!! I asked why she had it but she wouldn't tell me. The only thing she ended up saying is that she was holding it. Yeah, and I heard her threaten to cut her brother. Holy shit.

They both treat me like garbage. They are rude, disrespectful, etc. I take away privileges, lecture at them, demand that they treat me (and their Dad) with respect, but they don't. Oh, occasionally they'll be nice and do the right thing, but generally they act like trolls. I have failed them as a parent. I am so depressed. I don't have the energy, the strength to follow through. They know how to kick the foundation out from under me and weaken me to the point that I am useless. That is where I am right now. Useless as a parent to these trolls.

Oh Hai!!

It's possible I'm a bit drunk. Not really drunk, just quite happy. Tipsy in a good way. Question: what's the difference between being tipsy and being drunk?

I suspect it's similar to the not-so-fine-line of what sex is. How do you define "sex" as in Having Sex. Is it not sex until there is some form of penetration? Oral sex is by definition sex, though, right? What about manual stimulation? Passionate kissing while being fully clothed, is that sex? There is not a fine line between what is ans is not sex. It's a continuum, or personal interpretation, or something that might make more sense if there wasn't so much beer in my system.

Have I told you recently that I really like good craft beer? No? Well, let me take this opportunity to let you know that I really like quality craft beer.

This is gonna ramble, if you haven't picked up on that yet.

Let me tell you about the Sproing-ster. OMG what a mess. So, did I tell you that he had an expulsion hearing last week? I think I did. And that he was assigned to the alternative school instead of being expelled. We went to orientation for the alternative program today. It sounds good to me. He starts on Thursday. We learned lots of things today. He will wear a uniform consisting of either sneakers or boat shoes/loafer type shoes, khaki pants, and a light blue button down shirt. I'm telling him that a white undershirt is also part of the uniform. Oh, and he must wear a belt. If he needs any more outer wear he may wear a plain blue sweater or sweatshirt, no designs, no pockets. Any overcoat or jacket he wears will be hung in the hallway. Seeing as how we've got warm spring weather now, that isn't an issue.

There are only 25 more days of school before summer break. This does not comfort me, dammit. I am SO not ready for these trolls to be home all the time. Already I'm looking eagerly forward to school beginning again in August. Hang on, let me look.... ah, yes, August 20th is the first day of the 2013-14 school year. Good Lord deliver me safely through the summer.

Diva will likely be in the 10th grade next year. Sproing will probably need to repeat most of 9th grade. He is more intelligent than she is, but not as willing to do what needs to be done. Have I indicated how frustrating that boy is? If not, take note: he is VERY frustrating.

I've been reading a lot the past few days. I have well over 100 books in my Kindle that I haven't read yet. I've read over 100 books so far. Most of the ones I'm downloading these days are fairly short things, less than 100 pages of text. I can go through a few of those in a day. Yesterday (Monday) I mostly stayed in bed and read. Today I had a lot of errands to run, plus taking Sproing to the alternative school then to his therapist at the local Mental Health clinic. I took my Kindle so I could read during wait times, which I did. Read a cute mermaid story, sort of a sequel to The Little Mermaid in which Ariel's (though in the story her name wasn't Ariel) great grandson goes on dry land and meets a Prandsome Hince Handsome Prince and falls in love, thereby breaking the sea witch's spell that will otherwise kill him. It was a lovely simple m/m mermaid story. I have concentrated on my gay romance collection. There are other genres of books in my Kindle, but this week I'm all about gay romance.

Wait. I just remembered that I started a post about Sproing and set it to automatically post sometime like early this morning. Which means it's probably already up. But I didn't finish it. I think it only has a couple of sentences. Hmmm, I need to check that, probably just delete it.

And it's time for me to go to bed. Tired. No significant nap today, just maybe 15 minutes. Now that I'm tipsy (or drunk, depending) I'm all kinds of sleepy again. With that I say Good Night.

Oh my stars it's been so long since I posted!

Full disclosure: I have had a full bottle of ChocoVine cheap nasty red wine with chocolate milk or something in it. Lovely stuff, though cheap and nasty. The buzz is beautiful, though. I don't want to know the calorie count, so don't even tell me.  It looks like chocolate milk and tastes rich and inviting. Twitch said it tastes like chocolate flavored cough syrup, so I don't have to worry about him getting into it, eh? Hee hee. 

Posting pictures is going to be a problem for a while because I lost my camera. Well, I have the pictures I took before it died. By "lost" I mean this: 
Java goes canoeing swimming! My camera was in a small pack that was in the canoe when it overturned. It got kinda wet. It kinda doesn't work anymore, though I was able to save the SD card. So I have a few pictures to post. The picture above was taken by my loving brother Jim who was in a kayak following our canoe. Hal (a former step brother with whom I lived as a teen) was in the stern of the canoe, I was manning the bow. This was the first time we dumped. Once we got the canoe on the bank, dumped the water out, and got settled in it again, we headed down the river again. Fifteen minutes later we did the same damned thing. That is me with the funny hat on in the above picture. We were carrying most of the lunch stuff. And we spent so much time in the damned water that we really didn't have time to stop to eat lunch. After the second time we dumped into the drink, I moved into my brother Mike's canoe and that worked a bit better. Part of the problem is that I'm a bit too heavy to ride in the bow of a canoe. Woe is me.

All of my brothers, the two biological ones and the three step brothers I grew up with, went canoeing on the Juniper run in the Ocala National Forest the day after Daddy's life celebration party. It was more "closure" than the party was. We had a small packet of Daddy's ashes that we sprinkled into the river. Daddy and Mary (the step brothers' mom, Daddy's second wife) used to take us canoeing on this piece of river when we were kids. That was the reasoning behind the canoe trip and sprinkling his ashes into the river.

I have canoeing experience, but it was so long and so many pounds ago that I've lost my touch. Amazingly, though, I was hardly sore the next day, and not at all sore (except some bruising on my legs) the day after. I did kinda make the trip hard on the brothers though, and I feel bad about that. But I really wanted to go, really wanted to be present for the disposition of Daddy's ashes. I'm glad I went, even if it was more challenging for the brothers.

And can we talk about the brothers for a few? I love my brothers, specifically the two biological ones. The step brothers, for the most part, I like well enough. There's one in particular that I have some "uncomfortable" history with, and I won't go into that here. (If you're terribly curious, email me privately and we'll talk.) Nevertheless, about the brothers: they're pretty damned critical of me. I had a hard time with them  last week. (for reference, I arrived in Gainesville on Wednesday April 17th and departed Wednesday April most recent, whatever that was.) It's a hard time in retrospect. I was too busy living in the moment to realize how troublesome it was at the time. I love my brothers, I really do. And I have a lot of respect for them (the two I'm directly related to, particularly). Here's my take-away impression from my interactions with all five: I am not good enough. I'm not as good as they are at the things they do well. Canoeing is  but one example. Parenting seems to be another, at least in the case of two of them. I certainly don't keep house as well as they do (which, by the way, is true). It seems to me that the only comparisons are the ones in which they shine. What about me? I can do many things well. I'm sensitive and caring, I sew well, am good with arts/crafts. I'm very nurturing, which can be a good thing in moderation (evidently). I am very intelligent. But when I'm with them, we play by their rules, on their playing field. And I fail there. Java < brothers. Java < men. 

Maybe I'm a bit butt-hurt. Maybe I should get over myself. Maybe I should have a really good cry over all of this and move on. What I've been doing is drinking too much.

Let's find some pictures. That might cheer us up a bit.
This is Hal, the step brother with whom I shared a canoe. Also the one with me when the canoe tipped over. Twice. He did not want his picture taken, so he hid every time I pointed the camera backward.

 And here's the river. It really is beautiful.

 Much of the river bottom is clear white Florida sand. Some of it is a thick layer of mucky detritus. It was in the mucky part that we dumped the canoe both times. Icky, and hard to get out of.

Here's my Mama at the life celebration party for Daddy. She's his first wife.

 These are the step brothers, Mary's sons. Mary is Daddy's second wife. She is still alive, but suffering from some pretty severe dementia. Not sure if it's actually Alzheimer's. Hal (the one in the middle) is taking care of her mostly. She's in a nursing home near where Hal lives.

 Left to right that's Dan (the youngest), Hal and Charles (the twins). Charles, by the way, is gay. He's living in Vancouver, BC, Canada and is officially married to his husband Bob (whom I've never met). Dan lives in Gainesville and I've seen him recently, but haven't seen Hal and Charles in over 30 years. Nice, mostly, and also kinda weird to see them again.

Light flew in from Pennsylvania for the festivities! It was really good to see her. Didn't get to spend much time with her, though I plan (hope) to get up to Pennsylvania to see her before too long.

 This is Kathy, Daddy's third and final wife. She is the grieving widow.

And she is, too. She really misses Daddy. She's mad at him because he died, because he isn't coming home. She keeps waiting for him to walk in the door. They really loved each other. They were together for 20 years, twice as long as either of his first two marriages lasted. Kathy is having a rough time. She also has Parkinson's disease which is getting worse. She will soon (I think soon, anyway) need to have a lot more help with daily living tasks. Daddy was planning to be there for her, to help her as long as he could and keep her as independent as possible. I'm not sure what will happen with Kathy. Her oldest son Tom came from Portland, Oregon to be here (there) for the life celebration. I'm really glad Tom was there. He needed to see for himself how fragile his mother is now, how much her disease has impaired her abilities.

I like Kathy a lot. She is very opinionated and outspoken, and some people in my family (some of the brothers) have a hard time dealing with her. She is wise and has a lot of good things to say. She's also full of shit sometimes. The trick is to recognize the difference. I don't have much trouble taking the good and ignoring the bad. I'm worried about her. I want her to be well cared for as much as possible. She has a strong independent streak, so it might be tough for her to let go of some things, to accept her limitations which continue to increase daily. I feel bad for her. Parkinson's is a rotten way to go. Avoid it if possible.

And I have been drinking more. I don't think I'm turning into an alcoholic, but then the alcoholic is the last to know, right? This is the way I'm dealing with the stress. Not healthy. Most of my medications caution against drinking while taking the medicine. Yeah, well, right now I don't care.

In my next post, Sproing! What's he up to now?

Yes, I'm still here **With Update!

Hello my peeps! I've missed you. I have been kind of busy. Right now I'm in Florida again, this time with Twitch. Twitch is all over my nerves, too. He complains all the time and makes excuses for why he can't do whatever is suggested to him. I don't want to talk about him right now.

I'm very tired. It's quite late, and I've had a busy day. There are a few things I want to relate, but don't know how much I'll remember to say right now. But I really want to get something up here before you all forget about me. And right now I need my blog friends.

Sunday afternoon is the memorial "life celebration" party for my dad. I've been here since Wednesday. My brother Mike arrived today. My brother Jim lives next door to my step-mom's house, so he's always here. My Uncle John (Daddy's brother) was here when I got here, don't know how long he's been here. Yesterday my step-mom's son Tom arrived. It's very good for him to be here. He needs to see how his mom is. She's got Parkinson's and it's getting worse. Not sure what she needs, or what Tom and his brother Sam will be able to do. I'm concerned about her.

Just this evening (Friday night... I know it's officially Saturday, but I'm still working on Friday) we had some good discussion, processing as a family through Daddy's death. There will be more. Tomorrow (Saturday) is a day to prepare the house for the party. It's gonna be a big one, I think. Lots of people have said they're attending. Lots of details to iron out.

Light flew in to Orlando this evening. My Mama picked her up. Mama lives in the greater Orlando area, so she and Light are spending the night there at Mama's house and will drive up to Gainesville tomorrow. I'm looking forward to seeing my daughter. I guess I'm looking forward to seeing my mother, too, but really I want to see Light.

OK, lets get on to a few other things that have come to mind recently. Let's try bullet points, shall we?

• Had sushi for lunch today. Shopped at a Fresh Market store near the step-mom's house and picked it up from the deli counter. It is pre-packaged from "Sushi with Gusto" which came from, of all places, Greer, South Carolina. Greer is an hour north of Greenwood. So yeah, my lunch today that I ate in Florida was actually made close to my house and followed me down to Florida for me to eat. For the record, it was tasty. 
• The stores in Gainesville have much better beer selections than anything I've found in Greenwood. I got some Samuel Adams Cream Stout, which I am currently testing. And enjoying quite a bit, thank you. Yummy stuff!! I also tried Stella Artois today for the first time. That is available in G'wood, but I've never tried it before. It's OK. Definitely drinkable, but not remarkable. The Cream Stout is definitely remarkable! I got a whole 6-pack of it, so some should make it back home for Superman to share. I was able to get a "make your own 6-pack" from the Publix, which is where I added the Stella Artois. Also got some Magic Hat stuff, can't remember now what it is. Haven't tried it yet. And other stuff that looked good at the time but I forget about now that I'm not looking at it.
• I stayed in my step-mom's house the first night we were here, then moved to a hotel. My Uncle John had reserved a room for himself, but changed the reservations to my name for reasons I'm unclear about. Whatever. He's paying for it. As I said to Mike today, it's on Uncle John's dime, and he has more dimes than I do. It's a much nicer place than I'd have chosen, but I like it. Last night Twitch was with me. Tonight he is at his Uncle Jim's place sleeping on an air mattress in Jim's game room. I am blissfully alone. Did I mention that Twitch and I have had a bit too much together time this week?
• Light will stay with me for the next two nights. She goes back to Orlando with Mama, flies back home Monday afternoon. I'll check out of the hotel Monday and go back to step-mom's house. Her son Tom is leaving on Monday, so I'll get his bedroom I guess. I'm fine with that. I'm finer with staying in this hotel though. This is Florida, and all the people here are used to living here in this heat and humidity. The crazies leave their air conditioning set to nearly 80. It's awful. I can't change my step-mom's thermostat, of course, but here in the hotel I can crank the temp down to a more comfortable range. I'm finally blessedly cool! I fear I might freeze Light out tomorrow night. Though she lives in Pennsylvania, she prefers warmer temps than those that comfort me. First world problems. 
• I miss my husband. He's a wonderful guy, and right now he's too far away. I heard from him today. Work is beating his ass but not as much as the younger kids are. He isn't having a lot of fun. I wish he were here. 
• Man, I really like this Samuel Adams Cream Stout! 
• I told you last week about a puppy. Yes, we have a puppy. His name is Oreo. I took some pictures of him to post here, but I'm too tired to do that now. Also I think the dear deserves his own blog post. So stay tuned. Don't know when  that will happen. I have more to process here about my Dad's life celebration, like the fact that my ex-step-brothers are coming to town. 
• So, my dad has had three wives: my Mama was first, he left her for his second wife Mary who had three boys. Daddy and Mary got together when I was about 8 or 9 years old, and finally divorced when I was in college. I grew up with Mary's sons as my step-brothers. I have two new step-brothers now, but I barely know them. My dad married their mom back in the early 90s when I was married with two little kids. So when I think of step-brothers I think of Mary's sons. One of them, Dan, lives here in Gainesville. Hal lives in Greensboro, NC and Charles lives in Vancouver, BC, Canada now. Growing up with these guys, well, there's a lot of history. Some of it is ... kinda difficult. I haven't seen Hal and Charles in over 30 years. They are twins, and a couple of years older than me. Dan is a year younger than me. I've seen Dan a few times when I come to visit Daddy, but haven't seen the twins in, like I said, a very long time. A lot has changed for all of us. I dreamed about them last night. Both the twins will arrive in town tomorrow evening. We're all getting together for dinner and to go through pictures of Daddy and the family. There will be lots of pictures at the party, and we all get to pick out which ones to display. Together. I gotta tell you, I am nervous about seeing the twins. 
• Right now it's 1:30 in the morning. I am very tired. I had a dream about Hal last night that kind of upset me. Am I afraid to go to sleep now because of that? Or am I just stalling because it's what I do? I've had a glass of wine and a beer, but spread it out over the past three hours so I'm not feeling tipsy at all. Don't know it that's a good thing or not. But my head is beginning to hurt a little and I think it's from the tired not from the booze. And I have successfully written a blog post (in that it is written, not that it is necessarily a good post) which was my goal, so perhaps I should shut up now and go to sleep. 
• I still have stuff to process about my step-brothers, my Daddy, my Mama coming to my Daddy's death party (oops, I mean life celebration party), and probably some other stuff that I'm too tired to remember now. I hope to be able to ramble about some of that stuff here soon. Until then, I'm going to sleep now. Or something. 

Update: 
I survived the first night of get-together with all the family. Seeing the twins was a bit odd, and slightly uncomfortable, but for the most part very positive. The purpose of tonight's gathering was to go through photographs, picking out great ones of my dad to display at tomorrow's (technically today's) party. We found some great ones. Hal brought a bunch that his mother had taken from the years we were all together as that family unit. A lot of them were from building the big house out in the woods. Awesome stuff. I visited a lot of good memories from those times. Hal's stash also had photos from the Christmas we spent with my his mom's parents back in... hang on, let me figure it out... 1974 I think. I have a lot of very good memories from that visit. My dad had a lot of very old photographs from his parents' collection, some from their parents' generation even. Those were very early in the days of photography. There were some great ones of my grandpapa and his brothers as children and young men. I learned a lot about my grandpapa. I saw a picture of my grandmama when she was maybe 20 years old, one that I'd never seen before. I never knew her to look like that. It was a powerfully emotional evening, lots of laughs, lots of memories being tossed around.

Those in attendance tonight were my step mom and her son, who were mostly in the background because tonight's pictures were from before their involvement in Daddy's life. All three of my former step brothers were there; Hal, Charles, and Dan. Dan's S.O. Sunshine and their 3 yr old son Byron were there. Byron is the cutest and brightest 3 year old I've known in a long time. Light and Twitch were there, as were my Uncle John and his son, my cousin Jay. I haven't seen Jay, Hal, or Charles in at least 30 years. No, I may have seen Jay at my grandmama's funeral which was in 1996. Still, that was kind of a long time ago. And of course my brothers Mike and Jim were there. Jim's wife and 8 year old daughter were kinda hanging around in the background, but not in the thick of things.

It was fun showing my kids pictures of me when I was a kid. Light looks a lot like I did when I was in my teens. Actually, when my step brother Charles first saw her he wanted to call her by my name, she looks so much like he remembers me. My youngest step brother Dan is still very trim, but Hal and Charles have both developed quite the gut since our youths. I've probably gained the most weight, but it was a bit comforting that they are large now, too. And shucks, my brothers Mike and Jim are both fit and trim like years ago. They take better care of themselves than I do. eh. 

A Cheap Date

Hey, all.  Java and I were sitting here in bed, mostly unclothed, trying not to parboil in our own sweat, when it occurred to me that I'd not shared this diverting little incident that happened to me a few weeks ago.  I told her about it at the time, and she said I should share.  So .....

One recent Friday I skipped out of work for lunch.  (My job allows me to do that on occasion, which is yet another reason I love what I do.  But that's not relevant to the topic.  Just an aside.)  Since I knew that Java has a standing appointment with our therapist on Fridays, and that said therapist sometimes likes to have lunch with Java afterward (or maybe during ... we're pretty good friends) and that said lunch as often as not takes place at The Mill House, I decided to wend my way in that direction.  (Read their menu.  It's to die for.)

Java has, I believe, mentioned this place before.  It has become our "default destination" when one of us says, "Hey, you wanna go for some supper/lunch/snack/pizza/beer?"  It's a brick oven pizzeria and biergarten rolled into one, and has a great selection of excellent beers in addition to its GLORIOUS cast of pizzas.  So, even if I didn't find Java there, I could enjoy a top-notch lunch and a heady stout or porter.

Well, she wasn't.  I asked Ryan (one of the bartenders ... yeah, we're on a first-name basis) if he'd seen her, and he hadn't.  Oh, well.  So I got a pizza and a Donnybrook Milk Stout.

The place was surprisingly not-full.  Normally, they're packed, especially since opening their new addition and doubling their available space (yeah, I know, counter-intuitive, but that's how it's worked out) but I wasn't complaining.  My pizza came in less than ten minutes, and I still had half my beer to go with it.

In the meantime, Ryan had struck up a conversation with the only other guy at the bar, who was sitting two or three stools away at the corner.  They talked beer for a while and the subject of dark beers came up, so I had to jump in.

Now, you have to understand that I've only been drinking beer for a bit less than two years.  Since Java went on her Summer of 2011 Quest to discover whether she could develop a taste for the stuff -- and I tagged along for the ride -- I'd found that brown ale, red ale, porter and stout were my drinks of choice.  Not that we couldn't enjoy a good blond ale or even the occasional IPA, but I really, REALLY, REALLLLLLY like the darks.  So, yeah, I had an opinion or two.

We talked for couple of minutes about the relative merits of different types of brews.  He was, apparently, a "serious drinker" in that if he was going to crack one open, it would be the first of SEVERAL.  That's why he liked light beers.  He could drink a dozen of them and not feel it.

Now, I've tried light beer.  I had a Coors Lite at O'Charlie's once, and then at one of our Home-Brew Club meetings we used Bud Lite for demonstration purposes.  And as far as I'm concerned, I'd just as soon drink water.  If I'm going to pay three or four bucks for a BEER, it should TASTE like beer.  It should have body and complexity and a lively nose and a layered finish, and I understand that such a combination doesn't usually come with a low ABV, which is a shame.

See, my problem is that I have very little tolerance for alcohol.  My two siblings both inherited the Hollow Leg from Dad's side of the family, but I got my mother's family's susceptibility to The Drop.  So two is usually my limit when Java and I go out.  If I'm the DD, maybe only one.  On my birthday last week, I had three (and a couple sips of one of Java's) and got just plain SILLY.  A tipsy Superman is a Superman who finds practically everything and everyone hilarious.  My other family members like to play with my head under those circumstances.  And I don't really have a problem with that.

Anyway, I allowed as how I couldn't really be considered a serious drinker because I simply couldn't drink that much.  Half a dozen beers (or maybe five ... or four, if they were strong) and I'd be unconscious.  As Java puts it, I'm a cheap date.  So that phrase came readily to mind.

Now, at this particular point in the conversation, Ryan had moved to the other end of the bar to fill drinks, so it was just this Unknown Guy I'd never seen before and me, talking about beer.  I thought it was a pretty innocuous confab, all things considered.  But then he said what he did about quantity and I said what I did about quality and my lack of tolerance, and ended with, "I guess you'd say I'm a cheap date."

Things To Note At This Point:

-- I had gotten on the outside of a good stout, and was feeling mellow, which tanks my normal ability to monitor my words.
-- I was sitting sideways on the barstool, resting my right elbow on the bar and holding my glass in my left hand.  Basically facing Unknown Guy.
-- I was maintaining eye contact.
-- I had failed entirely to mention that I was married.
-- I took my last gulp of beer and set my glass down as soon as I said that thing about 'cheap date'.

Unknown Guy's reaction was instant and surprising (to me, at any rate).  His eyes got very wide, he stood up abruptly, grabbed his keys off the bar, slapped a twenty down in their stead, and all but ran out of the place.

I was puzzled for about ten seconds.  Maybe fifteen.  Then I got it:  he'd thought I was hitting on him.

I couldn't help but laugh.  Ryan gave me a funny look and asked if I was okay.  "Sure," I replied.  "But I have a good story for Java later."  I paid my tab and left.

It's probably a good thing for me that he didn't decide to take me up on the non-existent proposition.

Dan Savage makes sense. Again.

Random ramblings, and a teaser

Braves swept the Chicago Cubs in the three game series that ended this afternoon. Excellent pitching by the Cub's starting pitcher, a really tall, kinda sexy fella who's name is hard to pronounce (spelled Samardzija)   but who only lasted into the 6th inning. Things got better for the Braves after he burned out.

The game ended with the Cubs having 1 run, the Braves 5. Boo yah! Samardzija seemed to get really angry in the 6th inning when his pitching deteriorated. I don't know what's up with that. Yeah, he's sexy, but that anger isn't. (Do a Google image search of Jeff Samardzija for more pics of the sexy giant.) 

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Another thought about my father: the man bought 48 pairs of black socks the week before he went into the hospital. He was obviously planning to come back home.

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The trolls go back to school tomorrow. Spring break is over! Yes, I'm excited. Spring break is a trial run for summer vacation, though. In a few short weeks school will be over for the year and these young'uns will be home pretty much all the time, unless we can find a way for them to be otherwise occupied. Jobs would be good, though at 15 years old there are limited employment options for them. We shall see. Until then, I'm going to enjoy the hours they are in school.

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This week will be a good opportunity to do more sewing. I finished up one skirt and made a complete other skirt before the Delaware blogger gathering. Yay me. There's a dress pattern I've had in mind for a couple of years that I'd like to complete before I head back to Florida. I have had the fabric for it since, I don't know, 2010 maybe? But I need to make a sample from plain muslin first to adjust it for proper fit. I'd like to wear the dress at the Life Celebration party. Also, I got a haircut yesterday. I had the gal leave it a little bit longer than I'd prefer because I have to look like the daughter of the deceased in two weeks (two weeks from today, actually) and not like some hillbilly power dyke (no offense intended) in town for a rumble.

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I started this in the middle of the afternoon. It's 10:00 pm now and we haven't gotten as far as I intended. But of course now I can't remember what else I was going to say.

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I'm trying to cook more healthy meals these days, and eat less of the unhealthy stuff. I've found a great blog to help me out. It's Victor's husband's food blog, The Food You Choose. Tonight I made tilapia with greens and noodles. Except that I had flounder instead of the tilapia I thought was in the freezer, and I didn't make any noodles or rice or other starch to go with it. It was pretty good. I used bok choi and purple cabbage and  a little bit of shredded carrot for the veggies. It was colorful, pretty, and tasty. Superman liked it. None of the children would taste it. They are trolls.

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I have increased my beer consumption a bit, which is not helping the weight reduction. I blame the children. Mostly. The teenagers have been so damned frustrating today I'm about to wring their little necks. So tonight I'm drinking beer to numb the discouragement and resentment I feel concerning those trolls. They are trolls.

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Here's the tease: we have a new puppy. I haven't got pictures yet and I want to give him his own blog post for a proper introduction. Stay tuned. Perhaps tomorrow while those teenagers are at school I can get down to the business of  chronicling the introduction of a dog to the Java household.

Oh look, it's a blog.

Perhaps I should write something on this blog, as it's been a while since I've posted anything.

I am not sure what to write, though. There is too much stuff and nothing running around in my head all at the same time. I have no idea what that looks like.

I'm trying to move on, to accept Daddy's death and carry on with my life. Sometimes it works well, sometimes I'm a mess. It's getting better. I will be back in Florida in a couple of weeks for the Life Celebration Party to honor his life. I'm sort of looking forward to that. There will be way too many people at the event, most of whom I do not know. You know that makes me uncomfortable. Maybe I can find some place to hide out in case it gets too overwhelming.

The children have been on spring break all week. What a horror. OK, it's really not that bad. They've been loud and argumentative (what's new?) but haven't gotten into serious trouble. No law enforcement involved at all, no fire fighters, EMS, or other emergency vehicles have come to the house all week, so we must be OK.

Baseball season started Monday! Yay Braves! They won two out of three games in their first series against the Phillies. I saw the first game, forgot about the second game until it was over, and was out with Superman at our favorite hangout during the third game. There's another one tonight, Atlanta hosting the Cubs, which I may watch. I'm very sleepy right now, so I might put on the game and fall asleep to it. I love falling asleep to the sound of Chip Caray and Joe Simpson calling the game. Baseball can be such a peaceful game.

Seriously, do I have anything to blog about? I'm putting myself to sleep with this boring chatter.

I bought ink for my printer today.
Saw my doctor this morning about pain in my left heel. He diagnosed tendinitis.I'll live.
We're almost out of beer. Someone needs to make a beer run soon.
I brought home a couple of six packs of local Florida beer. Good stuff! It's all gone. I'll get more when I return for Daddy's life celebration in two weeks.
I am boring.