I went to see their school social worker yesterday. She gave me information, encouragement, and forms to fill out to get Sproing into a residential program. Yeah, I said all that yesterday. I made an appointment for tomorrow for him to have a physical, since he needs that to get into the program. I have a stack of forms to fill out, sitting there on my desk.
I've been avoiding it all day. I watched three movies today, though, and stared out the window for a while. This is what I want. This is best for him. Why is it so hard for me to do?
I received a voice mail from the school social worker this afternoon. I missed her call, since my phone was in the bedroom and I was in the office. Sproing was in her office when she called. He had refused to go to his final class of the day and was wandering the halls instead. He has walked out of class before, too. Just walked out. No hall pass, no "may I please be excused" or nuthin'. Just left.
My nerves are shot. I can't concentrate. Tears fall freely from my eyes at the oddest times. No sobs, no overt angst, just wet cheeks.
OK, I need to go do this now. I must fill out the forms to send my son away.
11 comments:
SO sorry you are going through this..BIG HUG!
This is so hard on you because you really love them. I am sorry that this is going on.
If you were here, or I were there, I'd hug you too. The things we do for love....
I am sending you all my white light & best wishes from Oregon.
Tears are the only language the heart knows. Happy, or sad, the deepest response is the same. Sometimes we don't know which is which, honey.
I will never be able to imagine how hard it is for you to send your children away. It must be the most difficult thing you have ever done in your life so far. Deep down you must know it has to be done but that does not make it any easier. My heart goes out to you. Try to stay strong.
If my magic wand worked, I'd wave away all your troubles and replace them with a happily everafter. But know I'm thinking of you and will give you what strength I have to get you through the times ahead.
Girl, don't make me drive down there to make you fill out those forms, ya heah?
You have this guilt thing going on, and that is delusional thinking. Getting those forms taken care of is a step in the right direction.
You and Superman have done your best. Now its time for someone else to give it a try. Hopefully Sproing will grow out of this behavior with some specific treatment and will be able to return to your home later.
Indigo Incarnates
You know you're doing the best thing for Sproing. It'll be hard, but this is really going to help him.
You have not failed. You have found without a doubt and with a great deal of effort that a standard parenting style will not make Sproing and Diva successful adults. You have worked hard to learn this. It's time to move to the next level.
Let him go, sweetie. It's only your arms that will be empty, not your heart. Tell him you love him. He will remember.
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