Tuesday, June 2, 2009

I'm still standing

I'm still here.

I had an assignment in my English class to write a paper in the format of an article from a magazine. She gave Good Housekeeping and Vogue as suggestions. I'm not much of a Vogue or Good Housekeeping kind of gal. (quit snickering) My favorite magazine is Smithsonian. Smithsonian articles are not simple affairs. I didn't want to do real research to write a factual article. That's too much work. I'd much rather pull something out of my ass, like I usually do. But the Smithsonian was the only magazine that inspired me for this assignment. So I wrote a parody piece. I combined the idea of a snipe hunt with Rodents of Unusual Size (R.O.U.S.es). I wrote an article in which I detail a morning spent with a researcher from the University of Florida on an observation of the Florida snipe. I used photos of capybara (the largest rodent on earth) as my snipe. It was great fun. I haven't received any feedback from the professor, so I'm not sure how it was received. I had a blast writing it, though. 
Capybara or Snipe, depending on one's interpretation

Sproing and I had an appointment with his counselor today. Sproing has been doing so much better recently. Two or three weeks ago we added Zoloft to his medication regimen, and that seems to have made a significant difference. About the same time we bought him a used PSP handheld game console. Between the two, I'm not sure which one made the biggest difference. We talked with his counselor about how much more in control of his emotions and reactions he is. This is good! 

Sproing then left the room so the counselor and I could discuss some other stuff. I told her what the psychiatrist had said, that Sproing needs a lot of structure in his life. The doc indicated that Superman and I needed to get our shit together (she said it a bit nicer than that) and have firm rules, appropriate and consistent consequences, etc. I was intimidated. I got the impression from the doctor that in order to be a good mother to Sproing and Diva, I needed to get over my issues with structure and self discipline to provide that kind of environment for the kids here at home. Ugh. She told me that Sproing's counselor was very good with that sort of thing, and could help us get organized and develop lists of expected behaviors, consequences and rewards and stuff. 

Well, today I discussed that with the counselor. She seems to think that a large part of our success so far is in our (mine and Superman's) ability to be flexible and go with the flow. According to the counselor, we should stick with our strengths and not try to fight against our natural inclinations. Though perhaps a few guidelines about positive and negative consequences for specific behaviors may be helpful, generally let's work with our strengths. I was so relieved! I've been more stressed than I realized about the prospect of changing my entire life around to fit into that whole structured lifestyle. 

And speaking of stress, my mother flies into town Thursday afternoon. The in-laws plan to arrive late Friday morning, and Twitch's graduation exercise is at 2:00 Friday afternoon. There is some expectation of having a fabulous lunch here before the graduation ceremony, then dinner out that evening. I have had enough of preparing meals for the in-laws. I may tell you that story some day, but suffice to say that I ain't gonna put myself out again. Superman and Light have an idea or two, though. Superman will take Friday off from work, thankfully, so he can be here when his parents arrive. I'm trying to think of some urgent errand or emergency or whatever I can come up with to have an acceptable excuse to stay away from home Friday. I'll show up at the graduation, of course. Since my mom will be here, too, I don't think I can pull it off. Aw hell, my mother likes Superman better than she likes me, so why the hell not? 

And it probably won't be as bad as I fear. It often isn't. The times these visits turn bad, though, is enough to make me gun-shy. 

For now, though, I'll just stand my ground.


13 comments:

sageweb said...

With all the stuff you have been going through and now you have to deal with the in-laws..you are like superwoman. Atleast if anything it is all for a happy moment..Graduation...one of the scariest moments (at the time) in life. Big big future out there for him.

sageweb said...

Oh and take care of yourself. I wish I had wise words for the things you are going through..I have only raised a dog and a cat..I can't even begin to understand how strong and brave parents have to be ...let alone adoptive parents.

Anonymous said...

How did you know I was snickering?! You are GOOD!

Ur-spo said...

It is never a dull life for you is it?
I agree with you that limits in the structure are the sine que non of dealing with rambunctious children - and adults!

on the other hand, those rodents of yours look ugly as sin. I goodness are they homely!

Unknown said...

can i just say how much i admire you. your tenacity. your sticktuitiveness. your ability to rise to the occasion. and yes, your heart.

Vic Mansfield said...

I've learned that structure can be a very helpful thing. But then I forgot where I put it.

Yes, we need to have some structure, but love and flexibility can go a long way.

Hey, I'm still standing, ain't I?

Rox said...

Because of my chaotic upbringing, I always believed structure was the way. The older I get though, the more I realize that presence is more important than structure.

Everything will work out Java. It has to.

Bill said...

The Family will be here and gone before you know it. Don't let them push your buttons.
Practice saying "You may be right" when you hear unwelcome advice or opinions. It disarms the advice-giver (who was expecting an argument), and then you can go on your merry way and whatever you wanted to do all along.

Birdie said...

Ooh, I like Bill's rejoinder. Very disarming and noncommital.

As you get advice from counselors, be willing to try new things that make sense compared to what you already know about your family's dynamics. Most childraising advice is quite similar, but you know your children best. Adapt according to your own good common sense, which we've seen in abundance.

Mrs. Barbara Mazzarini said...

When we first got ours, we ran our house like a boot camp. There was really no choice in the matter since they were wild animals who had never known structure or discipline (that wasn't abusive). Since then though, rules and expectations have been firmly established and things are a bit looser. You know what works best in your house...listen to the counselors suggestions and apply what you feel will work for you. It sounds like the meds are really helping.

As for the family coming...why not fill a pot of water, set it out on your patio and then serve cocktails around it? Call it Poolside Cocktails and go with it! Nothing bad ever happens at Poolside Cocktails after all. Older people love those frozen Mexican Mudslides and they're easy to make. Plus if you give them enough they'll just get sleepy and want to go to bed early. Trust me.

Indigo said...

Indigo Incarnates

I hope you can withstand the dreaded. Visit from the outlaws.

Baltimore has a lot of Rodents of Unusual Size. The rats are nearly as big as hunting dogs, and they fear not man nor fire! Aaaiiieeee!!! The horror... The horror...

Patrick said...

Clearly there is some history involved with the meals for in-laws, so I'm glad Superman and Light are tackling that touchy topic. LOVE the 'you may be right' advice. I'm going to use it myself all OVER the place. I bet once the onslaught occurs, you'll be able to deflect most or all of the attention to Twitch, since that is where it's going to go naturally anyway. Anytime everybody's looking at him, they WON'T be looking at you. SCORE! Everbody wins.
Well, it's an interesting theory anyway. And I've had some success with similar strategems. We're all behind you, Dear.

Steven said...

Having a blast while doing a homework exercise usually means that your best foot was put forward and I am betting you're going to do well.

Sounds to me like you and Superman have been taking the right course of action with the kids based on what the counselor has said.

I hope this weekend with all the family and visiting goes well!