And yes, I took my medicine today and have been consistently taking my medication for a long time.
Difficulty organizing my thoughts
Anger; inappropriately high levels of anger, especially toward the children
Inability to form complete sentences when speaking to those children
Inability to form coherent sentences at all
Hyper-critical of my own thoughts and actions
Desire to withdraw from almost all social interaction
Desire to inflict bodily harm; self-flagellation (I'm too wimpy to actually do it, but I think it would be appropriate under the circumstances.)
Sometimes I wish I'd never had any children at all, ever. Even though I love my children, and don't mean to insult or in any way harm them, there are times when I think my life would have been less traumatic if I'd just left well enough alone. If I were childless, though, I'd probably have regrets. Right now I see no way to escape deep feelings of despondency, helplessness, hopelessness. regret, sadness.
I am unwell.
*No, I'm not going to kill myself. There are too many people dependent on me. Sometimes I wish I could, though.
8 comments:
If you are "unwell", than I am practically certifiable! Honaye, I think everyone feels what you are feeling at one time or another. I'm not trying to belittle what it is you are feeling, just letting you know that you aren't alone. I'm a firm believer in the idea that there are just some people who "Feel" more than others...or maybe it's just that we wear our feelings on our sleeves more...I don't know, I still think it's the former. We feel more, it's more intense for us for whatever reason...and our reactions, both mental and physical, follow suit. Since I'm not all that well-spoken or successful when it comes to getting across my point, let me just say that I have felt everything here you listed and have even gone so far as to plan suicides and you know what? It all passes...always. In the meantime, I'm always here for you if you can stand a retarded person.
Love you!
yeah, you're unwell, but you do have a fair bit of situational stress that would make a well person get a few habitual tics.
if your meds aren't working maybe it's time for a check and oil change, so to speak. i'm really rather glad i did in january. celexa is working way better for me than having to be on both bupropion (welbutrin) and paxil.
just a thought, but have you had your thyroid checked? that can significantly influence mood, which is why it'sthe first thing i get checked when my moods shift. mine is underproducing horomone.
my heart is with you my friend. it is so very tough to get through rough patches without beating myself up about everything.
one thing i believe in is nutrition. fully balanced well rounded vitamins and trace minerals and elements. they come in so handy when dealing with life's high volumed stessors.
please know that i, for one, would very much like you to remain for awhile..a long while...
nice touch with the music...:)
Others here have given better advice than I could. Just want you to know I'm thinking of you. Hope tomorrow you feel better. I say what one therapist told me one time a . . .all you have to do is breathe. :-)
Knowing is half the battle, as they say. Deep breaths and find someone to talk to. Hang in there, we're all at the end of our ropes from time to time.
Dear Java, I'm sorry to read these words from you. I know we all have these days...I hope that yours ended well and this new one is bringing you some peace and clarity.
For the future, when you reach the end of your rope, let out a giant Tarzan yell and swing for the trees!
Hugs. : )
Sorry you are feeling unwell. I wish there were something I could do to help. Know you are thought of fondly.
I would be more concerned if you weren't feeling anything at all. I've there myself. It ain't pretty, but some how it works out. Just dig deep and plough on thru!
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