The heximeme

1. Link to the person who tagged you.
 [It's Ultra Dave's fault] 2. Post the rules on your blog.[q.e.d.]  
3. Write six random things about yourself.[see below]  
4. Tag six people at the end of your post and link to them.[anything is possible]  
5. Let each person know they’ve been tagged and leave a comment on their blog.
[eh]  6. Let the tagger know when your entry is up. [Hey Dave!]

1) My favorite word: Defenestrate 
2) I am the oldest of my siblings, married to the oldest of his siblings, and my parents are both first children in their families. 
3) I used to have a flock of chickens in my backyard. If I didn't live inside the city limits I probably would have chickens now.
4) My paternal grandmother was a tremendous influence (mostly positive) in my life. 
5) Although I love living out in the country where I can see stars at night, I would like to try living in New York City for a year or two. (probably without chickens there, too)
6) My washing machine door latch just broke again. I think this makes the 5th or 6th time this year. 

I tag the following ? folks: [your name here if you want to]

What did Java do last week? Where has Java been?

Christmas happened. I'm glad the day is done, now I can go about enjoying the season. There is way too much expectation for the 25th. 

We have a few family holiday traditions. I like to be unique, to make traditions over in my own warped image. One of my favorite things to mess with is the traditional Christmas Tree. I like the fresh tree scent of a live tree. (A formerly live tree? It isn't exactly alive if it has been chopped down) I'm not fond of artificial trees. If a tree is going to look like a tree, then it ought to be a tree. An artificial tree shouldn't look so much like a tree, IMHO, if it isn't really a tree. 

So our family compromises on this tree issue by alternating live trees and not live trees every other year. The not live trees are my creations. Muahahahahahaha!!! My goal in developing a tree-like thing is to capture the essence of treeness, the function of The Christmas Tree, but to inject some whimsy and my personality into it. 

I usually try to maintain some semblance of the cone shape, and often stay with the green color theme. This year I had an idea in mind, but couldn't figure out how to make it work. Then just a few days before Christmas I had another idea. Superman, being the super man that he is, put this together for me.

He made this diamond shaped frame from scrap wood he had around the house. Diva helped me paint it. We had a blast.
Oh, look! I got a "new" couch, too. We haven't had a couch for half a year, since the last one gave it's final tuft of stuffing in an epic battle with my children and the dog. Have I mentioned my furniture philosophy for this household? I buy disposable furniture. The couch pictured above cost $30 from a local thrift store. Our previous couch was from the same thrift store and cost about as much. I figure $30 every 6-12 months for a couch is a pretty good deal, and I don't have to stress too much over what happens to it. 

But I digress. 

Here's the not-a-tree hanging from the ceiling. May I direct your attention to the shape? It is conical from two directions, from the top down and the bottom up. Which translates into a vague diamond shape. The family agrees that it looks like a giant ornament. 

Note also the wall behind it. This is what my living room wall has looked like for 2+ years. It had some bug-ugly wall paper on it when we moved in, but I removed that. Turns out the wall paper was covering old panelling. When I removed the wall paper I also removed the sturdy wall lining paper that masked the panelling groves. I want to paint the wall and did not want to buy more of the lining paper, so I thought I'd just fill in the groves with spackle. That turned into more of a job than I bargained for, and it stayed like that for over 2 years. Stuff like that disappears into the background of my mind and doesn't usually bother me until brought to my attention again, like when I'm making a measly attempt to decorate for Christmas. 

Back to the not-a-tree. Superman punctured his fingers getting the frame covered with chicken wire, and put the colored mini-lights inside the frame. We have hung ornaments from the chicken wire. I like the fuzzy effect of the lights in this shot.
Diva helped a lot with the decoration. Here she is standing beside the not-a-tree, showing of her handiwork and her new skirt. 

Note once again the wall behind the ornamentation. Yes, while I was accomplishing things I covered the wall with more spackle. Actually, it's drywall mud. Joint compound, officially. One of the reasons I haven't done anything with the wall for so long is that I didn't know what I wanted to do. I recently decided to add more texture to it rather than trying to smooth it out. So I slapped a bunch of joint compound on the wall, leveled it out with a gloved hand, and rolled over the damp compound with a textured paint roller. It looks pretty nifty now. Next task is to knock off the high points of that texture (very easy to do with a putty knife and a bit of pressure). Then I'll do some interesting paint technique involving a few different light colors in hopes of making it look like stucco or plaster or something vaguely Tuscan. I'm not real clear on the details just yet. 

The angel that hovers over the guts of our not-a-tree

The loot, still wrapped and mysterious.

As you can see we have added a lot more ornaments to the not-a-tree. It's rather unbalanced, artistically. Ornaments hang better from the lower half than the upper half. 

Superman got the book I Never Metaphor I Didn't Like by some author person (I can't read it from this picture and don't remember otherwise) from our literate Light. I haven't looked through the book yet, but I love the title. 

Obligatory cute Scher kitty pictures (one of which includes a cute Sproing also)

All in all it's been a pretty good holiday and weekend. 

Indigo is here now. That's always a lot of fun. He just got here yesterday after a very long drive from Baltimore. We exchanged some gifts last night, watched a movie. This morning I slept late, but he got up and the kids entertained him. We've been sitting here beside each other for the last couple of hours both of us with our computers in our laps. Parallel play. Sometime soon lunch will happen. It's already 2:40 and he's getting hungry. 

Updates as the situation warrants. 

Seasons confused

I had to put up a new post. The look that cat was giving me is starting to creep me out. So of course to replace that mad cat I present Scheherazade looking adorable. It's what she does best. Her second best is digging her claws into my flesh. Kittens are like that. My toes may never recover.So, about the seasons. I mentioned last week that our temperatures have been unseasonably warm. My fears are realized: our Bradford Pear has started to set buds. It's not in full bloom or anything, and only a few of the buds are in the large pre-bloom stage. I fear that they are large enough to be damaged by a hard freeze, however, and predicted low temperature tonight is 22F. Recently our temps have been 22C. Big difference! 
Looking at the tree from the driveway it is obviously starting to bud. I'm not sure if this picture really shows it well, though. Perhaps embiggened it would. 
I tried to take some close ups of the buds but all I got was out-of focus closeness with detailed branches beyond. I also took some nifty trunk shots, but I'm to impatient to wait for more pictures to upload. 

I find it interesing that on the shortest day of the year my pear tree wants to bloom. 

All I need for Christmas is Lolcats

Lolcats always cheers me up when I feel blue. Take a gander.

more animals

Random snips of insanity

~First off, the weather. What the f**k is going on? It's weird. I'm afraid my Bradford pear tree is going to burst into bloom any minute now. It was 75F degrees this afternoon. According to my sources, which are inconsistently reliable, we should have unseasonably warm weather through the weekend. This feels a whole lot more like Florida than upstate South Carolina. 

~Our utility bill came today. As I may have mentioned, I saw the meter reader come through the yard on the day C and S moved out. This month's bill reflects power and water usage with the boys in the house. We aren't running the air conditioner (duh) or the central heat, though we have electric space heaters in some of the bedrooms. The bill is $332.11. Remind me to compare this to next month's bill. 

~Today was the final day of school for the kids until January 5th. Diva and Sproing have been unpleasant company this afternoon. Sadly, I can't say I'm thrilled about school being out. Perhaps we can work to cheer things up tomorrow and the rest of the holiday. Today I'm too tired.

~And speaking of tired, I'm very tired again today. I can't remember when I went to sleep last night, and I woke up at 6:00 this morning to take the kids to school. Later in the morning I had to take a nap, I could not stay awake. I'm tired again now at 5:30. 

~Because of some medication I was taking 18 months ago my blood pressure became elevated. The doctor took me off that medication and put me on Avapro to control the blood pressure. It has performed exactly as advertized. The doc wanted to see me for a recheck on this blood pressure thing. I went yesterday. Everything is copacetic with the BP and he wants me to stay on it for maintenance because I have "other risk factors." Translated, that means I'm way overweight and too sedentary and my eating habits are unhealthy. All of this is true, so I told him I'd continue taking the Avapro. 

I also mentioned that I am very tired all the time, and I want him to check my iron levels. Well, he jumped all over that and told me he wants a complete blood workup. Fasting. So I skipped breakfast this morning and went to the office after I dropped Twitch off at school this morning. The cute little asian nurse sucked my blood from my arm. Since Christmas is only a week away I suspect the test results will be a bit slower coming back. I should get the results next week or the week after. 

We also discussed my CPAP. I think the pressure needs to be increased. I've had the machine for 7 or 8 years and it's never been serviced. I'm older and a bit heavier than I was when I got the machine. I have an appointment early next week to see somebody, I don't know who, in some office in that new medical park on the south side of town. She called me, all chipper, and I had no idea who she was. She had to explain that she works for that company/organization which does all this CPAP stuff. I'm supposed to take my machine and all its trappings to her office on Monday. I have no idea what she plans to do, but perhaps my CPAP will work better when she's done. 

~I still feel all Bah Humbug about the holidays. 

Once more, some familiar suckage

[insert big long stream of very naughty words here]

The [redacted] washing machine broke. Again. Same damned thing, the latch mechanism failed. Superman has already ordered the replacement part, which should be here in 3 days. At least this time he knows how to replace it. 

We know the underlying problem with the machine is that it gets out of balance with very heavy loads or if it's on a high spin setting. Superman tried to see what was causing that, but didn't figure it out. There is a note taped to the machine just above the control knob that says "Use Normal Setting ONLY" since the heavy duty setting is what messes it up. 

Today I told Diva to get the huge pile of dirty laundry out of her room and take it to the laundry room. She took it upon herself to cram all of it into the washer and set the machine to heavy duty. And you know the rest. When Superman discovered that he nearly blew is top. He screamed at Diva. He's so frustrated! I am too. He calmed down after about 10 minutes and was able to speak to the girl with composure. I don't feel so peaceful about it or her right now. She is now safely in her bed where I can't get at her to clobber or scream ugly things at her. Maybe I'll feel better in the morning. 

I haven't mentioned this to Superman, but I'm seriously considering buying a back-up washer. There's a place in town that buys and sells used appliances. I can get a plain jane standard washing machine for probably $100, or at least less than $200. The laundry room is really tiny, though, and I'm not sure where a second washer might fit. Hmmm. Fiddle-dee-dee, I'll think about that tomorrow.

While I'm on a whining streak anyway, I'll jump into this mess. Did I tell you our cars are acting up? I'm too lazy to check the archives now, but Manny is dead in the water. We suspect the starter motor. He absolutely won't start. Superman got another starter from the salvage yard today, but is having trouble installing it. 

The van is about to go belly up. Her (Bertha, as in Big Bertha) transmission is shot to hell. It still works, sort of, but makes horrid scary noises when doing so. The whole van shakes with a big clunk when she starts. Any day now it's gonna quit altogether.  And those are our two vehicles. That's it. I hope Superman can get Manny going again. I don't know what we're going to do with Bertha. There's no way we can afford a transmission job right now. 

I read over this and see lots of whining and complaining and worry. I'm not supposed to worry. I know it's more than useless. Time to take a deep breath and extend some faith. But shit. My faith extender is stubborn today. 

Maybe I'll just go to bed. I don't want to think about it anyway. 

A meme by any other name

I am bored, and there's not much I'm ready to talk about around here, so I thought I'd steal a meme from the great meme stealer himself, Chris over at My 2 Cents.

Witness Protection name (mother's and father's middle names)

Jane Thomas

Nascar name (first name of your mother's dad, father's dad)

Bayard Joe

Star Wars name (the first 2 letters of your last name, first 4 letters of your first name)

Mc'dori

Detective name (favorite color, favorite animal)

Purple Giraffe

Soap Opera name (middle name, city where you live)

Lynne Greenwood

Superhero name (2nd favorite color, favorite alcoholic drink, optionally add "The" to the beginning)

The Yellow Rum

Fly name (first 2 letters of 2st name, last 2 letters of last name)

Does

Gangsta name (favorite ice cram flavor, favorite cookie)

Chocolate Gingersnap

Rock Star name (current pet's name, current street name)

Scheherazade Lawton

Porn name (1st pet, street you grew up on)

Shamrock Healy

Time for more kitty pictures!

Cat Care Tip #57- Let sleeping kittens lie.

Scheherazade is getting little bits of soft fur all over our bed. She's cute enough at this age that I don't mind too much. 

Here she is hiding behind the lump of sheet. She's preparing her for her attack.

"Wait, what was that?"

Faster than lightning, cuter than cute, she attacks! This time she got Light's fingers. My fingers are all chewed up, too.

She's a blur

Play is serious stuff. She must attack this roll of tissue.
Hail the conquering hero!She deigns to let me hold her for a moment.

We have another cat named Samhain. He is approximately 2.5 years old. He is a sleek black cat, very regal and proud when he isn't being silly and kittenish. Samhain likes to play, too. But Samhain isn't sure what to think of Scheherazade. She wants to play with him, but he is wary. For about an hour they eyed each other from different sides of the box on the right. They both got too tired to watch each other and each fell asleep. This is as close as they got to each other yesterday. Today they actually touched noses momentarily. 

"Scheherazade" is a mouthful of name to say everytime we refer to her. I still like the name, and use it when I don't call her kitty. Superman, on the other hand, likes to call her Smudge. He says she looks like a black smudge on the floor.

Addendum: How about Cher for a nickname, but spelled Scher? Since Scheherazade begins with Sch. I've had a few votes for Cher already. thinking with fingers, here, maybe sCher. Looks kinda funny, but when has that ever stopped me?

Scrooge Meme

This meme brought to you thanks to Ur-Spo. Feel free to use it as you will.

Have you actually read the book “A Christmas Carol” ?

Indeed I have. 

 

Do you have any relatives you would rather not see (but have to)this Christmas?

We're staying home this year and no family is coming to visit, so besides those of us living in this house I won't see any other family. I am happy to see my husband and children. There are a couple of uncles and a whole slew of in-laws I would like to avoid, and am doing so pretty successfully.

 

 Do you have a cloying employee who is asking for something this Christmas, like more time off?

Not having any employees, no I don't. However, I have children, which is in some ways similar. So far none of them is asking anything unreasonable.

 

 Have you ever been visited by a Spirit?

Not in the same sense as Scrooge in this story, no. 

 

 Who is the biggest “Scrooge” in your family?

Me, most likely.

 

Have you ever eaten Roast Goose?

No. Roast duck, yes, but not roast goose.

 

How about a flaming plum pudding? 

No, but it sounds like great fun, doesn't it?

 

 What is your favorite memory of a Christmas Past?

The night before, being so excited I couldn't sleep, and listening to my grandfather snore. I would almost always get up in the night and sneak into the living room to peek.  The "Santa" at our house always left each child's major gift unwrapped and set up in front of the tree. I remember the night I saw my first big bicycle. It was blue with chrome fenders. So cool! Grandpapa was sleeping on the sofa in the living room and scared the beJebus out of me when he let loose with a mighty snore. To this day I don't know if it was a natural snore or if he saw me there and snorted on purpose to frighten me. Either scenario is possible.

 

 What is “Bah Humbug” about Christmas this year?

I'm just not in the Christmas mood, but feel as though I must pretend for the sake of the children. 

 

 Which version of “A Christmas Carol” is your favorite?

The Muppet Christmas Carol, an absolutely genius retelling of the tale.

 

Tiny Tim - sweet or obnoxious?

Mostly sweet, and occasionally too sweet veering toward obnoxious. But more sweet than not.

Some answers to burning questions, and a few more questions (because that's one of my specialities)

There have been a few requests for answers to the questions posed in the comments to my previous post.

vuboq said...

What color is your dish washing liquid? My guess would be that she's used to seeing colored dish soap so thought that's what should be used on furniture too.

Just a guess though.

We use either orange or lemon scented (and likewise colored) dish washing liquid. Our window cleaner is blue, floor cleaner is amber, laundry liquid is clear. The container of detergent for our dishwasher is green, but the stuff itself is gloppy opaque white. 

Bigg said...

I dunno, Java. When I did stuff like this as a kid (and I did) it was always to destroy the evidence. 
Is there something on the bed that green food coloring would cover or camouflage?

I looked at the bed and can't see anything obvious that she would want to camouflage.

Tobey said...

is green her favorite color?

I didn't know her favorite color, so I asked her. She has four. Turquoise, Purple (I think, can't remember the second one too well), Red and Black. I think, by the way she said it, that she likes the redblack combination. 

A Lewis said...

May I suggest a little more fresh air for the child? I have never laughed so hard in my life! Dear god....from the mind of a child.

Glad you enjoyed it Lewis. I laugh so that I don't cry. How 'bout I make her walk home from school today. That'll give her some fresh air.

Ur-spo said...

Better question than "What do women want?" is 
"Why do children do that?"

Yes, a quintessential question, one I've been asking ever since my first child was born. I haven't figured out the answers, though. 

Clueless.

Me too.

the hobbit said...

My question in this moment would be: Where is the can of paint you just huffed that made this seem like a good idea?

Whatever is wrong with the child is no small thing.

Birdie said...

I think vuboq nailed it: she's used to seeing green liquid soap, so she made her own. Quite clever, actually. (But there are questions you just don't ask, like where the bottle came from.) Kudos to Diva for wanting to clean her bed! Even at midnight. Don't want to discourage that effort.

See above for the debunking of green liquid soap. She really does enjoy cleaning. I should harness that willingness more often. She needs to be reminded to stay on task, though. 

Ultra Dave said...

Children ...... a never ending source of amusement and bewilderment.

More so than I ever imagined.

la pequena java fan said...

Are you sure she wasn't "sleep cleaning"...like sleepwalking but instead of walking, she was "cleaning"? I only ask cuz three of our four have been known to do some bizarre things while asleep that none of them recall the next morning. And I hope that wasn't her regular toothbrush! Although I have busted mine "scrubbing the sink down" with their toothbrushes in the past. sigh.....

Nope, that's not it. It was only 8:30 and she hadn't been to bed yet. This was a stalling maneuver to delay bedtime. I asked her last night if she had a fresh clean toothbrush to use on her teeth, and she assured me she did.

Mark said...

Thanks for the good laugh!

You're welcome

rjjs8878 said...

Will you post to answers to the questions? I’m curious to see what her answers are.

Gladly

sageweb said...

I would like to know the answer to all those questions too...

See above

anythingbutsad said...

Clearly, Joan Crawford was channelling through her :P

I wouldn't be a bit surprised.

greg said...

If she is sleep-cleaning, you need to set up a system of bumpers to direct her to things you'd like to have cleaned. 

Excellent idea, if only...

At first, I wondered if the mouthwash had been consumed for its alcohol content. But then I might be trying to apply logic here, which the rest of you have suggested might be a waste of time.

Oh, honey, with children there is no logic. Major waste of time trying to figure this out logically. It can be fun to suppose, but you'll never get it right.

(greetings from Connecticut)

Have a great trip! I look forward to hearing about it. 

Roxrocks said...

Don't waste your time trying to get inside the child's head! Honey, kids have no logic to them! They're all cuckoo!

You have children, don't you? Cuckoo is one of the nicer words for their condition. Nucking Futs is one of my favorites.