Then we all went into the dining hall for the visit. It lasted maybe five minutes. During therapy we discussed Thanksgiving plans. Ideally he would come home for the day, maybe a couple of days, at Thanksgiving. But he's got to prove he's ready for that responsibility, and his therapist has set the qualifications for meeting that goal. He blew his opportunity the first day, so he isn't coming home for Thanksgiving. That was confirmed for him in therapy, so he went into the visit with a sour attitude. He started complaining about being there, he wants to come home, everyone there picks on him, etc. He was headed into the "you hate me" lane when I said "It's time for us to leave now. You need to go back to your room." Like I said, maybe five minutes.
If you recall, last Wednesday's visit was a disaster. When I talked to his therapist on Thursday she recommended that if he starts with the disrespectful attitude, we should kindly but firmly end the session. And that's what we did. I'm ok with it this time, especially since I was able to see him while in the therapy session. He looks pretty good. I can tell that he is growing. His face is getting a bit longer and thinner, though I wasn't able to assess whether he's gotten any taller. He'll be 12 years old in a couple of months, so this growth is to be expected. His emotional development, as we see, is stuck in idle. It's a process, and he has to get to the point where he's ready to do what needs to be done. Right now I'm just glad he's in a high maintenance facility with professionals to care for him, and NOT here at home for me to deal with. His mental condition is out of my league. Has been for years, frankly.
7 comments:
As difficult as it is to have him in there, I'm just happy that your home is safe. No more destruction and scariness.
The 'you hate me' lane. Good phrase. Must be good to realize you've recovered the wheel, the brakes, and the driver's seat in this erstwhile runaway relationship.
i'm glad he's in a place where he's getting the attention he needs and you're able to take care of yourself. i hope he's able to make the progress he needs to.
I know it must be hard to leave after a few minutes. It takes a lot of courage to stick to the plan. Just keep in mind you are saving this boy’s life.
THanks for the update and I hope this is exactly what he and your family need.
There are going to be many ups & downs in Sproing's early treatment (the worn-out roller coaster analogy). Try not to take them personally, or get caught up in them. It will take him awhile to figure out that the old manipulative tricks don't work any longer.
I love that you are learning to set boundaries with him, as hard as it is for you, he will soon learn that his family is not to be treated like shit. (Sorry, I tried to say that eight different ways without cussing!)
Stay strong! "Don't engage! Don't engage!" It's my mantra.
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