I am livid

I haven't been this angry in I don't know how long. I have finally calmed down enough to be able to type. Whether I'll actually be able to write or not, we shall see. 

Diva. O.M.G. Keep in mind, she's only eleven years old. OK. First of all there's the sex thing I mentioned a few days ago. I got home late Wednesday night, and had a discussion with her about it Thursday afternoon. 

But on Thursday afternoon, I had to hunt for her. See, she's grounded; not allowed to go out of the house except to attend school. But she left the house within 15 minutes of getting home from school. I wasn't watching her. I stupidly assumed that since she knew she was grounded, that she'd stay home. Nope. I found her, and she seemed incredulous that she was grounded. Couldn't figure out why. Then she lied to me, saying her daddy said she would be grounded over the weekend, but not Thursday. I called Daddy. He assured me he had said no such thing to her. 

Thursday afternoon the school hosted a yearbook signing "social" that some of the kids were going to. I'm not sure how the attendees were chosen, whether they had to buy special tickets to go, or if they earned the privilege. I don't know. One of the teacher chaperons was collecting tickets, though. Diva had been looking forward to going to this event. Well, after her previous indiscretions she was not allowed to go. So she snuck out of the house, hung out with her friends, and I assume she was waiting until time for this little party so she could walk over there. I scotched her plans by finding her and dragging the poor thing home. You should have seen her countenance. She looked as though she was being persecuted unjustly. She genuinely seems to not realize that she has done something wrong. 

She was frantic about going. She told me that if she didn't get her yearbook at the party that afternoon, all the left over yearbooks would be thrown away. I knew that to be untrue, but I checked up on the information. Yep, she'd lied to me again. I went to the school and asked the teacher. Yearbooks get distributed next week for those who didn't get them early. 

I left her at home with Light (we're still talking about Thursday afternoon) while I ran a couple of errands. When I got home, Diva was gone again. A couple of her friends came by to see her, and Light told them Diva couldn't play. They went around to her bedroom window. Light heard Diva talking to them, so she went to check on Diva. The child was in the process of climbing out her window. Light pulled her back inside and Diva got violent and shoved her sister into the doorjamb. She climbed back out the window and wandered off with her friends. 

Diva showed up shortly after I got home. Superman arrived just after I did, and she walked in with him. We questioned her about what happened, and she lied again. She said she'd opened the window to let the cat inside. She denied climbing out the window. When pressed, she would only say that she almost went out. Or something like that. It was funny, except it wasn't, how she refused to admit what she had done. 

She's been up to it again today. I discovered before I left for Baltimore that my collection of state quarters was missing. While I was away, Superman cleaned up the corner of the room where my quarter collection lives and he didn't find it. She says she didn't take it, but I don't believe her. She said she couldn't remember where the display folder was, indicating that she had taken it. 

She needed to have her hair "done." She arranged with an older girl from the neighborhood to do it for her. That was supposed to happen this afternoon, but the older girl wasn't at home. Sometime around 9:00 tonight Diva snuck out again to meet up with these girls. I'm not sure if they came by to get her, or what. Superman and I went to ask her a question and she was gone. Light said Diva had told her she was leaving. Light said "Did you ask Mama?" Diva lied, said that I knew all about it. It is not alright for her to go out after 6:00, especially if we don't know where she is or that she has left. Does that make sense? She seems to be completely befuddled about what was wrong with her behavior. 

Oh, and when I tried to talk to her about what happened with the boys (yes, there were two) when she had sex, she denied having sex. The boy and his sister, however, say that it did happen. The word I got was that they were all naked, and each of the boys took a turn lying on top of her. I have no way of knowing if there was any penetration, but even if not, lying naked together like that is close enough to be sex for the purposes of this discussion. She assured me that she had not taken off her pants at all that afternoon, except to use the bathroom and she was by herself in the bathroom. Lies. 

I made an appointment for her to see my gynecologist. I spoke with the doctor's nurse, who asked what I wanted them to do. I told her I want them to scare the shit out of the child. The nurse assured me that they could do that, and would be happy to. She will have a simple pelvic exam, a PAP smear, and they'll test for chlamydia and gonorrhea. Then the doctor will talk to her about STDs, with gross pictures to illustrate the point. 

I fear that it won't really scare Diva, though. She doesn't make the connection. The idea of consequences does not filter into her little brain. When she experiences consequences, (and believe me, she does) the child feels unjustly persecuted. She can't understand that the current unpleasantness is in any way related to what she did. She sees nothing wrong with what she does. If she wants to do it, then it's OK. 

She goes in for the psych tests in 1.5 weeks. It can't come soon enough. 

On the advice of the doctor

I'm not sure where to start. OK, really I started about two weeks ago, maybe longer ago than that. Yes, once again it's about the children. Superman and I took both of them to the psychiatrist this afternoon. There was a lot to talk about. 

First Sproing. He has some significant behavior issues. We are adjusting some of his medication. The child hasn't been sleeping since the last medication change. We're returning to one of the meds he was on before, leaving the other unchanged. The boy, not too big to begin with, has lost 10 lbs in the last month. At 11 years old he now only weighs 79 lbs. He isn't eating, nor is he sleeping very much. And as has been chronicled here, his behavior has gone from bad to worse. The medication change includes one that helps calm him down and helps him sleep. The one we've discontinued had the possible side effect of suppressing appetite. He sees the doctor in a month, and we will assess from there. I really hope his behavior and appetite improve now. 

The doctor, Sproing, Superman and I all discussed some behavioral changes he needs to make, and how we can all work together to help him get control of himself and make better choices. I hope this makes a difference. 

And now on to Diva. The child concerns me. I've been watching her carefully over the last few weeks. Did I tell you about our trip to the beach? The one that only happened in her mind? Yes, last Friday I discovered that she has told some people at school that when she was suspended from school last week, I took her to Myrtle Beach (a 5 hour drive from here) so we could look for sand dollars. Yes, I mentioned that in my last post about her. The thing is I think she sort of believes it. I told that story to the doctor, along with a few more. Of course the obscene phone call to the school district official was news to the doctor. 

Superman and I spoke privately with the doctor without Diva about Diva. I am beginning to see some signs that look suspiciously pathological* in nature. We discussed some of my suspicions, and the doctor agrees that things are not right with that child. We have started the procedure to have her retested by the Behavior Health center at our local hospital. The head psychologist in that department is a genius and blessing to our town. She's very easy to work with, too. I feel so-so about Diva's child shrink. The doc at the hospital is great. 

The child shrink suspects that Diva's IQ score of 79 from her last psych testing 2 years ago is artificially high. She recognizes what I've noticed, that Diva has some serious mental disconnect issues in her cognitive ability. 

Ever since last Friday this has been bothering me. I started reflecting on a lot of Diva's behaviors and attitudes. I've looked at her strenths and weaknesses in light of her recent activities. I'm stringing together a long list of disturbing behaviors. As I said in a recent post, some of these things seem innocent enough if taken individually, but there is just too much evidence to indicate a significant problem. 

I have had reservations about the child psychiatrist, as I mentioned previously. We talked for a long time today, and I have a new appreciation of her expertise. Yes, she's still very young and doesn't have much experience, but she isn't stupid. Anyway, she has referred Diva for more psych testing with the doctor I really respect, and she will be leaving town this summer, so it's all good. 

Superman and I talked with the shrink about the possibility of residential care for Diva. The doc said that with her condition (if that's the best word to use) a very structured environment is good. She actually said that the structure and regimentation of prison is perfect for her. Hang on. Wait a sec here. OK, after further elaboration, the doc is NOT suggesting that Diva go to prison. But residential care, possibly. We'll do some research, watch the child carefully, and see in a year or two (or sooner if Diva presses the issue) if that might be the best option for her. 

Birdie has been very encouraging in her comments about this. She reminded me recently that all of this mess with Diva is not my fault. And you know what? I can see that better now. The more I see psychosis in Diva's behavior, the less responsible I feel. Actually, I'm pretty impressed with how well Diva is doing, considering the pathological perspective. I suspect she'd be in a whole lot worse condition if she was in most any other environment. 

It is late, I'm rambling, and I still have some reading to do for class tomorrow. I'll post this now, then in the next day or two I'll look over it and see if it makes any sense. Until then, go about your lives, citizens. Nothing to see here. These aren't the droids you're looking for. 

* 

path⋅o⋅log⋅i⋅cal

 [path-uh-loj-i-kuhl]

–adjective

1.	of or pertaining to pathology.

2.	caused by or involving disease; morbid.

3.	caused by or evidencing a mentally disturbed condition: a pathological liar.