I feel dizzy and disconnected. Not that that's a bad thing. I like being disconnected sometimes. I'm a bit too hot, though. Summer is doing its hot thing here.
The trees in our front yard are ill. Superman suspects fire blight. Evidently fire blight mostly affects apple and pear trees. Our trees are ornamental Bradford Pears. I don't particularly like Bradford Pears, but they look nice in our yard. Well, they did. They look sparse, with clusters of dead leaves sprinkled throughout. The trees probably need to be removed, sad to say. Perhaps we'll plant something else. I'm in favor of the Ginkgo. Dogwood trees are lovely, also.
I don't like to go out. I don't like to see people. I don't like to leave the house. I want to stay in one or two rooms in the house I'm in. I had to get dressed and drive the kidlets to a friend's house this noon. It was unpleasant. I wasn't afraid or panicked or anything, just mildly uncomfortable. There are too many people in this house. I want them all to go away. No, scratch that. I want to go away and leave them here. I want a small cabin in a remote location, preferably in the mountains, and I want a quiet person to deliver groceries and supplies once a week. Of course I want internet connection. I can satisfy my need for personal interaction electronically. Superman is invited to stay with me. Otherwise, I'll see everyone else online, mostly. I'd like to visit with some of my blog buddies, one at a time. A mountain cabin sounds like a nice place to do that. Eventually my peripatetic nature would send me traveling again, but right now I want to stay at home.
Is this hermit behavior unhealthy? Something tells me it is. I'm not sure that I care, though.
We finally joined Netflix. I know, welcome to the 21st century. I spent most of the day Friday watching some "watch instantly" movies. It seems I'm a sucker for really bad gay movies. Ever seen "Angora Ranch"? It's a train wreck, and I liked it. "Gone But Not Forgotten" is another one I like. I own that one. The acting is atrocious, the cinematography stinks. The stories are kinda cute, if a bit sappy. On the other hand, "Keeping Mum" is actually good. The location is very nice, too. This whole Netflix idea fits in with my hermit tendencies. I can get most any movie I want without having to leave home. Life is good.
Superman is remodeling the kids' bathroom. It's torn apart right now. I should take some "during" pictures. Too late to take "before." S came over to help Superman scrape the walls in the bathroom yesterday! He hasn't been here since he and C moved out back in December. It was great to see him again. Superman drove him home later, and went in to see their apartment. He said it looks like a disaster area. It's much worse than this place, and this place is pretty messy. I am very, very amused by this news, but not a bit surprised.
Another sign that Java might be insane: I have trouble making decisions. Simple decisions. I go into the kitchen to fix a snack, and can't decide what to eat. I stand there looking stupid for a few minutes, then leave. When I took the kidlets to the friend's house, I couldn't decide which way to go. There are four roads that lead out of our subdivision, and they all exit onto the same four-lane Avenue. This friend lives in a different subdivision about two miles east of here, also directly off the same Avenue. All I need to do is go to the end of our road, hang an east, and drive two miles, then I hang a north, then a west, and the child's house is a dozen houses down on the north. But I had a hard time deciding which of the four streets to use to get to the Avenue. I haven't been to the grocery store, or even to The Great Evil Empire store in a week or more. I stopped at a grocery store on the way back from taking Mama to the airport last Sunday evening, because I needed some ginger snap cookies. That is the last time I went to any store. It has been probably two weeks since I visited the Evil Empire, and I used to go almost every day. I can be stunningly brilliant, but I can't decide which cracker to eat.
That's all I know today. If something momentus comes up later, I may post again this evening. Who knows?
7 comments:
indigo incarnates
you and doug have *so* much in common! Hee hee hee!
Sweetie, if anyone deserved a nice, peaceful retreat, it would be you. You do so much for so many different people. I hope that you always remember to take care of yourself first and foremost. As my grandmother was fond of saying, "Charity starts in the home."
I wish I could snap my fingers (or twitch my nose like Samantha on BEWITCHED) and make that happen for you. I truly do.
Much love.
I actually investigated the cost of turning a yard shed into an office, since I don't have a room of my own in the house. Of course, it would cost a fortune, and if I did succeed no one would ever see me again. But I sure know the feeling of wanting to be alone, to not be asked by anyone for anything. Pure bliss.
Knock-knock! Yoo hoo! It is dangerously comforting to sink into isolation & inactivity. I'm speaking from personal experience here. It will suck you in until you're trapped. Get up and take a walk around the neighborhood, even if you have to drop bread crumbs to find your way back home.
I always say "The only difference between a rut and a grave is five and a half feet."
I'm worried about you. That disconnected dizzy feeling is stress. It's eating you up. Just mere weeks ago, you were racing to classes and going on a road trip. Now your ass is sucking slough water. We have to get to the bottom of this and help you dig your way out. If you need anything, you know where to find me.
(Am I the only one who is thinking this is a mental health emergency? Am I Chicken Little?)
I like being dizzy sometimes.
When you're surrounded by aggravating people, you want to be in a mountain cabin. When you're in a mountain cabin, you want to be down at the local tavern. That's the way we're made.
The "remote mountain cabin" (with internet access) idea might be a good one to look into. Not permanently, but for a little while. A little vacation, if you will. Maybe you can rent one for a week or two.
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