The Deliciously Juicy Details, Part the First

Yesterday, October 13th 2010, was N's 18th birthday. Yesterday morning C and I took my beloved truck Manny to the small town in North Carolina where N's mother lives. We arrived at 6:30, before sunrise. We drove to the back of the cemetery that's down the street from N's mother's house and waited for N. His mom took him to school (he's a senior in high school), and he left school to meet us in the cemetery, which also happens to be behind the church behind the school. It wasn't a far walk. N met us at 7-ish. We waited for a few minutes, then drove back down the street to the house. No one was at home, as we expected. C and N took boxes inside and packed up the stuff that N wanted to bring, then hauled the boxes to the truck. We got everything loaded in less than an hour.

I took the license plate off the truck when we were in the cemetery just in case. After we packed up I drove five miles down the road and stopped at a convenience store to replace the license plate. Then we toodled on home to South Carolina. Both of the guys were quite calm, amazingly. When I talked to N the night before he was anxious. C has been a basket case for days, both excited and worried. They both worry a lot. By the time N met up with us he was calm and ready to do this. The whole thing went amazingly well. Manny performed excellently, what with his age and his decrepit condition.

We got home, the guys unpacked the truck, and I took a nap. Later in the afternoon I went to school to work on my pottery. (Pictures soon, really.) Some time after 8:00 Superman called me to say that the police had visited us. Hmmmm. My heart skipped a beat. He said all was cool, that N's step father had called them, asked them to check on N's welfare. N and C were out on a walk at the time, so the officer asked Superman to have N call his home or to call them and they'd relay the message that he was fine.

I got home from school around 10:00, and they guys hadn't called anyone. I joined them in the back yard to help them finish off a bottle of wine. We laughed, talked, drank, and generally had a wonderful time and didn't call anybody. We all went to bed and slept well.

C got up first. When I heard him puttering around I got up too. I tell you, he looks so happy! So happy, relaxed, at ease, etc. You know, the look you get when it's been a long time and you finally have really good sex with the one person you want to have sex with. The attitude you have the first time you get to wake up next to the person you love.

The peace was dashed when the doorbell rang at 9:00 this morning.

We are literally HOURS away!

As I type this my event time clock reads just over 3 hours*!!! The truck is gassed up, C has put a bunch of empty boxes in the truck bed, and Superman will dig out our tarp and tie-downs when he gets home from work.

C and I plan to leave here between 3 and 3:30 in the morning so we can be in N's town between 6:30 and 7:00. That's when N's mother will drop him off at school, and he'll come around to the cemetery behind the school to meet us. Yes, he's sneaking out. I know, I know. He's 18 tomorrow. We've waited like good girls and boys.

I've been so terribly negligent about my blog! School is extremely time consuming this semester. I have so much more to say, and pictures to share, too. Yeah, I've promised pictures before and not delivered. I hate loading pics onto Blogger. Maybe I should link to a flickr account, except that I don't have one of those either. Anyway, I have an appointment with my therapist in twenty minutes, so I'm going to let this do for now. I'm out of school for the rest of the week, it being "fall break" or whatever. I've got art projects to do, a paper to write, and various other projects to work on during my break.

TTFN!

*I don't know what time zone that thing references, but according to that The Big Day begins at 8:00 p.m. tonight. Whatever. We'll be home and have him settled in by then.

Look! Blugger is letting me post!

Do you see how many days we have left until the rescue mission? It's getting close. C and Superman and I have been discussing the upcoming changes in the household dynamic. (Oops, sorry. I've been reading psychology journal articles so my head is full of stupid big words.) What I mean to say is that C's boyfriend, who shall hitherto (darn, did it again) be referred to as "N," will be moving in with us in two and a half weeks. I'm excited, mostly, and a little bit nervous about how much time and energy will be required of me.

I had a lovely phone conversation with N this afternoon. We discussed possible fears, questions, expectations, etc. I wanted to talk to him specifically without C being around so that he would feel safe to tell me about any reservations he has about moving here. I think we had a good discussion, and I think he was honest with me. He admits to being scared, but says he is ready to make this change in his life. He wants to get away from his mother, and is afraid she might make that difficult by calling him and putting a guilt trip on him. Hell, she's probably doing some of that already. He says she is allowing him to go, realizing that once he turns 18 she doesn't have a choice. But she doesn't want him to leave. This is going to be interesting.

I'm so busy! School has me stuck to the books. I'm supposed to be studying right now, of course. I spent most of the morning and half the afternoon in front of my computer finding journal articles for my sexual deviance class. We seem to be finished with the sexual behavior aspect, and from here on out it looks like we'll be studying deviance. This week's discussion topic asks what sexually deviant behavior we're interested in. Which sounds like a very personal and invasive question (which I don't mind asking you, but this is a different forum and you aren't obligated to respond), but he's referring to what we've surveyed in class so far. And he's talking about professional/educational curiosity when he asks about our interests. The professor has given a brief overview of deviant behavior that for the most part is not of the consenting adult type. The exception is BDSM, which is the topic I've picked. We've also been introduced to pedophilia, frotteurism, exhibitionism, sexual masochism, sexual sadism (e.g. Jeffery Dahmer according to the lesson), etc.

I've gotta tell you, I'm having a little trouble with the parameters of the deviance concept. (That's more big words, isn't it? Sorry.) Who defines deviance? The culture, of course, so it's often a broad distinction. I haven't figured out where the book draws the line, mostly because I haven't read all of the chapters I am supposed to have read by now. But giving Jeffery Dahmer as an example of sexual sadism, well, that puts it out pretty far.

Consensual BDSM is something I'm trying to get my head around. The bondage part doesn't bother me. If anything, it interests me in a more than educational way. I'm fine with a bit of rough play. I balk at the extreme domination, that which is associated with humiliating the sub. I can't see how that is a healthy expression of a consensual relationship, whether or not sex is involved. Earlier today I downloaded a dozen journal articles dealing with various aspects of the subject. We shall see what we shall see. And if anyone has resources they'd like to suggest, I'm open.

I discovered a website this week, directed there by a classmate who mentioned BDSM in his discussion post. It's about BDSM for Christians. Frankly, I find it disturbing. Not the BDSM, mind you. No, I have a problem with this guy's assertion that BDSM follows a Biblical mandate. I may be overstating his point, but he does justify BDSM from a Biblical perspective. Go see for yourself if you dare!

Did I mention the donut shop in my former post? The shop is wildly successful, beyond anything that anyone expected. They've run out of donuts a few times, with the owner and a crew of guys in the kitchen working their collective butts off making more and more and more. There is almost always a line of people waiting at the counter. I often go in between 6 and 6:30 a.m. and the stream of customers is steady. This morning, a beautiful (too hot) Indian Summer day, when I took Sproing for donuts at 10:00 the line at the counter snaked through the whole shop. C says it's been longer than that, too. And this is with three people filling orders. The place isn't that big. The boss lady has been hiring more help, and the new folks are getting the hang of things. C actually had the day off today. It's his first whole day off since they opened. He had an afternoon off earlier in the week. The shop is closed on Sundays, so that's an automatic day off for everyone. I'm so pleased with the success, especially for the boss lady. This is a dream for her.

And speaking of hot, damn! The first day of fall, Thursday afternoon I saw the temperature displayed on the sign in front of the school when I picked up Sproing. 95F! Yes, ninety-fucking-five degrees! That's 35C, for those who know that sort of thing. Ridiculous. But we're supposed to get some rain Sunday that will bring cooler temps for next week. According to Sproing, who just checked the weather, tomorrow's high should be 75F. I like that much better.

I started this post at 4:00 Saturday afternoon, and it's nearly midnight now. I've been busy, but not with the studying. Family phone calls, various household members needing this or that, etc. And I'm tired now. Think I'll take a couple of journal articles to bed with me, look for a few interesting points to talk about in my discussion post for the class, then go to sleep. If I remember any of it in the morning, I'll write up my stuff and submit it to the class website. In the meantime, Sproing is ready for me to tuck him in, so I'll go ahead and get this sucker on my blog. Maybe, perhaps, if all goes well and I manage my time well, I will be able to post again in a few days.

Friday's attempt

A quote from one of the founders of modern psychology:

"The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You don't blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the President. You realize that you control your own destiny."
-- Albert Ellis

I don't totally agree with Ellis, but he's on the right track.

OK, I'll tell you a little something about art, loss, and pain.

Did I mention last spring that I was sculpting a hand and arm in art class? I don't recall if I mentioned it and am too lazy to check. The point is that I was making this hand/arm out of clay in the sculpture class, and it was very good. The professor didn't fire it in the kiln before the end of the semester, but said that there would probably be a kiln firing about three weeks into the summer term when the grad program was in session. So I left it there. And when I came back this fall the piece is missing. I've asked around. No one knows where it is or what happened to it. All they can tell me is that a lot of things were tossed, and it is probably gone. I've been processing that information.This is a scan of the only photograph I have of the hand. I don't remember who took the picture or who gave me the photo. It pains me to look at it because I remember how good the sculpture was. There was a lot of detail and it looked quite realistic. I had to do surgery on the hand when I first got the shape completed because the palm was too square. I took a wedge out of the pinkie edge of the hand so the palm sloped down from the base of the index finger to the base of the pinkie. As you can see I had the creases in the palm and the curves of the base of the thumb and the forearm. It looked really good. And it is gone now.

It's a waste of energy to be upset. What's done is done. No amount of fussing on my part is going to make the thing reappear. I am mourning, though.

And here's the thing: the chunk of clay is gone, but the soul and the spirit and the talent that created the art is still here within me. No one can see it unless I create something else that displays that talent, but I know that I can do it. I was frankly surprised at how well I was able to depict the human hand and arm. I was not able to do that in the early 1980s when I took a sculpture class, and I haven't worked with clay since then. But something happened, I don't know what, and now I can do it.

So what now? We wait patiently, we make the most of the opportunities that pass our way, and we continue to try to make a positive difference in the world. And we cry just a little bit.

After the Test

The test failed. I was trying to post from my BlackBerry. It didn't work. I could enter text into the "Title" field and into the "Labels" field, but not in the body of the message. So my body was empty. Whereas usually it is my mind that's empty.

The comments about masturbation have thoroughly entertained me. I had faith that you guys would come through on that one.

We're moving into deviance in the sexuality class. This week's discussion topic, edited for this venue:

What sexual behaviors might you deem to be normal that others might view as being abnormal? How have you evolved/changed in your view of sexual behavior?

For you I've edited out the restriction of keeping the discussion within reason and relevant to the scope of the class. This blog is beyond reason.

I have had two consecutive nights of 7+ hours of sleep, and yet I'm tired. When I got home this afternoon I went immediately to bed. I slept from 4 to 7, and slept hard. It's 9:45 now, and I've been sleepy/tired for almost an hour. At the beginning of this week I didn't sleep much, staying up until after 2 a.m. studying. Seems I would have caught up on the sleep by now, what with all the sleep I've gotten since Tuesday/Wednesday. I dunno.

Sproing has been in a very good mood this evening! He is so much fun to be with when he's pleasant.

I'm online tonight in order to research contemporary artists who work in pottery/ceramics. I'm getting so sleepy, though, that it's hard to concentrate. I'm going to bed. I'll try to do more bloggy stuff over the weekend, though I have a booskoodle studying to do.

This Is A Test

Oh My Stars!

So tired! I spend all my time reading, it seems, or working on my ceramics stuff.

My laptop is messed up. It won't allow me on some of my favorite blogs, and inconsistently allows me to post. I'm at school in the computer lab right now. This place is irritating, but the connection speed is fantastic.

Some of the WordPress blogs won't load on my laptop. I need a good antivirus/malware scan. The school's student IT dept. made a good start on that, but whatever is wrong with my computer is no small thing. Here's my plan: I'm going to buy some new RAM for my 'puter. Her name is Shiba. She's a Toshiba, so, yeah, not very imaginative. Anyhow, she only has 1 GB of RAM (so they tell me). I got my loan money from the school yesterday, so after I deposit that in the bank I'll go buy me some RAM, baby! Then I'll get one of the better anti-malware/spyware/virus/whatever thingies and run that puppy through the system. After she's all cleaned up, I'm getting Windows 7, 'cause Vista is Ick. Perhaps after all that the damned box will work. I bought the latest upgrade of Microsoft Office, but haven't given it to Shiba in her delicate condition.

Tired! Let me tell you about tired. I have three lecture classes and one studio art class. The ceramics class is great, but I'm spending a LOT of time on it! I can't help it. I must. When I start on a piece I must do what it tells me to do. I spent 15-20 hours on my latest assignment last weekend, and still had a few hours worth of work to do for my other classes. Sleep? What's that?

I like my classes this term. Yes, I need to tell you about the sexuality class. I'll get to that shortly (I hope). I also have adolescent development, which is interesting but requires a lot of work. Psychometrics is about testing, and the development and administration of tests both psychological and otherwise. I'm supposed to have chapters 1-5 read for class tomorrow. I was supposed to have read through chapter 3 yesterday. I'm not quite finished with chapter 1. All of this stuff takes an amazing amount of time. I am glad to do the work, but it's hard to find enough time to do it all. And I'm not goofing off as much as I have in previous semesters.

Sproing demands a lot of time. He's having a hard time now that he's back in school. At school things are going well, I hear. But at home, it's unpredictable. He was on meds for his ADHD (Concerta, the time release stuff, at 38mg, IIRC). But at the end of the time release sequence in late afternoon he would crash. For approximately two hours he'd scream, cry, throw things, call us names, say that he hated us and we hated him, threaten to kill himself, etc. Loudly. Insistently. This happened 3 to 5 days a week. Superman finally took him to the emergency room Sunday evening. The doctor there told us to discontinue Concerta. For the past two evenings he's been moody, but not psychotic. I just don't know. And I don't know whether he's being able to hold it together enough at school now to do what he needs to do. We need to call the school and find out about that.

There are other things related to that, too. He was/is being bullied, and finally got the nerve to tell me about it. Some kid(s) have been punching him in the back while he kneels down to access his locker. The halls are crowded, and the posse of perps walks past quickly and punches him. He says he doesn't know who it is. Have I said this already? I may have posted something about this. I don't remember what I said or when I last posted. I have to go to class in 35 minutes and don't want to take the time to check my last post. Anyway, Superman had a confab with the principal. Yada yada and we'll look into it. Pisses me off. I'm going to write a letter. I really need to do that, in addition to the 5 or 6 chapters (or more) and other school assignments I need to do. I'm depressing myself here. Let's move on.

Sexual Behavior and Deviance, Psych 363. Professor: The New Guy (TNG). He makes use of the Internet portal thingy (it's called Blackboard, and I don't know how else to describe it) for class discussions and stuff. He posts a discussion question every week and we are all required to post an initial response to his question, backed up with references of scholarly works to support our points and stuff. Which is great, I like doing it, but it took me a couple of hours to research and write my response. I have more to say about the subject, too (surprise) and want to submit more info. This week's topic is two-fold:

a) In class a student brought up a question concerning lust and
imagination. The professor asks "Is imagination lust?" and refers to the context
of the class discussion, in which the student was referring to the Judeo/Christian
concept of sin.
2) "Another one of your peers brought [up the] topic of masturbation and
whether it is unnatural/natural. Based on Science, is it normal/abnormal? I know
some of you will want to integrate your belief system, but support it with
science. In addition, what is the reason that some individuals struggle with
masturbation?"

If I recall, I was the one who broached the masturbation topic. Anyway, I'd love to get your input on these topics if you'd care to share. The discussion thread closes tonight at midnight, and I am not going to add anything of what I hear from you guys to the class thread. I might add what else I wanted to say about the health benefits of masturbation, but other than that I probably won't say anything else about it on the class site.

Are you ready for a related rant? Here it comes, ready or not. My classmates are idiots!! With the exception of three or four, these students can't write. It's shit. Spelling is iffy, even though TNG specifically said to use spell-check. Worse than the spelling is the grammar. Painful. Word usage and sentence structure are foreign concepts to these fools. Many of them cannot form a logical line of reasoning. It is so frustrating to try to read though this drivel. I'm supposed to read everything to keep up abreast of the discussion, but Damn! I feel sorry for TNG, he has to read it in order to assign grades. These people are idiots. I know a lot of these students. Most of them are psychology majors in their junior or senior year. It's pathetic. This reflects poorly on the school. I am appalled.

Time to go play in the mud! I love my ceramics class!

Hi, it's me again

Figured out what Sproing's problem is, I think. His breakdowns happen 10-12 hours after he takes his ADHD medicine. I think it's a reaction to the time-release medication finally leaving his system. He has an appointment at the mental health clinic Tuesday morning. It might help if he has a low dose pill of his medicine to take when he gets home from school, to help step him down from the higher dose of the time-release tablet.

Sproing has been working hard for a few weeks to save $100 toward an Xbox. I am generally against gaming systems like that, and we've never had one in all the years we've had kids. In his case, though, I'm softening my stance. Ya see, the poor kid is struggling socially for a number of reasons. Primarily it's his age and school grade. Middle school is hell. But additionally, there's his mental/emotional issues which make life difficult in many ways. He is shorter than average. He's adopted, which is bad enough, but he's a black child adopted by a white family, in the close-minded south. Not only is he black, but he's got a very dark complexion, and the intra-racial prejudice against darker skin tone is a problem. I don't understand that, and it pisses me off. Oh, and his parents are weird. And there's a gay man living in his house. And he is the only one of his peers (to hear him tell it) that doesn't have an Xbox. Of all the issues causing him stress in his life, I can do something about the lack of an Xbox.

But we made him work and save for it. The saving part has been most difficult for him. If he has money, he wants to spend it. After the stash got above $60 I kept it safe for (from) him. Last Thursday he finally earned the final $17 he needed for his $100 contribution. On Friday after school Superman took him to W-M to buy the Xbox and the Halo 3 game that he's had his heart set on. He came home, they set up the system, and he played until 11:00! I told him that this was the only time that his play time would be unlimited, and he expected that. We'll see how it goes, but I'm thinking that 2 hours per day, maybe less on school days, is a good place to start.

And interestingly enough, he hasn't had a major blow up since Thursday. He played the Xbox through the usual monster hour on Friday. He and Superman left Saturday morning for the grandparents' house, taking the Xbox with them. Sproing has been fine, no emotional upheavals, during their visit (so far).

Superman's mother has a birthday next Wednesday. The family celebration of said event is tomorrow, Labor Day here in the states. Since Sproing and Superman both have the holiday off, they went to visit the folks. C and I are here alone with the cats. I'm loving it!

Have been studying this weekend. Probably should be studying right now. Psychometrics is BORING! I've tried to read the first chapter of our textbook and have fallen asleep twice. I read the Sexual Deviance book. It's boring, too, but the subject is interesting enough to keep me awake. I need to read the rest of the first chapter in Adolescent Development before I go to bed tonight, too.

School is good so far. It is good to be back in the classroom again. Yes, as one recent comment said, I am generally happier when I'm in school. The summer break was nice, I suppose, but probably too long. I don't do so well with large stretches of unstructured time, and I'm not much of a self-structurer. (Find that word on your corporate lingo bingo card!) I like unstructured time, but too much is not healthy for me.

The weather is cooling down finally. We've had temps in the high 80s F (low 30s C) instead of the high 90s F (mid-high 30s C). And it's dry, not humid. The sun is still hot and intense, but it's almost comfortable in the shade. As I said, it's dry, and we haven't had rain in a couple of weeks. Earthy things are getting a bit too dry. Some rain would be nice, if we can have it without the higher temps and a return to the sultry humidity. I know, I'm picky.

I rearranged my office yesterday. I think this arrangement will work better than the old. I also culled some of my fabric stash, and I'm sure Light will be pleased to hear that. I eliminated one whole plastic tub/box thingie of fabric. I sent a message to the counselor at Diva's treatment facility, asking if she'd like to have this extra fabric. The girls had a sewing class going on this summer, and Diva made a few things. She seems to like sewing.

So the rest of this room, my office and craft space, is somewhat cleaner and more orderly, but my desks are a mess. I have one large main desk that I work off of, and a small desk with a hutch that mostly stores stuff. I had to clean off my main desk this evening just so I could get to my laptop to write this post.

I slept until 10:30 this morning, then took a two hour nap in the early afternoon (after Psychometrics put me to sleep). I feel tired again, and I need to read/study some more before I go to bed, so I'm gonna try that now.

Remind me to tell you about the donut shop next time. It officially opens tomorrow! C has a job that actually pays money now!

Ditto

Another evening of off-the-chain emotions from Sproing. Screaming, crying, insulting us, threatening to run away and/or kill himself. Approximately two hours, I think. Once it starts it seems like forever. He started getting a bit quieter around 8:00, and in about 15 minutes he was calm, all sweetness and apologies. W.T.F.

First day of class for my three psychology classes. Adolescent Development, where our major term project is developing a parenting curriculum for parents of adolescents. HA!! Isn't that a hoot?!

Sexual Behavior and Deviance promises to be an interesting class. You will receive updates, I'm sure.

Psychometrics. Ugh. The psych department has a new professor, and he teaches both Psychometrics and Sexual Behavior and Deviance. I asked him after Sex class if Psychometrics would be fun like the Sex class. Psychometrics is about testing and assessments. The subject is intrinsically dry. The prof seems to be a nice guy, and will probably make Psychometrics as fun as possible. We shall see what's possible.

Tomorrow it's back to Ceramics. We won't get to play in the mud tomorrow, but we're going to do a bit of research and (I think) get our first assignment.

Enrollment is up significantly this year. The incoming freshman class is three times what it was three years ago. Parking is a bitch! I got to school at 7:00 this morning and had no trouble finding an excellent parking place. My first class on Tues/Thurs is at 8:00, so getting there early is great. On M/W/F my only class begins at 10:20. I'm thinking of going to school at 7:00 again tomorrow and spending the three hours reading and studying, or possibly playing on my computer. :) I like the easy parking.

Which means that I need to go to bed soon. I'm very tired, especially emotionally exhausted from the Sproing drama. Again.

Einstein quote and a brief bit of rambling

"If A equals success, then the formula is: A = X+Y+Z, where X is work, Y is play, and Z is keep your mouth shut."

-- Albert Einstein

That sounds about right to me.

Today was the first day of classes. My only class on Monday/Wed/Fri is ceramics. So far so good.

Tomorrow I have three psychology classes. I wanted to be more prepared than I am now, but my life got in the way a bit.

I've told you about Sproing, right? How he ain't exactly normal? He got bent out of shape about something this evening and screamed for two hours. Again. This has happened at least twice a week for almost a month. Maybe longer, maybe not, it's hard to tell. The two hour screaming jags seem to last for five hours. I don't know what to do with/for him. When he's angry, he hates me. He has said some very ugly things to me recently. Then he'll get control of himself and apologize. Tonight I accept his apology, but I don't feel very good about him. I'm alternately worried/concerned about whatever is wrong with him, and ticked off that he's behaving like such a monumental ass.

I don't know anything else right now. I want to be glad I'm back in school. I think maybe I am. But tonight I'm wrung out and sleepy. I'm going to take a shower and go to bed. Perhaps I'll write more in a day or two. I hope to.