I feel better

Still depressed, but not as bad, mostly, I think. Still easily distracted, but I suspect that has everything to do with stress and untreated Attention Deficit Disorder. I'm thinking of talking to the doctor about getting some Ritalin or some such.

My doctor, who is actually a PA but she's fantastic, has added Abilify to my daily medication regimen. I told her perhaps I should stop taking Wellbutrin, but she said let's try adding the Abilify before we subtract anything. OK, whatever. And I think the Abilify is helping. Or maybe my hormones are leveling out this week vs. last week. One never really knows about these things. I don't take my moods too seriously (or try not to) until they've been consistent for a few weeks.

And I have to talk to the MD, not the PA, about getting Ritalin. Because it's a class (whatever) drug, she can't prescribe it. What a pain in the ass.

I have begun organizing my craft/sewing stuff. Oh my gods, it's stressful!! So stressful in fact that I don't want to talk about it yet. Hang tight, maybe it'll show up later in the post.

Hot. We haz it. Well, it isn't too bad yet, but bad enough for me to bitch about it. I keep track of the weather in Burlington, VT just for kicks and giggles. Burlington is much more comfortable now than Greenwood, SC. Of course Burlington was cold as fuck a couple of months ago, but right now I don't seem to care.  It wasn't nearly cold enough here.

I planted some flowers yesterday. Some petunias in a container and a pretty multicolored Lantana in the bed beside the front door. I also put a salmon colored Geranium in a container on the front stoop. I have Morning Glory seeds soaking in water now to plant later this afternoon (probably) when the temps cool off a bit. I need Twitch to attack behind the fence garden with the tiller. It's maybe a 12 foot strip and I only need one or two tiller widths of soil for these plantings. I'm gonna plant Morning Glory and a selection of Sunflowers. We are excited about this. Well, as excited as it gets around here. That frankly isn't very excited, but what the fuck. Oh, also some of those summer flowers you see everywhere, yellow and orange, what's the name? I hate when this happens.... not Magnolia, (that's a tree). They smell kinda funky and are supposed to help keep critters out of gardens. Damn, what's the name of that flower? Ach! I have to go look it up. Hang on... MARIGOLD!! That's it. I knew it started with an "m".

And since I had to get off my ass to look at the seed packet, I got myself a bowl of chocolate ice cream. It's a bad habit I have fallen into recently. I get the low fat chocolate ice cream in a big tub from Wal-Mart. I put a few scoops in a bowl and add a little bit of skim milk, then let it sit for a minute or so. The milk freezes around the ice cream and makes lovely little icy crunchy bits. Then I add powdered malt mix and extra dark cocoa (Hershey's now sells the stuff. It's wicked good!) and stir it well. It's dark and smooth and crunchy and strong. I told my PA about it and she thinks it sounds horrible. So I call it my cruel chocolate. I also make a chocolate pudding (super easy, microwave and 5 ingredients, takes about 5 minutes) with the dark cocoa that is intense. I use less sugar and more cocoa than the recipe calls for, so it's deep dark and not too sweet. Cruel chocolate, my favorite. Kinda like cruel shoes re: Steve Martin, but tastier and less painful.

So let's talk about the kiddies. They are both now on probation, each for 9 months. Sproing started his probation a couple of months before Diva did, but Diva will probably qualify to get off early. She keeps her nose clean and doesn't violate any conditions of her probation and earns a few days off for every month she behaves. Sproing has the same deal, but can't seem to stay out of trouble. It's mostly minor trouble, but trouble enough for violation of probation. Sproing has a community service obligation which he started serving in the community garden in the Latino community. The gal who runs the garden is an old friend of mine, a gal we met at church when we lived in Easley, SC when Light was a toddler. So, yeah, I've known her and her husband for probably 22 years. Damn! That's a long time. She's super nice, and very churchy. I'm not churchy anymore. I don't know how much she knows about how much I've changed. Wait, this paragraph has gotten off topic. Let's start another.

Back to the kiddos. I had to take Diva to school this morning. Superman usually does it, but he had to be at work before 6 this morning, so I took care of it. Thing is, I forgot she needs to be awakened. She shouldn't need anyone to wake her up. She's fuckin' 16 years old now, and wants to be independent and live on her own. Well, she's gonna have to wake her lazy ass up herself to be independent. I got up at 7:30 we could leave at 7:45. She was still asleep. She wasn't late for school (starts at 8:30) but not by much.

Diva has arranged for a job for herself in Abbeville over the summer. Abbeville is about half an hour west of here. I don't know how sure this job is, it's at an auto repair shop where her friend Morq works. Don't know why an auto repair shop. Sounds more like something Sproing would do. She says she'll be answering phones or something. Anyway, we aren't going to provide transportation to and from Abbeville every day. That's a hell of a lot of gas that we can't afford, and she won't make enough money to cover gas either. She doesn't realize this. She thinks "I'll be making money, so I can afford it." But how much money, dear? "I dunno." Oy. Anyway, so she wants to stay with Morq during the week, coming home on Friday and returning to Abbeville on Sunday night. Superman thinks this is an OK idea. I'm on the fence, leaning toward letting her do it. For one thing, that will be one less Diva in my house! Hurrah! Also it will give her a taste of this independence she thinks she wants. She and Morq want to get an apartment together to move away from family. Morq is the girl with a baby. Diva says they'll get a 3 bedroom apt so the baby can have her own room and she and Morq will also have their own rooms. What kind of 3 bedroom apt can they afford? Though they could probably qualify for Section 8 housing. Morq could, anyway. Diva is still a dependent minor which I think kills the deal for her. I dunno. Don't really care, either. I find myself caring less and less. This is probably a good thing, really.

Let's try to revisit the cleaning/organizing issue. As I've mentioned in the past, I have hoarding issues. There is this thing they now call hoarding disorder. Dr. Spo, do you know about this thing? I haven't been diagnosed by anyone but myself (and I'm about half qualified to do so) but have done a little bit of research on the topic. Anyway, cleaning, organizing, and especially throwing things away is extraordinarily stressful. I worked on my office/craft room for about 45 minutes today. For some that may seem like not a long time. For me, it was. And I'm OK with it. I'll probably work on it again in the afternoon or evening for another little while. I'm actually proud that I can work on that shit for half an hour or so and NOT beat myself up for being such a wimp and not working for three hours, five hours, or until it's done. Gad, that would send me into the spaz zone.

And now I have written a long-overdue blog post in addition to working on my office/craft room and processed a load of laundry. So I'm going to reward myself with a bit of a nap, I think.

Old Friends

Just this week I received an email from an old friend of mine. She and I have been friends since we were in the 6th grade. My friendship with her is the longest lasting friendship I have. Over the years we have been able to pick up right where we left off after about half an hour of catching each other up on recent events. 

It has been a few years since we last communicated. She moved a few times, as did I. We still have the same email addresses, though, and she made contact with me a couple of days ago.

I wrote back, telling her briefly (well, briefly for me) about me and the family. I received an email in response this morning. She relates some interesting things about herself and her husband and kids. Her youngest child is two years older than Light. He is a senior at University of Florida, doing very well, and will be applying to med school soon. Her other two kids are also doing very well. 

This morning I sent off a somewhat more detailed missive telling her more about Twitch, and getting into some specifics about Diva and Sproing and the trouble we've been having with them. 

I have yet to tell her what I've been up to in the past three years or so. She doesn't know what is now the passion of my heart. She hasn't heard about me and The Gay. I ended today's email by telling her that there is more going on, but I will tell her more in the next email since this one was long enough already. 

So I'm going to tell her, of course, about my wonderful discovery of the fabulosity that is the gay community. 

A bit of background: her mother-in-law is a lesbian, I'm pretty sure. My friend and I met her in-laws at the same time, back when we were about 12 years old. The guy who is now her brother-in-law was in our class throughout middle and high school, and we both went to the church where their family was very active. Southern Baptist, naturally. There are five children in that family; the oldest is a girl, the oldest brother was a guy I had a bad crush on all through middle school, the second son married my friend, the third son was in our class, and the youngest son is a year or two younger than our classmate. The other member of the household was a woman, contemporary to their mother, who shared a bedroom with mother. 

There were a lot of people in the house, obviously, and bedroom space was at a premium. Nevertheless. The two women, Shirley (the kids' mother) and Bobbie, shared a large waterbed. Bobbie looked very dykish. Heavy-set, short cropped hair, somewhat masculine features. She wore dresses when I saw her, at church, and always wore a girdle. I find that amusing, but beside the point. The point, though, is that though nothing was ever said, it's pretty obvious that they were lovers. They lived together like spouses, for sure, both of them riding herd on the kids like parents. 

Even in my naive youth, I got a strong lesbian vibe from their oldest daughter. I kinda liked her, too. I didn't know her well, as she was a good bit older than me and was away at college when I was hanging around with the boys. 

Shirley and Bobbie still live together. Last time I visited them (many years ago now) the kids were all out of the house, and they had moved to a small town north of Orlando (where we all used to live). They had separate bedrooms, which kinda surprised me. I have no idea, though, what the sleeping arrangements were. I didn't ask. It was then and still is none of my business. 

My friend and her husband are very active in church. Her husband is now a preacher (he always had leanings in that direction) in addition to being an Emergency Medical Tech. She is active in the music ministry. Their youngest son is planning to be a medical missionary. 

She's on Facebook. (Isn't everyone?) She wants to "friend" me. I looked at my friends list this morning. Except my husband and Birdie, I think everyone else on my freinds list is gay. And come on, y'all, Birdie is an honorary gay.  I find that amusing, myself. Since most of the people who will have anything to do with me these days are gay, it makes ever so much sense. I found her profile, and sent a friend invitation to her. We shall see what we shall see, won't we?

In my next email I will tell her about my passion for the gay community. Pretty much all of my old friends who know of my involvement with The Gay are now former friends. I am not afraid to tell her about The Gay, but I am afraid she will no longer accept me.  Since she and I have been friends for so long, and such good, strong, sister-like friends, will she remain my friend? 

Simon and Garfunkel, natch.

Mixed bag

We found a source for parts for the washer, thanks to Mimi's reference. Last night Superman ordered what we need. He told me the part should be here within 3 days. The instruction manual to install the part will be here in approximately 3 weeks. I see a potential problem here. Aside from the obvious, let me just remind you that Superman is an engineer. A Georgia Tech graduate with a degree in Mechanical Engineering. Yes, mechanical, as in machine, as in washing machine. If you think "Well, then, he should be able to figure this out with no problem," then you are very naive.

If you have been following this saga for any time at all, you will know that I love my husband very much. He is a wonderful man with many talents and abilities. However, when he attempts a project like this without benefit of an instruction manual he frequently breaks more than he fixes. Not always, mind you, but often enough for me to be nervous about this turn of events. Because he is a guy, and worse, an engineer, he will be sorely tempted to fix the machine before the instruction manual arrives.

Updates as the situation warrants.

On a closely related note, we are running out of clean clothes. I'm writing this at 7 a.m. and Sproing is getting ready for school. He cannot find a pair of pants that he's willing to wear. His distress is loud and dramatic. I can either do the pioneer adventure thing and wash clothes in the bathtub (fun, fun, fun) or load stuff in the van and take another trip to the laundromat. Either of these choices is marginally better than a root canal.

Peace has been restored to the home. Everyone just left for school and work.

Sproing had a traumatic morning. In addition to not finding suitable pants, the poor young'un has outgrown his shoes. He has two relatively new pairs of athletic shoes, neither of which fit is feet. He's been asking for new shoes and I, seeing that he has two pair in perfectly good condition, have brushed his requests aside. Superman discovered this morning that the poor boy can't get his feet into the shoes. Ah, I see the truth of it now. His feet are growing very quickly if he outgrows them before he can destroy them. We usually buy the Wal-Mart specials, cheap and not well made. They don't last long. Note to my childless readers: shoes are a major expense when raising children. 

We made it to October! This is very exciting. I mentioned that August is interminably long. September is hopeful, but much of it is uncomfortably warm. In October, the hope of September is realized. Cool temperatures! This morning the cup of water I got from the cold water tap in the bathroom was actually cold. In the summer we get warm water from the cold tap. Almost but not quite bathwater warm. (In Macon, GA the "cold" water is plenty warm enough for bathing, but way too warm to drink in summer.) Throughout September the cold water has been getting somewhat less warm. This morning, though, it was comfortably cool. This is one more reason fall is my favorite time of year.

In relaying my story of embracing the gay the other day, I realized that I was a fag hag of sorts in college. Well, technically a "fruit fly" since my guy friends were not of romantic interest to me. But I'll use the fag hag term in the general sense. I had a couple of guy friends, not close best buds or anything, but fellas I hung out with a lot. As I look back on it now, my retro-vision gaydar is maxing out on these guys. They weren't out, and I have since lost track of them so I don't know for sure if either of them has admitted to being gay, but oh, it's so obvious!

Shortly after graduation Superman and I were involved with a Bible study group in one of the big downtown churches in Macon where we lived at the time. I remember two guys, both of whom were very outgoing and musically talented, who I now suspect are gay. Neither of them was as obvious as my college buddies. I can't remember the names of my college friends, dad-gum-it, but I do remember the names of the guys in the Bible study group. I did a search yesterday for both of these men. I found references to both. There is very little information on one of the guys. The other one, T, I also found very little about, but in one source there was a profile. In the entry for "spouse" was the name Gene. As in Eugene, a guy! Yes! Superman laughed at my accurate gaydar. This is hardly proof, but it seems significant. I'd love to contact this guy and see what he's doing now. For that matter I'd like to talk to the other old buddy, too. The contact information I found was sketchy, and the phone calls I made based on the info were both wrong numbers. 

It's been a busy week so far. I can't remember most of what happened, but I know I have been busy. I took Sproing and Diva to their soccer game Monday night because Superman was sick. He usually takes them. The excitement of the game sometimes gets to me. So do the crowds. And the bugs and humidity. I'm a wuss. But I went and watched the game. The kids' team won, and Sproing kicked in the first goal. It went well.

Tuesday I did something, but can't remember what. Yesterday was the lunch with that women's forum group that I first attended last month. It was good, very thought provoking and stimulating. I learned a lot about various community services offered in the area. You know how I love to learn things. :)

And I have been trying to get here to write about it since Monday. Something always seems to get in the way. I got up early this morning so I could have time to write this. I can't quit you. Don't want to, either! I just get busy sometimes.