What's your opinion?

One of my courses this semester is an independent study research on a topic of my choice. Well, duh, the topic of my choice is homosexuality. The Gay. LGBT. Queer. But I obviously need to narrow that down to something more specific. I know a few things I don't want to study, mostly involving politics and activism. Oh, I heartily support efforts to improve the social-political climate for sexual minorities. (I learned that term recently, referring to lgbtq etc. as sexual minorities.) But I know I don't want for that to be the focus of my study.

I am interested in the process of "coming out." There are a lot of things I could focus on there, including coming out issues for adolescents or minors, coming out in college, after college but still young, coming out in mid-life, coming out while in a heterosexual marriage (or shortly thereafter).

Bullying of those perceived to be gay is another hot topic. This seems to happen mostly to young men and the transgender, I haven't seen anything about overt bullying of lesbians though I may be misinformed.

Whatever my focus, I will need to read a shit-load of academic articles on that topic. Therefore, the topic needs to be discussed in professional/academic journals. No, I haven't looked in the databases to see what's there. Articles should be fairly recent, I think within the past five years, though the time limit my be different. I'll need to ask my advising professor. The exception to that would be seminal articles, those from longer ago that have brought significant new ideas to the field. I'll find those by reading the more recent articles, because the recent stuff will refer to the older significant works.

The format of this course work is article review/annotated bibliography. I won't be giving my personal opinions or anything interesting like that. My professor will teach me how to read articles for the content I need and how she wants me to write the annotated bibliography for each article. I'm not entirely clear yet on what needs to be done, but it is past time for me to begin looking for articles. Which necessitates having some idea what my topic is.

So what do you think? Give me your opinions about what kind of glbt research I should look into.

Hangin' out with the glbt

I got to hang out with gay people today!! In real life, in the flesh. (The flesh was covered. Don't get any naughty ideas.) University of South Carolina Upstate (Spartanburg) hosted a thing they called Bodies of Knowledge Symposium. There were 5 speakers from different areas within the glbt community, mostly from academia, who discussed a variety of topics. The symposium was attended by members of the local colleges, faculty and students, assorted community members and me.

It was heady and intellectually stimulating. I'm excited. I'm also very tired. I left the house at 7 this morning and got home at 10:00 tonight. And my sinuses are infected again. Or still. This is the third sinus infection I've had in 2 months, and I suspect the infection never left. It went on the down low for a while until it could build up a head of snot with which to lay me low. My cheeks, brow, and top teeth have hurt all day. I'm tired, but not sleepy. I drank a lot of coffee and tea today and ate some chocolate on the way home from Spartanburg. So I'm tired and wired. I'll wind down eventually, but until then I'm gonna blog for a while. I missed my blog buddies today. Oh, but I feel so energized (intellectually and emotionally, not physically) and I'm so excited about all the possibilities. I'll probably be talking about it some more over the next few days. Or I'll get distracted by other events in my life and forget to mention it here. With me ya' never know. :)

What’s going on here, Java?

We are rapidly approaching the end of our spring break here in this school district. School resumes on Monday. Since I work in Pupil Transportation I will go back to work on Monday.

Except I won't, because I'm having a spot of vertigo. Well, it's more like a large smear of vertigo. For a spot of vertigo I wouldn't change my plans. When the vertigo colors outside the lines and gets rude, I need to curtail my activities. I'm having a lot of dizzy spells that almost send me to the floor. It is of course worse when I change the position of my head rapidly, bend over, stand up, or turn around. All of the aforementioned movements are major components of my job. If I get dizzy while driving a multi-ton bus through the busy streets of this city, it could be bad. So I won't be driving the school bus at all next week on orders from my doctor.

This is not necessarily a bad thing. And let me tell you why. I have wanted to talk to you about this all week, but haven't had the peace and quiet to write.

I have decided to quit my job.

This year was going to be my last year driving the bus; I decided that a while ago. But my intention was to work out the rest of the year. For the past few weeks, though, I've been getting more and more stressed, less and less able to fully function. I am constantly bombarded with demands for my time and energy. Yeah, I know, welcome to the real world, baby. But I am not entirely well.

I have some options and opportunities not afforded to some. My dear husband has a very good job and makes a decent salary. We are used to my income, too, but we can, I think, live without it. It isn't very much, anyway! Our money management skills need some work, that is a weakness Superman and I share. With some discipline and organization I'm sure we can manage without my measly paycheck. Of course if I'm not working every afternoon we don't need to put the young'uns in childcare. That's a big savings right off the top.

My life has undergone some big changes over the last 2 years. My sanity's only so-so. (Extra bonus points if you can name that reference!) I feel as though there are more big changes in the near future. More about that in a moment. My mind, my soul need the quiet opportunity to process these changes and to prepare for the future. This cannot be accomplished with the current level of demand on my time and energy. This week with everyone out of school I realized that I can't concentrate with the young'uns running in and out, asking questions and making demands all the time. So I decided to tender my resignation, giving two weeks notice on Monday. Now that I can't work all next week, this shakes it up a bit. I think I will still resign on Monday anyway, and maybe not be able to work out my notice.

Am I trying to explain or to convince myself?

The bus driving job has always been a temporary station in my overall career path. I never expected it to last this long, honestly. I have learned a great deal about a lot of things over the past almost 4 years, most notably about myself. I don't regret one moment of it.

But be honest with me, people, do I seem smart enough to do something more with my life than drive a school bus? I realize I have made a positive impact on a lot of people during my time on the bus. I'm glad for that. Can I make a bigger difference in another venue? One that utilizes my skills, abilities, and intelligence better than driving a bus? Probably. Lord I hope so!

Some of my depression might come from my over-qualification for this job. I try so hard to look for positives. I make excuses for my lack of mental stimulation. This happens subconsciously. I find myself lowering my expectations so that I'm not so frustratingly disappointed. And we wonder why I'm depressed! There are many good reasons to get out of this job. The approaching hot season is another one. Not as intellectual, more physical, but honestly folks, I have a really hard time handling the heat. These buses are not air conditioned, and it gets very hot in there when the temps rise above 80F. (I'm a weather wuss.)

Here's more about these big changes ahead. Right now I don't know exactly where I'm going. I have a burning desire to work directly with the homosexual community to enact change, to render aid, to provide support and education. That's a pretty vague mission statement, you know? I don't know how this will work out, but I am heading in that direction. For this I need to prepare. I need to set my mind toward the task. I need (want) more formal education. I need to find out what more I need!

This is going to require a lot of emotional growth from me. That's hard. I've been stuck in the backwaters of adulthood for 20 years. My recent blogging experience has been the first significant intellectually stimulating interaction with live adult people that I've had in a very long time. (Present spouse excepted) There are some issues for me to work on. I need to get comfortable being around groups of people again. Gotta fight the agoraphobia. I should learn how to behave myself in polite company. Those skills will serve me well. I have a lot of unrealized potential. So much so that I don't realize how much potential I have.

Am I justified in quitting my job right now? Am I being irresponsible in my obligations? Or am I being wise in managing my mental/emotional resources? Discuss.