It sounds truthy to me

"There are two ways of being happy: We must either diminish
our wants or augment our means - either may do - the result is
the same and it is for each man to decide for himself and to
do that which happens to be easier."
-- Benjamin Franklin

Apropos of nothing, I just liked the quote.

Simply for the purpose of chronicling Diva's transgressions, I will relay her latest feat. Sunday afternoon when she was at a friend's house, she stole the mother's debit card. The mom accused her own daughter of doing it, not suspecting Diva. They searched high and low, eventually asking to look through Diva's bag. Diva showed them her bag, rifled through it a bit, and came up with nothing. When I spoke to the mom yesterday (Monday) she said that Diva had done a perfunctory search, nothing very thorough. In speaking to the mom, I said that Diva is a suspicious character, and very well may have taken the card. After exchanging a bit more info, comparing notes, I determined that Diva was guilty.

So last night I had a little talk with the child. I have learned not to ask questions. I simply told her that she is well aware of the difference between right and wrong, but her problem is that she doesn't care. You need to care, I said. You know darned well that taking someone's credit card is very wrong. Not only is it wrong, but it's illegal. It is the sort of illegal action that could get you arrested. It also will make you unwelcome at your friends' homes. You will lose friends.

I went on in that vein for a little while. It wasn't a very long talk. At no time during the discussion did she deny taking the card. She is now glued to the house. No going out anywhere for anything other than doctor's appointments and such. Not that it'll make any difference. Nothing does.

Now, back to something I touched on a few paragraphs ago -- I talked to the mother of this friend of Diva's. Diva's friend is adopted, having been removed from her original home because she was being abused. We need a name for her adoptive mom, because she will be the subject of some discussion. Let's name her Ma. Yep, I like that. OK, so Ma and Pa have adopted Girlie. Girlie was 7 years old when she was removed from the abusive home, and is 10 now. For reference, Diva is 11. Girlie is not an easy child. She has many emotional/psychological problems stemming from her early abusive childhood, among which is compulsive lying. Diva is a veteran liar, too. Ma and Pa have two (or maybe three) other biological children, a boy, 13, and a girl __ (older. Old enough to drive.) There may be an older sister, too, who's out of the home now, but I'm not sure. It doesn't matter here. It's time for a new paragraph. This one is tangled up.

Ma has been a very successful mother, raising her other children to be generally acceptable young citizens so far. Nothing out of the ordinary. Girlie comes along, and POW! Out of the ordinary ball park. Sound familiar? Ma and I talked for the first time yesterday. Superman met Ma and Pa when he took Diva to Girlie's birthday party recently. He said I'd like them, but yesterday was the first time I'd talked to either of them. Ma and I had a very good conversation! It was productive and encouraging. We have a lot in common. The poor dear has no one else she can really talk to about her struggles with Girlie. Girlie is a relative, daughter of a cousin or something, so Ma can't really talk to her family in any detail about Girlie because of the emotional/social family connections. Badmouthing Girlie's birthmom gets Ma in dutch with birthmom's mother, sisters, etc. Difficult. Ma doesn't really have anyone else she can be brutally honest with about how she feels, about how hard it is to parent Girlie, about her feelings of inadequacy as a parent. Sound familiar? Yeah, I just blurt it all over the blog.

So Ma and I commiserated. It was great. I told her that I, too, sometimes feel like a failure as a parent, that I don't know what the hell to do with these kids. I teach them right from wrong and they ignore me like I was a fence post. Some days I have some pretty negative feelings about my kids. Ma was so relieved to hear someone else voicing these feelings she has had! And I told her that whatever Girlie chooses to do, it isn't Ma's fault. Ma does the best she can, and she does good stuff, but Girlie does what Girlie wants. It's not Ma's fault. I could hear, over the phone, the weight of thousand guilt trips falling from Ma's shoulders. Yep, we're BFFs now.

Ma came by a little while later to drop of Diva. Oh, I forgot to tell you the rest of Diva's transgressions. The reason Ma called me yesterday was that Diva showed up at their house. I thought maybe Light had taken her over there, but no. Diva had walked two miles along a busy road without my knowledge or permission to show up at Girlie's house unannounced and uninvited, the day after stealing Ma's debit card. How many levels of wrong can you see in this picture? Anyway, Ma called to check if I knew that Diva was there. They were going out anyway, so she brought Diva home. After talking on the phone for nearly an hour, she wanted to actually see me. So we met. It's all good.

Ma seems to have been significantly touched by my ability to listen and relate to her. It's another of those things that reinforces for me my decision to pursue a degree in counseling. Of course she is potentially a great friend and confidant for me, as well.

And let me tell you more. Ma told me that she has lost 200 lbs! She showed me a picture of herself before she lost the weight. She now works at the YMCA (leading exercise groups maybe? I am not sure.) She got control of her unhealthy food choices and portions, and began exer*koff-koff*cising. Now at a healthy weight, she looks great. She still has lots of extra skin on her upper arms, but that looks good to me. It makes her look like a real person, not some skinny Minny who hasn't had to work to overcome problems. She told me that she loves the work she does, helping others become healthier through exercise and whatever. And honey, I need that. I'm afraid of it, I don't want to work that hard, and I certainly don't want to sweat, but if I don't change something, nothing will change. You know what I mean.

I saw my therapist today. We had a good visit. I told her about Ma, and she was encouraged about a lot of things pertaining to what Ma and I talked about yesterday.

Superman and I have an appointment Monday to see the psychologist who did Diva's testing. We will discuss the results. I am waiting with nervous anticipation.

There are boo-skoodles of pictures on the memory card in my camera, lots of stuff I want to share with you. Perhaps I'll get to that soon.

TTFN

Um, where was I?

More snippets. It's all I know anymore

• I deleted my MySpace page this evening. I feel so free!! I never have liked my page or profile on that site. It just didn't fit who I really am now. I set up the account right after I met C, I think. It might have been before he moved in here, even. It was set up as more of a Mommy site, but that's not primarily how I identify myself now. And I never checked the site anyway. I get mail every so often referring to MySpace, which is how I remembered it tonight. And I figured out how to cancel the account all by myself. I feel so smart and shit. 
• Diva is going to join a bowling league. Y'all, no offence or anything, but I have a prejudice against bowlers. Not so much those who go occasionally just for a night out or something. I don't know why they bother me. Perhaps I was bitten by a bowling ball as a young child. I don't like bowling alleys (the noise drives me insane) and there's just something about the kind of people who typically hang around bowling alleys that sticks in my craw. Anyway, one of Diva's friends is in this kid league that plays on Saturdays and she's begging Diva to join the league. Seems one of the other girls on the team doesn't show up regularly and they have to forfeit the games. I'm can see where this will be good for Diva. You know, being part of a team, doing positive things with friends, yada yada. I just can't stay with her at the lanes. I'll flip out and start shooting people. Naw, I wouldn't do that. I'd start correcting their grammar over the PA system. Then they'd shoot me. 
• I have tests next Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. I'm not ready for them. I'm supposed to be studying tonight, but damn. The blogs trapped me. 
• I got really tired yesterday afternoon when I was trying to write notes on index cards for my counseling class. I couldn't keep my eyes open, so I decided to take a little nap. I lay down at 5:30. I woke up with my alarm clock at 5:25 this morning. I felt really good when I woke up. However, I went to school early this morning to do some more studying for this counseling class. I kept falling asleep while writing up the note cards! What's up with that? I'd just had 12 hours of sleep!! I stayed awake just fine in the class, which started at 9:45. But the hour and a half before that I kept drifting off. Weird. Anyway, I have my first test in that class on Tuesday. I haven't even read one of the chapters we're being tested on. 
• I talked to Light this afternoon. She just finished up her January mini-term class today. She'll be coming home sometime soon, perhaps this weekend, then returns for the regular Spring semester early next week. It will be good to see her again. However, I have my study area set up in her bedroom. There's no room for a bed in here now. Oops. We'll have to work on that this weekend. 
• So on Tuesdays and Thursdays I have this counseling class. It's called Interviewing and Counseling, and is something of an introduction to clinical psychological counseling. Did I mention this class already? The first chapter of the book, which I have read, talks about the typical stages that new students go through as they begin to learn how to counsel. For instance, according to the book I'm supposed to be looking for one right answer to a client's problems. But there isn't only one right answer. See, I know that already. I'm then supposed to be all confused because I can't tell which of the many possible solution paths to take. Well, frankly I'm pretty much past that one, too. I usually have a sense about what kind of response is appropriate to give to someone in this or that dilemma. It's a sense, not something one can easily learn from a book. The fact that I'm 25-30 years older than most of the students in the class probably makes a huge difference. I have invaluable life experience. I do, however, have to know what the book says, know how to answer the questions on the test, and pass the damned class. The later chapters in the book are a bit more informative, thankfully.
• And I saw my therapist this afternoon. A lovely lady. I adore spending time chatting with her. I had all sorts of questions for her about the crap I'm learning in that counseling class. She blew it off, said to learn what I need to know to pass the test and not to worry too much about the stuff that doesn't make practical sense. This gal knows me pretty well. She is familiar with my abilities to talk to and listen to people. I need to be careful not to let the book learning hamper my natural abilities. Funny, too, that point is mentioned in the book! Eh. Whatever. 
• Someone snuck into my study earlier this week and got into my box of candy. I got a super good deal on my favorite boxed chocolates. Russel Stover Dark Assortment. Great stuff! One of the local drug stores had a special on Sunday and Monday only, a 12 oz. box for only $3.99. That's more than half off the MSRP. I got it Monday evening. I'm not sure who knew it was in here. I hid it at the bottom of one of the desk drawers, under a bunch of paper. I haven't touched it since I put it in there Monday, not until this evening when I went to get the box out of my drawer. It was opened. The box was covered in the cellophane wrap when I stuck it in the drawer. It wasn't covered this evening, and somebody had eaten about a third of the candies. Pisses me off! They do this to me all the time. Boundaries, people. What's mine is mine! If you want some, ask me. I might say no, I might say yes. But I won't be mad at you if you ask. Now I'm pisssed off. And guess what? There isn't a lock on the door to this room. Hell, there isn't a door to this room! This is the room C and S used to be in, and they tore the door to pieces. It has holes and dings and smudges all over it.(More boundary issues, really) Superman took the door off, intending to replace it, but we haven't gotten a new door yet. So there isn't a door here to lock. But dammit, I shouldn't have to lock the door! These monsters I live with should respect my stuff. They don't, obviously. Did I mention I'm pissed off? 
  
• I have some homework due tomorrow, so I'm gonna do that now. I'll be back as soon as I can. Maybe this weekend for a little while. I miss you all!