From a hijacked computer

because my computer won't turn on. I think it's just the power cord thing, but I'm not going to replace it right now because I need a whole new computer. But replacing the computer isn't happening this payday, you know? So I'm not really online right now. Just wanted you to know, in case you were wondering. I miss you all, though I'm keeping busy reading and sewing, mostly.

Spring Break!

See that exclamation mark in the title? I don't really mean it.

I have the depression monster sitting on my head today. Eh, whatever. I'm used to it. I don't even want to be not depressed, necessarily. I know how to do this depression thing. It's comfortable. Sort of. And everything around me (except Superman) triggers my depression. So I might as well embrace it.

So, Spring Break. Easter, as you probably know, was this past Sunday. We didn't do a thing toward celebrating it. Why bother? I don't believe in so much of what the Christian churches teach, so whatever. I did, however, buy myself a small chocolate bunny on clearance at the grocery store on Monday. So yay, happy Easter.

Being Easter and all, the schools are out. No school last Friday, and no school all this week. You know what that means. Kids here all day. Or in and out all day, with me concerned about what kind of trouble they're getting into if they aren't here. Sort of. Mostly, I'm trying not to care what they do. The depression is helping with the Not Caring thing. Spring Break also signals the impending school summer break, which lasts a painfully long time. Only about five weeks now until school's out for almost three months. Plus, it's hot here. Or it will be then. Actually right now the temps are not too bad. Warm, but not terrible.

The pollen is pretty bad, but if I stay inside I'm OK. I don't want to get out of the house anyway. Unfortunately there are things I must do. My allergies are better than they were a couple of weeks ago, so that's good. And we've had a fair amount of rain which helps wash the pollen out of the air.

A couple of things about Diva:
First the good news. Yes! There is good news! Last week was the 31st anniversary of our wedding. Superman and I eloped in March of '83 a month before the planned wedding. Then we did the public wedding thing to make our parents happy in April. We usually celebrate the March date, but Diva got wind of the April anniversary and made dinner for us. It was really sweet. She made a small cake with fruit compote topping, broiled some whitefish and dished up some carrots and applesauce for us. It was quite nice of her and I thanked her and hugged her and everything. Also, she makes really good cakes. I suspect her daddy helped with the fish. It was cooked just right. All in all a good evening. So score 1 for Diva.

Yesterday she had her intake interview with Department of Juvenile Justice (DJJ). That fight she had at school in January resulted in a criminal charge of public disturbance or something. I can't remember exactly what the charge is. So DJJ needs demographic information and assorted other crap for their files. So we did that. She was surly. I survived.

In the process of the interview she mentioned that she was still upset about an incident of molestation she experienced last year. I may have mentioned it then. It happened March a year ago. Superman and I were of course concerned about the molestation and have done what we can to help her. She's been to the local sexual abuse counseling place for some services (forensic interview, physical exam, STD testing) but refused any counseling at the time and when offered since then. Until yesterday. She told the DJJ agent when he asked that yes, she does need to talk to someone about the trauma. OK, backing up a week or two, she came to me all in a dither one Saturday recently. She'd been in serious trouble for some now-forgotten offense and was undoubtedly grounded. She started out crying about some other wrong that had been done unto her, then segued into this lament about how traumatized she is by the molestation incident.

I do not mean to minimize the impact of her being molested. It was an invasion of her very being. She was spending the night with a friend, and the ex-boyfriend of the girl's mother came into the room where they were sleeping and fondled her. She told the friend's mother the next morning, mother called the police, Diva was taken to the hospital for whatever it is they do in those cases. We followed up with the police detective who was on the case, with the sexual trauma center, and everything else we were supposed to do. We were sympathetic and concerned about her, as much as I can be sympathetic to her in light of all the abuse she has heaped on me. I really do care.

Anyway, that recent Saturday she complained bitterly that I hadn't done anything, or didn't care, or something about how upset she still is because of the sexual abuse. Just a few days prior to this someone from the sexual trauma center called to check up on Diva, see how she was doing. I was sitting with Diva at the time, and asked her, told her who was on the phone, etc. She said she was fine. So here it is Saturday and she tells me she has flashbacks, can't sleep at night, is afraid this guy is peeking in her window every night. This is all news to me. She hasn't said one word about it for months and months. I asked if she'd like to talk to someone to help her deal with her feelings and she said yes. So the following Monday I called the sexual trauma center to set up an appointment for her. The woman I needed to talk to was at lunch, I left a message, she never got back to me. I didn't follow through. Then this week Diva tells the DJJ agent that she needs to talk to someone about the abuse. I told him what I'd done and that I hadn't followed up, he told me to follow up. Yes sir, I certainly will.

I think it's impossible for me to be brief in telling a story. Sorry about that, y'all.

After we left the DJJ office in the courthouse downtown I drove directly (through the pollen) to the sexual trauma center, a mile or so south of downtown. I figured that showing up at this place, since I was already out anyway, was easier than me remembering to call back. Well, now Diva refuses to get out of the truck to come in and talk to someone. I went in, explained the situation, and after a few minutes a very nice young woman came out, willing to talk to Diva. Also, see, Diva is in regular counseling with a therapist at the local Dept. of Mental Health office. Has been for years. I mentioned this to the nice young woman who said it would be best for Diva to discuss these things with the therapist with whom she already has a good working relationship. I said "Makes sense to me. Don't know why she hasn't." But Nice Young Woman was willing to talk to Diva if she'd come in. So I went back out to the truck and Diva still refused to budge. So I went back in, thanked the Nice Young Woman, and took Diva home. Because shit. You know?

And I strongly suspect Diva is just jerking my chain. She's being manipulative. Perhaps she is traumatized by the molestation, I don't know, but I really think she throws it in my face to distract me from her other misdeeds. I have done what I can for her. I'm willing to get her the help she needs to the best of  my knowledge and ability. She, in typical Diva style, refuses to cooperate with me.

When I got home I called her therapist at the dept. of mental health, told her about the events of the day. I asked if she and Diva had worked through any of this sexual abuse trauma Diva claims to suffer. Therapist didn't remember Diva having been abused. I thought we'd told her, was sure we had, and she said, "Yes, I vaguely remember now." Therapist said she worked for four years at the sexual trauma center before taking the position she has now with Mental Health. I laughed. Because, of course. Nice Young Woman told me that Therapist was trained in exactly the same kind of therapy they use at the trauma center, and would do exactly the same thing they'd do there.

Diva has an appointment to see her Mental Health therapist next Tuesday. We shall see what we shall see.

Oh, back to the whole Spring Break and everyone's home thing. Diva Darling posted a threatening video on Facebork attacking the same girl she fought with last January. (This is related, trust me.) The police are involved with that, too. I got a call, again, from the assistant principal. We've come to know each other well this year. Gosh, that happened over a week ago I think. It took a while for consequences to hit because the Individual Education Plan (IEP) team had to meet to determine if Diva's behavior in this case is due to her clinical diagnoses before the assistant principal could hand down the punishment. We, the IEP team, decided that, no, Diva's threatening video was not related to her clinical diagnoses. Therefore Diva gets suspended for four days. Remember I said the kids were out on Friday? We had this IEP meeting last Wednesday, so Thursday was Diva's first day of suspension. The following three days of suspension occur Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday of next week when school in once again in session. Fuck My Life. She gets an extra long Spring Break. She did the same thing before Christmas, got I can't remember how many days suspension just before the Christmas break to make it an extra long vacation for her. I feel so fucked over. To add insult to injury (if that's what this is) Sproing got suspended for three days the week before last, and he was at home last Monday and Tuesday, back in school Wednesday and Thursday, then off again now. At least he goes back to school next Monday.

And this is a preview of our summer break. Kids home and arguing with me and each other 'round the clock. I feel stressed.

In other news, Sproing took an all-day driving class two weekends ago, and has the practical driving part of the class this week, this afternoon and tomorrow afternoon. He has already scheduled a time with the DMV to take his driving test for his license. The boy wants to DRIVE! Sounds like more opportunity to get in trouble to me, but whatever. He is a good driver. He's young and stupid, though (age 16) and I fear he will wreck the car. Superman needs to up the insurance coverage before the kid does any driving. I need to ask him about that.

All of the kids (Twitch included) need to find jobs. The kidlets for the summer and Twitch for permanent. Mostly he mopes around the house. He'll go out looking for work a couple of days a week maybe, but he spends a lot of time at home moping. Talk about depressing. He says he wants to get a job so he can move out of this house, away from his siblings. Well, then, Twitch, get off your lazy ass, get out there and WORK, dammit!!

I have no energy to confront any of them about any of this. I hide in my room reading (mostly) gay romances all day. It's light reading, doesn't require much brain work. No, this isn't healthy. Right now I don't much care. In related news, I see my therapist on Thursday. We will discuss my coping strategies and probably come to no conclusion.

Superman got himself a new computer and a new tablet recently. They're cool. I've used the tablet a few times. It's good for cruising the 'net, I suppose, but I much prefer a keyboard to write anything. His computer works so well! Turn it on and -ta da!- it's on. Mine takes about half an hour to boot up completely so I can surf the web without it freezing up on me. Most of the time. My computer is six, maybe seven years old now. Vista was the great new thing when I got it. I upgraded to Windows 7 and got myself a few more Gigs of RAM (or something) when Windows 7 came out. Now that Superman has a new computer, though, mine looks less and less appealing.

That's all I have today. Sorry most of it is so morose. And long-winded.

Thank Therapy

My dear friend Tobey over at Bald Emotions has posted a "thank therapy" list. This is a great idea for this season, but it's probably useful many other times of the year. Remind me of this next time I get into a blue funk.

Here's my list of 25 things for which I am thankful:

1. Indoor plumbing, a perennial favorite

2. Sex

3. Validation that Sproing really is psychologically disturbed

4. Sproing being in a residential treatment facility where he is getting help

5. ...and by extension, Sproing not being here to wreck daily havoc on my life

6. My precious kitty cats, who bring so much comfort and fun to my days

7. Central air conditioning

8. Autumn

9. Twitch doing so well in college

10. Light, ditto

11. The interwebs, specifically blogs and those who write them

12. My computer, through which I access this interwebby thing

13. The dear friends I have made through blogging

14. My wonderful husband Superman, our marriage, and the joy we share with each other

15. Being in college again -- it makes me feel alive!

16. Psychotropic medication, which makes this list possible

17. Cool weather

18. Diva, and being able to spend time with her alone, getting to know her outside of the Sproing dynamic

19. Indigo, my beloved friend who has changed my life is so many good ways

20. Therapy, and specifically my therapist

21. My health, such as it is, and would that I take better care of it

22. Music that soothes the savage beast (that would be me)

23. Having my own room, my office, which is mine, dammit

24. My intellect and insight, when it works

25. Modern kitchen appliances: beware the trap of taking them for granted

It' a hardware problem

My keyboard needs to change its diet. The current diet of cat hair and cookie crumbs is causing some of the keys to act wonky.

Quickly now

Off all the things I've lost, I miss blogging the most. 

Well, perhaps not. And I've not really lost it. I'm just so damned busy now! There is so much to read and remember. I'm having a blast, really. I enjoy the challenge of new ideas. We're two weeks into the semester and I don't think I have the time management figured out. Time management has been a weakness of mine forever. I always got poor marks in grade school on the category "Uses Time Wisely." Oy. 

But I miss spewing my guts here on this bloggie thing. And I'm visiting the odd blog here and there, now and again when I can sneak one in, but it isn't the same. Perhaps I can get my life organized a bit better and have more time to read the blogs. I miss each one of you, even the ones who won't see this post because they don't read my blog. 

So let me tell you what I did today. Well, there was that nap. It was lovely. I had to nap in order to have the energy to shop. There is lots of homework to do, some of which I have finished. But I have lots of reading yet to do. But I'm not telling you about that now. I'm telling you about what all I got today.

My student loan money came through and I finally got my share. The lender sends the money to the school. The school takes what it needs for tuition and fees and such then cuts a check to the student (me, in this case) for the remaining balance. I picked up my check late last week, and deposited it in the bank Friday. I've been waiting for it 'cause I need some stuff. 

This afternoon I went out to get some stuff. I got a new printer, an HP Photosmart printer-scanner-copier. I paid less than the price posted in that link there, too. We've had an HP printer for a while. It's at least 11 years old. It was a gift from my step-mother when Sproing joined our family. He had his 11th birthday yesterday. Happy Birthday Sproing! The old printer we have is slow and sometimes doesn't like to talk to the computer, but it still works. This new one is superfancy. Of course I'm comparing it to an 11 year old model, so it looks great by comparison. It's a wireless printer. Superman got it all set up for me, and now I can click the print icon on my documents and ta-da! The printer spits our my page. This is gonna make my life so much easier. I can't connect to the old printer from my laptop. My laptop has MS Word 2007, while our old desktop has Word '03. In order to print anything I had to convert my documents into the '03 compatibility mode, copy them to my flash drive, upload them onto the old desktop, then print from there. This is SO much easier. 

I got a new portable hard drive to use for backing up my laptop. I haven't been able to back up my laptop since we got it. I tried using the CDs but I couldn't get that to work any time I tried. Now I've got a 250 GB portable hard drive. It wasn't nearly as simple to install as the printer. But whatever. I hope I did it right. I'm gonna start a back up here in a few minutes. 

Speaking of gigabytes, I finally bought myself one of those micro mini chip card thingies that go in phones. There's a port for that micro card in my little MP3 player. The store had those things on sale. I got 4 Gigs of storage on this teenie tinie little card no bigger than my thumbnail, and I paid $13 for it. I tell ya', they're giving away gigs these days. It boggles this old lady's mind. It's more samer than magic, y'all. 

I got myself a nice desk chair, too. I've been sitting in a hard wooden straight chair, the kind you find with dining tables. It's a nice chair as far as that goes, but it isn't good to sit in for long periods of time. It's also too high for my desk, and I've been very uncomfortable sitting at my desk to do my homework. Today I got a comfy chair with a mesh back so my back can breathe and won't overheat in the summer. It has adjustable height arm rests, swivels all the way around, and the seat height is adjustable too. You know, like a real office chair. That hopefully will make it a bit more comfortable to sit and do my homework. 

I bought 4 pairs of scissors. Scissors disappear from this house almost as fast as pens and pencils do. It's very frustrating. I got a cheap 3 pack of red handled all purpose scissors. I got these out of the package and walked around the house showing them to everyone. "See these scissors? They have a red handle. Watch as I put them in this drawer. These are scissors you may use, and please put them back when you are finished with them." (they won't put the scissors back, I promise you) 

The other scissors I got are much nicer. They're titanium coated and have the comfort grip plastic handles. The handles are gray. I paraded those scissors around the house, showing them to all and sundry. "See these scissors? Notice that the handle is NOT red. That means you may NOT use these scissors. Does anyone have any questions about this? These are MOMMY'S scissors. Very bad things will happen to you if you use Mommy's scissors." It may or may not help, but it certainly can't hurt. 

Ok, I've got a short story to read, and at least one chapter in my developmental psych book that I should skim if not read, and it's getting late. So cheers to one and all; I'm going to study.