Home again

And back in the fray. And back to insanity. Seriously. I am not doing well at all.

I was away for a couple of days. 2.5, I think. Is today Wednesday? I came home last night, arriving at 11:30. It was a lovely couple of days. I felt all relaxed and better.

Today it's back. Backporch Priestess probably knew this would happen. She wanted me to stay longer. But I want to be at home. I want to be at home without them. They are little lampreys.

It is remotely possible that I might be a bad mother to compare my children to this creature, but today I'm too fucked up to care.

I can't remember what I was going to say. I have nervous twitches. Doing that shaky thing. And I can't talk clearly. I I I I am am repeating words words words as I try try to to to say what I want to to to say. For example. Thankfully I can write better than that.

I just called Cameron. Now she's all worried about me. She'll call Lady Grace and Backporch Priestess and they'll ... I don't know what they'll do. I appreciate their concern, really I do. It's comforting at a time when there isn't much comfort.

I also took my chill pill. I might feel the beginnings of a tiny bit of chill, but there's a hell of a lot of anxiety to overcome right now.

Anything else I can think to write sounds lame and whiny.

Thursday

Today is my Friday. Today marks the end of one set of stress; it is the final day of the summer semester. In a few minutes I will go take my statistics final exam. I've studied, and I am about as ready as I'm going to be.

I studied for the stats test yesterday afternoon. I was tired, so sometime around 6:00 p.m. I lay down for a nap. I slept until after 11:00. I got up and studied for my economics final. I really wanted to have that test out of the way by now, so I spent about an hour studying for that, then took the test. It's an online class, so I take the tests online, too. I didn't put a terrific amount of effort into preparing for that test, because my grades going into it are pretty solid. In order to make an A in the class I only need to score somewhere around 75% on this test. I probably did better than that, but I won't know until tomorrow.

It's a similar situation in statistics. My grade going into the class is relatively high, so I can score in the high 70s on this exam and still squeeze by with a low A. Once it's on the transcript, an A is an A, no matter if it's 100% or 90%. I like A's. I may have mentioned that.

In other news, I see my therapist this afternoon. I need that! Diva sees her new therapist at the same time. Her new therapist works in the same office as my therapist. This should work out well. I made a couple of copies of Diva's psych evaluation results/summary, one for each therapist. My gal is very curious about Diva's evaluation.

I'm extremely tired. I got 5 hours of sleep early last night, was up for about 3 hours, then got another 3-4 hours of sleep. I'm having a difficult time keeping my eyes open this morning. I hope I have enough brain power to run my system while taking the statistics exam.

When Diva and I get home from our therapy sessions this afternoon, I'm finally going to take that chill-pill my shrink prescribed. He wanted me to take it Tuesday, but I just couldn't do it before exams. I'm afraid if I take it, I'll chill so much that I won't be able to study. I'll tell ya', though, I am very much looking forward to experiencing the chill this evening!

OK, time to attack the final stats exam. I'll try to post later if I'm not too loopy.