The summer school program Sproing was in ended on Friday. The grand finale was a field trip to the big amusement park along the South/North Carolina border. The little snot behaved so poorly that he wasn't able to go. After nearly losing his chance to go earlier in the week, by Friday morning the show was go. However, while waiting to board the buses, he kept getting out of hand and wasn't able to keep it together, so the director had to call Superman to come get him. Of course it broke the little guy's heart, but he did it to himself. My heart was broken, too, both for him and because of him. I don't know what else I can do.
Oh, I'm sure there are some "do" things we could try. That's not the point. I don't know if I have anything left to give. I'm broken.
I want to run away. I know that one can't run away from problems, because the problems are integral to the person. The most damnable thing about being by myself is that I have to have me for company.
I shooed Superman out of the room an hour ago. I am not fit company. I was about to scratch his eyeballs out, and he didn't even do anything. His presence irritates me. I gave Sproing the evil eye earlier for simply entering the room.
I hate this room. I hate this house. I hate this town, this state. Although I like being back in college, this particular college grates on my nerves.
I am dying inside.
15 comments:
What you say rings true for me as well lately. I've been flying off the handle quickly at work, showing my distaste for those I distaste, but am usually able to hold that back. I don't want to be around the other half longer than to assure him that it's not him.
My mom's birthday was this week, and I didn't even correlate the two together until the other day--five days after this had been going on. I recently quit smoking as well, so that doesn't make me much better to be around.
Once I realized I was able to deal with it a bit better and I feel closer to being out of this funk. Why do you think you're feeling this way? Your house seems to be a focal point of chaos, but such is the modern family home these days. Get away from it for a bit. Head to the park with your laptop and work on homework. Take time for you and things may become clearer.
*End fortune cookie*
For wildly different reasons, I hear you and am right there along with you feeling the same.
So you don't want to be there, I don't want to be here, what do you say Cape Cod, you and me for a weekend; no on else allowed. Leave us to piss, gripe, then bitch some more? And enjoy the best seafood around.
Seriously, I know the vibe. I hear we are supposed to get through it. Whatever. :)
I understand that. Some days I can't stand to be myself. Others can't imagine it any other way. I suck it up, stick it out. Realizing that it is as much me as them sometimes and I just need to respond better to the stimulus. That I can control, I do. Everything I will deal with in due time, when I feel like it. So far the world hasn't stopped spinning while I've procrastanated. Though I wish it would while I catch up. Sounds like you need some "you" time away somewhere else, alone. Come up this way for coffee. An afternoon may do you good!
hang in there
it will all sort out
Ok, I know it's not Cape Cod, but it's affordable and a lot closer - I have a guest bedroom with your name on it, when Light and Dreamweaver and I get finished with it next weekend it will even be a guest bedroom you can move around in, and you need to haul ass over here and take a break! We will entertain you as much or as little as you want - if all you want is food shoved in to the guest bedroom on a stick, will do!
The offer stands, woman!!
Well, who wouldn't be frustrated & morose? You have kids who are pushing all your buttons.
I'm sure that Sproing learned a lot during the summer program. He probably lasted in it longer than you thought he would. He missed out on a fun outing because of his behavior. He's learning that anti-social behavior carries consequences. It can be a good lesson for him if it's discussed calmly.
You can provide direction, but you can't control other people. The only behavior you're responsible is your own. Take the time that you need for yourself. Just keep doing the next right thing, and avoid the 'what ifs.' Take it in small bites; that's how you eat the elephant.
I'll be mindful of your household in my prayers to The Universe.
I wish I could make things better for you.
I say you need to pull yourself out of this funk you're in, because you'll be no good to no one if you're in the dumps. Get yourself out of your room, out of your house, out into the world. Go spend time with someone who has a shittier life than you could ever dream of, it might be just the ticket. Face your troubles head on. Only you can make the changes.
Big hugs to you!
One bug giant hug for you. I hope you feel better soon.
I meant to say big not bug. Bugs dont hug well.
Indigo Incarnates
I know you're sad and frustrated. But I've seen you in action firsthand. You're a really good mom and you try really hard. Your kids are really blessed to have you as a mom. And you are a blessing -- not only to them but to so many others.
Don't make me turn this car around! I mean it!
You're a good mom - you have more patience than Job. I would have been in jail a long time ago for infanticide. Seriously - jail. :)
Hang in there, babe.
You're an exceptional person dealing with some rough life stuff.
I'm glad you have a way to vent all those feelings that, in a way, we all share more often that most of us are honest enough to admit.
...sometimes, I have to go out and find a really noisy place to just lose it. Scream, curse, cry and yell my heart out. Afterward, I feel exhausted and spent. ...but, oddly relieved.
Sending you a warm hug from GayTown.
Things always get better. The sun always returns. Sometimes all we have is to trust in that and hang on to get thru the darker moments.
matty
So sorry I missed this when it went up.
Honey, when you feel this way, you just gotta stop what you're doing and try something new. I don't have any advice on what that should be - if it's right for you, you'll know.
Until then, all of my best to you & Superman.
I'd just like to say that: i stumbled across your blog by accident. I'd had a shit day at work and money problems were spiraling out of control and i just googled "i'm sooo sick of Modern life!!" and i found your blog.. I know your post was meant to be far from funny and i feel for you.. but on the bright side your writing and your wit really made me smile!!! Actually the way you write is very endearing, it has a slight comic element that i think everyone can relate too, because there is always humor in tragedy !! - i just wanted to say thank you for making my day a bit better just by being you!!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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