I am terminally tired tonight. It's only 7:30, but I'm going to bed when I finish this post. My lungs aren't doing well. I am resting and taking my meds, but it isn't quite the right combination of treatment. I probably need to drink more juice and Gatorade, drink less champagne (it was just the one night, New Years Eve! I've had no booze today at all). I also need to get a little bit of exercise just to loosen up the gunk in my lungs.
Superman goes back to work tomorrow, but the rest of us have one more day. Except Light. She's going back to school tomorrow. Her classes don't start until Thursday, but the dorms open tomorrow. The young kids' day care will be open tomorrow, and I think I'll take them over there to spend the day. They need to get out of the house and I need a break from them.
I've been thinking. Or rather, I've been trying to think. There are many things swimming around in my head that need attention. One of the things I hate about the whole New Year season is the expectation of introspection. I'm "supposed to" review my life, make some goals or resolutions to get on track for where or what I want my life to be. I don't wanna. I don't like looking too closely at my life because I don't like what I see. I'm a mess. Undisciplined, lazy, slovenly. And scared. I'm afraid I'll fail if I try to fix all this crap. I've already failed at a bunch of stuff. I've failed my family and I've failed myself. It isn't irreparable failure. I could fix it all up and make it look pretty. But if I just do the busy work, it won't deal with the underlying issues. I'm not too sure I could perform the duties without fixing the underlying issues. It's those pesky underlying issues that have me scared. I'm afraid of what I will see if I look to closely. I know this isn't healthy, but tonight I just don't care. I'm comfortable in my state of denial. I'm lying.
Moving Along, but Adrift
11 years ago
9 comments:
You know, I think your approach here is healthy. I think we all suffer with this every new year and ever single birthday.
And, we end up being far too hard on ourselves.
There is no reason.
I hope you get some rest and enjoy tomorrow -- and realize that you rock.
Happy New Year!
Honey baby sista child,
The one thing to hold tight to and ponder on is your children's smiles - Superman's girth and C&S becoming a couple and wanting Light to have their child!
Take a break! Greenwood would put weight on anyone!
love,
Uncle Z
Java that was deep. I have no idea how to respond to you thinking you are going to fail. You seem to have a loving family, a bunch of cyber-friends, You havent failed at that.
You are failing to get healthy though. Rest...take the drugs...cough that shit up and out. seriously get better already.
I'm with Sageweb! Hot baths, red wine, chicken soup and relaxation!
I feel your pain. My house is sick as well, and we are putting of resolutions until we can think with clear heads. My theme this year is "simplify". I am tired over overextending myself in too many areas, and not enough in the areas that truly matter (family, self, career). We will see how it all shakes out...
Everyone's sick right now. AC has been hacking for a week. Let there be health in 2008!
When in doubt: ya do what ya can.
Make a list of crap you want to work on. But not too big a list. Keep it focused and realistic. Then print it and post it on the fridge (or your dresser).
It works...
And I have the new year's blah's too. Just FYI
I love what Matty said so much I think I'm gonna work it up in needlepoint: There is no reason. Yeah.
Well, I can't speak for anyone else, but I know where you are coming from and I bet that you are being too hard on yourself. (You know, speaking from experience.)
Thanks for stopping by my blog. I have been lurking on yours once in awhile because I like the comments that you leave.
Like Da says, "The water's fine." I had forgotten about the entire concept of new Year's resolutions until Twitch said something to Superman. My belief on the whole idea is just not to make 'em. they make more easily if you give them a solid form. Try for a more subconscious or hazy generalization; mine came about accidentally and is not really a 'New Year's Resolution': simplify a bit, maybe clean up some too.
See? Much easier to apply or ignore at will (and it works on sweets containers on a bad day, too!)
Love ya!
~L
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