Just when I thought it was safe to breathe a sigh of relief...

All is not well. All is not well with the boy. Not at all.

In our last episode of Fun With Java's Psychotic Family, we saw Java take her 11.5 year old son Sproing to a residential boys' home.

So last Friday, September 25th, I drove 200 miles to the SC low country to take the boy to this lovely rural boys' home with a great reputation for taking care of troubled young'uns. As I alluded to in my last post, the weekend was strangely quiet with him gone. I wondered all weekend how he was holding up. Today after lunch I called the director's office to inquire about his weekend.

The director told me that Sproing had a good weekend. But, he was just about to call Sproing's Daddy because today (technically yesterday. Let's just call it Monday, shall we?) when the boys went into their classroom to do schoolwork, Sproing refused to cooperate. Strongly refused to cooperate. Adamantly refused to cooperate. OK, he threw a major conniption fit. The director and the psychiatrist observed him, tried to work with him, all to no avail. So Mr. Director was about to call Sproing's Daddy to tell him to come pick up the boy.

What??

"Come get him."

Can you feel all the hope, happiness, and relief rush out of my body? Can you see me deflate? Do you feel the tears well up in my eyes? Do you feel my stomach begin to churn, my heart thump a sickly rapid pace?

I couldn't speak. I could barely breath. He continued to rattle on about something, I have no idea what. I finally told him to call Sproing's Daddy. I believe the rest of my statement was unintelligible gibberish. Then I hung up.

So, I have a test in my next class, which begins in an hour. I still have a final bit of reading to do, and I need to look over my note cards. Sure. I went to the library, which was annoyingly crowded. I needed a secluded spot to pretend to study. No such luck. I found an empty study carrel along a long wall of occupied carrels. The few comfy chairs were all taken. I did sit there and read the rest of the chapter, though I can't remember much of what it said.

I got up, headed to class, called Superman. I would have called him earlier, but I just couldn't. I couldn't talk, you know? Not without deep wracking sobs, and I just don't feel comfortable doing that on a crowded college campus in the middle of the plaza. I felt sick. Anyway, I did finally talk to him, got all shaky, teared up but didn't sob (much). Then I walked into the classroom. The prof was already in the room, I walked up to him all jittery and shit with my sunglasses still on to hide my weepy eyes. I briefly told him what had happened. He's a clinical psychologist by training, and I'd already discussed the issues about Sproing with him. Gad, I could barely stand. I was shaking. He said "Listen, forget about the quiz. You need to go take care of this. Go on, it's OK." God love his soul.

Superman and I met at home, and decided to both go to pick up the boy. It was a good decision. It was a hard trip.

And we have been home now for almost an hour, and it's two minutes 'til 1:00 a.m. I have class tomorrow, my dad and step-mom are coming into town to visit us tomorrow, I'm tired, I have cried a lot, sweat a lot, worried a lot, driven a lot. I want to take a shower and go to bed.

There is more. We picked up the boy, but he isn't at home with us now. Stay tuned to read how we managed that. Hopefully I'll get back here to continue the saga before the end of tomorrow. (Technically today. Let's just call it Tuesday, shall we?)

And yet,

On the other hand, it's very peaceful around here today without Sproing's presence. Someone else gets to worry about him. Someone else gets to deal with his persistent vibration and unpredictable sudden rages. No one is tormenting Diva this morning. Although I am concerned about him, care about him and love him very much, I'm kinda glad he's not here now.

Parenting drama update

I did it. I took Sproing away and left him at the home for young ne'er-do-wells. It didn't quite kill me.

I last posted on Tuesday. Tuesday was a really bad day with him, but he pulled it together for Wednesday and Thursday. He spent all day Wednesday at school without the school having to call his parents. That's maybe the third day since school started that we haven't been contacted during the school day. On Wednesday afternoon Superman went to the school and officially withdrew him from the district's school system.

Thursday he spent all day until about 3:00 at the hospital undergoing a battery of psychological tests. Remember when Diva did all that a few months ago? Well, it's his turn now. We'll get the results summary in a couple of weeks. They will also send a copy to Sproing's new school.

I've been anxious and teary all week in anticipation of taking him to the boys' home. I actually began to cry in class yesterday. I pulled it together quickly, and I think no one but the sweet young woman who sits beside me even noticed. Today I was able to do what needed to be done, but I was sublimating my emotions. I'm really good at putting on a "proper" face for the kids (most of the time). My nerves have been on edge all day. I drove 9 or 10 hours today, because that's how long it takes to get out to the boys' home and back here. We spent an hour or so together once we got there. There were some papers I needed to fill out and/or sign. The director took us to Sproing's new "cottage" and we unpacked his stuff. He has some of his Hot- Match- (?) cars and the new pickup truck and camper I bought him yesterday. Don't you think the boy needs a new toy from his mama to take to that far-away boys' home? I do, too.

He will only be able to call home once a week. Tuesday evening is his cottage's call night. The boys are allowed to visit home one weekend a month, usually the first weekend. Since next weekend is the first in October, he won't be able to come home then. However, there's a family day the 4th Saturday of October when they will have some parenting classes and such-like, in addition to some play time for/with the boys. Superman and I are planning to go then, and take Diva to see the set-up (unless she gets placed in a home for wayward girls before then).

So, Java, how do you feel about all this? Weird. I feel not-quite-right. I've been very testy with Superman and Diva this evening. Twitch (home for term break right now) has been smart enough to stay out of my way. I know we are doing the right thing. But emotionally and/or subconsciously it feels wrong. Not the wrong thing to do, but wrong to have to do it.

Being the psychoanalytic sort that I am, I pay attention to my feelings, especially the odd ones that pop up when I am stressed. This evening I recognized that I feel the need to punish myself for sending my boy away. [No, of course it doesn't make sense. These things don't.] Realizing this now, I will be careful with other sorts of impulses that surface. I'll tell you this, though, it will be really hard for me to do anything nice for myself for a while.

Now that Sproing is safely tucked away in a good place where he can get the help he needs*, it's time to find someplace like that for Diva. Who knows what that will do to me? I might continue to freak, I might sing hallelujahs. I may do both. The dynamics of my relationship with her are different from how I feel about him. I love them both, but not the same because they are different from each other. I'm pretty sure there's some Mom-son vs. Mom-daughter dynamic going, too. Anyway, we shall see what we shall see.

Right now I'm going to chill out with my blogs, and/or watch this potentially interesting gay movie that Net Flikz sent me. TTFN

*I say it this way in a desperate attempt to convince my inner mommy.

What it is

I started this last Friday.

I've been sitting here for a couple of hours with this tab opened. I am doing the ADD thing: stare at the blank "new post" box, Google something I think of, look up something I remember, etc. Then I come back to this empty box. Then I play a few hands of solitaire before coming back to this blank box. It's not that I don't have anything to write. There's a hell of a lot going on, some of it of great import, some of it niggling. For instance, I got a shot of cortisone in my left thumb joint (distal) yesterday because it has a bone spur with aggravated arthritis (osteo-). It only hurt when I'd press it or knock it against something. Now it hurts just anyway. I assume the pain will subside in another day or two. It doesn't hurt very much anyway. This is not an item of great significance.

Sproing being placed in a boys home, on the other hand, is pretty major. We submitted an application on Monday (I think it was) heard back from the place via the school social worker on Wednesday. Yesterday Superman talked to someone from the home (might have been the director, I'm not sure) and he and Sproing are going for an interview on Monday. They might admit Sproing as early as next Tuesday.

And I haven't told you about Sproing's string of suspensions from school, either. He was suspended for three days last Wednesday, putting him back in school this past Tuesday. I took him to school and did the required face-to-face with the principal (and I cried like a whipped puppy in his office) only to have the principal call me before noon and tell me to come pick the boy up. He had earned another three days of suspension.

And this is as far as I got. Didn't have the heart to complete it then, so I'll try to finish it now.

This stupid thumb joint still hurts. It feels just like it did before I saw the doctor about it. That's $360 wasted. Well, for me it's 20% of $360, but that's not the point (of this discourse).

Superman and Sproing went to the boys' home yesterday. Sproing is scheduled to move there on Friday. This assumes that he lives that long. This afternoon was very rough. He strapped a belt around his neck and said he was just going to kill himself. This happened after he beat the walls with the belt buckle, placing small holes randomly along the wall. But instead of killing himself, he went with me to the grocery store where we got ingredients for tonight and tomorrow night's dinner, some ice cream for everyone, a few miscellaneous other things, and a little toy monster truck for him. Am I a sucker? Or does he need these little expressions of love from me right now? I don't know. It is what it is. He leaves Friday.

Sproing went back to school today after being suspended for a week and a half. I got a call shortly after 9:00 from the social worker. He was in her office, having been removed from the classroom for disruptive behavior. I basically begged her to keep him. I explained about the plan and told her he only needs to survive two more days at school before he's gone. Well, he did make it to the end of the school day. However, his sister did not.

Diva, the darling, mouthed off big-time to her chorus teacher. I don't know details, but does it really matter? She is suspended tomorrow, but goes back on Thursday. It's time to renew the search for a home for wayward girls. Sproing's drama has forced hers to the back burner.

This is all I have the energy for tonight. Stay tuned for further updates, as always.