Sproing entered the in-patient mental health facility on Monday evening. This place only allows visits on Thursday, Saturday, and Sunday evening from 6:00 until 7:30, and we can call him between 6:30 and 8:00 on the evenings that aren't open for visitation. So Tuesday I called him. He was asleep, having been sedated after losing his metaphorical shit. I called him Wednesday evening. We spoke for a short while until he got mad at me because I wouldn't take his PSP gaming device to him. He hung up on me.
This evening Superman and I drove the 70 miles to visit him. He gave us each a hug, and sat in his Daddy's lap for a while. The conversation proceeded in a downward spiral.
him: I want to go home.
us: We want you to come home, too, but we need you to get well, to be able to get along with others before you can come home.
him: I will be good. I won't get in fights, I won't vandalize property, and I won't steal things anymore.
us: That's what you always say, and we think you believe it, but we know that you need to get more help here before you are able to really do that.
him: I want to go home and play my game and pet Scheherazade.
us: And we will be glad when you are well enough to come home, but you aren't yet.
him: No you don't. You don't care anything about me. You are happy I'm gone.
us: We love you very much, and you are here to get help. This is not about punishment. You are here to get help controlling your emotions.
him: You don't love me. If you loved me you'd take me home. When can I go home?
us: We will talk to the doctor about when you might be able to go home.
him: No you won't. She will just say no, anyway. I don't care. I don't want to live with you anyway. You hate me. You think I'm ugly and stupid. You wasted your time coming here to see me.
us: We are glad we came. We want to see you, and are glad we get to see you.
him: No you're not. If you loved me you'd take me home.
us: We will take you home when you are well enough to go home.
him: I'm ready to go home now.
us: We will talk to the doctor about when you can leave this place.
him: No you won't. You celebrate because I am gone. You hate me. I'm stupid. You wasted your time coming to see me. I wish you would just go away.
et cetera
This is pretty much what I expected. It really was good to see him, though it was hard seeing the tears running down his cheeks. I know that if he came home now, things would not be better, and they could possibly be worse. We really don't know what to say to him.
Tomorrow afternoon we will be back at the hospital for a family meeting. We meet with someone on his treatment team. I'm not quite sure what she does. Is she one of the therapist/counselors? I don't know, but Superman and I will meet with her, and Sproing might be with us, too. I hope we can get some kind of clue about how to communicate with him. Right now we just argue in circles with him.
Y'all, Superman is having a really hard time with this. He is an engineer; very analytical, likes clear answers. He typically has an upbeat attitude. Right now he's depressed and overwhelmed. Of course that's a normal reaction, but these feelings are so foreign to him, and he's frustrated. I, on the other hand, am quite familiar with overwhelming depression. And right now I feel pretty positive. Sproing is finally getting the kind of medical/psychological attention he needs. We are getting help! So this time I'm the strong(er) one, and he's all kinds of vulnerable. Keep him in your thoughts and prayers, please.
The weekend is shaping up to be quite busy. Twitch goes back to school on Saturday. While Superman is at home with Diva, I'm taking Twitch, and we'll be swinging by Light's college to pick her up on the way. We'll drop off Twitch at his place, then head down to Columbia to see the poor little confined one. When he rejects us and sends us away, Light and I will continue back home. I mapped the route: 300 miles round trip. It's a good thing I like to drive.
I may not post for a few days, but I don't forget about you. I shall return.
