My Dreams

(The day dream type, not those weird exercises of my sleeping brain.)

This is the sort of house I'd like to have/build/live in. Particularly the cob construction.


I was fantasizing last week before the megamillion$ lottery drawing about what I'd do with those bazillion dollars. I don't want a big elaborate house. I want something cozy and earthy. The combination of mud and stone delights me. Regarding the megamillions, we did not win the jackpot. Neither did we buy a ticket. Sometimes one just likes to wonder.

An Explanation: The previous post was, as its title suggests, a sample post. I was telling somebody about my blog and she didn't understand exactly what a blog is, so I whipped up that little example and posted it.

I have been reading Butch is a Noun by S. Bear Bergman. It's a collection of essays about hir queer transgender experience. I've had the book for a couple of years but am only now reading it. These readings bring up unsettling questions about my own gender identity. Here's where we are currently, for those keeping score: I am a woman with a few feminine gender expressions and more than typical masculine gender traits. I am emotionally/psychologically uncomfortable with the idea of being feminine, and consequently more comfortable with my personal idea of masculinity. I don't want to be a man, necessarily, but I don't want to be much of a woman, either. My femininity embarrasses me. When I try to discuss this with Superman he becomes very uncomfortable. He is very secure in his masculinity, much more so than I am. He is secure in my femininity, again much more so than I am. It all gets very confusing. Until we're in bed together. Then the masculine/feminine thing expresses itself with body parts and that works very well.*

Speaking of Superman, he poisoned himself Sunday afternoon. Ya' know, for as smart as he is, he does some mighty dumb things sometimes. He has been working on the kitchen (praise be) to good effect, and Sunday was painting polyurethane on a bunch of surfaces. Without opening the kitchen window, or wearing one of those ventilator thingies, or even turning on a fan in the room. When I got home from taking Twitch back to school (Twitch was home last week on spring break), Superman complained of dizziness. When I walked in the house the stench of polyurethane overwhelmed me. I opened the windows and turned on the attic fan to pull the poison out of the house. He sat beside an open window for a couple of hours but was still fuzzy-headed. Then Monday morning he got up and fell down. He came back to bed and slept for a little while longer (he was dizzy and tired) then had me take him to work. The man was at least smart enough to not drive in that condition. At my "suggestion" he went to the nurse's office. After hearing his explanation she gave him "that look" and asked why he was even at work. She then made him call our family physician to make an appointment. He worked for a couple of hours, then called me to pick him up. He was very dizzy, somewhat nauseous, and kept breaking out in a sweat.

I took him to his afternoon doctor's appointment, and the doc confirmed that he'd inhaled too much solvent from the polyurethane. The symptoms are typical. Said he'd probably feel better in a day or two or three. This morning (Tuesday) he was still pretty dizzy, but not so nauseous. He keeps having those sweaty hot flashes, though. That part amuses me, seeing as how in my state of peri-menopause I'm having regular hot flashes myself. I don't usually break into a sweat though. Poor Superman. He's such a silly thing. Anyway, he was home this morning but I took him to work early this afternoon. It's 5:00 now and I haven't heard anything from him, so I assume he's OK.

Wow, time flies when you're living your life. It's now 2:30 a.m. Wednesday. I should be asleep. When I'm supposed to get up in 4.5 hours I will wish I had been asleep now. Oy.

Superman was feeling a lot better this evening, so much so that he went downtown to one of the local bars to play trivia and drink beer with C and the gang of young men and a woman. He had a marvelous time. I stayed home with the children because they can't be left alone after dark. But I went out Monday night and Superman stayed home, so it all evens out. One of these days we'll go together for an evening out.

I'm working on another post that will update you on the local gay drama. Expect that soon. I'm not going to define "soon" though. You know me.

*(she says with a big grin on her face)