The darling Doug of Dewey's Dartboard has tagged me with a meme originally from Mrpeenee by way of Tigeryogiji. This is gonna be a tough one for me. It involves writing a Haiku. No trouble with Haiku per se, but this requires that I describe parts of my life in one line of Haiku. That indicates brevity. If you've been around here for any time at all, you know my trouble with brevity. But here goes:
In five syllables, no more, no less, describe the worst movie you can think of. You can include separately the title and a description, but the line can only be five syllables.In seven syllables, no more, no less, describe your worst date. Certainly, describe in an aside the situation. Bonus points if it was sordid. Subtract points if it sounds too much like an overweight fifteen year old Goth girl.
In five syllables, no more, no less, describe the worst job you ever had. Same as above. Extra bonus points if it consists of Grim, Taxi dancer.
The worst movie I can think of is the one I am watching right now. That would be Dune. Why am I watching Dune right now? I'm looking for humor amid the travesty. Mostly it is confusing. And ridiculous.
Big worms, bad acting
The worst date I can remember was with a guy I met at a wedding. My mother thought he was charming. She has always had poor judgment in men. This guy took me to the shops at Lake Buena Vista Shopping Village, at the time a small shopping center affiliated with Disney World. I think it no longer exists as such. We did a little shopping. He bought his dad a polo shirt for his birthday, or maybe it was Fathers' Day. It doesn't matter.
After shopping we got back in his car. He drove the car to the far, empty end of the parking lot and turned off the motor. That's when I saw his animal nature, that of an octopus. His hands were all over me, especially trying to get up my skirt. He evidently hadn't understood the phrase "No means no." Maybe he was uninitiated. I tried to push his hands away, but he insisted. Then I slapped the back of his wandering hand very hard. That got his attention.
He removed his tentacles from my thigh and started the car. We drove back to my house in silence. Silence is golden. When he dropped me off in my driveway he said (can you guess? What does a selfish slimy straight guy say to a girl who has just slapped his hand red?)
"I'll call you."
Shit, you asshat. Don't do me any favors. He never called. I never expected him to. I wasn't sorry.
Slimy straight guy, octopus
The worst job I ever had helped me realize that I just don't like women very much. Through a mistake in the cosmic order, someone at Macy's hired me to be a sales clerk. I had previous, but limited, sales clerk experience at Belk, where one Christmas holiday season I worked in men's clothing. A year or so later I was looking for a job in Atlanta, GA, where Superman was enrolled at the North Avenue Trade School. My higher education pursuits were on hold until he was graduated. We needed some way to keep a roof over our heads, so I went looking for a job. I wondered into Macy's, they were conducting interviews, and they hired me. They must have been desperate. Further proof that the cosmos was misaligned: they put me in women's wear, in the Lennox Square location. It wasn't meant to be. Women are crazy. I cannot work with snooty rich women who are looking for the latest fashions to take on safari in Africa. Sorry.
Women are crazy
Big worms, bad acting
Slimy straight guy, octopus
Women are crazy
