Warning: moody ruminations ahead. Proceed at your own risk.
I got really sleepy mid-morning, not surprisingly. Not sure what time I went back to sleep, but I slept until 2:00. It was a good sleep, if full of strange dreams. I dreamt, among other things, that I made C's in my classes. I got up and shuffled into the kitchen to do that Christmas Dinner thing. I actually accomplished it, too! Superman helped with a couple of things, but I was the one who mixed up the sweet potato casserole, seasoned and baked the ham, and made the roll dough. Light formed the rolls after the first rising, then I popped them in the oven when they had risen again. (Kinda like Easter, huh?) From a technical perspective, dinner went well.
Sometime toward late afternoon I was overcome by a wave of depression. Nothing specific happened, I can't pinpoint a specific cause. Maybe it was a chemical flood or something, I dunno. I just felt awfully sad. It was so hard to get out of my chair to finish preparing dinner. Twitch and Superman got into an altercation over a longstanding issue, so they were upset. Sproing got restless and uncomfortable this afternoon. I think he misses the structure and dependability of the treatment facility. He likely misses some of the staff, as well. All normal stuff. It's been overcast, dark and wet all day, which hampers everyone's mood. Diva was in a tweener fog watching a Ciley Myrus movie, which irritated me. Being depressed, most everything irritated me. By the time we sat down to dinner, I felt awful. Twitch didn't join us for dinner, either. I ate, the food was good. The rolls were really good! I love good yeast rolls. My tongue was happy about the rolls, but the entire rest of my being was depressed. I would rather have skipped the dinner table, but I sat there out of obligation, which made me even more depressed.
The kids went to bed at 9:00 and Superman and I watched the movie "Up." I'd heard good things about the movie, and bought it as a family Christmas gift. The kids watched it this morning with their dad while I took a nap. He insisted that we watch it together this evening. It's good. It's touching. It made me cry. Do I like this? I don't know. Right now I'm looking at the world through mud-colored glasses, so my testimony isn't dependable.
It's 11:30 and Sproing just got up again. He had trouble sleeping last night, too. He doesn't sleep well anyway, and of course last night was Christmas Eve, so that made sense. He's tired, though, and had a long day. I worry about him. I scratched his back for a few minutes and sent him back to bed. I hear him coughing a little bit and being generally restless. I need to ask the third shift staff at the facility if he has trouble sleeping there, too. Come to think of it, I want a third shift staff here, too.
I'm going to drown my sorrows in sleep. Maybe when I wake up tomorrow the sky will be clear and so will my head.
5 comments:
The holidays are hard sometimes, whether it's our expectations or some other outside influence, it's easy to get swept away in the sadness of it. It's a time of reflection and sometimes the reflections aren't so awesome. It's important to just ride the wave and try to make the day, like any other, the best it can be. I hope tomorrow is brighter for you.
It ALWAYS starts off nicely, doesn't it? Ugh. Why can't it start off crappy and then get BETTER!? Hugs.
I hope you're better today.
Such "special" days can often be a little fraught with emotion and expectation and memory and such. I'm sorry to hear yours had its difficult moments. Although it was mostly a great day for me, I had a few quiet moments I'd rather not think too closely about, as well.
Peace and hugs, my friend.
I hope the funk has left. Hugs.
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