When Sproing was in the meeting, the counselor had all of us talk about some specific things we want to focus on. Of course Sproing wants to come home. So what do we need to address for that to happen? I told her that I want the boy to tell me the truth about things, rather than the near-constant lying which is his habit. I also want him to listen to me, to accept that I mean it when I tell him I love him and think he's smart and handsome. He doesn't have to agree with me about it, but he should not accuse me of lying when I say those things.
If he had anything to add to that list, I don't remember. He sat scrunched down in a chair on the other side of the room, hands folded across his chest and his forehead wrinkled in a combination of pout and frown. After a few minutes he turned his back to us and leaned against the door. The counselor invited him to leave when he refused to respond anymore.
The child had another "episode" this morning and had to be sedated. This time, however, he didn't fight the sedation. The episode involved him trying to pick on another child. There was some mutual aggravation, as I understand it. His response was inappropriate.
The counselor said that he is beginning to show his problem behavior. He's been generally nice most of the week, but as the honeymoon wears off, he's displaying the actions and attitudes for which he was put there to begin with. The staff needs to see him in all his confounding glory in order to know how to help him. They recognized the Oppositional Defiant Disorder pretty early.
All in all it was a very good meeting. Superman and I are both encouraged that the boy is acting out there the way he does here. We are vindicated!! We are affirmed! It isn't all in our imaginations. The really great thing is that these folks at the hospital are not shocked or surprised by his behavior. They've seen this kind of thing before. They know how to handle it. They know what to do! Well, I think they do. They're still assessing him. He has already been given some different medications, and I know that is one of the things he needed. He also needs a lot of behavioral and/or talk therapy.
He will only stay in this hospital for a week to ten days. None of us (except Sproing) think he'll be ready to come home after that. The counselor told us about three places in the state that provide the next level of care. It's longer-term, from three to six months, and has the high level of management that he needs. One of the things they mean by "high management" is 24/7 surveillance. He needs this in part because he is suicidal. Did I mention that he's been banging his head against the walls there in an attempt to kill himself? That's one of the behaviors for which they sedate him. He may or may not be over that in the next week. We shall see.
Superman feels much better today. Thank you all for your thoughts/prayers/encouragement. He is more hopeful than he's been in a very long time that our dear young son is now being adequately treated for his mental/emotional problems. And by extension, we receive treatment of sorts. Validation is excellent therapy!
I have a bunch of studying that I should do. There are a couple of assignments that need attention. It's 8:00 on this Friday night, and I'm exhausted. Tomorrow will be a busy day. I'm going to bed now.
7 comments:
Oh, this is good to read. I feel bad for Sproing, but like you, hopeful for him that things will improve.
Sleep well, my friend.
My husband had a similar disconnect when faced with the fact that his parenting skills were not enough. He didn't know what to do then, and it took a few months for him to see that what we finally did—give our son to others—was a positive thing, not defeat. He had to learn that he did not have the control he wanted; sometimes there are no magic words or magic actions that will lead to the outcome you want. Sometimes children make the wrong choices just because they can.
We all hope that our children will delay the discovery of self-guided behavior until they learn the concept of self-control. Doesn't always work out that way.
Indigo Incarnates
I am really proud of you for doing everything you're doing to help Timmy. I wish I had been blessed with parents like you and Superman when I was a kid.
Asking for help is hard for most of us, but I suspect the feelings of failure guys experience (and I am including myself in this description) damages our sense of self more than it needs to. We're all supposed to be Daniel Boone, independent, self-sufficient, and able to fix anything (as a side note, you can imagine how this gets in the way with gay male relationships... but again, maybe I should speak for myself). So, I'm glad you're getting help for Sproing, and that the enormity of the problem is becoming clear to everyone involved. I can only imagine how much of a relief it is for mental health professionals to tell you a)yes the problem is as bad as you think and b)we've seen it before, and can help. Love and light to you all.
This is such good news! Sproing is where he needs to be for now. It must be reassuring to know that the staff has experience in dealing with children like Sproing. I look forward to more good news.
Wow, I just got caught up on the saga. I can't believe the home for troubled boys dumped him so quickly. And finding the hospital was the universe or god or whatever at work. Needs are being met. I hope Sproing gets the help he needs and that one day he will see that he really does have value in this world, and really understand that.
Glad to here you both are feeling better. Hope things get even better.
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