Appointments and Disappointments

You know I don't get out much. This town doesn't have a very large or active cultural community. I've mentioned before that I would like to move away from here. My therapist is trying to get me to find the local community in which I can be comfortable. Her reasoning is since I'm stuck here for now, I might as well make the best of it. The best of it can be much better than what I currently know. The idea of attending Lander University is part of that plan. I have yet to fill out the application. I'm gonna do that soon, really. Ask me about it. Keep me accountable, please. That's one of my shortcomings.

A friend of mine forwarded an email to me yesterday notifying me of an opportunity to get involved in something interesting. It said:

Can you pass this on to anyone who might want to be part of our sewing team at the GCTheatre? I am working with some of our volunteer leaders and would love to have you involved. We are having a Volunteer Party and a short planning meeting at the Theatre tomorrow night (Thursday Aug 21) from 6-7ish/7:30ish. Please drop by if you can.

I believe I'll go. I like to sew, am fairly good at it, and don't take the opportunity to do it very often. And I think this will be very good for me. My friend said "...if you don't already know her, bet you would LOVE [the artistic director]. She is really smart, funny & down to earth, like you!" This is about as much theatre as we have in this town. If I want to meet local gays, this is probably one of the best places to do it, eh? ;) More than that, though, it will get me out of the house, away from the computer, and force me to interact with people! (Not that you aren't people. I just need to see some other live faces occasionally.)

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Another harbinger of fall: spiders. Superman and the kids were cleaning up some of the junk in and near the back yard yesterday. They turned over a large piece of something and Superman found a huge black widow spider! He reports she was at least 1.5 inches across. He gently picked it up (with a stick, not with his bare hands) and relocated it to the very back of our lot, behind the old tool shed. I wish he had told me about it before he moved it. I would love to have taken a picture of her.

You may wonder why he moved her instead of dispatching with her altogether. Spiders can be very useful. They eat other undesirables. Black widow spiders are not aggressive, but tend to leave people alone as long as people leave them alone. And if we tell the kids there is a huge black widow spider behind the tool shed they are more likely to stay way from there. Hey, maybe I should "put" spiders in a few other places around the house, just to keep the younger ones away from my stuff!

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There seems to be a theme with me and Chicago. It goes as follows: I want to go to Chicago for some specific reason, but I am unable to get there. Yes, it has happened again. Superman and I were planning to go to Chicago the second week in September. There's a biennial trade show in town then, one that he's been to almost every other year since the 1980s. Every time he goes he says "I wish you were here with me, I (saw, did, ate, etc.) the most wonderful things!" This year was going to be my year to go. But alas, our plans are foiled again.

Part of the prohibitive issue is economic. You all know the story, and are living it yourselves. Gas prices are up, along with pretty much everything else. Yada yada, whatever. There is an even more pressing issue, though. Sproing. Oh, boy.

This is my lovely son. He is very special.

I mean that in a number of different ways. Some days he is short bus special. That's the way he's been acting ever since school started on Monday. Monday morning he woke up in a bad mood. This was not an ordinary "I don't want to do anything you say" bad mood. No, it was an "I'm going insane and taking you with me" bad mood. There was screaming, irrational thrashing, complete melt-down at the very idea of putting on shoes, for example.

And it keeps going. He was like that Monday after school. And Tuesday before school. And Tuesday after school. Yesterday morning Superman completely lost his temper after dealing with it for about half an hour. He (Superman) came into the bedroom, totally dejected, and claimed to be a failure as a father. Oh, do I ever know that feeling! I called Sproing into my room and had him sit on my bed. He couldn't sit. He sprawled, he thrashed, he dug his head under the covers. He was complaining of being too cold, of his finger being infected (it isn't, although he has a small but painful scrape on his pinkie knuckle. He then refused to let me put a bandage on it.) He thrashed around like a fish on the dock. Nothing I said could calm him down. I was very calm, addressed each issue he mentioned with a low, even voice. I told him I love him, offered a hug and a back scratch, neither of which he accepted. After about five minutes he said he wanted to go see Dad. I wouldn't let him out of my room until almost time for Superman to drive them to school. He flailed a bit more because I wouldn't let him loose.

Yesterday afternoon he was a little more under control. We talked calmly, and I told him how much I liked his calm behavior. Everything went well until we came to math homework. They are reviewing things he could do well last year, but his skills have gotten rusty over the summer. Since he doesn't remember exactly how to do it, he's frantic. It's impossible to help him when he gets frantic like that, because he can't hear a thing I say.

I'm not sure I am portraying his behavior adequately. When he does this thing, there is no getting through to him. He can't hear. Nothing makes any sense to him. It's ultimately frustrating! I fear there is something chemically or physiologically wrong with him. Twitch and I were wondering if he has a brain tumor or something. It's such strange behavior.

And I can't leave him with anyone when he acts like this. A substitute care giver would need to be a behavioral health professional to deal with this crap. Hell, I need to be a behavioral health professional to deal with it! (He sees his therapist tomorrow afternoon) We left Light in charge when we went camping a couple of weeks ago, and that worked out moderately well. But Light goes back to college this Sunday. Besides, Sproing was not freaking out like this two weeks ago. I'm not sure I would even leave him with Light right now. Light, I am positive, doesn't want me to!

We will talk to his therapist tomorrow. I plan to ask her if we should take him to the physician for a thorough check up. He used to see a child psychiatrist, but the only one in town moved to the Midwest this summer, so we no longer have a psychiatrist for him. I suppose we could go to one of the large cities within 100 miles of here. That would be a real drain, but we will do it if we have to. We shall see.

As a result of all this we will not be going to Chicago next month. ::Sigh::