Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Reconciliation

This is a follow up to this post, in which I document an incident where I defended my family, such as it is. If you recall, there was a 13 year old boy who said some disparaging things about my gay boys. I told him there is nothing wrong with being gay, but it is very wrong to insult anyone the way he did. I forbade the children from playing with him anymore.

Sproing really enjoys playing with this child. He lives in the house directly behind us and is hard to avoid. The boy also lets Sproing play with his video gaming system. Because I am such a mean mommy, I don't allow our children to have a video gaming system. Thus, Sproing has been strongly motivated to seek some reconciliation.

I told Sproing that if this young man, let's call him Adam, would come and apologize for his behavior, I would consider letting them play together again. Last Thursday Adam came over to talk to me. We sat in the back yard together on the picnic table and he gave me a very articulate apology. Then we had a chat. I talked to him for probably 10 minutes. We discussed homosexuality; I told him some of what I know about it, that it isn't a choice. I explained that gay people are just as normal as straight people. Whether they are gay or not there will be some people he likes, some people he's not particularly fond of. Sexual orientation has nothing to do with it. So he needs to give everyone a chance, get to know people as individuals and not pre-judge them on the basis of their sexual orientation, or anything else for that matter!

And so I gave permission for the children to play together again. They have been playing very nicely ever since. When C and S first saw him playing with the kids, each of them came to me all concerned. I explained. S was skeptical. C gave me "that look." I told them to wait and see, give the boy a chance.

This evening, after supper, Superman, S, and the kids played a game. Adam came over and joined in. I had to show you this. It is truly beautiful. This picture shows, from the left, S sitting on the floor, wearing his striped toque. Diva is next, rolling the dice on her way to winning the game. On the far right is Superman in all his balding glory, and there, between Superman and Diva sits Adam, participating in the game. Yes, S and Adam are playing a game together in our living room. Is this not the most beautiful sight? It fills my heart with joy.

On the other hand, I see in this photo 3 unfinished projects: the wall, the sofa, and the coffee table. If we're not counting the floor, where the carpet needs to be removed and new flooring installed. But that project hasn't been started, so we won't count it. Nah, lets just focus on the positive. They family is playing together beautifully! We are happy.

19 comments:

Brilliant or Something said...

Mum, my first thought (actually, statement) on seeing this pic was "HOLY CRAP IT'S CLEAN!"
Monkey expressed awe and amazement that: "You can see the FLOOR!"
Search out and focus on the good in the scene, not the bad, and it will expound.

Self said...

"OMG!!! Praise Jesus!" Those were my second thoughts. My first was "Where is that?" Congrats on the newly beautiful living room and more peaceful family. You make my heart soar when you discuss perceptions people carry about gay people "different" or abnormal. As if! Oh, by the way Light's finally protests finally reached me completely. This is Monkey under my blogger name. Luvs!

Java said...

Hello, my beloved girls! Yes, the living room is cleaner than it has been in living memory. S has gathered the forces, convinced the troops, included the Superman, and look what happened. It wears me out just watching it, and I haven't lifted a finger. Well, maybe one or two, but really I've hardly done anything. I'm still exhausted.
Welcome to the blog, Monkey. So glad you finally signed on. :-)

Billy said...

So nice to see a close loving (diverse) family!

evilganome said...

Good work, Java. So much better that you were willing to take the time and the chance on Adam and try and get him to start looking at things from a different angle than to just continue out things in an atmosphere of hostility. That's the way things get done, one small step at a time.

Java said...

Billy: :-)

evilganome: I'm MUCH more interested in educating people than alienating them.

Anonymous said...

Glad to see that things are on the mend with the children. Has there been any response, reaction, or inquiry from "Adam's" parents? Are they aware of the situation? This is great news to hear. By the way, how's the other Adam, Light's friend, doing since his accident?

Java said...

afod: I don't know about Adam's parents. I've not met them, and have no idea what their views are. I should follow up on that.

As for Light's friend Adam, he is doing very well last I heard. I'm not sure whether he's back at school, but I know he's no longer an inpatient in rehab.

Patrick said...

My dear friend, this is just another example of your patient commitment to reaching and helping people. You continually inspire me. Of course it doesn't surprise me that you had to find all of your 'failures' in this photo too. And that was before I read Light's comment, and learned that you were downplaying some progress there as well. Ya goober :)

Back to Adam, it's in these quiet, one on one encounters that all true change occurs. Bless you for your insight and commitment.
xoxo

Brilliant or Something said...

Afod, FYI the real ADAM is doing quite well all things considered, is back at school, I think he's in rehab, and has already managed to piss off a few people at my school...meaning he's back to his old self in character if not entirely yet in body. (Superman can attest).
Ah, such colorful people with whom the world is populated.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Java, with you on our side we just can't lose! This post really made me smile, inside and out! Thank you for being.... well, you! :)

A Lewis said...

That one, single word (RECONCILIATION) could be spread around a little more liberally (dare I use THAT word) in our world. Could you be the president of the Reconciliation Club, please?

sageweb said...

Great Job, I wish there were more people like you in the world.

Gregory said...

Well done, sweetheart. People are more important that your coffee table or your wall. Do what you can.

Anonymous said...

Gregory already said it, but I'm saying it again. On the one hand there are the unfinished projects, and the difference they make in the world. On the other hand, there is a small shaft of light where before there was ignorance and fear. I believe that you are making a positive difference in people's lives and that the living room Does. Not. Matter. One. Bit.

Because I really don't think we can do it all. And if I'm picking, I'm picking the person who works with the people instead of the interior furnishings. (Of course I'm bitter and defensive about this. Of course I am.)

Java said...

Patrick: I love that you call me a goober! I need it!

sooo this is me: I'm glad you are smiling :)

Lewis: I don't do "president" well, but I'll speak up for the good of the cause. (guess I already have, huh?)

sageweb: Me too, honey, me too.

Gregory: thank you for your perspective.

em: I do what I can and wish I could do more.

dantallion said...

We seriously need more like you in the world, Java. A lot of pople say the right things. You actually DO them - you actually ACT. Impressive lady.

tornwordo said...

I didn't notice any of the living room things until you mentioned them. People have always been more important/interesting than things.

Anonymous said...

I'm with Torn -- I was more focused on your family and Adam, then the decor.

And I'm impressed with your efforts to try and get people to think about their actions and about others.