The plan of attack ::UPDATED::

We are just about to go out and have a talk with S and C.  This is the outline Superman and I have written.  We've printed two copies.  I'll be back with updates when the dust settles.  Wish us luck!!

I can’t believe you had the gall to say what you said to me last night.

I owe you no explanations.  No justifications.  At all.

Let’s get this boundary thing worked out. You live in my house. You live in this house by our good graces. You live in this house contingent upon our willingness to allow you to stay. 

As you mentioned, I am not your mother. 

I am under no obligation whatsoever to care for or support you. You, however, have an obligation to treat me with the respect due someone who is supporting your lifestyle in nearly every way.

You are an adult and should be treated as one.

We have done you a grave disservice by allowing you this much leeway in this living arrangement. Effective immediately you will adhere to these requirements.

You will be awake during the day and sleep at night.   (Awake by 7:00 a.m.)

You are now in charge of lawn care to our standards.  We will establish these standards and put them in writing. 

You will clean the kitchen completely before 10:00 every night, and no cooking will take place after 9:00.  (“Completely” will be further defined in another document.)

You will enroll in some program to further your education by September 10, 2008.  I strongly recommend Genesis Academy.*

You will submit a minimum of 5(five) job applications every week until employment is secured.

If you do not abide by these rules, there will be a series of fines imposed upon you.

First offense - $10

Second offense - $25

Third offense - $50

If non-compliance continues to be a problem, you will need to make other living arrangements.  If it comes to that, you will be given 30 days notice to vacate.

It's my house, so I get to do what I want. It's not your house, so you don't. It’s as simple as that.  Don't like the rules, go get your own house. **

* The location of the adult ed program run by the public school district

**This is what Tornwordo said in his comments on the previous post.

================UPDATE=================

I'm having a bit of formatting trouble with this post.  That's what happens when I copy/paste from a word document.

Well, we just had our little discussion.  We sat at the picnic table in the backyard so the boys could smoke.  I'm not going to drop this bomb on them without allowing them that stress relief.

I think the whole thing went quite well.  The two of them sat on one side of the table, Superman and I on the other.  I handed S a copy of the above decree, and Superman and I had one in front of us.  I pretty much read it off the paper.  As I was expressing the sentiments in the first two sections he was reading ahead.  I stopped and asked if he had a firm grasp of what I meant. Did he understand where I am and who I am, and what his position is in this arrangement?  He was looking at the paper.  I said "S!"  huh? I was reading.  

asshole

So I took the paper away from him and repeated myself from the beginning.  Did he understand?  Yes, he said with a sarcastic smile.  I gave him back only the first page, folded so he could only read the next little section.  We went over that.  He made a face, and I said "Don't try to make excuses."  He admitted there were none.  I continued.  That was about the last thing he said.  Which is good!  It shows me that he is taking me seriously.  He's not trying to play those games he was attempting last night.

We went on almost to the end, and showed him the lawn mowing rules.  (they simply state he will mow the lawn, front, sides, and back, once every week, and trim around the various installations throughout the yard when he's finished mowing.)  

I did not read the penalties to him.  He was reading those himself.  That last one was a shocker, it seems.  He didn't say anything, just turned the page so C could see it and pointed to it.  There were some moments of uncomfortable silence.  [I wasn't a bit uncomfortable, frankly :)  ]  I then suggested to Superman that we leave them to mull this over.  So we did.  The whole thing took probably less than five minutes.  

So there's more to come.  I'll listen when they are ready to discuss it.  I have no idea what their response will be.  But rest assured, I will report it all here.  Stay tuned.

Resign

Well, I did it. I turned in my resignation to the boss today. (Monday. It is technically Tuesday now.) I was a bit nervous about it, but just a bit. I was looking forward to it, also.

I got to the office about 12:30 or so. This is a good time because the morning crises are usually resolved and the afternoon drama hasn't begun. He was in his office and in a pretty good mood. He can be a lot of fun to talk to when he's not stressing over some emergency. And he isn't a man to stress unnecessarily.

I had printed up my resignation letter and sealed it in an envelope. I wanted to be able to leave it on his desk if he wasn't in. He opened it, read the first sentence, and looked up at me. "Why? What's going on?" I said "read the rest of the letter."

To give you the sense of things, I'll show you "the rest."

Thank you for the opportunities you have afforded me in this position. I have learned a lot about working with others, but more importantly I have learned a lot about myself. I have experienced great personal growth over the last three and a half years. This experience has been invaluable. You have been a wonderful supervisor and a joy to work with. I hope we can remain friends.

The time has come for me to seek other opportunities; to broaden my horizons and sphere of influence. I will forever be grateful to you and the school district for teaching me to exercise my ability to be a positive influence in the community.

We had a very good discussion. He honed in on the bit about being a positive influence. He told me that he knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that I have had a very positive influence on a lot of people, both students and district employees of one variety or another. Oh, yeah, that made me feel good!

And it went on from there. We touched on a lot of the things I wanted to tell him. Like how I know I do a very good job. I've helped him a lot by taking care of things within my ability to do so, leaving him free from those concerns. (A lot of the other drivers can't or won't do that) We talked about how he has given me a wide variety of experiences since the very beginning. The asshat threw me to the sharks my first day on the job! He put me as a monitor on one of the worst routes in the city! I was flabbergasted, overwhelmed, my naivete was shattered like a fragile crystal goblet thrown against a brick wall. I have driven many different routes, and have learned a lot from each one. Especially about myself. He has been good for me. I told him this.

I told him I feel as though my abilities are being underutilized in this job, that I want to be in a position where I can be more intellectually stimulated and challenged to further my personal growth and influence on others. He seemed to really understand, to sympathize. He was supportive, which pleases me. He could have handled it differently. He could have tried to cajole me into staying a little bit longer. But I'm very proud of myself because I averted that course by being very strong and confident about my decision. And as many of you know, I'm not feeling particularly strong and confident these days.

My resignation was very successful. I feel even better and stronger and more ready to face what lies ahead, whatever that may be.

What’s going on here, Java?

We are rapidly approaching the end of our spring break here in this school district. School resumes on Monday. Since I work in Pupil Transportation I will go back to work on Monday.

Except I won't, because I'm having a spot of vertigo. Well, it's more like a large smear of vertigo. For a spot of vertigo I wouldn't change my plans. When the vertigo colors outside the lines and gets rude, I need to curtail my activities. I'm having a lot of dizzy spells that almost send me to the floor. It is of course worse when I change the position of my head rapidly, bend over, stand up, or turn around. All of the aforementioned movements are major components of my job. If I get dizzy while driving a multi-ton bus through the busy streets of this city, it could be bad. So I won't be driving the school bus at all next week on orders from my doctor.

This is not necessarily a bad thing. And let me tell you why. I have wanted to talk to you about this all week, but haven't had the peace and quiet to write.

I have decided to quit my job.

This year was going to be my last year driving the bus; I decided that a while ago. But my intention was to work out the rest of the year. For the past few weeks, though, I've been getting more and more stressed, less and less able to fully function. I am constantly bombarded with demands for my time and energy. Yeah, I know, welcome to the real world, baby. But I am not entirely well.

I have some options and opportunities not afforded to some. My dear husband has a very good job and makes a decent salary. We are used to my income, too, but we can, I think, live without it. It isn't very much, anyway! Our money management skills need some work, that is a weakness Superman and I share. With some discipline and organization I'm sure we can manage without my measly paycheck. Of course if I'm not working every afternoon we don't need to put the young'uns in childcare. That's a big savings right off the top.

My life has undergone some big changes over the last 2 years. My sanity's only so-so. (Extra bonus points if you can name that reference!) I feel as though there are more big changes in the near future. More about that in a moment. My mind, my soul need the quiet opportunity to process these changes and to prepare for the future. This cannot be accomplished with the current level of demand on my time and energy. This week with everyone out of school I realized that I can't concentrate with the young'uns running in and out, asking questions and making demands all the time. So I decided to tender my resignation, giving two weeks notice on Monday. Now that I can't work all next week, this shakes it up a bit. I think I will still resign on Monday anyway, and maybe not be able to work out my notice.

Am I trying to explain or to convince myself?

The bus driving job has always been a temporary station in my overall career path. I never expected it to last this long, honestly. I have learned a great deal about a lot of things over the past almost 4 years, most notably about myself. I don't regret one moment of it.

But be honest with me, people, do I seem smart enough to do something more with my life than drive a school bus? I realize I have made a positive impact on a lot of people during my time on the bus. I'm glad for that. Can I make a bigger difference in another venue? One that utilizes my skills, abilities, and intelligence better than driving a bus? Probably. Lord I hope so!

Some of my depression might come from my over-qualification for this job. I try so hard to look for positives. I make excuses for my lack of mental stimulation. This happens subconsciously. I find myself lowering my expectations so that I'm not so frustratingly disappointed. And we wonder why I'm depressed! There are many good reasons to get out of this job. The approaching hot season is another one. Not as intellectual, more physical, but honestly folks, I have a really hard time handling the heat. These buses are not air conditioned, and it gets very hot in there when the temps rise above 80F. (I'm a weather wuss.)

Here's more about these big changes ahead. Right now I don't know exactly where I'm going. I have a burning desire to work directly with the homosexual community to enact change, to render aid, to provide support and education. That's a pretty vague mission statement, you know? I don't know how this will work out, but I am heading in that direction. For this I need to prepare. I need to set my mind toward the task. I need (want) more formal education. I need to find out what more I need!

This is going to require a lot of emotional growth from me. That's hard. I've been stuck in the backwaters of adulthood for 20 years. My recent blogging experience has been the first significant intellectually stimulating interaction with live adult people that I've had in a very long time. (Present spouse excepted) There are some issues for me to work on. I need to get comfortable being around groups of people again. Gotta fight the agoraphobia. I should learn how to behave myself in polite company. Those skills will serve me well. I have a lot of unrealized potential. So much so that I don't realize how much potential I have.

Am I justified in quitting my job right now? Am I being irresponsible in my obligations? Or am I being wise in managing my mental/emotional resources? Discuss.