School starts tomorrow!!

It has been a long summer. I am fit to be tied with my two youngest children.

Where did that expression "fit to be tied" originate? I have no idea. I learned it from my parents.

I'm trying to learn how to keep my emotions under control. Right now I am tempted to lose all patience and decorum with Diva and Sproing. They have been instructed to clean the living room and the kitchen. I was there with them for a while, trying to point out what needs to be done. I ended up just fussing at them.
Good mommy points:

• I did not scream. I kept my voice firm and commanding without screeching or getting too loud.
• I didn't touch either one of the. The temptation to spank was strong, but I kept my hands off of them because I am too angry to control myself

Sproing is grounded for all eternity because last week he stole money from my wallet, went across a busy 4 lane highway to buy himself some candy. He then lied to me about where he got the candy. That was last week.

Yesterday the two of them got into my truck, which was parked in the driveway. To give you perspective, our driveway slopes gently toward the back yard, and I back the truck into the parking spot. The kids said they wanted to sweep the driveway and needed the truck moved. That might be true, but they lie a lot. They got into the truck, released the parking brake, and were incredibly surprised when it began to roll. Diva jumped out of the truck and ran behind it to try to stop it. She's not very bright. Light happened to walk out the back door about then. Sproing heard the door close, so he jumped out of the truck and ran around to the front yard, removing himself from the scene of the crime. Light saw the empty truck slowly rolling toward the back yard. She jumped in the cab and set the parking brake.

Did I mention that school starts tomorrow?

But wait, there's more! Yesterday afternoon Diva went to spend some time with a friend of hers who lives about a 10 minute drive over toward the lake. She called the house late in the afternoon to ask if her friend could spend the night over here. Daddy said NO! The friend's dad brought Angel home around 8:30 last night. Somewhere in the chain of communication a lie slipped in. Angel and her friend told the dad she was able to spend the night. We didn't realize it immediately, because they sneaked in the house while we were otherwise occupied. The kids started getting ready for bed, told us they were fine and didn't need us to come check on them. I'm so naive. We gave them kisses and they went off to bed. It was only when they got loud half an hour later that Superman went to check on them. Lo and behold, who should he see in the room but this other sweet little girl!?

To complicate matters, as if they aren't complicated enough, we had a violent thunderstorm last night. We all like the lightning and thunder. It's energetic and thrilling. Of course this little uninvited guest is scared spitless. What a wonderful excuse to take the child home! Superman tried to call her home, but no one answered. So she ended up spending the night.

The darling's dad picked her up around noon today. He and Superman discussed what had happened with the purposeful miscommunication. I think Tinkerbell might be in some trouble, too. But let me tell you, Diva and Sproing are both in deep trouble! Sproing was in on the deal, and actually did a huge chunk of the lying when he talked to Diva on the phone yesterday and told her that Dad said "yes" when that was not, in fact, true. No sleepovers for either of them, here or at someone else's house, for the rest of the year. They are cleaning the living room and kitchen now and for the rest of the afternoon. I'm working them all day today. Bedtime is 7:00. I hope they had fun last night and this morning, because that's the last bit of fun with friends either of them will have for weeks. Grrrr.

But I didn't hit either of the, and my voice has remained at an almost normal conversational volume. And I had about 3 glasses of wine. We might take a nap this afternoon. :)

And school starts tomorrow. We'll get up at 6:00, get bathed, dressed, and fed. At 7:15 I will take them to the school. Happy joy!! They will walk home in the afternoon, probably not getting here until almost 3:00. Isn't that wonderful? I'm very excited.

Life with young gay teenagers

Living with teenagers is a pain in the ass. Living with troubled children is a pain in the ass. Living with a troubled young gay teenager is paining me terribly.

This latest bit of angst is with S. He is a senior in high school, and has been a less than model student most of his life. As I have mentioned in other posts, none of his close family members has ever graduated from high school. He is almost finished. He can do it. He's very smart, but he's very insecure (though he'd die before admitting it.)

He started off the school year with a great burst of enthusiastic energy. His early grades were wonderful. I saw a report from his geometry teacher yesterday. He has failed every assignment and/or test for the last 3 weeks. It isn't that he's too stupid to understand the concepts. He might have to study, to work his brain to comprehend, but he's got the native intelligence to do it. But he has been very irresponsible the last few weeks.

About a month ago C, S, and I went to Columbia (SC, capital city) for a gay pride festival. It was my first! Theirs, too. They met a group of other young people from our area. The gay community in Greenwood is so underground we had to go to Columbia to find others from around here. Anyway, the boys have been spending a lot of time with their new friends. I am glad they are making new friends, friends who have so much in common. This is a healthy thing, but they are being unhealth-ily excessive about it.

They've been staying out all night with these new friends. They got home yesterday at 5 a.m. I know this because I was up, getting ready for work at the time. They hadn't been to sleep yet. And this was a Wednesday morning. S got about 2 hours of sleep before he had to get up for school. This sort of thing has been happening 2, 3, 4 times a week for a month. It is no wonder his grades are slipping.

I have been pouring my heart into helping this kid. There are at least 3 people at the school who are bending over backward to help him. Three "social service" types, one of them is his guidance counselor, have gone to bat for him, helping him get medical attention (he of course has no insurance, and no money of his own.) They've intervened with his teachers, the guidance counselor is working her butt off helping him make up some classes he failed last semester, trying to keep him from having to take the whole class over again. And in all of this, S just goofs off.

I'm afraid he's rebelling, or acting out his insecurities, or some such psycho-bull-shit. And I know he is a teenager; 17, almost 18. Therefore of course he is an idiot, as is my son Twitch. But it is time for him to grow up, at least a little bit. Time for him to act responsible for himself and to the people who are trying to help him.

I had a brief talk with him last night. They got home before 10, like he said they would. First time he's told the truth about his comings and goings in a week. So last night I tried to talk to him. I went in to their room, asked him if he was willing/able to hear me at this time. He said he was. I sat down, looked at him, and couldn't think how to begin. So finally I said "You tell me what I'm going to say to you. You give me the lecture." He asked which one. I laughed, said there were a few that applied right now. He said "Is it the one about responsibility?" Yea, that's one of them. I was trying really hard not to cry. I have been very upset about this. I hate to get all teary and cry when I'm trying to discuss issues I care deeply about, with people I love deeply. Finally I reminded him of a talk we had last week, wherein I discussed all the people who are working to help him right now. I told him that I love him very much, that I am pouring large bits of myself into his life. He interrupted me to say "No one appreciates that more than I do." (Cue the tears. Try to get a grip. Continue, shakily...) Well, dammit, show me! Show me with your actions, your behavior. Quit lying to me about how you are going to buckle down, nose to the grindstone, etc. DO IT, don't talk about it. I told him I feel as though he is taking everything I've done, all my love for him, and throwing it back in my face. Then I told him that's all I'm going to say right now, and I left. No long lecture. (this is progress for me. I tend to go on and on, ad nauseum)

When I said he's throwing it all in my face, he diverted his gaze. He's a manipulative little bastard, very good at lying and charming his way out of crap and into good graces. And I'm a sucker, I let him do this to me more than I should. But not this time. I'm sick of it. I am very hurt, very insulted. I know he doesn't mean to, but the point is he (is an idiot) is insulting me and my family. When he couldn't look at me I know I got through. Don't know what he'll do with that. I am willing, nay eager to talk to him, to talk through emotional stumbling blocks, issues, fears he has about proceeding with his life. Honestly, he probably doesn't even know why he's acting this way. He's very proud, hates to admit weakness. I suspect he's afraid we will stop loving him if he admits (perceived) weakness. He is, after all, only 17. I have told him, maybe not often enough, that I love him no matter what. No matter what he does or doesn't do, can or can't do. But this is a relatively new concept for him, and he's had 16 years of the opposing view from people who are supposed to love him unconditionally. He needs to hear it again and again.

Anyway, I'd appreciate comments and/or suggestions. Thanks.