A bit of background info: Daddy was a teacher and counselor at a community college in Florida for many years before he retired. I am his only daughter. I have two brothers, and when I was 9 years old he married a woman with three sons. My step brothers were 11 (the twins) and 8 when he assumed the role of father for them. Their biological father was a douchebag who never participated in their lives if he could avoid it.
Now, on with the show!
"By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right,
he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong."
-- Charles Wadsworth
Sunday June 21, 2009
10:30 p.m. EDT
It is still technically Father's Day. You are probably on your way to bed by now, if not sawing logs already. And I didn't call you today, or send you a card, or any of those things that "good daughters" are supposed to do for their fathers. Eh. I suppose we will both have to live with that. The alternative is hardly attractive. Superman is doing his "good son" duty this weekend. He is in [his hometown] until mid-day tomorrow, spending this Father's Day weekend with his dad. [Father-in-law] is not doing well. He is beginning to show the frail countenance of the declining elderly. He and [Mother-in-law] came for Twitch's high school graduation a couple of weeks ago. He looked a little peaked, but in the brief time I spent with him, he seemed well. They drove the five hour trip down here on Friday, and returned home on Saturday. [FIL] could barely get out of bed for days afterward. One never knows about these things. Human beings, body and spirit, are amazing. [FIL] could live for five more years, or he could be dead by his birthday in late November. However, that could be said of us all.
On parenting:
Being a parent changes a person. It's not something one can totally prepare for. I could read books about children, adhere to a philosophy of child rearing, and paint the spare room in pastel hues. I would buy a minivan, crib, car seat, and high chair. I could even study child development and become something of an expert in the knowledge of children's behavior. I might get college presidents to bestow upon me the high honor of an advanced degree on the subject, but that won't prepare me for parenthood. None of these preparations include living with children and being totally responsible for their care 24/7.
You did it. You fathered a passel of children. When I say "fathered" I don't restrict that to the biological function. There were six of us, all tolled. Undoubtedly you have had a paternal influence on many more. The pedagogue that you are, you have a gift for the craft. And craft it is. Tricky stuff, this parenting. What works with one doesn't do a thing for another. There are too many human influences in the equation, being as how all the parties are human. Yet somehow, with the passing of time, we all survived. You may be a bit crazier for the experience, but overall I think you did a fine job. I am having a very difficult time with my own very difficult children now, and that increases my appreciation for all you have done and for who you are.
With love,
Your favorite daughter.
