Diva update, and Java's thoughts on the matter

Life is a tragedy when seen in close-up, but a comedy in long-shot. 
-Charlie Chaplin, actor, director, and composer (1889-1977) 

To answer the pressing question I left you with earlier this week: I did not lie down and go to sleep like I was supposed to after posting. I played a little bit of solitaire, then chatted with Victor for a while. Yeah, I was up for another two hours. I got to sleep at around 10:30 last night, though, and was up by 6:00 today. I'll probably nap later this morning, as I need to stay up late tonight. Maybe I'll post later about what I hope will be an enjoyable evening in Spartanburg tonight.

A lot has happened this week. It was just two days ago... well, actually three, since I wrote about Diva's batshittery from Monday. The post officially went up on Tuesday, but it was like 0-dark hundred and I wrote most of it late Monday night.

Oh dear, I'm rambling again.

So I need to discuss Diva's Tuesday batshittery. She had a 10:30 appointment with the nurse at the mental health center, so I woke her up around 8 -8:30. She got up, took her meds (I think? Don't actually remember that) but did not get dressed. I was in my room on the computer (as usual). She came in still in her night clothes half an hour before time to go. I asked if she was going to take a shower. No. I shrugged: whatever. I'm not going to argue with her about that. In the grand scheme of how messed up she is, poor hygiene is not high on the list of shit to address. I told her to get dressed. That is more important when going out in public. "I don't want to." And she stood beside me, hovering. She does that. She'll come up and stand beside me or in front of me and just be. She doesn't necessarily stare. If anything she stares into space, rather emotionless. Maybe I give her too much power over me, but when she does that it feels like she is dark matter, the vacuum of emptiness sucking life points away from me. Creeps me out.

Damn, there is a lot of emotion locked into this story. I have just moved from my office into my bedroom because I can't write this there. Not sure why. Maybe I need the comfort of my bed rather than the more down-to-business atmosphere of my office. I also have opened a window so I can hear the rain and feel the damp coolness, as it seems to calm me somewhat.

Diva asked me to call the hair salon to make an appointment to get her hair done. I said that after she got dressed I'd call. She rolled her eyes, went to her room and got dressed. I called, got an appointment for a Wednesday afternoon hair do. Her mood/attitude was reluctantly cooperative.

We drove to the mental health clinic. She was quiet. In the waiting room she still had that flat affect thing going on. (A note about flat or blunted affect: after reading the first paragraph of the linked Wikipedia article, I want to explain Diva's emotions a bit more. When provoked, and she's very easy to provoke, her emotional expression is more than would be expected in the situation. What she was doing Tuesday morning was more like simmering. Angry, probably very angry, but expressing almost nothing. I know when she's like that she could erupt to any stimulus and in any way, from a disgusted "humph" to a verbally and/or physically violent outburst.) I'm shaking a bit. This is going to be a long post. I need to get this shit out and my therapist is out of town this week, so here it is for all the internet to suffer/enjoy.

We went back to the nurse's office where Diva was weighed and cuffed (blood pressure cuff, y'all). The nurse asked about her meds, whether she was taking them, how they're working. Well, yeah, there's a story about that. She dumped all her meds for a whole week down the toilet last night. At this, I could see/feel Diva get even angrier. She didn't say anything. Actually, she had been talking a little bit to the nurse, but after I "tattled on her" she shut down completely.

The nurse recommended that Diva see the doctor sooner than her next scheduled appointment, so I made a new appointment at the front desk and gave Diva the reminder card. Then I took advantage of the bathroom facilities and Diva went to the truck. When I got out there I saw the shredded bits of the reminder card on the ground beside the passenger door. I opened her door, told her to pick up the trash she left there. I was calm. When I went around to the driver's side, she got out and picked up the litter, then threw it on the floorboard of the truck. What the fuck ever, bitch, lets just go. I had told her before we left home that I would take her to get her nails fixed after seeing the nurse. (I took her to a nail salon for her birthday last month where she got "a full set" I or something like that. Tips, color, etc.) Well, by now I'm finished with nice. "You can't expect to enjoy privileges like getting your nails done when you act like this and treat me like this." I also said "I know you're mad that I told the nurse about you flushing the pills. I don't tell just anybody these things about your behavior [I lied. I'm telling the whole internet now.] but the nurse is a part of your treatment team and she needs to know these things." So we went home, still a simmering darkness coming from the passenger side of the truck.

Once home, she went into the house and I stayed in my truck. I like my truck. It is my happy place (one of them, anyway). I needed to make some calls, specifically ones about getting Diva into a different living arrangement. I placed a call to the service coordinator but got her voice mail. Not five minutes later the service coordinator, Kim, pulled into my driveway! Cool! She was here to meet with the behavior modification worker who spends time with Diva. We stood in the driveway and talked for a few minutes, then the behavior mod gal showed up and Diva came out of the house. I had been telling Kim some of Diva's recent shenanigans. We briefly caught Ms. Behavior Mod up with what we were doing as Diva approached. Of course, hearing the conversation, Diva got super pissed. She told Kim that she wants a new family. Kim asked if that meant being in Dept.of Social Services (DSS) custody and in a  foster home, and Diva said Yes! So your parents would officially no longer be your parents? YES! says Diva. I looked at Kim and told her that yeah, I'm about there too. I'm ready for that because we can't do anything with her. God and the internet know we've tried.

There was some more discussion about Diva leaving. The professionals told her that she'd probably have to go to a group home because most foster families take younger kids, not teenagers. Whatever, whatever, whatever, let's do this thing. Diva doesn't care about ANYTHING besides getting away from us.

Diva told Kim her version of the events of Monday evening. It was interesting hearing her side of the story. It differs significantly from the story I told you here. And Diva was ready to leave us immediately. Which is where this story takes a turn. She called her friend Shi to ask if she could stay with them. Talked to Shi's mom, who said it was OK with her as long as Diva understands she has to follow rules over there, too. So Diva started packing. And told us (Kim, Ms. Behavior Mod, and me) that she was moving in with Shi. Um, OK? So I called Shi's mom. Yes, she can stay there... at least for a while. Neither of us know how long "a while" is.

As stated in previous posts, I don't particularly trust Shi's mom. She isn't the best influence. Granted, and as I've said, I don't know her very well. Diva has been my source of most information I have about Shi's mom. And we all know how unreliable that child is.

So Diva packed up a bunch of stuff and we all went over there to meet with Shi's mom. Having a discussion with her in person was enlightening. Turns out Shi hasn't dropped out of school. She attends middle school since she didn't finish the 8th grade last year. I am less uncomfortable about Diva staying there than I was before talking to her. I need to tell Diva she was right. She accused me, accurately, of prejudging Shi's mom. Note I said "less uncomfortable." But where I am right now vis-a-vis Diva staying here, well, that's great.

So Diva isn't here. And Kim is working on getting her placed in a family-style group home for girls in the northwest corner of the state. I just looked up the place on Google Maps. It's 2 hours from here, close to (if not in) the mountains. Looks like a lovely setting from the satellite picture. Kim emailed the application paperwork this morning. I have some work to do getting all the requested information together.

I had some trouble on Tuesday letting Diva go to Shi's place. Mixed feelings, you know? Feeling like I've failed. We've tried so hard for so long to parent this very difficult child. I'm relieved she's gone, but sad because it seems to be necessary. This is the second morning I've awoken with her not here. I like it. I'm glad she's gone, but I'm afraid it isn't permanent. I'm afraid she'll come back.

I want to take over her room. We need the extra space, what with Twitch back home again. I'm having to empty out my office so Twitch can move in there. I would love to take over Diva's room as my new office space. That might be a slightly bigger room than the current office. It needs to be painted, though, since Diva has messed up the walls terribly. Did I show you these?

 She has damaged the door to her room so that the door frame is falling apart. She slams the door a lot. She's very strong.

One day when she was angry at me (I don't even remember what the fight was about) she got craft paint and wrote on the back of her door and in her closet (see below) and stamped black and gray hand prints all over every wall in her room.

Yeah, that message in the last photo is especially for me. I'm impressed she spelled "bitch" correctly. She has since put a hole in the wall to the left of her door. You can see in the third photo the wall only blemished by paint, not yet with the huge dent. Something square and heavy impacted the wall. It looks like the corner of a box of some kind broke through the wall board. That's gonna be a bitch to fix.

Superman is going to be home soon so we can fill out the paperwork for this girls home. Kim says Diva will have to come home every other weekend. I don't know about that. I don't want her back, not overnight anyway. And it will cost money. Don't know how much, and Diva is eligible for SSI disability payments. She doesn't get anything now because Superman makes too much money for our family to qualify. But if she's living in a group home they will be able to get her disability payments. Hopefully that amount (I don't know how much it will be) will fulfill the financial obligation for her stay.

I'll be back with more news eventually, probably soon.