I thought this would be more cheerful, but it turned out more depressing than anything

I mentioned a few days ago that I bought myself some new shampoo. It is "refreshing tangerine" shampoo. But it smells like peaches to me. That's alright, though, because I like the smell of peaches.

I have three new students on my bus this week. All of them are older boys who go to the alternative school in the behavioral program. I can't remember exactly what it's called, but you will all know exactly what I mean when I say they are in the last chance, bad boy program. (To be truthful there are a few girls in the program, but none of them ride my bus.) They are ...um... challenging. One of them is a boy I've had off and on for the past two, maybe three years. There isn't a lot of hope for this kid, I'm afraid. I HOPE he gets is act together, but it doesn't seem likely. A friend of mine, now a school teacher but who previously worked in the local women's prison, calls kids like this "Future Criminals of America." Sad. Sad because it is so often true.

These boys in the bad boy program only go to school two hours a day. They get out at 10:30, so I pick them up and take them out to the bottom of the county. This adds hours to my day, which means more money. But it fills my day, and breaks up my free time. I only have maybe an hour and a half between my on duty times. That isn't enough time for me to concentrate well enough to write, or think, or NAP!! I'd much rather have the time off than the money. But for right now I don't really have that choice.

Superman and I have been discussing things, and I've pretty much decided to quit driving the bus after this school year ends. I haven't told anyone I work with, and don't plan to. I'll let the boss know after school lets out for the summer, of course, but I'm not going to mention it to anyone before then.

I want to write a whole lot more about this, and about other thoughts that flow from this. But I just don't have the time to settle in and concentrate on it! It's 9:00 now, the kidlets finally went to bed and got quiet about 20 minutes ago. I need to be going to sleep right now! It is like this all day long. I'm very frustrated.

And I'm very tired. Tired in a few different ways. I'm tired of teenagers making promises to do things then leaving me in the lurch. (I'm pissed at S right now. Not going to go into it now. Don't have time or energy.)

I'm going to shut up now. The more I think, the things that come to mind that want to flow out of my fingers here are just getting more depressing. I'm tired of listening to myself whine about how confused and depressed I am.