Parenthood isn't for sissies

My head hurts. It isn't a headache kind of thing, but more of a heartache and frustration cocktail that has me discouraged all through my head. It's the children, of course. 

Diva had an appointment with the child psychiatrist yesterday. She's a pediatric psychiatrist, so I'll call her Dr. Pedia. She is relatively new in this practice, as the previous kid-shrink moved away last summer. This is a temporary assignment for her, though. I don't know why, exactly, but she's supposed to leave this summer. I don't know if the practice will have another kid shrink to replace her. Enough useless background, let's get to the point. 

So Diva went yesterday for her second visit with Dr. Pedia. At my suggestion the doctor looked at Diva's test results from the psych evaluation done on her a couple of years ago. Dr. Pedia evidently hasn't actually read my child's chart. But anyway, after looking at the test results she said that with Diva's diagnosis and some of her behavior she thinks Diva might grow up to reject the family. Or if not reject us outright, then she will never appreciate what we have done for her. Apparently, according to the doc, she is probably incapable of appreciating us, or perhaps incapable of communicating it. I'm not sure I believe her entirely. She's a young doctor without much experience, this is just one opinion, and there is a lot of time to see just what happens. There is a lot of water yet to flow under this bridge before she grows up. That being said, it was a very disheartening thing to hear. 

As I have said more than once it is my responsibility to do the right mother thing, but her responsibility to function in life. I am not responsible for what choices she makes. That goes for all of my children, for those who show good decision making skills and those who don't. I parent the kids to the best of my humble ability. What they do is not necessarily a reflection on me for good or for ill. Most people don't see it that way, but if I'm not accepting responsibility for the antisocial behavior, I can't accept responsibility for the stellar behavior either. I do my part, they do what they will. Some of them I'm more proud of than others. 

Sproing is in the Java Family News today also, and not in the stellar-behavior column. Some background (I'll try to be brief): The boy has had behavior problems in school in the past. This year he has kept his behavior under control and done quite well in the classroom. (Behaviorally, but not grade-wise. That's another post.) The teacher he has this year is marvelous. She's one of those wonderful natural teachers who exudes confidence and demands respect just by walking in the room. She's been teaching for some 20 years and knows how to handle kids with strict affection. The woman is gifted. Amazing. Sproing responds very well to her. 

The fly in the ointment, however, is a student teacher doing her internship or clinical or whatever they call it. This poor thing is maybe 22 years old at the most, but she could easily pass for 16. She's thin and pretty and shy. Fresh meat, in other words. She's trying to teach the class Sproing is in. I think today was her first day to be completely in charge of the class without having the regular teacher in the room. The hunting hound in Sproing sprang. To make matters worse, this poor girl's instructor was in the room evaluating her teaching. I don't know details, but from what I heard from the teacher and intern and Superman (who talked to the teacher on the phone at noon), Sproing was given 5 chances to do the right thing. He made an explicit decision (5 of them, evidently) to disobey. He talked back to the student-teacher, was very rude to her, refused outright to do what she asked of him. In other words, he was oppositional and defiant. As in Oppositional Defiant Disorder*. He had to be removed from the classroom. I'm not sure how long he was out of the room, whether they kept him out all day or not. He said something this evening about having to stay in the in-school suspension room tomorrow. He may have meant he'll have to go there if he acts up again tomorrow. I say stick him in there and make it miserable for him. He has lost privileges at home through the weekend because of his behavior. 

You know, folks, I'm tired. All this shit day after day with no relief in sight. According to Dr. Pedia, possibly no reward at the end of the shit. I know from previous experience that a lot of parenting isn't this difficult. We just lucked out with this pair. I'm really tired. 

*If you check that link you'll see a list of 9 typical behaviors of the ODD child. Sproing regularly displays 8 of the 9. Remember the operative word there is "excessive."